Womanhood and marriage

\

WOMANHOOD

AND

MARRIAGE

BY

BERNARR MACFADDEN

\\

AUTHOR OF "MACFADDEN'S ENCYCLOPEDIA OF PHYSICAL CUL-
TURE," "MANHOOD AND MARRIAGE," "VITALITY SUPREME/'

••MAKING OLD BODIES YOUNG/' "How TO DEVELOP MUSCU-
LAR POWER AND BEAUTY," AXD OTHER WORKS ON HEALTH
AND SEX

NEW YORK CITY

PHYSICAL CULTURE CORPORATION
119 WEST FORTIETH STREET

COPYRIGHT 1918 BY

PHYSICAL CULTURE PUBLISHING COMPANY
NEW YORK CITY

TO THE MEMORY OF MY MOTHER
WHOSE TENDER AFFECTIONS
WERE ALLOWED TO GUIDE ONLY
MY CHILDISH FOOTSTEPS AND
WHO PASSED AWAY PREMA-
TURELY BY AT LEAST FIFTY
YEARS IN THE DARK
SHADOWS OF IGNOR-
ANCE AND PRUDERY,
THIS BOOK IS REFER-
ENT LY DEDICATED.

"O woman, great is thy faith: be it unto ihee
even as thou wilt"

Matt. 15:28.

TO THE FUTURE MOTHERS OF THE
RACE

TO THOSE WHO ARE STRUGGLING
IN THE THROES OF PHYSICAL
DARKNESS AND TO THOSE WHOSE
FEET ARE FALTERING ON THE
ABYSS OF PAIN, SORROW, DE-
CREPITUDE, THROUGH MIS-
TAKES DUE TO INNOCENCE,
(IGNORANCE), THIS BOOK,
WITH ITS BRILLIANT RAYS
OF LIGHT ON THE PATH-
WAY OF PHYSIOLOGICAL
LIFE, IS ALSO REFER-
ENTLY DEDICATED.

PREFACE

glory of woman is her strength.
Strength means beauty; it means fitness .
for motherhood.

No vital, enduring people can be mothered by
weak women.

The Nation cries out for vigorous motherhood.

The voice of war has awakened us.

Every atom of power is needed, and the
strength and vitality of men and women is power
beyond computation.

This is an age in which force counts as never
before, and a weak woman is in the way. She is
human wastage.

The author of this course believes that every
woman can be a strong, splendid specimen of her
kind. That the frailty, sickness and suffering so
long associated with the feminine state can be
avoided. That the weak can be made strong.
That health of a high degree awaits very woman
who is willing to strive for this glorious reward.

It is the duty of every woman to struggle for
life in its truest sense. She should exult in the
force that comes with a splendid physique.

The records of our health boards, hospitals,
sanitariums, insane asylums reveal facts that are
appalling. The physicians in charge of these
great institutions admit, practically with one

PREFACE

voice, that all the soul-torturing misery endured
by the inmates might have been avoided.

This course has been prepared to point the way
to health of a high degree. To those who need
the information contained herein, its value can-
not be estimated. To those who are merely cu-
rious, it is worth nothing. Prudery has shrouded
the truths of sex in a vulgar mystery. It has
even made a jest of the sacred mysteries of
motherhood. It is pruriency of this sort that
this book attempts to eliminate.

The truth is mighty. Armed with the facts
contained within these pages, a woman can pro-
tect herself against many of life's greatest dan-
gers. Guiding her steps by the light of knowl-
edge she can avoid the evils which have blasted
the lives of so many of her sisters.

We know that our efforts may be misunder-
stood. The truths that we present may be mis-
construed. As Senator Chamberlain, referring
to the prudery that has tainted this generation,
says, "it is practically impossible to get publicity
for the truth, because of the squeamish attitude
of the people, who imagine that the subject
ought to be ignored." Though the Senator re-
ferred specifically to the appalling records of
venereal disease among the men accepted for
the Army, his statement might have been made
with equal truth of every phase of the subject
of sex.

We fully realize the condition. We know that
some persons can even distort that great book,

PREFACE

the Bible, and make its meaning salacious and
erotic. But we believe there are enough people
who desire to know the truth about sex to justify
the presentation of this course. Those who are
looking for the salacious will be keenly disap-
pointed in it.

There is no veneer on the important facts pre-
sented herein. The subject demands plain talk.
And yet, the reader wifl find the work so care-
fully written that it will give no cause for offense
to the most fastidious.

In the preparation of this course, various ex-
perts, medical and other, have assisted. To those
who have rendered this valuable aid, the author
desires to extend his sincere thanks.

May the thoughts contained herein carry a
message to all suffering women. May they guide
the footsteps of the immature into the fullness
of womanhood. May the weak find in these
pages the knowledge that will lead them to
strength and health, and may those who al-
ready enjoy superlative vigor find information
that will enable them to retain this priceless pos-
session to life's last days. Such is the hope of
the author.

xi

CONTENTS

CHAPTER PAGE

PREFACE ix

I IDEAL WOMANHOOD 1

II THE MEANING OP SEX 5

VIII THE MENTAL AND SPIRITUAL SIGNIFICATION

OF SEX 10

IV AM I A COMPLETE WOMAN? 15

V THE OLD MAID .19

^VI CHOOSING A HUSBAND 24

VII JUDGING A MAN'S FITNESS 30

VIII MARRIAGE AND THE DRINK QUESTION ... 39

IX PERSONAL HABITS IN RELATION TO MARRIAGE . 44

X WHY THINK ABOUT MARRIAGE1? .... 47

XI MARRIAGE AND ITS ALTERNATIVES .... 51

^11 WHEN TO MARRY 57

XIII SHOULD A GIRL MARRY FROM A SENSE OF

DUTY? 64

XIV LOVE MAKING AND ITS DANGERS .... 69
XV THE GIRL WHO HAS MADE A MISTAKE . . 74

XVI TRUE LOVE AND ITS EXPRESSION .... 80

*-XVII DANCING AND DRESS 89

\ XVIII THE ESSENTIALS OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE . . 101

XIX WEDDING PREPARATIONS ' . 106

XX THE PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP OF MARRIAGE . 109

XXI THE BASIS OF MARITAL HAPPINESS . . . 113

XXII REGULATING THE RELATION OF HUSBAND AND

WIFE 119

XXIII MAKING LOVE LIFELONG . 129

XXIV MISTAKES AND EXCESSES THAT DESTROY LOVE 134
XXV THE CRIME OF ABORTION 138

xiii

CONTENTS

CHAPTEB PAGE

XXVI THE PROS AND CONS OP BIBTH CONTROL . . 146

XXVII HEREDITY AND PRENATAL INFLUENCE . . . 152

XXVIII THE REQUIREMENTS OF PREGNANCY . . . 160

XXIX WHY CHILDREN ARE NECESSARY TO HAPPINESS 168

XXX THE QUESTION OF MONEY 171

XXXI THE SNARE OF THE BOARDING HOUSE . . . 178

XXXII THE QUESTION OF FRIENDS 181

XXXIII THE IN-LAWS '. . . . .189

XXXTV QUARRELING AND MAKING UP 193

XXXV JEALOUSY— THE GREEN-EYED GUARDIAN OF

HONOR 202

XXXVI WHEN "THE OTHER WOMAN" APPEARS . . 207

XXXVII THE ERRING HUSBAND 212

XXXVIII WHEN LOVE SEEMS DEAD 219

XXXIX THE DIVORCE PROBLEM 223

XL THE UNSATISFACTORY HUSBAND .... 230

XLI THE FRIGID WIFE 242

XLII MASTURBATION 246

XLIII STERILITY 266

XLIV MENSTRUAL DISORDERS 273

XLV SPECIAL DISEASES OF WOMEN 284

XL VI DISPLACEMENTS AND THEIR CORRECTION . . 302

XLVII TUMORS 323

XLVIII WOMANLY PERIODICITY 332

XLIX DETERMINING SEX 348

L THE MENOPAUSE, OR THE CHANGE OF LIFE . 354

LI How TO BUILD VIGOROUS WOMANHOOD . . 361

LII IMPROVING AND BEAUTIFYING THE BUST . . 370

LIII EXERCISE FOR WOMANLY STRENGTH . . . 381

xiv

Womanhood and Marriage

T

CHAPTER I

Ideal Womanhood

HE perfect woman has never been re-
vealed. For this reason, perfection in
womanhood must ever remain a theme of absorb-
ing interest.

Perfection does not necessarily mean complete-
ness. With the continued development of the
human spirit, there must come increasing power
to perceive beauties of mind and heart, and these
will be expressed through a body of greater
beauty. Perfection, then, should be looked upon
as being rather a matter of proportion. The
woman who is well developed on all sides of her
nature — physically, mentally and spiritually—
may be looked upon as having attained to a de-
gree of perfection. From this point she may ad-
vance to greater realization of that ultimate
beauty which all women were intended to em-
body.

To form for ourselves, however, an idea of
womanhood we must have some understanding
of the place which woman is intended to fill in
the universe. The meaning of womanhood, the
wonderful capacities that lie hidden within it,
form an inspiring subject of study for every
woman, young or old.

i

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

Woman holds a distinct place in the uni versa'
life. She is not meant to be merely an ^chb of
man. She is meant to be herself, a distinctive
being, with her own place to fill and her own
work to accomplish. Neither is she ne< warily
what man has pictured her as being. Mr1 ? poets,
painters, sculptors, novelists, all have endeavored
to portray the ideal woman as she appired to
them, or as it seemed to them she should be. \
it would hardly be safe for her to model h-
upon these portrayals ; she must discover fc~
self the ideal she was intended to realize.

We have heard many discussions in the p£.
to whether woman is inferior or superiov
Discussions on this theme are futile. ^bf-'!J
can never be compared, because they re .
lutely distinct. The only question hav
right to ask is whether the destiny of ^ach
been successfully fulfilled.

The study of self is indeed a fascinating one.
The endeavor to discover just what she was sent
into this world for, what are the characteristics
that belong most distinctively to her, and just
what attributes she is best fitted to express in the
highest degree, must be of interest to every
thoughful woman.

When we look about us for the form of self
expression which belongs distinctively to woma?i,
we find that it is motherhood which belongs to
her alone. She is the mother of the race, and in
this function we shall find embodied her supreme
power.

2

IDEAL WOMANHOOD

*This does not mean that every woman was
necessarily intended to be a physical mother. It
does mean, however, that through a study of
mothr hood we can come to an understanding of
womar?2 distinctive capacities and powers.

The n -other nourishes the life of her offspring.
Woman, therefore, is the nourisher of the race.
*™ * moans that she not alone provides the health
^he strength of those dependent upon her in
.jsical sense, but that she is also a source of
ation to them mentally. She gives encour-
* lent to those struggling to express the
that are born within them; many times
^cr presence she inspires to greater mental
,y. The great personalities of the past have
me w^ess to the inspiration they have de-

« 1 fr^m the women with whom they have

. d i *

r>me in jontact.

,U^is not only her own children whose better
\ .Dulses are nourished by the sunshine of her
smile ; all who come near her feel the heartening
effect of her personality, and are better because
they have come within the sphere of her influ-
ence.

This is the ideal of womanhood which springs
from a study of her individual place in the plan

J life. But fully to realize this wonderful ideal,
tne woman must first of all find herself. She
must take time to think about herself and what
s!ie was intended to be. She must find out her
shortcomings and set herself resolutely to work
to master her weaknesses. She cannot afford to

2 — N.20

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

be weak, because she must be the source of
strength for others.

She must do more, however, than find herself.
She must learn to glory in her womanly nature,
and through this to make the most of what has
lain deeply hidden within her. It is only by
making the most of herself that she can give the
most to the world, and this must ever be her aim.

In these times of deep trouble woman is being
revealed to herself. Now, as never before, the
obligation rests upon her to arouse herself, and
in the full consciousness of her strength and of
the responsibilities which are hers, to rise to
heights of world service such as she has never
known before.

CHAPTER II
The Meaning of Sex

SEX is a subject women have been very reluc-
tant to discuss or even to read about. For
generations they have been made to feel that sex
was something of which they should know noth-
ing. While they were forced to admit that their
womanhood was an expression of sex, they put
it out of their thoughts as much as possible.
They seemed to prefer to think of themselves as
sexless beings. They felt apologetic for being
women, and in this unnatural attitude of sup-
pression and denial of their sex, they lived and
died without ever realizing the glorious possi-
bilities of their distinctive natures.

Sex is not something which is localized in the
human body, pertaining only to a certain set of
organs. Sex is a universal principle which ex-
presses itself in all but the very lowest forms
of life. It permeates every atom of the physical
structure, so that each tiny cell expresses either
masculinity or femininity.

It is as though Mother Nature had divided the
living material in the universe into two portions,
and bidden one-half to specialize in certain char-
acteristics, the other half to specialize in other
characteristics, and this work of specialization
has gone on progressively with the evolution of
high forms of life and will continue to do so as
long as the world lasts.

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

It is to this division of the life-force into two
expressions that we owe the greatest blessings
of our existence. All of the sweetest and most
beautiful relationships of life spring from this
division of the human race into halves, which
come together again to make a perfect whole.
The relation of husband and wife, parents and
children, brothers and sisters and relatives of
all degree, of friend with friend, all find their
root in this universal principle of sex. Not only
beauty of soul, but much of the beauty of the
universe springs from this same great principle.
The blossoms of flower and shrub and tree are
the expressions of sex in plant life. The coloring
of the wings of the bird and the. song that he
sings are expressions of the same great force.
The effort of the lower forms of life to provide
nourishment for their offspring furnishes us with
the greater part of our food — our grains, tubers
and bulbs, our milk and eggs. Sex, we must
understand, is but the means chosen whereby
life may be continued upon the earth. Through
the mating of male and female all the great vari-
eties of life have been made possible.

When we comprehend the universal nature of
sex and the immeasurable blessings which it
brings us, we perceive at once how absurd it is
that any one should be reluctant to consider so
vital a subject. Sex in itself is pure, and a proper
understanding of it is ennobling. Those who
shrink from it show by so doing that they have
not yet gained a true conception of the nature

6

THE MEANING OF SEX

of sex and its place in life. Without doubt the
ignorance which has been fostered by this dis-
inclination to discuss the subject has resulted in
more human suffering, wrong-doing and tragedy
than could ever be measured.

Fortunately for us, the day of prudery is
passed. There are not many today who feel it
necessary to make known their disapproval of
anything connected with sex, still less to parade
their ignorance, in order to prove their own su-
perior state of morals. Today we dare to look
the facts of life in the face and to show our inter-
est in everything that pertains to the human race,
realizing that knowledge is always freedom and
power.

The sacredness of the function of reproduction
must be realized by all, for from it springs human
life. Everything connected with the bestowal
of life ought to be pure and uplifting. What-
ever is connected with the subject that is impure
must spring from the misuse or misconception,
of the divine creative powers which have been
bestowed upon us.

The instinct to see one's life reproduced in
other human lives must always be in its essence
ennobling. This instinct to continue the life of
the race runs directly contrary to the instinct
for self-preservation. The bestowal of life means
giving up a part of the life of the individual.
It is, therefore, essentially an expression of the
desire for self-sacrifice and it entails, in the ma-
jority of instances, a continuance in the giving

7

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

of self through the greater part of life.

The study of the life-giving function of the
body, therefore, if undertaken with the desire to
learn that which will enable one to render greater
service to the world than would otherwise be
possible, must always be an uplifting one. That
it calls for the contemplation of physical details
should not distress us, because the body has been
truly called "the Temple of God." It is the in-
strument by which we, as spiritual beings, are
able to express ourselves upon this physical
plane. To be truly successful in our lives here,
we need to come into an understanding of the
laws governing this body, in order that we may
make it our efficient instrument of expression.

Every part of the body is pure and clean, .and
worthy of all reverence. That we have not
always realized this has been due in large part
to the misuse of the bodily functions. Indecency
is a question of behavior, and does not pertain
to the body itself. Impurity belongs, not to sex,
but to the mind of the individual. It has been
well said that "to the pure all things are pure.'*
Even in contemplating wrong-doing, we can
realize that it is but the misuse of that which in
its normal use is right and beautiful. It is only
of the abuse of a function of which anyone need
feel ashamed.

The feeling of shame once so commonly asso-
ciated with the subject of sex has been due almost
entirely to ignorance. With no understanding
of sex in the normal, and seeing only the terrible

consequences of this power when directed solely
to selfish gratification, it is no wonder that the
average individual has come to look upon the
whole subject with a feeling of disgust. It is
not surprising that parents have been horrified
at the suggestion that they should talk with their
children upon the subject of sex, because to them
that meant discussing certain sins of the human
race with their terrible consequences. The dis-
tinction between the use and misuse of these
powers, however, is now so clearly understood
that today it is possible to suggest that one should
study the subject of sex without immediately
arousing an attitude of mental resistance and
condemnation upon the part of one's hearers.

CHAPTER III
Mental and Spiritual Significance of Sex

MEN have always taken pride in their virile
powers. To be virile means to be strongly
sexed, and that does not mean simply to have
well-developed sex organs. It means that every
particle of the body feels strongly the impulse
of masculinity. Women should learn to rejoice
also in being strongly sexed, which means that
every particle of their bodies feels the character-
istic impulse of femininity.

The masculine impulse is positive, active, de-
structive. The feminine impulse is passive, neg-
ative and constructive. These two, therefore,
supplement each other, and both are essential to
a fully developed, well balanced racial life. Here
is found the strongest possible reason for joint
responsibilities between man and woman in the
government of a community or a nation. Neither
one of these two beings can fill the place of the
other, and both are equally essential to a well-
rounded, perfectly balanced national life.

Thus we see that sex holds a more important
place in life than has been imagined. We know
today, also, that the sex organs fulfill a much
more important function in the life of the indi-
vidual than has hitherto been supposed. Indi-
cations of the importance of these organs have
not been lacking. Take, for instance, the fact
that if the sex organs of animals are removed at

10

SPIRITUAL SIGNIFICANCE OF SEX

an early age, the animal will not develop the
qualities which belong distinctively to its sex.
The patient horse lacks the fire and energy of
the proud stallion. The plodding ox forms a
marked contrast to the fiery bull. Similar exam-
ples have not been lacking in human life, for in
earlier ages boys were sometimes deprived of
these organs and grew up into effeminate crea-
tures, lacking all manly qualities, both physical
and mental. Elsewhere I have described the
condition of such an unfortunate individual in
the following words: "His high-pitched, chil-
ish voice, undeveloped body, physical weakness,
lack of vital resistance and short life, all indi-
cate clearly the importance of the glands of which
he has been deprived. The beard does not grow,
as in the case of the virile man. The voice does
not change. The muscles lack tenacity and firm-
ness and the nerves are weak — all of these condi-
tions indicating a lack of general constitutional
vigor due to the loss of the internal secretion,
the substance normally supplied to the living
fabric by the testicles. And what is perhaps of
even greater importance, the effect upon the
mind is just as serious as upon the body. He
lacks courage, he lacks ambition, he lacks every
mental quality that distinguishes men of great
virility."

Without any doubt, the removal of the sex
organs in early youth would have a correspond-
ing effect upon the development of the young
girl. She would lack those qualities which are

11

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

essentially womanly, and would therefore lose
that which makes her of greatest value to the
community.

The importance of the sex organs in the de-
velopment of the individual has been scientific-
ally explained only within comparatively recent
times. It is now known that as early as at ten
years of age, these organs begin to secrete a
fluid which is taken up by the blood and carried
to every part of the organism. This wonderful
internal secretion then begins its marvelous work
of making over the entire body. Every bone,
muscle, nerve and organ feels the effect of the
magical fluid, and it is not long before we see
the external manifestation of what has been go-
ing on within the organism. It is this internal
secretion which causes the young girl to lose all
her angularities and to take on the soft and gra-
cious curves of womanhood. It is this which gives
an added lustre to her hair, a clearer color to her
cheek, and a brighter light to her eye. Thus we
see that the beauty which forms so large a part
of woman's charm is directly due to the activity
of these creative organs in their process of de-
velopment, and we begin to realize that woman,
as an individual, owes a debt of gratitude to
these racial powers.

With the development of the body comes also
an unfoldment of the mind. New emotions be-
gin to make themselves felt, and impulses toward
self-sacrifice in the service of others may be ob-
served. All these are expressions of sex. The

12

SPIRITUAL SIGNIFICANCE OF SEX

beautiful maternal instinct which causes women
to mother all with whom they come in contact
gains an added impetus at this time. Think what
it would mean to the girl and to others if she
were to be deprived in any way of this life-giving
impulse.

It is not alone through the physical operation
which has been suggested that such a catastro-
phe may come about. There are wrong habits
which a girl may acquire through ignorance
, which may bring about a somewhat similar con-
dition. Any abuse of the sex organs will tend
to impair their power. It is in order to prevent
such catastrophes that instruction in these mat-
ters should be given to girls and young women.
This subject of abuses will be considered more
fully later on.

By teaching our girls to be ashamed of their
womanliness and to suppress their higher sex
impulses, we may be crushing out the most ad-
mirable qualities which have been bestowed upon
them. Rather should we teach them the true
meaning of the racial impulse, that they may be
awakened to equip themselves to be true moth-
ers of the race, spiritually as well as physically.

In order to develop to the highest degree the
physical and mental powers it is necessary to live
a normal life, and that includes the sex life. This
is especially important in youth, for it is in this
early period of life that we are laying the foun-
dation, not only of our own future life, but of the
lives of those who shall come after us. The de-
is

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

velopment of the highest qualities of soul, mind
and body depends in very large degree upon the
normal unfoldment of the sex powers.

It is especially important that young women
should cast aside the reluctance which they may
have felt for a study of this subject, and come
into a full comprehension of what sex normally
means in human life. They have gone so far,
many of them, in their dislike for everything
connected with sex, that they have even suc-
ceeded in suppressing many of the natural in-
stincts and impulses of their own hearts. They
have for this reason cut themselves off from
much that would give them happiness and pleas-
ure throughout their whole lives, and would en-
able them to be of infinitely greater service to the
community in which they live.

Women must learn to rejoice in their woman-
hood and to make the most of it, in order that
they may make their especial contribution to the
life of the world. If they do not bring to the com-
munity that which belongs distinctively to them
as woman, it will suffer for lack of that which
no one else can give.

14

CHAPTER IV
Am I a Complete Woman?

IT is well for every young woman to sit down
and frankly face the question, "Am I a com-
plete woman?" We are too apt to take ourselves
for granted. We are not quite willing to admit
the unpleasant truth of our own shortcomings.
Yet the process need not be so disagreeable a
one as we may at first imagine ; for, having dis-
covered wherein we are lacking, we can, if we
have the requisite will power, set ourselves defi-
nitely to work at making good that lack. With
determination and persistency, we can overcome
almost any defect. And as we observe our own
growth and development, we will enjoy that tri-
umphant exhilaration which comes from getting
the mastery over an obstacle.

Suppose you take a quiet hour to sit down and
look yourself over critically. Take a piece of
paper, if you feel so inclined, and make two col-
umns, one headed STRONG POINTS, the other
one WEAK POINTS. Do not be afraid to write
down the truth as you see it. Put aside false
modesty, and say all the good things you can
about yourself. But, on the other hand, be
equally frank to admit your faults.

It may be that you are one who has abounding
physical vitality and who follows her natural
bent in that direction to the detriment of her

15

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

mental development. You are physically active,
perhaps, but mentally lazy. The physical activ-
ity is commendable, but you must see to it that
you direct more of the force gained through
physical exercise into mental channels, until you
bring up that part of your nature to the same
degree of development as the other.

It is more likely, however, that exactly the re-
verse is the case. Although the day of anemic
heroines has passed and our young girls no longer
feel it necessary to eat chalk and other detri-
mental substances in order to give their com-
plexions an interesting degree of pallor, never-
theless too many of the young girls of the day
are following their ambitions in the mental realm
to the detriment of their physical development.
The girl who stands high in her classes is praised
by her teachers and her parents, and feels herself
to be occupying an eminence of achievement.
Too often, however, she has gained this position
by the sacrifice of her physical activity. She is
alive, but she does not possess overflowing vital-
ity, a superabundance of energy which bubbles
over in good spirits and bright cheer that is a
source of inspiration to all about her. Health
and strength and good spirits are essential to
successful living, and for the sake of her future
happiness, every girl should conserve these price-
less possessions. Moreover, these are the foun-
dations of beauty and charm. They are, there-
fore, essential to the completeness of every
woman.

16

AM I A COMPLETE WOMAN

So, if you have a bad complexion, or pimples,
round shoulders and a hollow chest, a lackadaisi-
cal manner, or an ungraceful gait, write them all
down in the column of your defects and then set
to work to find out how to overcome them. It
only requires a little persistency, for almost every
defect which you may discover can be overcome
by proper methods of living and the right kind
of breathing and exercise. And who would not
devote herself to such simple efforts each, day
for the sake of becoming a complete woman?

There are other points to be considered, how-
ever, in this study of yourself. The young woman
who feels that she does not want to marry, be-
cause of the work which that may entail and the
self-sacrifice which may be involved, is not a
complete woman. She is lacking in the very
essentials of womanliness. Responsibilities are
a joy to one who has the courage to meet them,
and the greatest pleasure in the world comes
through sacrificing oneself for those whom one
loves.

So far does this fear of an undue amount of
labor affect some women, that they are willing
to forego the greatest blessing of all, mother-
hood, in order to escape the additional burdens
which it may bring to them. Can such claim to
be complete women ? They do not know the joys
of which they are depriving themselves. Neither
do they realize how unnatural is their state of
mind and heart. There are no exercises of the
body to be prescribed for those who have reached

17

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

this supreme state of selfishness. They may
serve as a warning, however, to the younger
women who may be in danger of placing their
own personal ease above the normal joys of
life. If, as you closely scan your own thoughts
and feelings, you find deep hidden within your-
self an impulse, or even the beginning of an
impulse, in this direction, root it out with a ruth-
less hand, knowing that that way lies the ultimate
destruction of the very highest and best of your
womanly nature.

The normal woman is not afraid of responsi-
bilities. Work is to her a joy, because she has
the strength and vigor to accomplish with ease
whatever lies before her. Her family cares have,
from the beginning of time, been the means of
woman's unfoldment, and of the development
of the human race. The girl who finds herself
disinclined to fulfill her daily duties should begin
at once a course of vigorous exercise to build up
her physical health. Once she has overflowing
vitality, she will find pleasure in everything that
she has to do. With deep breathing and outdoor
exercising, she will find the normal instincts of
womanhood return to her. Life with its mani-
fold opportunities will beckon to her. She will
follow gladly, rejoicing in the knowledge of her
own completeness, and ready for the duties that
may come to her through the fulfillment of her
womanly functions.

18

CHAPTER V
The Old Maid

TD ROBABLY a good many of my readers,
when the above heading catches their eye,
will feel inclined to say, as did the old farmer
looking at a circus poster of a two-headed calf,
"There ain't no such critter." True it is that to-
day we hear almost solely about single women,
and even the term "spinster" carries with it no
such suggestion of contempt as that embodied in
the two words, "old maid."

Some few years ago the phrase, "bachelor
girl," was a popular one, and we still have her
with us, though the name is less used. The bache-
lor girl is an unmarried woman, of almost any
age, who has gone out into the world of business
and is leading her own independent, and gener-
ally very efficient, life. She carries with her no
suggestion of failure. No one could ever think
of her as a remnant on life's bargain counter.
She has remained unmarried because no man
came into her circle of friends who possessed
enough attractions to woo her from a life of
"single blessedness." It would sometimes seem
to be something of a reflection upon the men of
the present time, when one looks over the women
who would have made such splendid mothers,
but who have persistently remained outside of
the bonds of matrimony. The bachelor girl has
managed to escape the narrow life and weazened

19

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

existence of the traditional old maid ; but has she
after all nothing to regret?

There are many allurements in the single life.
There is, for example, the greater freedom which
comes to one who has no one's needs or desires to
consider but her own. She can live her own life,
which is what so many of us clamor for in the
early years of adolescence. She is free to let her
ambitions have full sway, and she may, there-
fore, achieve success — in some instances a note-
worthy one. Yet we may ask ourselves, Is she
always satisfied?

While she is young and everything comes her
way, she is too busy climbing from one point to
the next on life's ladder to ask herself this ques-
tion. When she reaches middle life and finds
that she has achieved all that she dreamed of,
and possible more, there is little room for this
question. But as the shadows of life begin to
gather around her, and she finds herself left more
and more alone because those of her own genera-
tion are silently departing to other shores, more
and more frequently must the question return to
her, "Is this all? Has it been worth while?"

She sees no young lives ready to take up her
work where she must drop it, and carry it on to a
still fuller fruition. She discovers that she grows
old faster in these later years than do her married
friends, because their life is renewed in their
children. They live in a constant atmosphere of
healthful good spirits and activity, which keeps
the blood circulating faster, and continually stim-

20

THE OLD MAID

ulates them to greater physical efforts, which re-
sult in stemming the rising tide of old age. Life
has brought to the bachelor maid many compen-
sations, but it has not brought these most lasting
ones. While she felt, in her earlier years, that
she was more fortunate to be able to carry out
her ambitions than those whose responsibilities
interfered with them, now she finds that she has
nothing to look forward to, and that the fulfill-
ment of her early ambitions fails to satisfy her.
Her life will end when she dies. There is no one
to carry it on.

The single life is freer, it may be, from respon-
sibilities, from obligations, from burdens, from
the need for self-sacrifice; but it is also lacking
in the richer joys which come through the service
of others and in the love that springs from the
closest human relationships. The nature of the
woman is not developed to its fullest extent if
she has spent her lifetime alone; and the very
burdens which seemed to her to weigh down her
married friends prove to be the blessings which
brought into fullest expression the rich treasures
that lay hidden within their natures.

There are many young women, it is true, who
are compelled to stay outside the estate of matri-
mony. There will be many more, because of the
hundreds and thousands of young men whose
lives have been consumed by war. What com-
pensation is there for them ?

Although they may never know the intimate
joys of marriage, there is no reason why they

21

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

should be deprived of the deep and lasting hap-
piness of motherhood. Without any doubt, the
greatest, the most lasting, most satisfying happi-
ness that comes to woman, comes through the
gratification of her maternal instinct, and it need
not necessarily be her own children who bring
to her this satisfaction. There are today thou-
sands of little children left orphans because of
war, and no woman need ever be without little
children in her home.

Neither should she be afraid to face the possible
consequences of an heredity with which she is
unfamiliar. We must remember that through
the workings of this law, good is handed on just
as inevitably as is the bad, and in a much greater
degree. The abnormal tends always to its own
destruction. It is only the normal which can be
handed on down an indefinite line of generations.

We have allowed this thought of heredity to
become too great a bugaboo, and too often have
allowed the richest blessing to slip from our
grasp, just because we were afraid of what might
develop within the life. Read the stories of those
who have dared to adopt unknown little ones and
see what wonderful things have been accom-
plished by them. It may call for wisdom, tact,
patience, unfailing love, to overcome the nature
that is born a little twisted in one way or another,
but it is those very things which develop in the
mother the very richest part of her own nature.
Adopt a child while it is still an infant in arms,
and in six weeks' time you will be unaware that

22

THE OLD MAID

the child is not your own, and will probably re-
sent any remark which brings the fact to your
mind.

There can be no narrowing of the life into sel-
fish channels when the responsibility for another
human being has been gladly undertaken. There
will be no drying up of the fountain of life as
the years go by, but rather will it grow richer
and fuller from year to year. Thus may the
bachelor girl insure herself against the dreaded
fate of ever becoming that pitiful creature, the
traditional old maid.

23

CHAPTER VI
Choosing a Husband

A HUSBAND should not be an accidental
•*•• acquisition ; he should be the result of a de-
liberate choice.

No woman buys the first gown she sees when
she steps into a shop to escape a shower. She
first makes up her mind that she wants a dress
for certain uses. She decides what will probably
be the material, and has, in general, a pretty good
idea of what will be in accordance with her tastes
and needs.

Should she not exercise at least as much care
in making the choice of a life companion? He
will be a much more important factor in her life's
happiness than a mere bit of apparel, and he can-
not be so easily discarded. Upon the success of
her choice in this particular will depend, very
largely, the success or failure of her life.

That the young woman is supposed to be
chosen, not to choose, I realize very well. But
anyone who is acquainted with the real facts in
the case knows that, in reality, it is the young
woman who exercises the power of choice. She
it is who attracts and draws to her the individual
who is most pleasing to her tastes. Her methods
are not apparent to the superficial observer. She
may even be more or less unconscious of them

24

CHOOSING A HUSBAND

herself, but they are none the less real and effec-
tive.

She must have, therefore, some standard of
choice. She must realize what it is she is selecting
this man for.

In the romantic days of her early adolescence,
she thinks only of that which may contribute to
her individual pleasure. The man who is hand-
some to look upon and can stir in her a thrill of
physical admiration, seems to her the most de-
sirable individual in the world. In reality, how-
ever, she is not considering in the least his true
place in her life. This is one more reason, a
most important one, why it is advisable for
young girls to wait a little before making a defi-
nite choice of a husband. They should wait until
their own real purposes and ambitions in life
have more fully developed, so that the choice can
be made more in accord with what will be their
lifelong desires.

The real vital function of the man of her choice
is to be the father of her children. If parents were
willing and able to answer the early questions of
their children as to their own origin, and to con-
tinue talking sensibly and seriously with them
upon the subjects related thereto whenever their
inquiries indicated a desire for further enlighten-
ment, young men and young women would grow
up with a thorough understanding of the import*
ance of the parental function. It sometimes even
shocks a young girl to suggest to her that she
should consider the welfare of her possible chil-

25

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

dren when she is thinking of accepting some
young man's proposal. It should not be a shock-
ing suggestion to her, however, and would not,
if she had been brought up to think rightly upon
this vitally important subject.

Let her choose, then, first of all a MAN in
every sense of the word. Not a mere appendage
to a cigarette ; not a lounge lizard ; not a peram-
bulating stock- ticker ; not an animated booze re-
ceptacle; not a whited sepulchre of disease and
corruption ; but a man who is physically strong,
mentally alert, morally pure and clean and up-
right. Without these essentials of physical
health, mental capacity and moral integrity^ a
man is not fitted to make a successful husband
and father.

If a young woman follows her own intuitions
and cultivates her own keen critical faculties, she
will be able to judge pretty well for herself in
all of these matters. She can tell by a young
man's clear eye, upright carriage and springy
step that he is in a condition of abounding health
and vitality.

Bleared eyes tell the tale of alcoholic intoxica-
tion and nicotine-yellowed fingers betray the
weak-willed, self-indulgent, inveterate smoker.

The man who is completely absorbed in busi-
ness generally lacks the time and interest to pay
any continuous attention to the gentler side of
life, and as soon as the first flush of ardent devo-
tion has passed he will, in all probabilitv, be neg-
lectful of his wife, and later of his children.

26

CHOOSING A HUSBAND

As for the man who is morally corrupt, a
woman's intuition will generally warn her, if
she will but listen and follow its indications. Un-
fortunately, too many women are in the habit of
silencing this inward monitor, and so lessen the
protection which it is intended to afford them.
These men have learned through their association
with women of another type just how to stir the
sex nature of a woman, and through their pow-
ers of fascination they stimulate that side of a
woman's nature which causes her to refuse to
listen to hints of danger and insist upon follow-
ing her own desires.

It is in some such way as this that many a good
girl is lured to her ruin. She has not learned to
distinguish between her own higher and lower
desires, and so she does not recognize that it is
the better part of herself which utters this per-
sistent and disturbing warning, and that it is the
lower part of herself which endeavors to stifle
all restraining suggestions. The girl who is hon-
est with herself will be able, through their differ-
ent effect upon her own emotions, to distinguish
between the glance of frank admiration from a
pure-minded man, and the look of sensuous en-
joyment from one of the dangerous type referred
to. From a man's conversation, also, much may
be learned of his thoughts. If these appear to
be running always in the direction of sensuous
pleasure, if not of sensuality, the young girl
would do well to govern her actions with discre-
tion, and to turn resolutely away from any inti-

27

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

macy with a man of such calibre. Even though
he should eventually marry her, she will prob-
ably find as the years go by that the better and
more enduring part of her nature is left unsatis-
fied, while purely physical pleasures have not
only ceased to exert their former sway over her,
but have become an almost unendurable degrada-
tion.

Physical vigor is apt to bring with it abundant
good spirits and cheerful optimism, and these at-
tributes are most essential to a successful mar-
ried life. The man or woman who always has a
grouch, cannot claim to add very much to the
happiness of his or her family. Girls would do
well to remember this, for, unfortunately, their
pity is often touched by a young man who always
appears to be having a hard time.

Pity in women is a very dangerous feeling, for
many of them mistake it for the more vital and
lasting emotion of love. Pity indicates a nega-
tive attitude of mind, and is generally called
forth by a negative mental state in its recipient.
You pity the man who is down and out, as he
sits in a dejected attitude with his head hanging
low, and his hands dropping limply at his sides.
You say, "Poor fellow!" and shake your head,
and enter into a corresponding weak and flabby
mental attitude.

If you had true sympathy for him you'd clap
him on the shoulder and say, "Cheer up, old fel-
low. The battle is not lost yet. Get up and go
to it."

28

CHOOSING A HUSBAND

Of course, this latter attitude does not allow
of so much sentimental petting as the former,
and so does not often lead to romantic attach-
ments ; but it is for this very reason, much safer
for all concerned. Let the girl who is tempted to
marry a man because she "feels so sorry for him"
remember that there will be many occasions in
her life when she will need a strong arm to learn
upon, and a courageous spirit to uphold her in
her time of trial.

There can be no question but that love is the
essential foundation of all true marriage, and yet
love, as that word is commonly used, is not
enough.

There must be a strong physical attraction in
order that there may be a harmonious and life-
giving physical relationship.

There must be mental companionship in order
that, as the years go by, the two may grow more
and more intimately into each other's lives.

There must also be a spiritual union. They
must have common aims, ideals, and a common
attitude toward life and its great purposes. It is
only in this highest realm of the spiritual, as we
call it, that an enduirng union can exist, and
without this, the coming together of the two indi-
viduals may prove to be only temporary.

29

CHAPTER VII
Judging a Man's Fitness

THE question of personal purity in the man
whom she marries is of supreme import-
ance, not only to the young woman herself
but even more to her possible children. If in
all other matters a man has proven himself thor-
oughly desirable, but there is doubt about his
habits of life in this particular, no step should
be taken by the young woman until she is assured
he is wholly acceptable in this matter also.

From the standpoint of fairness, it would seem
that a woman had every right to expect the same
purity of life in the man whom she marries that
he demands of her. For generations, however,
this has not been the attitude of the world. Acts
that cast her into the outer realm of social degra-
dation were looked upon as negligible factors in
his life.

It was almost universally conceded that a
young man must sow his wild oats, and no
thought was given to the girl who might be
ruined because of his habits of life, nor to the
harvest of wild oats which might result from
that sowing. Indeed, the majority of parents ac-
cepted the saying that a reformed rake made the
best husband. ' The idea was, I suppose, that,
having had his fling, he was now ready to settle
down and devote himself exclusively to one

30

JUDGING A MAN'S FITNESS

woman. Through his multifarious experiences
with many women, he was supposed to have be-
come a past master in the art of charming the
feminine heart, and so the woman to whom he
brought his final and, supposedly, lasting devo-
tion, was looked upon as a fortunate creature.

Today we are not able to take this point of
view. The knowledge science has gained of the
physical consequences which come as a result of
this form of moral transgression has made us
thoroughly aware that the woman who marries a
reformed rake is running a terrible risk.

The young girl of yesterday was not supposed
to know anything about the details of the life of
a man during his years of freedom from restraint.
She could not be expected, therefore, to know
anything about the consequences of that life. In
beautiful, trustful ignorance, she was handed
over to this man, who had sated his soul with
life's excesses and now turned to this young,
fresh, beautiful creature as the one who could
most nearly restore to him the joy of living
which he had deliberately thrown away.

Upon that altar were sacrificed her youth and
beauty, her health and vigor. It was not uncom-
mon to see the young bride droop and wither
and quickly become a faded flower— sinking, it
may be, into lifelong invalidism. The mysterious
dispensation of an inscrutable Providence ! The
children that she brought into the world were
puny little creatures, ailing from their birth,

lived only a few hours, it may be, or were still-
si

born. She knew all of the sorrows of motherhood
and none of its joys, and throughout her life, per-
haps, remained ignorant of the real source of her
tragic experience.

We know today that the sufferings of the bride
and the tragedy of her children were not the
workings of an inscrutable Providence, but were
the direct, unescapable consequences of the sow-
ing of wild oats which had taken place in her hus-
band's youth. We can no longer shut our eyes
to these facts. The researches of science have
proven them to us, and the. experience of the hu-
man race constantly emphasizes the observations
of the laboratory.

It is for this reason that young women have so
vital an interest in the habits of young men.

If the latter have a right to demand absolute
chastity of life and purity of thought in the bride
whom they lead to the altar, so has she an equal
right to demand exactly the same thing from
them. She must demand it, not only for her own
sake, but also because she is choosing half of the
inheritance of her children. She dare not accept
that which threatens to blight these helpless little
lives, to send them into the world blinded, it may
be, idiotic, epileptic, or burdened with other
physical handicaps from which they can never
hope to escape.

The subject is so vital that every girl must
have the courage to face it and know for herself
just what are the physical consequences of this
form of moral transgression. When we deal in

32

JUDGING A MAN'S FITNESS

general phrases, it is always possible to think that
we are exaggerating. Therefore it is necessary
to tell the young girl something of just what
these diseases are, and just what they mean to
the individual who becomes infected with them.

The diseases which come as the result of sexual
immorality are called the venereal diseases.
They are three in number: syphilis, gonorrhea,
and chanchroid.

The last named is a local infection, the least
serious and the least frequent of the three com-
mon venereal diseases.

The other diseases are two of the most serious
from which the human race suffers. While gon-
orrhea was at one time considered but little worse
than a cold, today it is known that its conse-
quences are of so lasting a nature that it must be
looked upon as of equally tragic importance with
syphilis.

Both of these diseases are due to micro-organ-
isms which, once established in the blood, are al-
most ineradicable. Indeed, until the last few
years, syphilis has been considered absolutely in-
curable ; and while today scientists claim to have
discovered a remedy which will eventually bring
about a cure, gonorrhea still remains a baffling
problem.

If the transgressor was the only sufferer from
this disease, we might not be so deeply concerned.
Too often, however, it is the innocent wife and
helpless children who must carry the heaviest
part of the burden of retribution.

33

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

Although the wife is most frequently the suf-
ferer from the husband's diseased condition, it is
not only in the married relation that this infec-
tion may be conveyed. If the virulent discharge
can find any least break in the skin through which
the micro-organisms can enter the system, infec-
tion takes place.

It is for this reason that the disease of syphilis
is such a serious menace to society. The mother,
or sister, or friend, of the diseased individual may
become infected through using the same drink-
ing cup, the same towel, the same napkin, or
through a kiss.

Whether the infection is innocently received or
not, the course of the disease is practically the
same. From two to eight weeks must elapse be-
fore the germs make enough poison to cause the
first sign of the disease to appear. At that time,
a small red spot like a pimple or ulcer may be
noticed. This is hard to the touch, and is called
a chancre.

This is the best time for treatment. If the dis-
ease is taken at this stage, there is all the hope in
the world that its further progress may be com-
pletely averted. For this reason, attention
should be paid at once to any small sore, hard in
character, especially if it appears upon the sex
organs.

If the proper treatment is not given at this
time, the poisonous germs develop with great
rapidity, and starting through the general circu-

34

JUDGING A MAN'S FITNESS

lation, grow in strength and number from day
to day.

Within from six weeks to three months,
enough of the poison will be developed to cause
the second stage of the disease. This second
stage may make itself known through headaches,
bone pains, fever sores in the mouth and throat,
skin rashes, or swelling of the glands. At this
time treatment is imperative and must be fol-
lowed persistently and unceasingly, until the se-
verest tests prove that it has been successful.

If the second stage is neglected, or the treat-
ment given up before its end has been gained,
then inevitably will develop the third stage. This
comes very slowly, however, sometimes many
years after the patient has supposed that he or
she was completely cured. It may take any-
where from one to twenty years for this third
stage to make its presence unmistakably known.
These latest consequences are naturally the most
serious. The terrible creeping paralysis known
as locomotor ataxia, general paresis, hardening
of the arteries, some forms of insanity, deformi-
ties and chronic heart disease may all come from
this cause.

These facts should be known by every woman.
Before marriage, she needs this knowledge that
she may understand the vital importance of pro-
tecting herself from marriage with a man suffer-
ing from this disease. After marriage, she needs
the knowledge, not only for her own protection,
but also in order to insure that her husband,

85

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

should he become infected, will take the neces-
sary treatment until he is absolutely cured. The
course of treatment will have to be followed for
at least three years.

The young woman needs also to consider what
this disease means to her children. Eighty per
cent, of the children born with this infection die
within a few hours after birth, and for this death
the mother has cause to be thankful. Those who
survive will be found to be so weakened, either
physically or mentally, as to be a lifelong bur-
den to themselves and to those about them. It is
not necessary to go into the horrible details of
this illness. Suffice it to say that epilepsy is one
of the common manifestations of this inheri-
tance, while it also causes a predisposition to
tuberculosis and cancer.

The other serious venereal disease, gonorrhea,
is, from some points of view, even more to be
dreaded by women than syphilis. This disease
is caused by micro-organisms which directly at-
tack the generative organs, causing an inflama-
tion which may eventually be transmitted to the
fallopian tubes. If these become closed through
the inflammation, sterility results, and this is
found to be the cause of more than fifty per cent,
of sterility in women.

No absolute cure for gonorrhea, when once it
has become thoroughly established in the wo-
man's system, is known. It is important there-
fore, to know the first symptoms of this infec-
tion, as, if the proper treatment is given at the

36

JUDGING A MAN'S FITNESS

very beginning of the infection, it will probably
keep the disease localized and prevent damage to
other organs.

The first indications of gonorrhea are those of
an ordinary acute local infection in the creative
organs. This soon makes itself evident by the
appearances of a thick yellowish discharge, which
is highly contagious in character. It takes at
least four weeks to effect a cure, and the disease
is highly communicable at all stages. Many sur-
gical operations on the female generative organs,
and many chronic diseases of these organs and
of the joints and bladder, are caused by this in-
fection. It is the most prevalent of all diseases
except measles.

Its effect upon the children is most tragic.
Eighty per cent of blindness in new-born chil-
dren is directly due to the infection received from
the mother at the time of birth. It is assumed
that ten per cent, of all the blindnss in our coun-
try is due to this disease.

The young woman cannot be too careful, there-
fore, to choose her intimate associates from
among those young men who, she has reason
to believe, are chaste in act and pure in thought.

When the time comes for her to say a decisive,
"Yes," she should call upon father or brother, if
she is so fortunate as to possess these masculine
protectors, to learn definitely for her whether or
not the young man is absolutely free from all
taint of communicable disease. If she has no
one upon whom she can call for this important in-

37

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

quiry, she should not hesitate to broach the sub-
ject herself, before she has irrevocably given her
word. Any honorable young man will be only
too glad to assure himself, by proper physical
examination, that he will be in no least way en-
dangering the health of the one whom he loves
by entering into the close relationship of mar-
riage with her. In some States it has been made
a legal requirement that, before a license is
granted, both parties must establish, under oath,
their freedom from all communicable disease.

If upon her request the young man evinces in-
dignation and refuses to submit himself to such
physical test, she may accept his attitude as con-
vincing testimony to the probabiltiy of his being
either infected, or having at least, run the risk of
infection. Better an aching heart for a few
months at this time, because of blighted hopes,
than a lifelong period of regrets for her own lost
health and the sad inheritance of her children.

38

CHAPTER VIII
Marriage and the Drink Question

THE personal habits of the man whom she
is to marry are a matter of vital import-
ance to every young woman. Some
people think it an evidence of unnecessary med-
dlesomeness on the part of the girl to presume
to pass judgment upon the young man's use of
alcohol or tobacco. If it was only her own per-
sonal convenience which she had to consider, it
might be looked upon as an act of gracious self-
abnegation for her to put aside any personal
prejudices which she might have against the
man's method of soothing or stimulating his
nerves. It is not a matter merely of personal
preference, however. For the sake of her pos-
sible children she must consider this question
with the utmost carefulness, and she will find,
when once she has made a thorough study of it,
that the man's welfare is equally involved.

The question of the use of alcohol may first
come to her as a personal one. When she begins
going out into society, she may find that, upon
occasion, she is urged to take a social glass of
wine; and the fear of being considered a crank
or a kill-joy may overcome her own scruples,
largely because she has no satisfactory reason to
give for a continued refusal.

The reason that stimulants are so popular on

39

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

social occasions furnishes the very best argument
against her indulgence in them. The very first
effect of alcohol upon the system is the suppres-
sion of the natural inhibitions. In simple phrase-
ology, the restraints which we ordinarily place
upon ourselves, because our judgment has been
trained to recognize the benefit of such self-re-
straint, disappear as a result of the clouding of
the reasoning faculties and the paralyzing of the
will, which is the primary effect of alcohol.
Young men who are out for what they term a
good time are desirous of getting the young
woman to partake of a few glasses of wine, be-
cause they know that her manners will become
more free and easy, her speech less discreet, and
she will be more ready to accept suggestions
which her own sense of modesty at another time
would cause her to frown upon.

The girl does not know that her moral sense is
paralyzed. She is only aware of what seems to
her to be increased brilliancy, and she is apt to
feel that she is shining in a conversational way,
whereas in reality she may be making a silly fool
of herself. Being thus in a condition where she
cannot truly distinguish right from wrong, she
is in the greatest possible danger from the con-
scienceless young man, who will take advant-
age of her irresponsible condition to lead her into
a situation from which she will find it almost im-
possible to extricate herself.

Alcohol is looked upon by many as a sexual
stimulant, which is doubtless another reason why

40

MARRIAGE AND DRINK QUESTION

it is used so universally by unscrupulous men.
They figure that, if they can arouse the sex na-
ture of the young woman, she will then more
readily respond to their immoral advances ; and,
as it does act to lessen her moral sense and the
restraint which .she would ordinarily put upon
herself, in a great many instances it accomplishes
its purpose.

Alcohol has, of course, the same effect upon the
young man. Its continual use will produce a
blunting of the moral sensibilities, which will
make it impossible for him properly to perceive
moral issues. While it is supposed to be a sex-
ual stimulant, in the long run it becomes de-
structive of reproductive integrity. Alcohol ap-
pears to increase the sexual appetite, while at the
same time diminishing the capacity for its satis-
faction. This means, of course, that the man who
is in the habit of indulging in alcoholic stimula-
tion will be apt to come under the sway of sexual
desire with increasing frequency, so that his wife
is very apt to find herself meeting a constantly in-
creasing demand. The self-control which is nec-
essary to a well-regulated marital relation will be
almost entirely lacking, and her condition of
bodily servitude, as we might call it, will grow
worse instead of better with the succeeding years.

In this connection, also, the wife owes it to her
possible children to consider what their heritage
will be, if they are conceived while the father is
under the influence of alcohol.

Says the eminent Dr. Willard Parker: "The

41

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

hereditary influence of alcohol manifests itself in
various ways. It transmits an appetite for strong
drink to children, and these are likely to have
that form of drunkenness which may be termed
paroxysmal ; that is, they will go for a consider-
able period without indulging, placing restraint
upon themselves, but at last all the barriers of
self-control give way, they yield to the irresistible
appetite, and then their indulgence is extreme.
The drunkard by inheritance is a more helpless
slave than his progenitor, and the children that
he begets are more helpless still, unless on the
mother's side there is engrafted upon them un-
tainted stock. But its hereditary influence is not
confined to the propagation of drunkards. It
produces insanity, idiocy, epilepsy, and other af-
fections of the brain and nervous system, not
only in the transgressor himself, but in the chil-
dren, and this will transmit predisposition to any
of these diseases."

In this connection we must also consider the
question of the advisability of the nursing mother
using some alcoholic drink such as beer or wine,
which are frequently recommended to nursing
mothers. The following quotation gives a very
clear picture of the effect of such a procedure
upon the child.

"A large share of the alcohol finds its way
out of the system into the milk, and in this
way delicate babies are kept in a state of
semi-intoxication from birth until they are
weaned. A mother finds her child nervous and
fretful. She takes a glass of ale an hour or two

42

MARRIAGE AND DRINK QUESTION

before nursing the infant, and is pleased to find
that he becomes quiet. She little dreams that his
quietude is only the narcotism of alcoholic poi-
son ; yet such is the truth. Everyone knows that
a dose of castor oil given to a nursing mother
will affect the child as promptly as the mother.
The same is true of alcohol ; but the delicate or-
ganism of the infant is far more susceptible to
its poisonous influence than is the mother's sys-
tem. Beginning life under such a regimen, is it
any wonder that so large a number of young
men, and young women also, develop into drunk-
ards ? Such a result is only the fruit of the seeds
sown in earliest infancy. The ancient Romans
were so well aware of this fact that the use of
alcoholic drinks was by law prohibited to a Ro-
man mother while an infant was dependent upon
her for food."

CHAPTER IX
Personal Habits in Relation to Marriage

WHILE there is a growing willingness in
this country to accept the conclusions
of science to the harmfulness of alcoholic stimu-
lation, there seems to be growing also a complete
unwilingness to accept the same judgment in re-
gard to th euse of tobacco.

It is not strange that, with woman's increasing
freedom, there should come a greater reluctance
to limit her actions by what has hitherto been
considered "proper" or "improper" for her. She
feels that she is a human being and, if it is right
for a masculine human being to indulge in this
habit, it is equally right for his feminine counter-
part to do the same. In this position she is funda-
mentally correct. If it were right for man to
allow himself this form of self-indulgence, it
would be equally right for her.

Viewed from the standpoint of the effect of
this habit upon his own constitution and upon
the inheritance of his children, however, it is not
right for him. Therefore, it cannot be consid-
ered right for her. Moreover, she is responsible
not only for the inheritance of her children, but
for the conditions under which they pass the nine
months of their prenatal life ; also, when she per-
forms the mother's full function, she is respon-
sible for the condition of the food received by the

44

PERSONAL HABITS

child during the first nine months of its separate
existence. Therefore, as her responsibility is
greater, so is her duty in this matter greater.

One of the arguments which should have the
greatest weight with men in considering this
question is the fact that tobacco-using is a very
common cause of impotence. The effect of this
poison is not so immediate as that of some others,
but, in the long run, it has a most depressing
effect upon the procreative function. So well is
this understood by the medical profession that it
is used definitely for the purpose of allaying the
sexual desire. The man who prizes his virility,
therefore, will not allow himself to form a habit
which will bring to his system the inevitable de-
structive effect of this alkaloid poison.

It would not be fair for us to consider simply
those poisons which men are most apt to take
into their systems, and neglect the ones which
women are most inclined to indulge in.

Tea and coffee are not ordinarily considered
poisons, yet their effect is unquestionably poison-
ous. It is only recently that the morbid effects
of these beverages have been sufficiently well
studied to secure the recognition of the fact that
they produce a distinct class of such symptoms.

Says Dr. B. W. Richardson: "The symptoms
which indicate the injurious action of this form
of drink (tea) are sufficiently characteristic.
They are intensely severe headaches, constipa-
tion of the bowels with what is usually consid-
ered to be deficiency of bilious secretion, flatu-

45

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

lency, unsteadiness and feebleness • of muscular
power, and not infrequently a lowness of spirit
amounting to hypochondriacal despondency. In
poverty-stricken districts amongst the women
who take tea at every meal, this extremely ner-
vous semi-hysterical condition from the action
of tea is universal. The flatulency induced by
tea taken late in the evening, has the effect of in-
terfering with the processes of sleep, it prevents
or disturbs sleep by dreams and muscular start-
ings, and is a common cause of that peculiarly
painful symptom known as nightmare. Coffee,
like tea, induces dyspepsia, and perhaps with
even more activity than tea it keeps the brain
awake when that wearied organ ought, accord-
ing to nature, to be asleep."

I have suggested elsewhere that the drinking
of tea and coffee in unlimited quantities on the
part of women probably has a great deal to do
with the prevalence of what is called frigidity in
women, due to the health-destroying effect of
theine or caffein, either of which must Have an
effect upon the reproductive system, as have
other drugs.

The use of bromides must also be condemned.
It is undisputed that they are sexually depress-
ing. They paralyze and destroy the sex function.
The safest plan is not only to avoid the more
powerful drugs and poisons, but to steer clear
even of the milder stimulants and narcotics.

46

CHAPTER X
Why Think About Marriage?

A DOLESCENCE is the term applied to that
**• period of life which extends between child-
hood and maturity. It might very well be called
the mating period, because it is during these
years that the interest of each sex in the other
is intensified, and they are drawn together until,
in the majority of instances, each finds his or her
mate, and marriage ensues. Normally, this in-
tensified interest in the opposite sex should not
manifest itself to any degree before eighteen or
twenty years of age. But so unnatural are the
conditions under which the majority of people
are living at the present time, that boys and girls
in their early teens often get the notion that they
are in love with each other.

Without doubt, this condition of affairs has
been largely brought about through the unwise
suggestions of the adults. Even in childhood
parents will suggest that the little boy and girl

—perhaps four or five years of age — who delight
in playing together, are "lover" and "sweet-
heart." And so, from early youth, the impres-
sion is made upon the plastic little minds that
boys and girls must always associate upon this
basis of a sentimental relationship. The result
is most unfortunate. The children lose the bene-

47

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

fit of a healthful comradeship during the prac-
tically sexless years of childhood, and they de-
velop a premature sex interest in each other,
which may have very serious consequences. If
nothing worse happens, the boy and girl at four-
teen or fifteen years of age are likely to think
that they are madly in love with each other, and
so we have these startling elopements and child
marriages; or, if the course of love fails to run
smoothly, the tragedy of a child suicide because
of unrequited love !

There is no doubt that the greater part of all
this unhappiness could be avoided if adults would
cease to treat love and marriage as a subject of
jesting, and be willing to speak of it in all serious-
ness whenever the children indicate a desire for
information upon this all-important subject.

The little children take it for granted that they
are to reproduce in their lives the lives of their
parents. The little girls play with their dolls
and talk about what they are going to do when
they have children of their own. The little boys
plan also for the future and talk about what they
are going to do for their little boys. The way is
open, in the very earliest years of life, for par-
ents to make a deep impression upon the minds
of their little ones as to the sacredness of mar-
riag and the responsibilities which it entails. Such
instruction given in the early years would safe-
guard the young people when the turbulent pe-
riod of adolescence has been reached.

It will very often be found that under normal

48

WHY THINK ABOUT MARRIAGE?

conditions the girl in her early teens, while she
perceives the question of marriage arising upon
her horizon, will nevertheless feel a disinclina-
tion for the marriage state. This is not to be
wondered at. She is still a child, with the child's
love of freedom from responsibilities, and it is
just as well to encourage in her, for the time
being, the feeling that she does not wish to assume
any added burdens, knowing that in all proba-
bility this attitude of mind is a temporary one,
and will pass away with the passing of the years.

The girl at sixteen or eighteen years of age,
however, begins to come more definitely under
the sway of romance. She dreams of a possible
lover, but her mind goes no further. She does
not care as yet to dwell upon the possible conse-
quences of his actually coming into her life.

The girl of eighteen or twenty should normally
be ready to begin to think seriously and definitely
of marriage, with all that it may mean. Many
girls, however, prefer to dwell a little longer in
the atmosphere of romance, and so they may feel
moved to ask the question, "Why think about
marriage? Why not let me dream a little longer?
It is so beautiful here in the land of romance, and
there are no sharp corners or ugly details to
obtrude themselves upon my notice."

Their reluctance to leave the realm of the ideal
is not difficult to understand ; they are incapable
of realizing the importance of having a clear
vision at this most critical period of their life.
But their eyes must be freed from the mists of

49

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

their dreams that they may perceive truly what
is round about them.

Many a young girl, still living in the land of
make-believe, invests some young man whom
she meets with all the glamor of that romantic
realm, and, marrying him while still under its
spell, awakens finally to find herself in the grasp
of a situation from which she cannot escape and
which promises to her only life-long unhappiness
and possible disaster. What would she not give
to be able to go back and, with clear vision, view
the question of marriage in its true light!

Girls must be willing to consider thoughtfully
the subject of marriage from all points of view,
if they would protect themselves from lifelong
regrets. It is not only the young man whom they
must study from the point of view of what mar-
riage really means, they must also study them-
selves. What will marriage mean to them? What
effect will it have upon their own development?
What is the reason for marriage, and what part
does it play in human life?

50

CHAPTER XI
Marriage and its Alternatives

WE have already considered the meaning
of sex. We know that it is the prin-
ciple which divides humanity into two halves in
order that each may specialize along a certain
line. Marriage, therefore, is the means whereby
these two halves are conjoined for perfect func-
tioning. As has been said, sex is the great para-
dox, for it divides in order that it may unite.

One great purpose of this union is the continu-
ance of the life of the race upon the earth. There
is another great purpose, however, which must
not be overlooked, and that is the true complete-
ness of the lives of the two individuals concerned.
It is from both of these points of view that we
must consider marriage. But at this time we
will confine ourselves to the consideration of
marriage from the standpoint of the contracting
parties.

One of the greatest needs of the human soul
is a sympathetic companionship. The human
heart longs for some one who shall truly under-
stand its emotions and aspirations, and it requires
both sympathetic insight and intimate, lifelong
association to give this in its highest degree.

This is the treasure which two young people
set out to find when they enter the long road of

5 51

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

matrimony, and it is well worth their utmost en-
deavors. Moreover, it is only in marriage that
human beings can arrive at their highest develop-
ment and a complete unfoldment of their powers.
In the perfect union each brings to the other
those qualities in which he or she is most lacking,
and, bit by bit, draws out from the other the best
that lies hidden within him or her. Many
have commented upon the striking resemblance
that has often developed between a husband and
wife who have spent a lifetime in close associa-
tion, ancf this assimilation of opposite character-
istics must necessarily mean a more rounded de-
velopment of the individual. The bearing of
common burdens, the surmounting of the same
obstacles, the working toward the same aims, if
made in the same spirit, must contribute to their
united development.

Marriage is not a pastime. It is a great under-
taking, and calls for the exercise of the highest
qualities the individual possesses to bring it to
a successful completion. For this reason, it is
well to think of marriage long years before en-
tering the state, in order that one may prepare
oneself in every possible way for success in
the great adventure. The young woman who
studies the married life of her friends and ac-
quaintances, in an effort to discover what makes
each a success or failure, will be in the way to
learn many valuable lessons. Even though she
may never marry, whatever she gains that would
help make a possible marriage more successful,

52

ALTERNATIVES OF MARRIAGE

will also contribute to the rounding out of her
character.

It is well also for a young woman to bear in
mind the thought of the possibility of marriage
when choosing her friends. She may at first be
inclined to think that it doesn't really matter
what sort of young men she goes out with in
search of a good time; but when she once real-
izes that from among the young men whom she
meets every day will come, in all^probability,
the one whom she will choose to marry, she can
no longer look upon this matter of friends as a
negligible factor in her future happiness. If she
is wise, she will limit her circle of intimate friends
to those whom she feels are fit to make good
husbands and fathers.

It is because they are vitally interested in the
young men of today as their possible husbands,
and the fathers of their children, that the young
women of today have so deep a concern in mas-
culine habits and ways of living. Whatever mili-
tates against the physical, mental and moral in-
tegrity of the young manhood of the nation
should receive the outspoken condemnation of
the young womanhood of our land. It is in the
mating period that the young men are most easily
influenced by those whose approval they are so
eager to win.

The girl who has not thought seriously on the
subject of marriage for herself may make the
foolish mistake of allowing her time and atten-
tion to be monopolized by some young man

53

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

whom she would never think of marrying, but
who is able to give her "a good time." She does
not stop to realize that she is limiting her own
powers of choice by thus allowing all other young
men to be kept away ; and not until she has passed
the years of her greatest attractiveness, it may be,
does she wake up to the fact that her best oppor-
tunity for a successful marriage has passed.

There are several important questions to be
considered in connection with marriage. The
first of these is the economic question. The young
man who is physically ready to marry, has not,
in the majority of instances, reached that point
in his business career where he can command the
income which the young woman's father has
reached at the end of his years of struggle. The
girl is in danger of thinking that she should start
her married life at the point to which her parents
have attained, and so she may feel it necessary
either to refuse the young man whom she really
loves, because he isn't making enough money,
or else to urge an indefinite postponement.
These are both serious mistakes for her to make.
She may flatter herself that her action is simply
the expression of a commendable prudence, but
closer analysis of her own heart will show her
that the real reason is cowardice on her part.
She is afraid to face the hard realities of life, as
her mother probably faced them before her. She
wants to live a cushioned existence. She is not
brave enough to get out into the daily struggle
and do her share of the work of the world. In

54

ALTERNATIVES OF MARRIAGE

modern phraseology, she is a slacker, and as such
she should be heartily ashamed of herself. What
are youth and health for, if not to glory in the
surmounting of obstacles? The harder the con-
flict, the greater the joy of victory. She will
be unworthy of the army of women who have
gone before her, and from whose primitive ef-
forts have sprung the civilization of today, if
she shirks her part in the great undertakings of
life.

This is a question that is certain to come very
closely home to the girls of our land when they
realize the necessity for strong enduring bodies.
For years following the world's war thousands
of young men will be in a more or less crippled
condition, physically or economically. Their gen-
eral health will be good, their stamina will have
been strengthened through the stress and strain
of war, and their characters purified in the fur-
nace of the great conflict, but they will be handi-
capped in the struggle for daily existence either
by some actual disability, or because they have
been expending their young energies on other
struggles than that of "making good" in the busi-
ness world. The crippled may feel that, being
only wrecks of humanity, as they might put it,
no girl would consider a life with them accept-
able. This will be the opportunity for our Amer-
ican girls to show the stuff of which they are
made. It will be their privilege to help carry the
burden of family support, and, as they feel their
powers develop under the strain, they will know

55

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

the joy that comes from exerting oneself to
the uttermost. It is only the brave who deserve
lifelong happiness, and our men who will have
suffered so much must not be counted out%of the
running.

Occasionally, however, young women have to
meet another type of man. This is the man who
urges a girl to enter into all the intimacies of the
marriage relation with him, while at the same
time he excuses himself from assuming its legal
obligations. In this instance, it is the man who
is the coward, and a coward of the most despica-
ble sort. He is deliberately planning to throw
all of the burdens of this relationship upon the
woman. He says he is not financially able to
support a wife and possible children. What, then,
does he ask of her? To support herself while
giving him her love and companionship, and,
should a child come into the world as the result
of their union, she is the one who cannot escape
from that responsibility, while he will slink away
to some safe spot where he can continue to make
life comfortable for himself! The pity is that
women are ever so blinded by their love and de-
sire for self-sacrifice that they will allow them-
selves to be thus defrauded of the care and pro-
tection which are their due. If they saw the man
in his true light of unmitigated selfishness, they
could only despise him; but, being blinded by
their own idealism, they may allow themselves
to be led into this unfair relationship.

56

CHAPTER XII
When to Marry

EARLY marriages are generally considered
very advantageous for the young man.

It might be well for us to consider
whether the same holds true as regards the young
woman.

When the young man of twenty-one is urged
to marry and settle down, it is incumbent upon
us to realize that in all probability his wife will
be somewhere in the neighborhood of eighteen
years of age. She may be even younger than
that. Many a girl of sixteen feels that the young
man of twenty-one has inspired in her such a
love that she cannot live without him, and she
may, therefore, seriously consider marriage at
this early age.

Marriage before eighteen years of age in
women of today is considered premature, and
premature marriages are not advantageous,
either for the individual or for the race.

It must never be lost sight of that this question
is one to be considered from the standpoint of
possible children. This is one of the most vital
considerations, and it is a wonderful resolvent
of perplexities ; questions which might otherwise
remain obscure become as clear as day when
viewed in the light of the welfare of future gen-
erations.

57

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

It can readily be understood that at sixteen
years of age the individual is not mature enough
to give the best possible endowment to the chil-
dren, physically, mentally, or morally. More-
over, the organism is not developed enough to
resist well the strain made upon the system by
maternity. Therefore, as a rule, those who marry
so early in life are liable to age correspondingly
early. In races where child-marriages are the
rule, women of thirty-six are grandmothers and
are already bent and withered — hence the lack
of vitality which is found in such races as the
Hindoos and other Asiatic peoples.

It is clear that maturity in the individual is de-
sirable before the burdens of parenthood are as-
sumed. When the individual may be considered
fully mature becomes, therefore, an important
question.

A girl is considered by many to be mature
enough for the responsibilities of married life
at eighteen years of age. Others again assert
that this desirable condition is not reached until
twenty or twenty-two years of age. There prob-
ably is a good deal of variation in individuals, and
the girl, therefore, must decide very largely for
herself.

It is not only a question of physical maturity.
The temperament of the individual must be taken
into account. If the girl of eighteen seems but
little more than a child in feeling, given up to
the pastimes of that period of life, and with very
little thought for the serious side of mature ex-

58

WHEN TO MARRY

istence, the probability is she will be happier to
postpone her marriage for a few years longer.
One's sympathy goes out to those girl-wives,
forced to give up the pleasures of girlhood which
attract them so strongly for the cares and self-
sacrifice entailed by motherhood. They regret
the pleasures they are obliged to forego, and
hence fail to find the joys which are normally
found in motherhood. If they could have had
their freedom a little longer, until their natural
taste for parties and dances and more or less
frivolous entertainment was satisfied, they would
then have thrown themselves with a natural zest
into the life of a wife and mother, and found
therein an even greater satisfaction.

For the majority of girls, therefore, I would
say that even eighteen years of age is a little early
to enter matrimony. If, however, at that time
of her life, a girl finds her thoughts and feelings
all turning in the direction of the care of her
home, and devotion to a husband and children,
she need no longer hesitate to take the important
step. Without doubt she is ready and will find
her greatest satisfaction in that life.

Girls who have been out in the business world
from fourteen years of age, moreover, will prob-
ably look upon the care of a home and children
as a relief from the monotonous drudgery of their
previous existence, and for them marriage may
be the best thing possible.

As things are today, however, a great many
girls are still attending school at eighteen or even

59

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

twenty years of age, and feel that they have not
yet completed the work of building up and de-
veloping their own individualities. They feel, it
may be, that they will have more to offer hus-
band and children if they are allowed time to
develop themselves more fully, and in this they
are doubtless correct.

The woman who marries at, say twenty-two
or twenty-three years of age, can more under-
standingly enter into her husband's life and make
of herself a truer, more sympathetic comrade
than if she is an undeveloped girl, with no under-
standing of life's responsibilities. Then, too, she
has had a little time in which to long for a home
and children, and she will in all probability, more
fully appreciate them when they are vouchsafed
to her. She will also have the judgment requisite
for the proper care of herself and of those de-
pendent upon her, and the self-control neces-
sary to enable her to make her home a success,
and her children properly obedient.

It is not wise, however, for a girl to postpone
marriage too long merely because of possible
sacrifices which it may entail. She is no true
woman if she does not find her joy in going with-
out some personal gratification for the happiness
of those whom she loves, and she will lose some
of the sweetest experiences of life if she deter-
mines selfishly to wait until her husband can sur-
round her with all the ease and luxury which her
pleasure-loving soul may demand.

There are many advantages in marrying fairly

60

WHEN TO MARRY

early in life. The superabundant vitality of
youth enables one to meet the hard knocks of
fate with a laugh, and to get pleasure of some
sort out of the most tragic situation. Where two
can laugh together they can defy the most stren-
uous circumstances.

Young parents get more pleasure from laugh-
ing and playing with their children, and, as these
fresh young lives spring up around them, the
parents find that they have attained to eternal
youth. As a family, they work and play an3
laugh and love together, and by the time the
parents have reached middle age, the children are
ready to assume all of the burdens. Having
played through their childhood and youth to-
gether, parents and children now enjoy the com-
radeship of maturity, and thus through a long
period of life enjoy the closest companionship.
With the prospect of such compensations, who
would fear to face the exigencies of life in the
buoyant period of youth?

It must not be forgotten, also, that childbirth
is easier in the earlier period of life than in the
later. The woman whose first child is born be-
tween her twentieth and twenty-fifth year will,
in all probability have a much easier time than
the woman whose first child comes between her
twenty-fifth and thirtieth year. Maternity
before the age of eighteen is also likely to be dif-
ficult. These facts would seem to indicate what
is the best period for woman to marry.

It may not be amiss for us to consider the ques-

61

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

tion of long or short engagements from the
woman's point of view. Too brief an engage-
ment does not allow enough opportunity for
mutual acquaintanceship. Upon meeting a man,
a girl may know that he is fascinatingly hand-
some. She may also discover that he is a thrilling
dancer. She may think that life with him would
be one long dream, but if within a few weeks
she marries him, she may discover that life has
become a hopelessly long nightmare. She might
better have taken a little time to discover whether
or not there were enduring qualities that would
stand the wear and tear of time.

On the other hand, too long an engagement is
not desirable. Young people sometimes tie
themselves up in this way years before they are
able to take up the responsibilities of marriage,
and in the end discover that they are fairly tired
of each other. Yet they have cut themselves off so
completely from other companionship, that there
appears to be nothing else in life for them but
either to go on making the best of a tiresome
matter, or to live a life of separate deprivation.
It would have been much wiser for them to have
remained free and independent until they were
prepared to take the next step within a reason-
ably short period of time, for the engaged state
makes great demands upon the individual, physi-
cally, temperamentally and financially.

If two young people are interested in each
other, but see no possibility of consummating
their union within a reasonably short period of

62

WHEN TO MARRY

time, let them remain good friends but retain
their freedom, having faith that, if their attach-
ment is a real and lasting one, they will remain
true to each other without any pledge having
been made. If they do not remain true under
these circumstances, it must be taken as evidence
that they were not intended for each other, and
are, therefore, better apart.

63

CHAPTER XIII
Should a Girl Marry From a Sense of Duty?

IN the days when women were looked upon as
mere chattels, owned outright, first by father
and later by husband, there would have been
but one answer to the question which heads this
chapter. A sense of duty was looked upon as
practically her only reason for marrying. She
was to marry the one whom her father chose, for
whatever reasons seemed sufficient to him; she
was not supposed to demur at his choice or to
bemoan her fate.

As the idea of individual liberty has taken hold
upon people's minds it has caused a change of
attitude toward this question of the marriage of
women. In this day and generation, no Ameri-
can father would think of commanding his
daughter to marry the man of his choice, al-
though without doubt there are instances in
which fathers have besought their daughters to
marry a certain man because it would be of assis-
tance to them. Sometimes the girl sees for her-
self the situation in which her parent may be
placed, and how her acceptance of a certain suitor
may seem to promise amelioration of an unfortu-
nate condition. So she may be tempted, out of
the goodness of her heart, to sacrifice herself and
her future upon the altar of duty.

There is a certain glamor about self-sacrifice

64

MARRY FROM A SENSE OF DUTY?

which often makes it difficult for one who is con-
templating such a noble course of action to see
matters in their true light. It may seem heartless
for one to attempt to dispel so beautiful a dream,
and yet, as this is a world of hard fact, we attain
our true end and aim only through facing and ac-
knowledging the truth.

Let us consider this question for a woman first,
we will say, from the standpoint of honesty. We
will take it for granted that the man who has
asked for the young woman's hand honestly loves
her. He is seeking her happiness in his wish to
marry her, and he is taking it for granted that
if she says "Yes" it will mean a corresponding
feeling upon her part. Suppose she accepts his
proposal from a sense of duty. What does that
mean? It means that she has started out upon
the pathway of deception. If she does not tell
him in so many words that she loves him, she at
least allows him to think so, and, in the thought
of what her sacrifice is going to mean to the wel-
fare of others, she loses sight of what it may
mean to him.

He is offering her all that he has — his love,
his name, his home, his future and all that it
contains. He is giving it whole-heartedly, trust-
ingly, holding back nothing. What is she doing?
She is giving him an acquiescence that is forced,
a love that is feigned, a body without a soul. She
gives him everything in name and nothing in re-
ality, and by s odoing she will gradually stifle
the very best that is in him. He gives all his soul

65

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

to her and receives nothing of any value in re-
turn. She applauds herself for her noble self-
sacrifice, never seeing that she is nothing but a
walking lie.

And what of the children that are born of such
a union? Defrauded of that happy harmony
which comes from the union of two souls that are
truly united in mutual love and esteem, they
come into the world at odds with themselves, and
with everyone about them. They may have
everything in the external world which riches can
afford, but they lack the very essence of life itself.
There may be no quarreling and bickering in
such a home, but oh! the cold heartlessness of it
all.

Think of the supreme selfishness of a woman
who would thus sacrifice a man's whole life for
the greater eae, or comfort, or happiness, of those
who belong to her! She thinks only of her own
share in the transaction and never of his.

Such a marriage is an unholy mockery, and the
woman who is responsible for it should hang her
head in shame.

Here, if anywhere, the poet's words are ever-
lastingly true :

"To thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."

The same statements apply to any young
woman who contemplates marriage for financial
advantages alone. In both instances, the young
women are deliberately selling themselves for

*

MARRY FRO MA SENSE OF DUTY?

what they can get in return. Such a transaction
should be beneath the consideration of any self-
respecting woman.

Sometimes a young woman, in the early ardor
of her adolescent years, may have bound herself
in an engagement to a young man whom she
finds later she does not truly love. With the old
ideas of honor, she may think it incumbent upon
her to keep her promise, no matter how her feel-
ings may have changed. Let her consider for a
moment, however, just what her actions will
mean. To fulfill her promise now that her heart
has changed, or has outgrown its former senti-
mental leanings, would be to act a falsehood. Let
her not think that this fact will remain forever
undisclosed. Actions speak louder than words,
and, without doubt, the time of revelation will
come when it is too late. Better a broken heart
for a few months in one's youth, than a lifelong
regret. The man himself will have cause to be
grateful to her if she has the courage at this time
to speak the truth, and bid him to seek elsewhere
for one who can love him as he deserves to be
loved.

It is no real kindness to marry a man who loves
you and thinks that you honestly return his love,
when your heart is already cold toward him. It
is simply cheating him, giving him a poor imita-
tion of the real thing which he proffers. No mat-
ter what her motives, the woman who allows her-
self such a course should be branded as a cheat
or a liar.

6 67

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

These are strong words, but when such priceless
possessions as love and truth and honor are at
stake, one cannot afford to be aught but out-
spoken and emphatic.

There is another point which must be taken
into consideration. The wife who does not love
her husband, as the years go by, and the loneli-
ness of her true heart life weighs upon her more
and more, stands in increasing danger of meet-
ing some day an individual who may touch her
slumbering emotions into life. Her condition is
then indeed pitiable. At last she sees that she
has sold her birthright for a mess of pottage.
She understands now for the first time what this
untrue relationship means. She may begin to
perceive how cruelly unkind she has been to her
husband through her mistaken idea of duty.

What, now, can she do ? At last she perceives
that she is living a lie, and yet so bound is she by
life's responsibilities that she dare not break
away. So long has dishonor clung to her that
whichever course she chooses must seem to be
tinged by it now. At last she sees that the time
to have acted was when the choice lay in her
hands. Had she then chosen to be true, her life
might have been built upon the solid foundation
of uprightness and sincerity.

For the sake of the man whom she is to marry,
and the children who may be born of the union,
no woman should enter the marriage state save
where her own heart points out the way.

68

CHAPTER XIV
Love Making and its Dangers

WE have already considered the danger
that threatens the girl who allows her
men friends certain little liberties when they have
no serious intentions toward marriage. But there
are perils, too, in another sort of relation. Many
girls seem to have the feeling that, if a young
man honestly loves a girl and intends to marry
her, all possibility of danger is passed. This,
however, is very far from being the case, and
every young woman should understand this fact
from the very beginning.

In the first place, we must remember that en-
gagements are not unbreakable. Too many, girls
have forgotten that important consideration.
They think because a man has placed a ring upon
their engagement finger that, therefore, he is prac-
tically bound to them for life, and they may allow
themselves to go to lengths which they will
keenly regret when he has proven to them by his
failure to keep his promise, the frailty of the tie
between them.

It would be well if every young woman would
look upon the period of engagement as a time of
testing. It is her opportunity to test the depth
and intensity of her love for the young man, and
also his sincerity and trustworthiness. The

69

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

couple are making an experiment together. They
are going to advance into an intimate revelation
of their innermost thoughts and feelings in the
hope and expectation that these will draw them
into a permanent relationship.

It may not do so, however. They may discover,
as they become better acquainted with their real
selves, that they are not so well suited to a life-
long companionship as they had imagined. If
such a discovery results, they should have the
courage to acknowledge their mistake and to
withdraw from the contract. Well for the girl,
then, if she has not memories from which she
shrinks.

The greatest danger in the engagement period
comes from the intimacies of love-making. Be-
cause she believes this young man's intentions
toward her are honorable, and that she can trust
him absolutely, the girl is tempted to follow her
own impulses without restraint.

Every girl should understand that her natural
instinct would lead her to give herself completely
where her deepest feelings of love have been
touched. This is the definite impulse implanted
within womankind, to make them willing to un-
dergo the pains and burdens and self-sacrifices
entailed by motherhood. Being given for this
altruistic purpose, however, it should not be fol-
lowed blindly from motives of selfish gratifica-
tion.

Woman has no right to give herself until she
has insured the safety and well-being of those

70

DANGERS OF LOVE MAKING

human souls which may be called into existence
through her gift.

It is not mere conventionality which says that
woman should maintain a certain amount of re-
serve in her associations with men, even with
those who are nearest and dearest to her. It is a
result of the experience of the race. Whatever
tends to deepen man's reverence for womanhood,
strengthens his powers of self-control and self-
restraint. He needs every bit of assistance which
can come to him from woman's moral support,
and this she exercises through her womanly re-
serve, her purity, her delicacy of thought.

As upon woman has been placed the heavier
physical burden in caring for the life of the race,
so upon her shoulders rests the heavier moral
burden. She it is in whom was first developed the
sense of racial responsibility, because she could
not, by any possibility, escape from her charge.
She was bound in the fetters of motherhood, and
she perforce learned her great lesson of maternal
care through the experience of her own physical
change. From all of this man was able to escape,
and, as a result, the development of the paternal
instinct has been very much slower.

It is for this reason that the moral responsibil-
ity in these matters rests so heavily upon the
woman. She it is who must always consider the
welfare of her possible children, and must make
that consideration paramount. She has no right
'to think only of her own wishes and desires.

The impulse to give herself is an expression of

71

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

the highest generosity. In reality, however, she
has no right to think only of her own wishes and
desires.

The dangers of love-making are generally
greater when the engagement is a long one.
When the young man first learns that his love is
returned and is accorded the lover's privilege,
he finds complete satisfaction in the new wonder
of being allowed to kiss her hands and her lips.
There comes a time, however, when these privi-
leges lose the glamour of their newness, if the
engagement is long continued, and there is then
the temptation to attempt to revive the thrills of
the first weeks of courtship. It is without doubt,
in some such way as this that the desire for
greater intimacies is aroused ; and too often, car-
ried away by the wish to meet every demand of
her lover, the girl silences the inward monitor
which would keep her within the path of safety,
and ventures into the danger zone.

It is a strange thing, but experience has repeat-
edly proven that a man's regard is very apt to
change as soon as he feels that he has entire pos-
session of the one whose favor he has so eagerly
sought. Man does not really desire an easy con-
quest; and too often, when he has found his
power supreme, he turns away to pursue another
who is, as yet, beyond his grasp. Thus, through
bitter experience, many a girl learns that she has
made a fatal mistake by being too yielding.

The period of courtship is the time when
Avoman has her opportunity to impress upon man

72

DANGERS OF LOVE MAKING

the great lesson of reverence for womanhood.
She should respect herself and her potential pow-
ers of motherhood so greatly that she will call
forth from him an involuntary reverence.

The true relationship between men and women
was well symbolized in the age of chivalry by the
devotion which the knight paid to his lady. Its
form of expression may seem to us sometimes
exaggerated, but it nevertheless was true to an
eternal reality. It is only as woman is worthy
of this regard, however, that she can call it forth.
If she allows too great an intimacy with her lover
before she has safeguarded the welfare of her
possible children, she proves herself unworthy of
his high regard for her.

It is not meant to suggest here that the man is,
under these circumstances, free from blame. He
proves himself a dastard if he leaves the girl un-
der such circumstances. He has shown that he
loved not her but himself, because he has sought
only his own selfish gratification without any con-
sideration of what the consequences would be to
her or to their possible offspring. He has sacri-
ficed her good name, her self-respect, her happi-
ness and the welfare of his own children to his
selfish desires. He claimed to be her lover and her
protector ; he has proven to be a lover of himself,
and her exploiter. He is to blame for her undoing,
and if he does not stand by her and his promise
to her, he is unworthy of the name of a man, for
he has been false to his responsibility as father of
the race.

73

CHAPTER XV
The Girl Who Has Made a Mistake

WHATEVER may have been the attitude
of society in the past toward the woman
who had made a moral misstep, today we no
longer look upon her as totally different from all
other human beings. Her error was a grievous
one, but it has not necessarily ended her life as
an individual. It is not necessary for her to feel
that she has no right to a husband and a home of
her own. She may even make the mistake of her
youth a part of her own spiritual unfoldment
and a means of becoming a more sympathetic,
helpful member of the community. With the
remembrance of her own weakness in the back-
ground of her consciousness, she is able to enter
into the temptations of others, to strengthen
them for resistance and for the ultimate mastery
of untoward circumstances. Thus she may be-
come a real source of moral strength in the com-
munity.

With this belief in the power of human nature
to rise above its own weaknesses and to turn
them into sources of strength, we do not con-
sider it amiss to speak of the possibility of mar-
riage for one who has learned the bitter lesson
of the unsatisfactoriness of wrong-doing.

Many times the very qualities which render
such a girl attractive to the man who brings
about her ruin, are the qualities which will make

74

SHE WHO HAS MADE A MISTAKE

her most successful as a wife. She is loving,
demonstrative, clinging, easily influenced, and
so she falls an easy victim to her seducer. Had
she fallen into the hands of the right kind of
man, she would have made him a docile, respon-
sive, thoughtful, loving wife. Having learned
through bitter experience the necessity of guard-
ing herself from the approaches of the con-
scienceless man, she is equipped to maintain her
own moral integrity, while she is just as fitted
to make a success of herself in the home as she
was before this hard lesson came to her.

The girl who has returned to the life of moral
rectitude has a right to look forward to the ordi-
nary joys of womanhood, but she is, of course,
face to face with the question as to whether or
not it is fair and just for her to accept a proposal
of marriage from one who is unaware of her pre-
vious sad experience. The question that springs
spontaneously to the lips of the young girl who
is trying to make good, and who finds herself the
recipient of a man's honest love, is, "Must I tell
him of my past experience?"

The question is, indeed, a difficult one, and
must be considered carefully from both sides.
Then each individual must decide her own course
of action for herself.

In the first place, there is, of course, the danger
that if the man has had no suspicion of the girl's
past history it may come to him with such a shock
that he will turn from her and desire to have
nothing more to do with her. She runs that risk,

75

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

of course, in confessing to him her past. Should
her story meet with this sort of reception, how-
ever, she may console herself with the thought
that by so doing he has proven himself not
worthy of the deepest love which she had to be-
stow. It has not been considered too much to ask
of women in the past that they should spread
the cloak of charity over the misdoings of their
lovers in the wild years of their youth. It would
seem as though it might be possible for men to
exercise a corresponding generosity, especially
where, as in the majority of instances, the girl
'has been very largely but little more than a weak
and innocent victim. It speaks well for the de-
velopment of the human race that there is an
increasing number of men today who are willing
to overlook the past, feeling confident that the
bitter lesson has been learned, and resting secure
in the knowledge that their love and strength
will bring to the yearning feminine nature the
satisfaction and the support which it needs to
render life both happy and secure. Instead of
regarding her story as the possible cause of a
great disappointment to her, she should look
upon it as a great test of the sincerity of the
man's devotion, and so she will not be afraid to
apply it.

Moreover, if her lover leaves her at this time,
she must realize that he has but left the way
open for a more worthy man to find his way into
her heart, and so she need not give way to de:
spair.

76

SHE WHO HAS MADE A MISTAKE

A much more serious situation, however, devel-
ops when a man thinks that he will be able to
overlook the past actions of his wife, but later
on finds that the knowledge of them has poisoned
his mental attitude toward her, so that eventually
he may descend to such depths as to "throw her
past into her face," as the saying goes. This is,
indeed, a tragic situation, and should be avoided
in every possible way. If, after telling her story,
the young woman observes the slightest reluc-
tance on the part of the man to renew his pro-
posal of marriage to her, let her not hesitate to
take drastic action herself at once. She may be
tempted to endeavor to rekindle his ardor, and
she may succeed temporarily in doing so, but in
this she has made a great mistake. Unless he is
ready, whole-heartedly and with reassuring
warmth, to repeat his protestations of a love
which persists in spite of all that she has told
him, let her not hesitate to cut off at once all con-
nection between them. By so doing she will save
herself much possible unhappiness in the future.

These two contingencies she may avoid by
keeping her story to herself, and this course of
action, it goes without saying, is open to her.
There is one important thing which she must
take into account, however, if she decides to keep
her lips sealed. That serious consideration is
the possibility, one might almost say the proba-
bility, that at some time in the future her story
may come to her husband's ears from some other
source. Its importance, then, will be unduly en-

77

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

hanced by the mere circumstance of her long-
continued silence. The very fact that she con-
sidered it necessary to keep this thing secret and
away from his knowledge may make him feel,
in the first place, that it was much more her fault
than it may really have been, or in the second
place, that she does not love him as she has pre-
tended to do.

It is quite true that "perfect love casteth out
fear." If she had felt, at the very-beginning, that
her love for him was so great that she could not
bear to deceive him in any particular, and had
had such confidence in the greatness of his love
that she could trust him to forgive, she would
not have hesitated to disclose to him all of the
past. This it is which he will feel when the knowl-
edge comes to him from some other source, and
this will be the greatest factor in the situation
as it then develops. To confess all to a lover
in the ardent period of courtship is to appeal to
the very best in a man's nature, by thus throw-
ing oneself upon his mercy, and he will, in all
probability, rise to the occasion in a most gen-
erous and gratifying manner. Having agreed to-
gether to put all of the past behind them, there
will be no overshadowing fear to threaten its
disrupting effect upon their united love.

In concealment there is the danger, also, that
the knowledge that she is concealing something
from her husband will tend to act as a continual
barrier between the two, and for this reason it
would seem wisest for the girl who has made a

78

SHE WHO HAS MADE A MISTAKE

misstep to confess it at the very beginning, and
thus establish their united life upon the only sure
foundation, that of mutual confidence and mu-
tual faith.

The man who would take advantage of such
confidence in later years to twit his wife with
her previous indiscretion is too dastardly an in-
dividual to call for consideration. It is only nec-
essary once more to urge the girl not to make the
mistake of accepting a reluctant husband. If the
young woman will follow her own instincts, in
the majority of instances she will know which
course to pursue. It is certain that true love will
wipe out all remembrance of such errors.

79

CHAPTER XVI
True Love and its Expression

WE use the word love to indicate various
degrees of feeling. Probably we would
do clearer thinking upon some subjects if we
had a more definite idea of what love is, in con-
tradistinction to liking, affection and passion.

When we feel the first faint drawings of attrac-
tion, we may well say that we like a person. It
seems to us that this individual is going to prove
agreeable to us. This liking may develop into
affection ; it may develop into love.

Affection is a word rather difficult to define,
although the majority of us are so familiar with
it that it is easily recognized by us. We have an
affection for those who belong to us, those whose
personalities have grown familiar to us through
long years of association. It is calm, steady, burn-
ing with a clear flame, but never flaring up into
a sudden intensity. It is a steadfast feeling, the
product of time, and, therefore, able to withstand
the assaults of time.

When passion is spoken of, we are apt to think
of it as an overwhelming physical impulse, losing
sight, it may be, of its higher forms of expression.
Not only is there the passion of a man for a maid ;
there is also the passion of the patriot who throws
his life with the fervor of devotion into the serv-
ice of his country ; and the passion of the martyr

80

EXPRESSION OF TRUE LOVE

and the saint, whose consciousness of self is
burned away by the flame of his devotion to a
religious ideal.

The essense of passion would seem to be inten-
sity of feeling. For this reason, passion cannot
be expected to be enduring. It is not possible
to keep the human soul at white heat all of the
time. Its elements may be present at all times,
but only on rare occasions do they fuse and give
forth the intensity of ardor which they are capa-
ble of producing.

What is love? It combines the gentle attrac-
tion of liking and the steadfast calmness of affec-
tion, with frequent intensity of passion, and
raises them all to the highest plane of dedication
to another's welfare and happiness.

Much that is called love is not worthy of that
name. True love is essentially unselfish, and it
is by this touchstone that we may test and dis-
cover whether or not that which is offered to us
is genuine or spurious.

With this differentiation in mind, we would not
call the attraction which children feel for each
other, love ; it is simply liking, or, if their friend-
ship endures, it becomes affection.

The friendships of children are a valuable part
of their life training and should be encouraged,
but never should the suggestion be made to these
youthful comrades that theirs is a relationship
which bears in it any of the elements of sex|
The children should be allowed to associate to-
gether in all of the self-unconsciousness natural

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

to their period of life. It is very advantageous
for boys and girls to play together freely, and
so lay the foundation for a thorough understand-
ing of each other in their later development.

With the beginning of the adolescent period,
there comes an increasing intensity in the emo-
tions which may cause the developing boy and
girl to think that they are in love with each other.
It is not advisable to laugh at them for their early
sentimentality, which is sometimes called "puppy
love." Rather would it be advisable for older
friends and guardians to accept the expression
of extreme admiration in a very matter-of-fact
way, admitting that the individual in question is
most attractive, and that it is not strange that
the two have formed a very agreeable friendship.
By consistently holding up the ideal of friend-
ship before their eyes, one may be able to pre-
serve for them a beautiful relationship, and may
thus enable them to avoid some of the pitfalls of
the adolescent period.

It is quite natural for young people who feel
these new emotions stirring within them to give
expression to them. Especially will this be the
case if they have received no instruction which
would enable them to understand the real mean-
ing of this novel experience. This, I verily be-
lieve, is the explanation of that form of familiar-
ity known as spooning, which takes place among
so many adolescent boys and girls.

This question of spooning really becomes quite
a problem in the lives of many young girls. They

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LOVE AND ITS EXPRESSION

are going out into social life for the first time by
themselves. They know, it may be, very little of
social customs ; they find that their older compan-
ions are indulging in so-called innocent forms of
physical familiarity, and they timidly accept the
standards of conduct which they see round about
them.

If they are a little hesitant, they are informed
by the boys that all girls allow these things, and
they are given to understand that they cannot
hope to be very popular if they insist upon re-
fusing these privileges to their escorts and male
companions. They are told that there is no harm
in these things, because no harm is intended. It
would not be strange if their own feelings in-
clined them more or less in the direction they are
urged to take, and so we find today that a great
many young people have allowed themselves to
drift into relationships which are anything but
healthful.

The consideration of this subject is apropos
at just this point, because sometimes young peo-
ple enter into what they acknowledge to each
other as a temporary engagement, simply in or-
der that they may feel free to indulge in as much
of this kind of love-making as they care for.
They think, by thus satisfying Old Mother
Grundy, as they would doubtless characterize the
conventional requirements, they have escaped all
rightful censure. They have not escaped, how-
ever, the real consequences of their own acts.
These results are to be found in themselves.

7 83

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

In the first place, they are taking a very light
and trivial attitude toward that most serious
phase of life, love and marriage. They are mak-
ing common that which should be sacred. They
are defrauding those whom later on they will
choose to marry of much that is choice, and of
rare and delicate beauty, in the relationship of
two who have entered upon a lifelong compan-
ionship.

There are, of course, other possible dangers.
Two young people who have entered into this
sort of relationship are not striving to find the
mental and spiritual qualities in each other which
will bring lasting delight. They are looking only
for the physical thrill which they derive from
their association together. They are, therefore,
meeting each other upon the lower, rather than
upon the higher plane of their being. There is
danger that the result may be disastrous for them
both. The clasped hands, the arm about the waist,
the good-night kiss, seem to be little things in
themselves, but they are liable at any moment
to stir into activity the strongest impulses that
dominate the human being.

The instinct to perpetuate the life of the race
has necessarily been made even stronger than
the instinct to preserve the life of the individual,
for the former goes directly contrary to the lat-
ter. We give up life when we bestow life, and
it is for this reason that the racial impulse must
be made so dominating.

Girls have asked often what it was they had

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to fear in their relationship with young men.
They seem to think that if they could know in
detail the very act which would deprive them of
their virginity, they could, therefore, defend
themselves successfully in their time of danger.

The truth of the matter is that the only time
a girl can be absolutely sure of protecting her-
self is before any of these intimacies have been
allowed. She is in complete command of the
situation at that time. After the first step has
been taken, however, she can never be sure that
the moment will not come when the passions
which have been aroused in both through their
undue intimacy shall sweep them on, regardless
of consequences, to their own tragic undoing.

These facts must be borne in mind, also, by
young people who are honestly engaged and
looking forward to marriage as soon as circum-
stances will permit. They, also, cannot afford to
indulge in too ardent embraces. It is not well
to stir their feelings to the depths and produce
in each other the white heat of passion before
their union has been legalized by the community
or sanctified by the Church.

It is most unfortunate when young people
allow themselves to be so indiscreet as to enter
into the intimacies of marriage before they have
conformed to the requirements of law and cus-
tom.

/For the woman, it will probably mean lifelong
regret, for, strive as she may, she never can re-
gain the self-respect which was once hers. Her

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

husband may never be so much of a cad as to
taunt her with her inability to resist the pleadings
that led her into temptation, but she will always
have the feeling that the thought must be there
in his mind. Then, too, she will always be afraid
that some one may discover the fact, and if a
little one has been conceived, there is always
danger of that discovery being made.

For her peace of mind, therefore, for the wel-
fare of possible children and for the good of her
husband, she should hold firm to the ideals that
she was taught at her mother's knee. Moreover,
let her remember that the man who urges the
woman he claims to love to give herself to him
before he has shown his worthiness of that gift
by assuring her the protection of marriage proves
that he loves, not her, but himself. He is seeking
his own personal gratification, and is not pausing
to consider what the sacrifice which he demands
may mean to her.

If every girl under these circumstances could
read her lover aright by his words and acts, and so
perceive the colossal selfishness that actuates him,
the glamour of romance would be dispelled in the
glaring light of reason. She would have no dif-
ficulty then in resisting his advances, for her own
perception of the falsity of his plea of love would
kill within her all impulse toward self-giving.

Let the two who are looking forward to a life-
time together take this period of courtship as an
occasion for discovering in each other those last-
ing qualities in which they may always expect

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LOVE AND ITS EXPRESSION

to find pleasure. There is no danger in such asso-
ciation, however intimate it may be, but rather
does it promise greater hope of success in the
future.

It may help the young woman to maintain the
proper barrier of reserve between them to re-
member that one of the greatest charms of wom-
ankind is her mystery. So long as the young man
feels that he has not yet penetrated her nature
to the fullest degree he will ever be allured by
the charm of her personality. For this reason,
therefore, let her always keep something just out
of his reach.

Let her remember, also, that in their intimate
relationship it is she who should control. There
is a good reason for this, because upon her rests
the greater part of the burden of parenthood.
She is more keen to feel its responsibilities; her
physical impulses are not so suddenly over-
whelming as his, and she has, therefore, a better
opportunity to exercise her judgment and her
will power, which are strengthened by her sense
of racial responsibility.

It would be well for her also to realize that, as
I have said elsewhere: "The physiological results
of too ardent love-making in the way of bodily
harm are of special importance. Not only will
the misguided young people suffer from injury
to the emotions due to unsatisfied sexual excite-
ment, but they will have to contend with the
weakening effect of the congestion and inflam-
mation of the organs concerned, when passion

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

has been aroused, and then left ungratified. The
results are serious in many instances. As for
the young man, varicocele and more or less in-
flammation of the prostate gland naturally fol-
low congestion of the parts due to this practice.
When extended over a period of months or years,
it would tend to produce impotence or other sex-
ual weaknesses. To the young woman might
come a congestion of the parts which would oc-
casionally produce leucorrhea. and do not forget
that the emotion-strain involved in awakening
passion when it cannot be satisfied, is a powerful
factor in many cases in bringing on neurasthe-
nia."

The highest expressions of true love are not
found upon the physical plane. The sacrifice of
one's own desire for the sake of the welfare of
the beloved is the true expression of real and
abiding love.

CHAPTER XVII
Dancing and Dress

THE poetry of motion, as dancing has been
aptly termed, meets one of the impera-
tive needs of the human being. Dancing, there-
fore, has always existed and always will exist.
There can be no question as to the benefit to be
derived from the right kind of dancing; yet we
must admit that there is a great deal of dancing
which cannot by any stretch of the imagination
be termed beneficial. There are many who, per-
ceiving only the harm that is done by the wrong
kind of dancing, condemn the art outright. They
fail, however, to take into account the need which
exists in every human being for complete self-
expression, of which rhythmic motion forms an
essential part.

Too much cannot be said in praise of such
forms of expression as the folk dances, which
can be indulged in out of doors in the bright sun-
shine, with the fresh, pure air blowing about
one, and the exhiliration of Nature to add to
the hilarity of the occasion. This sort of dancing
gives needed muscular activity, requires deep
breathing, and is productive of that lightness of
spirit which quickens the activity of the body
fully as much as the muscular efforts which are
put forth. If all of us could spend a little time

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

each day as long as the weather permitted, in
such outdoor activity, we would live longer and
be better men and women.

For this reason I would advocate that every
young woman should make herself familiar with
the folk dances of Russia and other lands, with
interpretive and barefoot dancing, learning them
not alone for her own sake but in order that later
on she may initiate her children early in life into
these poetical terpsichorian rites. Think of the
joy that the family will experience when, in some
fragrant dusk, they gather on the lawn and join
the night moths circling about the ghostlike flow-
ers that breathe forth their perfume on the eve-
ning air. Children love nothing so much as danc-
ing, and through this form of activity they may
be enabled to retain the grace which is natural to
childhood, but which is too often lost in later life.
Then, too, the more good times that father and
mother can have with the children, the closer and
more harmonious will the family life be.

This is a very different matter, as all will real-
ize, however, from the social dances which are
so apt to engage the attention of young people to
an absorbing degree. Here we have a number of
elements which are not desirable. The close,
stuffy rooms, the late hours, the unnatural man-
ner of dressing.and, too often, the suggestiveness
which is made an accompaniment of these dances,
all unite to make them detrimental rather than
beneficial. As a form of recreation they are a
failure, because they do not re-create the body.

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DANCING AND DRESS

They continue the destructive bodily processes to
a still greater degree, and become a potent means
of exhaustion.

To be sure, one could endure such drains upon
one's physical resources two or three times dur-
ing a season ; but as young people go into these
matters, it is more frequently two or three times
a week that they call upon their bodies to with-
stand this unnecessary strain. It is unfortunate
that we cannot learn early in life the increased
pleasure which comes through moderation. Too
often, however, we wear out our powers of en-
joyment through excessive indulgence in first
one form of pleasure and then another.

There are other harmful elements in the dance
besides those which come from too frequent and
prolonged indulgence in it. Anyone who
watches closely the modern dances must realize
that there is great opportunity for stimulating
feelings which are better left undisturbed. It is
possible, as has been repeatedly demonstrated, to
dance the latest dances in a very refined and beau-
tiful manner. Too often, however, we see in
the modern ballroom exhibitions which are start-
ling from the fact that they are given by young
people who presumably come from the best fami-
lies and have had every opportunity to develop
the higher social qualities of their natures, and
hence to subdue the purely physical side.

It may frequently happen that this is done un-
consciously by some who have thoughtlessly be-
gun to imitate some one whose dancing they

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

admire, but whose actions they fail to understand.
Young girls are most apt to be misled in this way.
They observe some older woman, who appears to
receive a great deal of admiration and attention
from the men, and feel that they might attract
more attention by adopting her seductive man-
ners.

This is a terrible mistake upon the part of a
young girl, for it may lead to a complete misun-
derstanding of her real nature by those who are
wiser in the ways of the world than she, and
expose her to treatment which otherwise she
would never have had to endure. Any man
worthy of the name will respect the innocence of
a charming young girl ; but when he sees actions
which to him indicate knowledge of those things
of which a young girl is supposed to be ignorant,
he may then feel justified in using his own arts
and wiles to their fullest extent, under the im-
pression that he is dealing with one who is as
fully awake upon these matters as he is himself.

A young girl cannot be too careful to deport
herself most circumspectly when dancing the
modern dances, and it is well for her to know
that she always has it in her power to exercise a
certain amount of control over those whom she
permits to be her partners.

If, for example, she finds herself dancing with
a young man whose manner of leading her, or of
performing the steps when dancing, does not
please her, it is always possible for her to say to
him, quite sweetly, "May we not sit out the rest

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of this dance?" It is quite likely that he will
know intuitively why she has made this request.
His next invitation for a dance she can refuse;
or, if he insists and she thinks it right to give him
another chance, she may accept with the state-
ment that she will try him once more and see
whether his step suits hers. Men are not dull of
comprehension in these matters, and she will
soon establish a reputation for herself which will
protect her from all such experiences in the fu-
ture.

Young people who have entered upon their
married life together would do well to consider
just how much of their time and energy they wish
to spend in attending dances. If they are wise,
they will come to feel that life holds so much for
them in other ways that they cannot afford to
fritter away much of their time and energy in this
manner. The young man who is struggling to
climb the ladder of business success has very little
surplus strength to waste in dancing. The young
woman who has a family needs to be bright and
fresh each morning, in order to start things with
the right vibration. They will naturally find
themselves withdrawing more and more from
these night hours of dissipation, and enjoying
the more lasting happiness of companionship in
the home.

The young married woman who attends dances
has now a responsibility which was never hers
before. She is a young matron and, as such, will
be looked up to by the younger girls. She may

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

often be a great help to them. In the first place,
by setting them a wise example; in the second
place, by occasionally speaking a wise word of
enlightenment or of advice which may prove of
great benefit to some girl in need of a true friend.

Many girls enter social life at so early an age
that they are entirely unprotected by any under-
standing of social usage. They think they can
use their own eyes, and learn what is proper by
imitating those about them. If they happen to
be so fortunate as to choose the right one to imi-
tate, their experiment will be successful. But, as
they have few standards of comparison, they are
quite as likely as not to choose the wrong person
for their example.

The young matron should be on the lookout
for such cases as these. She should realize that
having found her life's happiness, she ought to
go to the evening function with the desire to help
others have a good time ; and she should especi-
ally wish to prove herself an older sister to these
younger, less experienced girls. She may see
some older man taking advantage of a girl's ex-
perience to put her in an unpleasantly conspicu-
ous light ; or she may see some silly young crea-
ture throwing herself at the head of some irre-
sponsive man. Let her not think that these mat-
ters do not concern her, but rather try to be a
wise guardian of these younger, less experienced
sisters of hers.

It may be she will be called upon at times to act
as chaperon. This may be a rather difficult posi-

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DANCING AND DRESS

tion for her to fill, because her youth will tempt
her to permit little indiscretions which it is her
place to hold in check. Realizing, however, that
she is being trusted by the mothers of these girls
to see that they live up to the standards of true
womanhood, she will be strong to stand for what
she knows is right.

Sometimes it is possible for a young married
woman to be a great help to the young men at
these dances. It is possible for her to speak much
more frankly to them than a young girl could do.
When she has as partner a man whose manner
seems to her unnecessarily suggestive of physical
things it is quite possible for her to say to him, *I
am not going to dance with you if you continue
your present method of dancing. I don't like it,
and I don't think it belongs in this ballroom. I
am saying this to you not so much for my own
sake as for the sake of the girls here with whom
you do most of your dancing. Don't you think
you owe it to them to make your dancing less
suggestive?" It will not be possible for him to
bluff his way out of it, as he could with the young
and supposedly unsophisticated girl. He will feel
that, without doubt, her husband has enlightened
her as to the things she should not allow in danc-
ing, and it may be that her brief words, kindly
spoken, will arouse his better nature and cause
him to make a radical change in his manner.

Of course, husband and wife are not supposed
to allow any feeling of jealousy to creep in when
they see each other in some one else's arms. It

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

may be difficult for one or the other of them al-
ways to live up to this standard. In that case,
where there is true love it will be a very small
sacrifice to allay the feeling by refusing to dance
with those who arouse this unhappy state of
mind. The pleasure derived from the occasional
dance cannot weigh in the balance against the
happiness of the home.

It is most appropriate to consider dress in con-
nection with the subject of dancing, although
there is so much that may be said upon this sub-
ject that it would almost seem to deserve a chap-
ter by itself.

It is strange to think that a land of civilization
and freedom like our own should retain in some
of its social customs such relics of barbarism, for
example, as grew up in connection with the slave
market.

In the days when women were bought and sold
as chattels, it was, of course, customary to expose
their charms to the prospective buyers. Without
any doubt, this was the origin of the custom
which still obtains in fashionable circles of the
women appearing at evening gatherings in what
is usually referred to as evening dress, but which
might more appropriately be termed evening un-
dress. Whatever charms a woman thinks she
possesses, she endeavors upon such occasions to
display to the fullest extent. If her back is sup-
posed to be particularly beautiful, she will have
the V cut almost to the waistline. The fashion
nowadays seems to demand absolutely no sleeves,

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DANCING AND DRESS

which, of course, calls for the removal of the hair
under the arms.

Not only is a large portion of the body left un-
covered, but the material of which the gown is
made is so flimsy that, so far as covering the un-
derwear is concerned, there might just as well be
nothing put over it. The idea seems to be that
having spent much money in beautiful lingerie
it is absolutely necessary to make everybody
aware of the fact.

The impression made upon the mind of a lad
of sixteen by this style of dress is well indicated
by the remark of one who was arguing with his
mother over the question as to whether or not it
was more expensive to clothe a boy than a girl.
He insisted that a boy was a much greater ex-
pense. When his mother referred to a girl's
party gown, he said, "Why, you don't mean to
say that that little thing she wears over her un-
derclothes costs anything to speak of?" His de-
scription seems very good for the modern party
dress — "the little thing she wears over her un-
derclothes."

Apparel which is intended for every day use
partakes of the same transparent nature. Even
those young women who go daily into the busi-
ness world, where they are thrown constantly
into association with men of whose habit of life
and mental attitude they know nothing whatever,
will nevertheless put on a waist made of the most
filmy material and then attract attention by
bright colored ribbons and bows to what is under-

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

neath. How can they expect strange men really
to respect them when they thus brazenly call at-
tention to the personal charms which should be
reserved for the intimacies of married life?

Why women of refinement who have absolute
control over their own persons should publicly
place themselves, as it were, upon the auction
block in this manner, is more than any reasoning
being can understand.

The probability is that the majority of the good
women who dress in this way do so absolutely un-
thinkingly. They accept the decree of fashion
without asking themselves where this fashion
may have originated. Neither do they stop to
consider what the effect may be upon those who
come in contact with them. They should know,
however, that the young men of today are saying
openly amongst themselves and to women of in-
telligence, "How can women expect us men to
keep ourselves pure and clean and our passions
stilled when they so openly endeavor to stimulate
our lower desires in every way in their power?
We cannot respect them when they make them-
selves so common, and naturally we follow their
lead and look upon them as our playthings to
amuse us for an idle hour or two."

Not until the women of this nation respect
themselves too much to make themselves thus
common can we hope to see our young men live
up to the standards of purity of thought and act
which the welfare of the nation demands. Wo-
men need to think of these matters seriously at

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DANCING AND DRESS

this time. Our government is doing everything
in its power to instil high ideals of personal chas-
tity in the minds of the boys in khaki. What
hope is there for success in this effort, if they
cannot enlist the women of the nation to exert
their influence along the same line ? The women
can do this only by showing the better way.
When they have developed true modesty and
self-respect, so that they refuse to be led into
these extremes of fashion so suggestive of the un-
derworld, then, and not until then, will they be
able to inspire the young men of the nation to
lives of highest morality and self-control.

Nothing has been said in connection with this
matter of dress about the length of skirts, be-
cause it is reasonable and right for women to de-
sire to liberate themselves from the encumbrance
of the traditional long skirt. It is not necessary,
however, for women to endeavor to wear cob-
webs for stockings, or to have them of such color
that it is necessary for the observer to look twice
in order to make sure that there is any covering
upon the limbs.

It would really be a splendid thing if women
would just think a little bit less about their ap-
pearance, and a little bit more about what they
really are. After all, character does count some-
what, even with a mere man. He may be allured
in the beginning by a bewitching curl or a fas-
cinating dimple, but if he finds nothing to sustain
these charms, he will probably turn to more in-
teresting companionship.

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

The young wife would do well to pay a little
heed to her husband's hints in regard to clothing,
not so much as to style and so on, but rather as
to the impression made upon men by women's
dress. He may be able to open her eyes to some
things she had not considered before; and, with
the added knowledge of a married woman, she
may here also prove a practical help to the
girls of her acquaintance. We have no right to
put temptation in the way of 'others, and if
woman's present style of dress makes life more
difficult for men, she owes it to her self-respect
to change her mode of dressing at once.

100

The Essentials of a Happy Marriage

THE first great essential of a happy mar-
riage is a deep, intense, reciprocal love.
So strong is the desire for marriage that many
individuals make the experiment of trying to find
happiness in marriage without this first great es-
sential.

The young woman longs for a home and for
children of her own. She says to herself, in con-
sidering the proposal of some admirer, "This man
says he loves me devotedly and will do every-
thing to make me happy. I do not dislike him ;
on the contrary, I find his society very agreeable.
He has a good income. He can give me all that
I crave in the way of home and children. I may
never have another chance."

So she accepts him, believing that she is in a
fair way to find the happiness which she craves.
Marriage, however, is the most intimate relation-
ship of life, and calls, therefore, for the greatest
amount of forbearance and understanding. Only
a great love will enable one to stand the strain
of the exigencies of the marriage state. The
liking which seemed a sufficient basis for the
union, instead of growing into love, as was ex-
pected, may turn into positive dislike, because of
the many little things which come up to cause a

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

disagreeable rasping between the two personal-
ities.

The great difficulty, of course, is to be able to
recognize a true and lasting love. Many a young
girl faces her first proposal in the greatest condi-
tion of uncertainty.

"How can I know whether I love this man"?
is the unspoken question that springs up in the
minds of hundreds of girls. They would give
anything to have some one of riper experience
to turn to who might help them understand their
own emotions.

The first assistance that can be given these
girls is this fundamental proposition: So long
as there is any doubt in your own mind as to
whether or not you love a man, that doubt in
itself is proof that your feeling for him is not
the intense and overwhelming emotion which
would stand the strain of a lifetime. Not until
a deep conviction is borne in upon your soul that
this man is the one man for you should you even
consider binding yourself to him in any perma-
nent way.

This does not mean, necessarily, that sudden,
apparently overwhelming passion is the true love
of a life time. It does mean, however, that, so
long as doubt remains in the mind, there should
be no definite action taken. The time may come
when this very same individual may become all
the world to the young woman ; but until she be-
comes convinced that he is she should take no
definite step.

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HAPPY MARRIAGE ESSENTIALS

Suppose, however, that she has been overtaken
by a sudden passion. How is she to know whether
or not it is lasting? One of the very best ways
is to 'submit to the test of absence. Let her send
the young man away from her for a fairly long
period of time, or let her seek other scenes of
activity for herself. If, as time goes by, in spite
of her separation from him, she finds herself more
and more persistently drawn by her heart in his
direction, and this feeling grows more intense
the longer they remain apart, then she may feel
somewhat assured that there is the desired per-
manency in the love that has come to her.

The intense and overpowering form of love
which we call passion is an essential component
of the love which should result in marriage. This
does not mean a passion which is selfish or de-
based. It does mean, however, an intensity which
is able to sweep aside much which otherwise
might form insurmountable obstacles.

Not only, however, must there be a powerful
physical attraction, but the mind as well must
be satisfied. A most essential element of a last-
ing love is an abiding admiration. Each one
of us desires to be able to look up to those whom
we love, and mutual admiration is necessary for
a successful marriage.

In addition to this, there must be absolute sin-
cerity. Friends may be able to overlook a little
occasional dissimulation, but in the close inter-
change of thought which takes place in the daily
companionship of marriage, the least tinge of

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

insincerity injects an element of instability.
There must be complete confidence each in the
other, so that, no matter what may happen, that
faith which is the foundation of permanency may
never be shaken. This abiding faith will lead to
the constant interchange of mutual confidences.
This will tend to the building up and strengthen-
ing of those mutual interests which go so far
toward uniting the two lives into one common
existence. Each should be deeply interested in
the least occurrence which happens to the other,
and, through the constant sharing of the daily
happenings, will come an increasing of the joys
and a decreasing of the sorrows of life.

Even more important than physical and mental
harmony is a unity of spiritual development. It
is only in the realm of the spirit that real unity
can be achieved. For this reason, the two should
ever strive to draw closer and closer together
in all that pertains to the life of the real self,
which is the life of the spirit.

When we turn to a consideration of the indi-
vidual endowments which lead to a successful
marriage, we find, first of all, the great need for
physical health and vigor. Health means whole-
ness, happiness, superabundant vitality and the
overflowing good cheer which carries one trium-
phantly over the hard places of life.

Next, we must have courage, the daring that is
willing to take a chance, and glories in the con-
flict because, through struggle, one may achieve
mastery.

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HAPPY MARRIAGE ESSENTIALS

A keen sense of humor is a great lubricator
of life's machinery. The one who can see some-
thing funny in the most tragic situation is the
one who can most quickly regain that equilib-
rium which is the first step toward extricating
one's self from the difficulty.

And then, with all this, must go the spirit of
willingness to compromise on non-essentials.
Where it is a matter of principle, each one must
stand for what he or she sees to be right, but
where it is a matter of mere detail, the one who
most quickly sacrifices personal preferences on
the altar of love most quickly proves his or her
fitness for connubial bliss.

105

CHAPTER XIX
Wedding Preparations

AS the engagement draws near an end, the
young woman begins to turn her attention
more definitely to the subjects of a trousseau,
the wedding and the wedding journey. These
matters rest very largely in her hands, and it is
well, therefore, for her to give careful considera-
tion to them. She will, of course, make her own
decisions upon these matters, but a few words
of advice may not be amiss.

While it is delightful to have a plentiful sup-
ply of all sorts of dainty wearing apparel when
one marries, it is much more important to be in
the best possible health and spirits. For this rea-
son, it is not well for the bride-to-be to plan a
great lot of hand-embroidered lingerie which will
call forth the envy of her girl companions and
probably the execration of her future unfortu-
nate laundress. Daintiness and simplicity can go
together, and some of her time and strength and
eyesight might well be devoted to other and
more important matters at this time.

Let her remember, too, when deciding what
she must buy, that her parents may want to make
a few purchases after she has left them. If she
is a thoughtful daughter, she will leave a little
money in the family exchequer.

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THE WEDDING PREPARATIONS

Moreover, let her remember that styles change,
and if she supplies herself with too large a ward-
robe, she will have no excuse for getting any-
thing new.

Let her, in this as in all other matters, use her
own good judgment, and pay little or no atten-
tion to the comments and possible advice of those
who judge only by appearances and who think
more of dress than they do of' character.

As for the wedding, if she will consult her hus-
band-to-be, she will find, in the majority of in-
stances, that the one thing he is praying for fer-
vently is to be allowed to have a simple, unosten-
tatious wedding. Since the life they are entering
upon together is still more or less of an experi-
ment, it would seem to be in good taste for them
to be rather modest about it. When they come to
celebrate their silver or golden wedding anniver-
sary, then they can afford to make a big splurge.

Lastly there is the all-important question of
the wedding journey. It is, of course, delightful
for the two to have together the joy of some
pleasurable sight-seeing trip, but, on the other
hand, there is always the probability that every-
body is going to pick them out as bride and
groom, and they will feel so conspicuous that
more than half of the pleasure will be spoiled
for them. Many a girl shows her good sense by
preferring to go at once into her own little home
nest and enjoy to the full, in those first weeks
and months, the thrill that comes to them both
through the knowledge that this little home is

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

theirs. They will avoid many of the inconveni-
ences of travel and the jarring notes which these
may bring to their new life together, which is
now entering upon its difficult period of adjust-
ment. Within the quiet realm of home harmony
may more easily develop than out in the hurley-
burly of the traveling world.

108

CHAPTER XX
The Physical Relationship of Marriage

IN the days when marriages were arranged for
girls by their parents, they were supposed to
be handed over to their lords and masters in what
was considered to be a beautiful state of inno-
cence— which meant that they were completely
ignorant of the real meaning of marriage. Young
women today are not compelled to enter the
state of matrimony with their eyes blindfolded
in this manner, and it is advisable for every girl
to inform herself upon this most important ques-
tion.

Marriage entails a physical relationship be-
tween husband and wife. For generations it has
been considered that marriage bestowed upon
the man the right to demand this relationship
whenever he desired it. In some of our States
at the present time, the continued refusal of a
wife to enter into this relationship constitutes
grounds for divorce. This our young women
should understand.

With the development of the idea of personal
freedom has come the feeling, on the part of
many women, that they should have the right of
ownership of their own bodies — in other words,
that they should have the privilege of choosing
whether or not they will acquiesce in their hus-

109

bands' desire for entering into the physical rela-
tionship of marriage.

Since, however, it has been for so long a time
an accepted idea that the husband's right over
the wife's body was inherent, it is advisable for
any young woman who takes the other point of
view to make her attitude thoroughly understood
by her future husband before she definitely takes
upon herself the obligations of the marriage
state. Fortunately, these subjects are more open
for discussion today than ever before, and there
is no reason why two young people, approach-
ing matrimony, should not discuss this most im-
portant question carefully and frankly together.

If the young man understands the young wom-
an's attitude, and is ready to acquiesce in it, their
life together will be established upon a firm foun-
dation of mutual understanding, and in the after
years there will be no opportunity for recrimina-
tions, or for the accusation that the man was led
into a union whose obligations the woman did
not intend to fulfill.

On the other hand, however, many women have
need to ask themselves whether they have the
right mental attitude toward this question of the
marriage relation.

For generations women have been so trained
to look upon this physical relationship as some-
thing to be condemned as belonging to the lower
forms of life, and, therefore, beneath human be^
ings, that they have arrived, many of them, at
an abnormal state of sex-suppression. They do

no

PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP

not dare to follow their own natural impulses,
and they do not realize how unnatural their con-
dition really is. They live in a constant state of
mental conflict which is most deterimental phys-
ically, and most disturbing every other way. If
they could realize that the racial impulse is the
highest physical impulse which comes to human
beings, that it serves a great and noble purpose,
and that it is only its abuse which we need to
guard ourselves against, they would gradually
free themselves from this unnatural bondage to
old-time Puritanism, and eventually come out
into the freer life of the normal individual.

There may be those who have advanced to the
point where they do not need this physical ex-
pression of their sex natures. The average hu-
man being, however, needs a normal physical
expression of this side of his or her nature, and
in a successful marriage husband and wife co-
operate to find out what is the basis of their
mutual satisfaction and highest happiness.

A word of suggestion might be spoken here to
the average young woman to avoid the man who
is over-developed sexually, and who, therefore,
will be likely to make too great demands upon
his wife. The man of self-control, who shows
consideration for those about him, can gener-
ally be trusted to exercise these same qualities
in the intimate relationship of marriage.

In this matter of consideration, a woman can
get a pretty good line on a man by observing his
attitude toward his mother and his sisters, and his

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

treatment of them under e very-day conditions.
If she can get an invitation to visit in his home,
she stands a pretty good chance of getting an
idea as to what she can expect from him after
they are established in their own home.

Moreover, under such circumstances, she will
also have an opportunity to make some observa-
tions as to the qualities and characteristics which
her children stand a likelihood of inheriting from
his parents. We must remember that children
inherit from grandparents as well as from par-
ents. Many times, in fact, children will more
closely resemble their more remote than their im-
mediate ancestors.

The science of eugenics is taking a prominent
place in public discussions today, and every
young woman should endeavor to learn whether
or not there are any constitutionally weak strains
in the family which she is thinking of entering.
Is there a tendency toward epilepsy, insanity, tu-
berculosis, mental weaknesses of any kind, in the
prospective husband's family?

If her own inheritance is unusually good, she
can feel that there is a possibility that that may
offset slight deficiencies on the other side of the
family, but if on her side also there are weak
strains, she must be careful to see to it that they
are not duplicated on the husband's side. It is for
this reason that the marriage of cousins is gen-
erally to be deplored, for they bring to the de-
scendents a duplication of inheritance which, in
many instances, is most undesirable.

112

CHAPTER XXI
The Basis of Marital Happiness

EVERY girl should realize, when she prom-
ises to marry a man, that she not only has
accepted him as a lifelong companion, but that
she has definitely agreed to enter into the closest
physical relationship. In the olden days, when
a girl was brought up in carefully shielded seclu-
sion, taught that anything approaching intimacy
with the opposite sex was unworthy of a true
woman, and allowed to enter the state of matri-
mony without any elucidation of what that would
mean to her, it is not to be wondered at that
many young brides received such nervous and
physical shocks during the first few weeks of
married life that they never completely recovered
from them. It is certainly most unfortunate to
train a young woman throughout her childhood
and girlhood in such a way that the normal expe-
riences of womanhood become to her a source
of mental conflict which all but ruins her whole
life.

It is only very recently that we have begun to
understand what effect such ever-present mental
conflicts have upon the physical organism. Only
those who have passed through them comprehend
the intense suffering which they cause. Many a
young woman has begun to run down in health

113

immediately after marriage, not so much because
her husband has made excessive demands upon
her, as because she feels degraded every time she
enters into the relationship which should be to
her the most sacred in life. The failing lies, not
in the young people themselves, in many in-
stances, but in the mistaken training which has
been given them.

It is true that sometimes men are so carried
away by the intensity of their own passion that
they overwhelm the young bride with their de-
mands upon her, expecting her to respond to
their advances with a passion equal to their own.

As a rule, however, the normal young man is
not so completely a victim of his own feelings
as to be absolutely inconsiderate of the natural
timidity and reluctance of a bride. The real lover
waits upon every word and look and gesture of
the beloved, and, by so doing, woos her gently to
her full surrender.

In this matter, without doubt, many young
men need to have made clear to them the differ-
ence between the woman's sex impulse and the
man's. His responds with sudden force when
once aroused. Hers is more like a rising tide
which slowly gains the power needed to carry her
out of herself into the realm of self-surrender.
For this reason, the man should have patience
and learn to exercise the arts of the lover.

On the other hand, however, the wife should
not feel it incumbent upon her to resist his ad-
vances, to steel herself against any possible giv-

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BASIS OF MARITAL HAPPINESS

ing way to his blandishments. It is normal that
their desire for the union of their souls should
express itself, in appropriate moments of highest
exaltation and desire, in a physical union. When
the young wife views this relationship in its true
light, she will no longer shrink from it in the dis-
gust that sometimes threatens to wreck the life
happiness of a newly wedded pair. It is wise for
her to exercise self-control and to influence her
husband to the same end, but, at the same time,
when she gives herself to him it should be in the
fullest abandon of devotion and deepest love.

It has been well said that woman has a natural
instinct in these matters, which, if she will but
follow it, makes of her the true guardian and
priestess of the temple of marriage. If she re-
fuses herself to her husband at all times, how-
ever, she defeats the purpose of this instinct and
renders him dissatisfied, eventually, it may be,
bringing about a separation. If she gives her-
self to him so joyously as to bring fullest satis-
faction at those times when her impulse leads
her to do so, she will have but little difficulty in
exercising the gentle powers of restraint at other
times, when his tentative approach does not meet
with the fullest response of her own nature.

No wife should feel that her husband has the
right to control her body, and that she must re-
sign herself to him whenever he makes a demand
upon her. This is contrary to Nature. Through-
out the living realm we see that it is the feminine
nature which indicates the proper moments for

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

union, and if a woman resigns herself to her hus-
band in this way when her own impulses do not
lead her in that direction, she is doing him a
great injury. Where there is not a full response
on her part there is not full satisfaction on his,
and in time the relationship becomes a source of
physical weakness to him which may in the end
have serious consequences. Many a woman,
with the mistaken notion that she is doing her
duty to her husband by giving way to his every
demand, has really proven untrue to her real re-
sponsibility toward him, and has, all unwittingly,
been the means of encouraging him in such ex-
cesses as may eventually result in his impotence.

To the majority of wives no doubt the idea
that they are the rightful arbiters in this matter
of the intimacies of married life will be a new
one.

They look upon their own desires as something
concerning only themselves, and the majority of
them therefore feel that these should give way to
the husband's wishes. But when they learn that
it is for his good that they should exercise this
control they will look upon the matter differ-
ently.

They must understand that the life-giving fluid
called the semen, which is produced in the cre-
ative organs of the man, is of great value in the
upbuilding of his own body. It is only within
comparatively recent times that the marvelous
power of this creative fluid in building up and
making over the body of the individual has been

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BASIS OF MARITAL HAPPINESS

thoroughly understood. In sexual intimacies
there is a discharge of this creative fluid from the
body of the man, but where there is a full re-
sponse on the part of the wife, there seems to be
an exchange of magnetism or energy which
makes up for the loss. If, however, his desire
alone is active and she is simply fulfilling a sup-
posed wifely duty, she gives nothing to him, and
he, therefore, suffers a definite loss in vitality.
It is claimed by some that such one-sided intima-
cies are almost as harmful to the man as mastur-
bation. Frequent indulgence upon this basis
must result in a loss of vital energy which will
deprive the man of the strength and vigor needed
for the performance of his life tasks.

Even when the wife gives fullest response it
will not do to enter too frequently into this rela-
tionship. Anything approaching sexual excess
must gradually have a devitalizing effect upon
the constitution, which may make itself manifest
through an increasing tendency toward some in-
herited weakness. Moreover, there is a great
nervous strain associated with this experience,
which causes eventually a sapping of the brain
energy, rendering the man less mentally capable
and efficient.

Like all other desires this also was meant to
be under the control of the soul, and, as a wom-
an's impulses are generally less intense than
man's, it naturally becomes her place to exercise
the art of control.

It sometimes happens that the woman can en-

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

dure more frequent intercourse than can the
man. Let her watch and see whether or not her
husband seems to be somewhat lacking in vigor
on the morning following his marital experience,
and so learn whether or not she is stimulating
him too greatly on this side of his nature. She
can easily learn to satisfy his desire for affection-
ate demonstration without arousing his passion,
and she should, for his sake, if not for her own,
develop this art to its highest degree.

There are some at the present time, and the
number may be increasing, who believe that the
marriage relationship should be entered into only
for the purpose of procreation. If the young
woman possesses this belief, she owes it to her
future husband to make her position in this mat-
ter perfectly plain to him, and to assure herself
that his acquiescence in this plan will be volun-
tarily and fully, not grudgingly, given. If he
does not also in his own heart believe as she does,
their future relationship will be very taxing to
him, because in all probability his sexual desires
will be aroused, and, being unsatisfied, may be
the cause of distress and even of physical weak-
ness to him. There are those who seem to
have proven that they can live together in the
closest intimacy of married life, keeping their
procreative powers for procreative purposes
only, and who appear to experience no ill effects
physically. These cases, however, are the excep-
tion and such relationship seems to call for indi-
viduals of an unusual development.

118

CHAPTER XXII
Regulating the Relation of Husband and Wife

TWO young people starting out on life's
journey together have a great work of ad-
justment to perform. Heretofore they have lived
a more or less self-centered existence. To a very
large degree they have consulted only their own
preferences and considered only the working out
of their own plans. Now they must discover
how the two personalities can be adjusted to
work harmoniously together, and together get
the most of life.

Probably the first great essential to success in
this enterprise is the proper regulation of the
marital intimacy. As has been suggested, the
wife's instinct, normally, will be a fairly compe-
tent guide in these matters. If she is normal, she
is only responsive to the husband's advances at
certain periods of the month, and this would
seem to indicate that the greatest satisfaction to
both would come through the observance of this
characteristic of her nature. To be sure, many
women desire to avoid this particular period, be-
cause it is during the days immediately preceding
and following the menses that conception is most
likely to take place, but to postpone this inti-
macy from the time when it would be acceptable
to the period when results are least likely to fol-

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

low, will not be conducive to the greatest satis-
faction and happiness of the two concerned.

I would like to repeat here the words I have
used in another volume upon this point. "Sex
was not intended primarily for the pleasure asso-
ciated therewith. The Creator had a deep under-
lying purpose, and when we defeat this purpose,
using this important function solely as a means
of pleasure, we can rest assured that the full
penalty will be exacted from us."

When a wife discovers that she is apparently
lacking in all sexual feeling and does not recipro-
cate in the sexual act, she should make a study
of herself to discover, if she can, the reason. It
may be that she is suffering from general phys-
ical weakness, in which condition it is not to be
expected that she will have enough surplus vital-
ity to enjoy the marriage relation, because it will
make too great a drain upon her system.

If this is the case, she should set herself to
work to build up her general health through a
regime of regular exercise, plenty of bathing,
proper food, and a great deal of sunshine and
outdoor air. Cold bathing is exhilarating to the
nerves, if there is enough physical vigor to react
well afterward. One can take a cold shower bath,
or half fill the tub with water the night before
and in the morning step into it and quickly dash
it over the body, stepping out at once and rub-
bing the body vigorously with a rough towel.
The skin should become a healthful pink, and
there should be a general feeling of well-being

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REGULATING THE RELATION

as a result. If the body is blue and cold, there
is not enough vigor to react, and the cold bathing
should be postponed until, through other means,
greater vitality has been produced. Air baths
have a very tonic and soothing effect upon the
nerves. If a wife is at home and alone during
the day, let her lock herself in, remove all her
clothing, and take some gentle exercises in the
sunshine.

It is important that the sexual relationship
should not be indulged in too often. It is diffi-
cult to say just what is excess in this matter,
because what is permissible for one may be ex-
cessive for another. This, at least, may be said
to all : Do not allow the relationship to become
such a commonplace, through its frequency, that
it loses all real meaning. Those people who al-
low themselves to enter into this relationship as
regularly as they perform other functions of their
lives have lost the real charm and zest of married
life.

This act is meant to be the culminating expres-
sion of an overpowering passion. Its purpose is
to bring into existence another human being, who
shall be the living representative of the union
of two souls. Such intensity of emotion cannot
be frequently produced, and those who enter into
the marital relationship with anything like regu-
larity have taken it from its high place of sym-
bolism and lowered it to where it has simply be-
come a source of physical gratification.

It is because this physical act should be the

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

expression of a spontaneous outpouring of love
that anything which causes it to appear premedi-
tated desecrates the whole relationship. A mar-
ried pair should learn to express their love in the
closest endearments without the feeling that they
must always eventuate in physical union. Other-
wise, the moment any advances are made by one
in the direction of the expression of love, the
other, not desiring this culmination, at once feels
it necessary to draw back, and thus a habit of
coldness may spring up between the two.

Many a woman has lost all interest in life be-
cause she finds herself compelled to give herself
up in this way night after night, when there is
nothing within her own nature which calls for
this form of expression. She feels degraded in
her own eyes, and longs for something to free
her from such slavery.

She should remember, however, that it is only
those who are afraid to assert their right to free-
dom who remain slaves. Many times the wife's
failure to speak out and make her true wishes
known at the beginning of their life together
has been the cause of the husband's tyranny.
'Therefore, the blame is as much hers as it is his.
Where there is perfect confidence between the
two, each is able to speak his or her own mind
without fear, and, as a result, matters eventually
are satisfactorily and harmoniously adjusted.

Man's passions are more easily aroused than
woman's, and more insistent, because it is man's
nature to be active and energetic. Woman is by

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REGULATING THE RELATION

nature negative, passive, and, for this reason, is
less easily stirred and can more readily control
herself. It is for this reason she is the natural
guardian in these matters, and if they are not
properly adjusted, she should look into the mat-
ter to discover where her own shortcoming may
be.

Sometimes the use of separate beds will be of
assistance in this matter. We are coming to
realize more clearly today than ever before the
advantage of retaining one's own individuality.
So we are considering more carefully the right of
each individual to separateness from all other in-
dividuals. Children are no longer unquestion-
ingly put together into the same bed at night.
Each child has his or her own little crib. It sleeps
much more comfortably and healthfully as a re-
sult. Husbands and wives have the same right
to and need for separateness, and if separate
rooms are not feasible, should at least have sep-
arate beds.

Without doubt, much of the marital excess
which occurs in the first few months of married
life would be prevented if the persons concerned
occupied separate beds. The beds may be in the
same room, they may be placed side by side ; but
so long as they are separate it may be expected
that only the normal instincts of the husband and
wife will bring them together at the proper times.
Without doubt, a better nervous condition would
result, as there is likely to be less over-heating of
the body, and sleep is more comfortable.

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

Although the marital relation may be consid-
ered as, in a way, the fundamental question in the
adjustment of the two lives, nevertheless there
are many other matters which call for considera-
tion.

For instance, there is the question as to how
much the wife should wait upon the husband. It
is very beautiful for the young bride to feel that
devotion which leads her to endeavor to antici-
pate every wish of her husband, and see that he
has at hand everything which he may desire. For
a little while he will doubtless be very apprecia-
tive, but, very soon, he will begin to take it for
granted. Then, the first thing the young wife
knows, she will find that he is demanding of her
that which she gave in the first place as an ex-
pression of her excess of devotion. When that
time comes she may discover that, all uncon-
sciously to herself, she has been training a hus-
band into a tyrant.

Mothers do the same thing with their children.
They button their clothes, cut up their food, pick
up their books and wraps, find everything they
have lost — and then wonder why their children
are so helpless.

The wife can very easily turn her husband into
a child of larger growth, unless she has the care-
fulness which comes from wisdom. Let her do
many little things for him; but let her expect
the same devotion from him.

It would be well for her to make a rule, how-
ever, not to do for him anything which he can

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REGULATING THE RELATION

just as well do for himself. For example, the
wife who always lays out her husband's clean
shirt for him, with cuff buttons and studs, and
collar button all in place, may not perceive in
the beginning, but eventually will learn, that
she has been rendering him selfishly helpless and
dependent upon her. The time will probably
come when he will never think of changing his
shirt unless she performs this preliminary for
him. Although he has done all of these things
and many more before he was married, now he
suddenly loses the power to do anything for him-
self. He must run to her for everything, from
his collar button to his shoe polisher.

A few brides form an exception to this rule.
One with whom I am familiar made it a rule
never to put away her husband's clothes for him.
When the laundry arrived, his package was
placed upon his chiffonier, he opened it and
placed the various articles in their proper recep-
tacles. As a result, when he wanted to dress
himself he could put his hand upon everything
he needed, and if, perchance, he should turn to
her to ask where something was, her invariable
reply was, "I don't know, dear. I didn't put
it away."

While this may appear to be a heartless atti-
tude on the part of the young wife, in reality it
saved the two a great deal of unnecessary fric-
tion. If his things were not in place, he had no
one but himself to blame, and that he was the
first to realize.

125

Moreover, if the wife refuses to burden herself
with the multiplicity of things which the husband
can just as well do, she then has more time to
give to the hundred and one little attentions
which only a wife can show.

Corresponding to this comes the question as to
the husband's attitude toward the wife. There
are certain little attentions which he should be
expected to show her under all circumstances.
For example, she should not let him grow rusty
in such little matters as seeing that she has a
chair, opening the door for her, and other little
acts of courtesy. Neither, on the other hand,
should she turn him into her slave, always ex-
pecting him to fetch and carry when he is in the
house.

It is well for him to feel that he carries half of
the responsibilities of the home. As a rule, a man
does not object to doing the little tinkering jobs
that sometimes come up, because it adds to his
feeling of possession.

It would seem to be the wife's natural privilege
to know something of the details of the business
in which the husband is engaged, and, certainly,
the amount of income which the family can ex-
pect. As she is naturally the dispenser of the
family funds to a very large degree, it is only
reasonable that she should be supplied with the
needed information to govern those expendi-
tures. A wife cannot be blamed for spending
more than her husband's income warrants, when
she is kept in complete ignorance of the amount

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REGULATING THE RELATION

of that income. She should be interested in the
little events of the day's experience ; and he will
many times gain light upon the perplexities of
the day's doings if he can discuss them in detail
with one who has his interest at heart, and looks
upon all matters with a woman's intuition.

Just as some wives develop selfishness in their
husbands through waiting upon them too much,
so do husbands develop selfishness in their wives
through unwise expenditures of money. The
man loves to shower gifts upon his wife in order
to hear her expressions of gratitude; and so he
tries to buy everything for which she expresses
the least desire. The time comes when he finds
he has developed the one who should be his help-
meet, standing by and assisting him in all emer-
gencies, into a helpless, dependent parasite.

A problem that arises with increasing fre-
quency nowadays is the question as to whether
or not the wife should continue to work after
marriage.

If she is by instinct and training a business
woman, or has a profession for which she finds
herself much better adapted than for the duties
of a housewife, it may be most conducive to the
happiness of all concerned for her to follow her
desires in the matter.

The matter should be thoroughly considered,
however, before such a step is taken. In the first
place, she should not plan to do housework before
she goes to business and after her return, in addi-
tion to her daily task. No man would think of

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

attempting such a thing. Women almost invari-
ably do, through a mistaken desire for economy.
It is too much of a drain upon her system, as a
few hours of relaxation are needed after a day's
work, and this she cannot get if she must devote
this time to the work of the home. If being in
business means that she would be able to employ
some one for the home work, well and good.

She must realize, however, that this plan in all
probability will not always be possible. When
children come it will not be advisable for her to
continue her business or professional life. Dur-
ing the years of infancy, at least, children need
the personal care and supervision of their moth-
ers; and, let it be stated with equal emphasis,
mothers need the training and development
which comes from this living with their children.
Even though, as some have suggested, experts
could be found to take care of the baby from the
moment of birth onward, it would nevertheless
not be a desirable thing to do, because, by so
doing, the mother would lose her greatest oppor-
tunity for self-development. Every true woman
will be glad to devote herself during the early
years of her children's lives to their welfare,
knowing that, through the experience that will
come to her in this way, her own personality will
be so unfolded and enriched, that if, later on,
when the child is sufficiently developed to be put
into the care of others, she should wish to return
to her former occupation, she will be, in all prob-
ability, more efficient than ever before.

128

CHAPTER XXIII
Making Love Lifelong

rpHE great problem of all young married
people is keeping alive the love which has
drawn them together. It is easy enough to fall
in love ; the difficult thing is to stay in love.

It has been said that love is blind, but a closer
analysis would seem to prove that love bestows
a keener vision upon those who come, under its
influence, so that they are able to perceive charms
and virtues which may be hidden from the eye of
the ordinary observer. Qualities which are there
only in promise may be discerned, and the faith
in their presence acts like a warm ray of sunshine
to bring them into expression.

It is easy in the first flush of an ardent love to
see only the virtues of the beloved, especially
while the two are living separate lives and see
each other only under the most favorable circum-
stances. When they have started their life to-
gether, however, and must needs meet before
breakfast, while still in mental as well as physical
undress, so to speak, it becomes increasingly dif-
ficult to overlook the ragged edges and the sharp
corners that begin to obtrude themselves upon
the attention.

This is the testing time of love. If the feeling
which has drawn the two together has been more

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

or less superficial, a fascination exercised by some
trivial charm, the time comes when the cause of
the allurement is lost sight of in the great number
of uncongenial traits which develop. If, on the
other hand, the love is true and deep, no matter
what shortcomings may become evident, the
great fundamental fact remains that, with all
their faults, the two still love each other. Where
that is the case, it is possible for them to have
patience with failings and to continue to keep
their regard steadfastly fixed upon the traits that
originally called forth the admiration and its re-
sultant love.

Sometimes it calls for an effort of the will to
take the attention away from the things that rasp
and irritate, and fix it upon the commendable
qualities. Yet this can be done, and must be
done many times, if the exigencies of married life
are to be met successfully.

The first great essential for success in a mar-
riage relation is unselfishness. But this unselfish-
ness should be mutual. If it is all on one side, it
produces in time a state of injustice which cannot
be forever maintained. Some women begin by
being so very unselfish that they afford the hus-
band no opportunity to give evidence of the love
that is at that time actively calling for expres-
sion. It is a great mistake for either one in the
partnership to insist upon having a corner on the
unselfishness, so to speak. It is in this way that
we develop selfishness in the other member of
the firm. If a woman insists upon making a

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MAKING LOVE LIFELONG

door-mat of herself, you cannot blame the man if
in the end he gets the habit of wiping his feet
upon her.

Unselfishness in both is the only basis which
will permit of a proper adjustment of the sex re-
lation in marriage. It will result in the two
finding out what is the normal and happy sex life
for them. It must not be forgotten that true mar-
riage involves the mental, spiritual, social and
physical union of the two parties concerned.
Without any doubt, a harmonious and satisfac-
tory sexual relationship is essential to successful
marriage. It is not the whole of marriage, how-
ever, and the probalility is that it will be more
perfectly adjusted >where greater emphasis is
placed upon the mental and spiritual aspects of
the relationship. These are, after all, the lasting
elements which will endure long after physical
desire has fled.

The importance of the little courtesies of life
cannot be over-estimated. There is always a
temptation, in the hurly-burly of strenuous en-
deavor, to overlook delicate little attentions, and
this is especially true in the intimacy of the home.
But these delicate flowers of thoughtfulness are
what give beauty and charm to domestic life.
Let the wife, therefore, make every 'effort in her
power to keep up this atmosphere of thoughtful-
ness and consideration. Not only can she show
regard for her husband in many little ways, but
she can express such appreciation of all such
thoughtful attentions from him that he will be

131

10

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

constantly encouraged to continue them in order
to gain more of her approval.

The wife needs to take especial care that she
does not neglect her husband when the children
come. Her nature finds its completion in her
children, and she is tempted to become so ab-
sorbed in them that the husband will begin to
feel himself a negligible quantity. He comes
home at night, it may be. full of the happenings
of the day, and eager to talk them over with her,
as they did in the days of their courtship and
early marriage. His most interesting tale, how-
ever, is broken in upon by urgings to "look at
the baby," or a request to wait upon the child in
some way. The first time or two this happens,
the husband is able to perform the duties of a
father with more or less willingness. But if it
is continued, he comes to feel — and quite rightly
— that his wife is really not paying any attention
to him at all.

Now she has been with the baby all day long.
It won't hurt her to forget the infant for fifteen
minutes or so, in order to give her undivided at-
tention to her husband. This will be wise on her
part, for it will enable her to keep close to her
husband's life and thought. Having shown un-
mistakable evidence of complete interest in his
affairs, she then has a right to expect him to turn
with equal enthusiasm to her absorbing interest,
the baby, and, without doubt she would then find
the paternal instinct manifesting itself to a thor-
oughly satisfactory degree.

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MAKING LOVE LIFELONG

The question may be asked as to how much the
wife should call upon the husband to help her in
caring for the little ones. Some men seem to
have the idea that if they take the child out for a
walk on a Sunday morning, they have done all
that can be expected of them. They may then
find themselves in the position of the man who,
after having chastised his small son, heard him
saying to his mother in an aggrieved tone of
voice, "Mamma, that man who stays here Sun-
days spanked me." The father who does not en-
ter closely into the lives of his children in infancy
misses a great deal of joy and a great spiritual
development. He needs to feel the tug of tiny
fingers at his heart-strings, and to feel the yearn-
ing desire to relieve a helpless little sufferer in
some way is to grow into a stronger and better
man. No man should be deprived of this oppor-
tunity.

On the other hand, the wife must remember
that when the man goes to business he has no
opportunity to catch up on the sleep that he may
have lost the night before. Therefore she should
not call upon him too frequently. She can drop
down for a cat-nap in the middle of the day, and
so maintain her nervous equilibrium, but he can-
not. In this, as in every other problem, a little
judicious common sense is needed to strike the
happy medium.

133

CHAPTER XXIV
Mistakes and Excesses That Destroy Love

WHEN two young people first enter into
the close relationship of marriage, they
are so carried away by the beauty and wonder of
the love that binds them together that they are in
danger of attempting too frequently to give the
fullest expression to it. Their great, overwhelm-
ing passion sweeps them along in its swift, deep
current, until they are in danger of losing, for
the time being, all sense of proportion and all
power of self-restraint.

This is a terrible mistake for these two young
creatures to make, for in time the very excess of
their emotion will tend to lessen their power of
loving. Excess brings inevitably in its train sa-
tiety, and that in turn is apt to change love into
its abnormal expression of hate. Many of the
tragic experiences of the first three to five years
of married life which threaten to disrupt what
was intended to be a lifelong union, may be
traced to this serious mistake. Like the positive
and negative poles of the electrical battery, the
two were drawn together in the first place be-
cause of their very unlikeness. The excess of
close association which they have allowed them-
selves has brought about so great an interchange
of electric vibration, if we choose to call it so, that

134

MISTAKES DESTROYING LOVE

now they are charged with practically identical
currents, and, because of this fact, they find a
repulsion beginning to show itself. This is
simply Nature's effort to restore the equilibrium,
and should be recognized as such.

If this mistake has been made by two young
people, and they are able to recognize it as the
cause of the constantly increasing irritation be-
tween them, the wisest thing they can do is to
separate temporarily. Let the wife go away on
a visit of longer or shorter duration, until once
more they are attracted to each other. Probably
after such a temporary separation, when they
come together they will be able to exercise the
needed amount of self-control to put their rela-
tionship upon an harmonious and lasting founda-
tion.

The wisest plan, however, is for the young
people to recognize from the very beginning the
possibility of satiety from over-stimulation, and
so from the very earliest days of the courtship to
exercise that wise self-restraint which will pre-
vent all possibility of this sad experience coming
to them.

Let them remember that their new-found love
is intended to last them for a lifetime. Let them,
therefore, conserve that love and its expression
in order that it may always remain with them in
full force.

As the love that binds them together should be
mental and spiritual, as well as physical and emo-
tional, let them strive to find higher and better

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

forms of expression as the days go by. The
words of appreciation that bring needed encour-
agment to the struggling soul, the act of self-de-
nial which speaks more truly than any other ac-
tion of a self-sacrificing love, will do more than
anything else to bind the two hearts together in
a bond that cannot be broken. Thus their united
love will grow from day to day in depth and
sweetness, and in all lasting qualities.

Caresses and terms of endearment are very
grateful to the young wife's heart, and she is in
danger sometimes of making too great a demand
upon her husband along this line. He is glad to
welcome her caresses and to bestow his in his
hours of leisure and relaxation. But when some
important business matter is pressing, playful
requests for kisses and caresses are very taxing.
The wife who persistently thrusts herself upon
her husband's attention in this way and at such
a time, need not be surprised if eventually his
self-control breaks down and his irritation ex-
presses itself in unmistakable form. She has only
herself to blame for such actions upon his part,
because she has failed to show proper considera-
tion for his responsibilities. She has been think-
ing only of herself and her desire for a little at-
tention, not at all of him and the important task
which he may feel it incumbent upon him to
finish.

Many wives resent it when the husband brings
home some bit of work to be completed in the
evening. It is true, the husband should endeavor

136

MISTAKES DESTROYING LOVE

to devote a certain portion of his time each day
to a little social intercourse with his wife. But
a man is more or less a victim of circumstances ;
and if he feels that the financial welfare of the
family depends upon his sacrificing some of his
ease and comfort in this way, his wife should be
ready to make a corresponding sacrifice in cheer-
fulness and in a true spirit of practical co-opera-
tion. She should rather consider it a compliment
that he has enough confidence in her to feel that
he can bring his work home. Otherwise, he may
grow into the habit of staying in the office when-
ever the exigencies of business press heavily upon
him.

She should endeavor by every means in her
power to make herself his partner in every sense
of the word. She should not, of course, pester
him for details which he has not the time to ex-
plain to her, but if she gives her attention in a
properly receptive manner, never breaking in
upon his story of the day's happenings with ir-
relevant details upon extraneous matters, never
indulging in petty criticisms of him or his asso-
ciates, but speaking a word of appreciation when-
ever possible, and giving expression to her com-
plete confidence in him as often as she can, she
will find that he will instinctively seek her counsel
in every emergency, arid eventually she will find
herself in full possession of practically all of the
details of his business.

137

CHAPTER XXV
The Crime of Abortion

A BORTION may be looked upon as an evi-
•**• dence of human degeneracy which has
come to us from perverted methods of education
associated with a desire to enjoy life's pleasures
without assuming the responsibilities allied
therewith. It indicates a lack of reverence for hu-
man life. One would think that modern enlight-
enment, with its increasing respect for human
life, would have produced a change in the atti-
tude of human beings toward their embryo off-
spring. That this does not seem to be the case,
in many instances, is a striking proof of the
corrupting environments that now affect the de-
velopment of the human intelligence and con-
science.

It used to be thought that there was no life in
the embryo until what is known as the time of
quickening, when the mother could begin to
feel the movements of the fetus within the womb.
It is known now, however, that there is life from
the very moment of conception, and that to in-
terfere with the process of development which
is going on there is, in truth, to take life, which
is, in bald phraseology, to commit murder. Yet
how many women are there who would shrink
from killing even the mouse that was nibbling
at their food, and yet who do not hesitate delib-

138

THE CRIME OF ABORTION

erately to kill their own offspring? They do not
term it that, of course, and without doubt they
have many ways of hiding the actual facts from
themselves, and so escaping the condemnation
which their own consciences should inflict upon
them. They try to make themselves believe that
this act is made necessary on their part by their
own physical frailty; by the danger which they
think they are in when facing the process of
birth ; by the limited state of the family income ;
by the fact that more children are not desirable.
Whatever the course of specious reasoning which
the woman goes through, it is none the less a fact
that she has committed a sin and a crime.

While it may be that, in the majority of in-
stances, it is the wife who first thinks of this
way of ridding herself of an unwelcome burden,
in many instances it is the husband who makes
the first suggestion. He has no desire for any
larger family, he does not care to listen to his
wife's complaints at the inconvenience she has
to suffer during the nine months of pregnancy
because of his demands, and so he urges her to
escape from the troublesome situation.

If women really understood the enormity of the
crime which is either contemplated by them-
selves or suggested by their husbands, they would
resolutely refuse to listen either to their own
fears, or to the arguments of another. Indeed,
if they realized the full extent of the injuries
which they may thus inflict upon themselves,
they would hesitate long before taking so serious

139

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

a step. The very fact that it is against the law
of the land for them to do such a thing should
make them pause and consider. Any physician
who performs what is called a criminal opera-
tion, lays himself open by so doing to severe
punishment, and anyone who assists in such an
undertaking must also suffer a penalty.

It does not seem to the young wife that a suffi-
cient development can take place in the first
month or two, or even three, to make interfer-
ence with the process a very' serious matter; yet
many a woman has discovered, to her deep re-
gret, that her attempt to free herself from what
seemed to her a physical burden has put a much
more serious one upon her in the form of life-
long illness or physical disability. Abortion
usually leaves a woman weak and ailing for
months, and many times for life. It shocks the
nervous system in such a manner as to interfere
with the harmonious processes of the whole or-
ganism. The blood has not the life-giving ele-
ments that it previously possessed. Strange, un-
pleasant and at times fearful pains dart through
the pelvic region after an abortion. One such
operation will sometimes produce physiological
effects from which a woman never completely
recovers.

Sometimes the newly married woman feels
that she is not quite ready to assume the respon-
sibilities of motherhood, and takes this method
of postponing the necessity of doing so, only to
discover, later on, when she desires children that

140

THE CRIME OF ABORTION

she has produced a condition which makes it im-
possible for her to have them. After one or two
abortions every pregnancy, in some cases, re-
sults in a miscarriage. The delicate machinery
of the body cannot be tampered with in this way
without the probability of serious results.

While one finds it almost impossible to for-
give the married woman who, through selfish-
ness, cowardice, or some other unworthy mo-
tive, takes the life of her little child that might
be, one can understand better the impulse which
moves the unmarried woman to such a course.
She naturally dreads the discovery of her wrong-
doing ; she sees a lifelong disgrace facing not only
herself, but her innocent child ; and she feels that
it would be better to deprive the little one of
life itself rather than allow it to come into the
world burdened with the stain of illegitimacy.
Yet even she must realize that, having called
this life into existence, she nevertheless has no
right to cut it short in this way. While we must
always condemn the illegitimate parents, we are
gradually approaching the time when we shall
see that there are no illegitimate children. In
that day we shall realize that every child, if we
see that it has the right environment, may be
made a national asset. When that time comes
the nation will refuse to allow children to be
brought up in the midst of surroundings which
turn them into criminals, simply because their
parents are neglectful, or unable properly to pro-
vide for them.

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

It may encourage the unfortunate young
woman to go through with her bitter experience
to the very end to know that hundreds of others
like her, who have brought children into the
world that were not properly planned for, and
who have done their best to make desirable citi-
zens out of them, have, in the end, been more
than repaid by the upright, honorable men and
women who have not been ashamed to call them
"mother."

The birth and care of her child is many times
the salvation of the girl who has taken a mis-
step. If we who are protected from wrong-doing
would only go out of our way to help and en-
courage these poor, unfortunate creatures, hun-
dreds of them would gladly return to the path
of virtue and would rejoice in an opportunity to
prove that they are not "lost" women. They
may have "fallen" temporarily, but they may
rise again to even higher levels than those on
which they walked before.

When a woman becomes pregnant, she should
at once realize that it is incumbent upon her to
live up to the duties and responsibilities which
belong to her condition. If she is normally
healthy and is able rightly to direct her life, there
is no reason why she should dread this expe-
rience. She should realize, before attempting
any such serious step as this, that she is not the
only person concerned. The husband and pros-
pective father has a right to be considered. The
child is his as much as hers. Moreover, they

142

THE CRIME OF ABORTION

should both realize that their child belongs also
to the nation. Today we appreciate this fact as
never before, because we realize that the nation's
life depends upon the new individuals contin-
ually coming into existence.

If it is not desirable to have children at any
particular time, then husband and wife should
strive for that self-control which will free them
from these responsibilities. Wives are very apt
to say that they cannot control these matters of
marital intimacy. The husband considers that
he has certain rights, and he requires the wife's
acquiescence. It may be that is true in many in-
stances. In other cases, however, I have no doubt
that if the wife were properly to approach the
husband upon this subject, she might be able to
bring him into a state of mind where he would be
willing to show more consideration for her. Hus-
hands sometimes have a keener appreciation of
the wife's position and a truer desire to protect
her, even from themselves, than the wife gives
them credit for having. Surely every right-
minded man would much prefer at least to make
the effort to gain such self-control, than to put
his wife in a position where she is tempted to
commit so terrible a crime as that of abortion.

It will be well for every woman to understand
that no method has ever been devised for child-
murder which is even tolerably safe for the
woman. The methods employed even by so-
called experts in this terrible profession are
questionable and often dangerous to life.

143

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

Women should also understand that there is no
"medicine" which is sure to produce the desired
effects. Most of the remedies that are adver-
tised and sold for such purposes are entirely
worthless, being made not so much to produce
the desired effect as for the purpose of making
money for their manufacturers. These reap a
fortune from the gullibility of their victims. The
same is true of the female "regulators" that are
put on the market under different names.

The victim of abortion rarely regains the full
degree of health which she enjoyed before. She
is always liable to further miscarriages, and she
must always carry in her mind the consciousness
of having taken the life of her own offspring.

It is, of course, true that in very exceptional
cases it becomes impossible, either because of
accident, malformation, or disease, for a woman
to carry her child to full term without thereby
sacrificing the life both of herself and the child.
Such a serious matter, however, can only be de-
cided upon rightly by wise and honorable phy-
sicians. If the conclusion of such a consultation
is that both mother and child are in danger of
losing their lives if Nature is allowed to take her
course, it may be necessary to sacrifice the life
of the unborn in order to save the living. Only
under such circumstances, is it permissible to
deprive the embryo of its existence.

It would hardly seem necessary to say anything
upon the subject of infanticide, and yet we do
hear occasionally of poor, unfortunate women

144

THE CRIME OF ABORTION

whose children seem to them to be a badge of
shame and who add to their first wrong-doing by
deliberately killing their offspring. No right-
minded woman, no matter how deeply she may
feel the disgrace of bringing a so-called fatherless
child into the world, would deliberately add to
her guilt by this crime. Let Society not forget,
however, that a man who leads a woman into
wrong-doing and then deliberately leaves her to
bear her shame alone is as responsible for her
crime as she is herself. Let us hope that the day
is coming when all motherhood will be held sac-
red, and provision will be made for the proper
care of every child, so that no mother may feel
it necessary to lay such a burden of guilt upon
herself.

145

CHAPTER XXVI
The Pros and Cons of Birth Control

IT is natural to consider the subject of birth con-
trol in connection with that of abortion, be-
cause it is one of the chief arguments of the ad-
vocates of the former plan that it would reduce
the amount of what has been termed the Ameri-
can crime, because it is so common among
American women. It is, of course, true that if
some method could be found for preventing
conception, no one would feel the necessity for
producing an abortion.

There are many conditions in which it would
seem to be undesirable for children to be brought
into the world. If, for example, both parents
are tubercular, the probability is that any child
born to them will be so lacking in vitality that
it will be almost impossible for it to develop
into a healthy, normal human being. To be
sure, the parents may, by proper living, over-
come their tubercular condition to such a de-
gree that the children would have a fair start;
but until they have reached the desired degree
of healthful vigor, it would seem best that they
should not be allowed to propagate.

If, again, the husband is addicted to alcohol,
the wife may feel that, for the sake of protecting
her children from being conceived under the most
detrimental conditions, she should take whatever

146

BIRTH CONTROL

steps are in her power to prevent the starting
of their lives. Again, it may be that neither
parent has any love for children or desire for
them, and it would seem under such conditions
that it would be most unfair to the children to
call them into existence. Or, again, while the
parents may be ready and willing to increase the
size of the family at proper intervals, the
mother's health may demand for a certain pe-
riod freedom from the burdens of pregnancy and
childbearing. Lastly, we may consider the case
of parents whose means are too limited to per-
mit them properly to care for a large family,
and who are therefore compelled by economic
reasons to limit the size of the family.

We must admit that in every instance it is pos-
sible for parents to exercise birth control through
self-control. There are many, however, who feel
that their health demands this relationship at
reasonable intervals; and yet they do not feel
able to accept the burdens of parenthood that it
naturally entails.

All of these appear to be legitimate reasons
for the use of birth-control methods. Yet it
must be realized that we have not had sufficient
time to observe the true consequence of the
methods proposed. The majority of the me-
chanical devices used for this purpose are known
to be harmful — some of them extremely so —
and they should be scrupulously avoided. It is
difficult to see how this could fail to be the case
when one considers the sensitiveness of the deli-

147

ll

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

cate membranes of the sex organs. Some of the
medicinal methods suggested are equally harm-
ful. It is, indeed, difficult to find a contraceptive
which is absolutely harmless, and it is well proven
to be impossible to find one which is absolutely
certain.

The majority of methods used have in them
the possibility of injury to the delicate lining
membrane of the female organs, and, as a result,
are more or less painful and distasteful to the
woman. In fact, to many, the whole idea will
be most repugnant, because it takes away from
the marital act its most essential characteristic
of spontaneity. Ideally this physical union
should come simply as the highest point in a pas-
sion which has arisen spontaneously and has
led, by natural steps, to this final culmination.
To deliberately plan it is, as many feel, to de-
prive it of its element of spirituality and to place
it upon the grosser plane of mere physical pleas-
ure.

Most of the arguments which are set forth in
favor of birth-control methods are based upon
conditions which are in themselves of a tempor-
ary nature. If husbands and wives will but make
the effort they can change or remove these con-
ditions. We have gradually learned to control
even our appetite for food through an under-
standing of the function of food in the building of
bodily tissue, so it would seem that eventually
we will also come to the point where we can
control sex powers through an understanding

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BIRTH CONTROL

of their purpose in life. Until that time it may
be necessary for some to take advantage of other
methods for relieving themselves of burdens
which seem to them unbearable, but the ideal to-
ward which the human race should ever strive
must always be that of self-control.

While there may be instances in which it may
seem to be allowable to make use of some of these
birth-control methods, it can never be consid-
ered legitimate, by any right-minded person, to
make use of them simply for the sake of exces-
sive indulgence. It must be remembered that
the most serious effects upon the human organ-
ism come, not from bearing children, but from
excessive sexual indulgence. The process of
childbearing, under normal conditions, is, after
all, a natural one, and therefore does not ordin-
arily produce any deleterious effects. The mar-
riage relation, however, may make a great drain
upon the nervous system of both parties, and,
if indulged in too frequently, must inevitably
result in a serious condition of depletion which
will lead to still graver consequences. If we
could look over the records of the cases of women
in our sanitariums, we would discover that, while
a very small proportion had been brought there
by childbearing, a great many had had their
health wrecked by marital excesses. This being
the case, it would be well for married people still
to bear in mind the ideal of self-control, even
though they may think it necessary to make use
of birth-control methods.

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

There is one other matter which must be con-
sidered in this connection which I have already
dealt with fully in my corresponding volume,
"Manhood and Marriage," and may therefore
quote here verbatim.

"In this connection wre may say emphatically
that any departure from the strictly natural char-
acter of the sex relation is almost certain to re-
act injuriously upon both parties. Once the
marital act has been commenced, it should be
carried through to a natural completion, or it
will prove harmful. It might even be said that
when once the passions of both have been aroused
to the point at which the marital relation is
physiologically demanded, then it should be car-
ried through if the question of the health of both
parties is to be considered. Not to do this, means
not only more or less nervous derangement, but
serious congestion of the parts involved, pro-
ducing weakness and inflammation. But the
physiological results are naturally far more se-
rious if the relation has only been commenced
and then is interrupted before it has been com-
pleted. This practice, often spoken of as with-
idrawal, consists in termination of the sexual rela-
tion just previous to the climax or moment of
highest intensity. This naturally involves a
severe shock to the nervous centers concerned,
and cannot fail to be injurious both locally and
to the general system. It is debilitating to the
man, but it is usually an outrage upon the
woman. The relation, if entered into at all,

150

BIRTH CONTROL

should be carried through slowly in an absolutely
natural manner, resulting in the orgasm or cli-
max being experienced by both husband and
wife. If this does not occur to both, then it is
devitalizing in its effect. Men who practice
other methods of intercourse, or who for a term
of years selfishly satisfy themselves without suf-
ficiently prolonging the relations to also satisfy
the wife, gradually experience a lessening of the
power of ejaculation, which either is retarded
or becomes more and more premature. They
also develop a train of symptoms characteristic
of nervous disorders, as well as digestive and
other functional disturbances."

151

CHAPTER XXVII

Heredity and Prenatal Influence

HEREDITY is a subject which is, as yet,
only partly understood by the most ad-
vanced thinkers and largely misunderstood by
the general public. We hear, for example, that
someone has inherited consumption or some
other disease, whereas in reality what is passed
on is not the diseae itself but simply a weakness
of the physical constitution which makes it more
prone to succumb to the attacks of this particu-
lar disease. There is a lowered state of the vital
forces which renders the body particularly sus-
ceptible to attacks of this kind. The same may
be true of other diseases.

It may readily be seen from the above that,
while one may inherit a tendency toward one
form of weakness or another, there is no reason
why one should sit down in hopelessness and
give up to the inherited tendency. Rather should
the knowledge that such a weakness exists spur
one on to greater effort toward building up one's
vital forces. It is always possible to add to the
amount of vitality which we receive at the be-
ginning of our existence, and the duty rests upon
us to do so in order that our offspring may re-
ceive a better start in life than that with which
we were blessed. That this is possible has been
demonstrated in innumerable instances.

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PRENATAL INFLUENCE

There are two poisons which may well be
termed "racial poisons," because they make a di-
rect attack upon the germ plasm. One is the
poison of alcohol; the other is the poison of sy-
philis. These facts should be carefully consid-
ered by all who have the welfare of future gen-
erations at heart. Could these two poisons be
removed from the bodies of the human race and
the natural tendency of the living germ plasm
to maintain its force and vigor be allowed undis-
turbed sway, who can say to what heights of
vigorous development we might not attain !

Although parents are markedly able to affect
the inheritance their children are to receive
through their own bodies, they are not able to
change the heritage of previous generations. It
is for this reason that young people contemplat-
ing marriage should know something of each
other's family history. The discovery of insan-
ity, epilepsy, idiocy, alcoholism, or syphilis, in
the ancestry of an individual should make one
pause before choosing such an inheritance for
one's offspring. A single case of such afflictions
may not be serious enough to warrant the break-
ing of an engagement, but a long line of such
cases would be more than sufficient to make such
a decision imperative. In the case of tuberculo-
sis, while one would not intentionally choose a
tuberculous individual for a parent, the mere
fact that in the past there have been tubercular
individuals in the family need not necessarily
cause a panic of fear. Tubercular tendencies can

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

be overcome through simple diet, outdoor living
and vigorous exercise.

The gift of inheritance which we are to hand
on to our children has been partly decided for
us, but our own physical condition at the time
that the gift of life is bestowed rests entirely
within us. Ideally considered, those who con-
template becoming parents should see to it that
they are in the finest possible physical condition
before they assume the great responsibility of be-
stowing life, for if they cannot directly affect the
inheritance of their children, the building of the
child's bodily organism during the nine months
preceding birth is largely within their control.

The physical integrity of the child's body will
depend, in very large degree, upon the quality
of the material furnished by the mother's blood
during this vitally important time. Not only
will her physical condition be affected by the
food she eats, the air she breathes and the exer-
cise which she takes, but it also will be affected by
her thoughts and emotions. Fear, anxiety, worry,
jealousy — all of these negative emotions have
a depressing and disturbing effect upon the phy-
sical organism and therefore really produce poi-
sons which, carried in the stream of the blood,
may react deleteriously upon the forming em-
bryo. Here is where the husband can be of great
assistance in protecting the expectant mother as
much as possible from these undesirable emo-
tions, and encouraging her to master and rise
above those conditions which cannot be avoided.

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PRENATAL INFLUENCE

The husband's loving, watchful solicitude will
do more than anything else in the world to maks
these nine months a period of happiness and har-
mony, and will, therefore, contribute directly to
the welfare of his child.

That the mother possesses great influence over
her child during these nine months has been
believed from time immemorial. Many of these
ancient beliefs have been proven false by the dis-
coveries of science. It is no longer believed that
an ungratified appetite on the part of the mother
will result in some unfortunate marking of the
child. Where the mother's desires are for things
not detrimental to her, there is no reason why
her wishes should not be gratified ; but if her ap-
petite seems abnormal and the things desired in-
advisable, she can produce the best effect upon
her child by having enough strength of will to
put aside cheerfully her own wishes in accord-
ance with the advice of her physician.

It is doubtful if even a great shock to the
mother at this time will have any direct effect
upon the child, though it may be indirectly inju-
rious through the impaired health and nutrition
of the former. The probability is that the mother
who has self-control enough to meet the dis-
agreeable experiences of life with courage and
optimism will, by her very attitude of mind, pro-
tect her offspring from any deleterious results.
The mere sight of one who is crippled or de-
formed should not produce any effect upon the
child in utero and will not, unless the mother al-

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

, lows herself to be thrown into hysterics through
such an experience, or otherwise to exhibit an
unfortunate weakness of will power.

Let it be understood that the body of the child
is practically complete by the end of the third
month. In the majority of instances, the occur-
rence which the mother thinks of as the possible
cause of a certain physical formation in her child
will be found to have taken place after she had
felt the sign of quickening, which does not come,
as a rule, until the child is four and a half months
along.

The important thing for the mother during this
period is to remain serene and well-poised in
spirit, knowing that this attitude of mind is most
conducive to the best possible condition of the
body.

The fact that peevish, fretful babies are some-
times born to women who have spent their nine
months of pregnancy in weeping and bemoaning
their condition would seem to indicate that there
is some relation between the attitude of the
mother's mind during this period and the dispo-
sition of the child. Certain it is that the child
who is desired, planned for and welcomed from
the moment of his conception, comes into the
world in a much more harmonious state of mind
and body, probably because of the better quality
of blood from which it has drawn its sustenance.
On the other hand, pregnancies which have been
.attended with much sorrow and trouble have

156

PRENATAL INFLUENCE

often resulted in the happiest babies. Almost
every one knows cases of this kind.

The reason why it is important for women to
know and understand the truth on this subject
is because faith in the old theory of maternal
impressions is in itself a cause of worry and ill-
health. The woman who fears that she has
"marked" or is going to "mark" her unborn
child, loses sleep, exhausts her nervous system
and deranges her health generally, worrying
over these expected results.

Only recently a letter was received from a
woman who had been reading about these sup-
posed prenatal influences and who, even though
she did not have complete faith in the old the-
ory, yet was so harassed by doubt upon the
subject that she could not bring herself to the
state of mind in which she would be willing to
have children. Her one great desire in life was
for motherhood, but through her fears as to the
possibilities of marking her child by various ex-
periences, and seeing it "cursed before birth,"
she had up to that time denied herself this bless-
ing. In a case like this, also, the theory of pre-
natal influence is vicious in character and result.
It is nothing short of a calamity for a woman
who desires children to be deprived of them on
any account.

If a woman can feel that, with general condi-
tions of good health, she can go through the expe-
rience of pregnancy and have a normal, healthy
baby irrespective of her mental activities and

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

experiences during this period, she will then
find joy in the experience and feel free to con-
centrate all her energies on the program neces-
sary for the maintenance of vigorous physical
health and good nutrition.

Many there are who have believed that children
could be influenced to certain professions, or
could have developed within them remarkable
qualities by the mother's study or trend of
thought during pregnancy. For example, one
woman will endeavor to make a mathematical
prodigy of her child by devoting the nine months
to a study of mathematics. Another will try to
produce a musical genius by devoting her time
to music, while a third will endeavor to turn her
child in the direction of science by reading the
works and studying the lives of scientists. The
theory is a beautiful one, but it does not seem
to work out in practice. Of course, if the mother
is already musically inclined, with much native
ability, her offspring will show the same char-
acteristics, probably to about the same degree,
whether she practices much during that period or
not. It is hereditary. If, however, the mother
and father lack musical ability, it is rather hope-
less to expect the child to show it, unless some
of his other progenitors had that capacity. I
know of one instance in which a mother made
such an effort to develop a musical temperament
in a family having no ear for music on either
side. The child showed absolutely no capacity
for learning music, in spite of the fact that the

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PRENATAL INFLUENCE

mother had practiced most assiduously during
her nine months. It was noticed, however, that
the boy did show a remarkable degree of perse-
verance in whatever he undertook. Possibly
her determination and stick-to-itiveness had con-
tributed somewhat to that result. But that, too,
may have come as a matter of heredity. He was
merely the son of his mother, in that respect.

The most important thing for every human
being, however, is to be born into the world with
a healthy, vigorous body and a well-poised, har-
monious mind, and this, particularly, all parents
should seek to insure to their children. As one
writer has said, "What one habitually is, not
what one occasionally or periodically does, has
the greatest influence in determining the char-
acter of one's children."

159

CHAPTER XXVIII
The Requirements of Pregnancy

THE young wife who finds herself pregnant
for the first time is very apt to allow her-
self, first of all, to entertain a feeling of fear.
She knows little of the experience which is before
her, and doubtless looks upon it as a form of ill-
ness. The first thing for her to learn, there-
fore, is that pregnancy is a perfectly normal ex-
perience. There is nothing about it that she
needs to fear, especially if she is wise enough to
follow the teachings of hygiene. If she keeps her-
self in a perfectly normal, healthy condition, she
has nothing to be afraid of.

The girl who has always led an active outdoor
life is much better equippd for motherhood than
the one who has played the fine lady and, by va-
rious forms of self-indulgence, allowed her phy-
sical organism to deteriorate. The latter will
need to devote especial attention to building up
her general condition in order that she may meet
successfully the requirements of this period.

If the pregnant woman has followed a sedentary
life, or is not over-strong, she should be partic-
ularly careful not to lift anything that is very
heavy, not to do any reaching after things above
her head, as under such circumstances these two
forms of activity are liable to bring on a mis-

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PREGNANCY

carriage. She should also be careful to avoid all
jolting, particularly such as might come from a
fall.

It is difficult for young women to appreciate
the importance of following these simple direc-
tions. They are apt to say, if cautioned, "Oh,
I'm not going to give in to it in any such silly
way as that," or, "I don't want to make an old
crone out of myself," which simply shows that
they have no comprehension of the true state of
affairs.

Their bodily organism is being called upon to
adjust itself to an entirely new condition. The
uterus and its appendages are surcharged and
unusually heavy. There is a delicacy of adjust-
ment during these first two or three months
which may very easily be upset in the ways indi-
cated. It is during these early months that mis-
carriages are most likely to occur.

Young wives should know that miscarriages
are much more dangerous than normal child-
birth, and, moreover, if a miscarriage occurs
once, there is always a liability to its recurrence
in any future pregnancy. For this reason, they
should be particularly careful when carrying
their first child. If through any inadvertance
they suffer a fall, we will say, and feel a few
little pains in the region of the uterus, let them at
once put a chair face downward upon the bed and
place themselves upon it, with their lower limbs
raised upon the inclined back of the chair in such
a way that the hips will be markedly raised above

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

the shoulders, and let them remain in this posi-
tion for an hour or two. If done at once, this may
avert possible disastrous consequences.

The girl who has lived an athletic life needs to
change her habits very little. She also should be
careful during the first few months not to be too
venturesome in lifting or stretching, but if, for
example, she has been accustomed to horseback
riding, there is no need for her to give it up for
some little time. Any other form of activity that
her body is used to, she may very well continue.

Outdoor life, as much of it as can be secured,
is the very best thing for women in this condi-
tion. Their blood must be purified by the oxygen
and sent racing through their veins by active
exercise, in order that the little new life may
receive the best possible nourishment.

Expectant mothers are sometimes urged to eat
a very large amount, because they are "eating
for two," as it is called. This is a mistaken no-
tion. They should eat only what their system
can easily assimilate ; more than that is a burden
to the body. If it is their habit to use only the
most hygienic foods, they need not change their
diet in any particular. If, however, they have
been accustomed to highly spiced foods, to tea
and coffee, and alcoholic drinks, they will be ma-
terially benefiting their child's body if they will
put aside all of these unnatural stimulants and
content themselves with those simple foods which
contribute in greatest degree to bone and muscle
structure.

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PREGNANCY

Sometimes the young woman becomes obsessed
with the idea that she must have a certain article
of diet. If there is no special objection to it on
the part of her physician, well and good. If,
however, it is particularly detrimental to her, she
should not allow herself to be overcome with the
fear that the deprivation of this particular food
will be in any least way detrimental to her child.
The old theory that a child would be marked if
the mother was deprived in this way has been
thoroughly disproved. Her self-control in refus-
ing to take that which is not good for her can
have but a beneficial effect upon the little li'fe that
is forming.

The Greeks believed that a great effect was
produced upon the child by the surroundings in
which the expectant mother lived. So they saw
to it that their mothers-to-be lived in the midst
of the beauties of Nature and the most wonder-
ful productions of man's art. The custom was
indeed a beautiful one, and if it had no direct
effect upon the unborn children, must have ex-
erted a favorable influence indirectly, because
it contributed to the mental repose and happi-
ness of the mothers. Our country has not yet
arrived at the point, however, of viewing this
matter in its .manifest relation to the national
resources. Consequently each woman must de-
pend upon her own immediate family for what-
ever beautiful surroundings she is to have, and
many are compelled to live under such circum-
stances that these comforts and luxuries are de-

12 163

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

nied to them. Even here, however, the mother
need not feel discouraged, for she can know
that only those things which she allows to affect
her will be able to exert any influence through
her upon her child. Even though disappoint-
ment and disaster come upon her at this time, if
she meets it all in a spirit of courage and optim-
ism her child will feel the inspiring effect of her
attitude of hopefulness. Thus she may turn even
the hard lessons of life into a benefit for her
little one.

There was a time in this country when it was
not supposed to be quite the thing for the expec-
tant mother to engage in social life, even of the
most modest sort. She was expected to immure
herself within the four walls of home throughout
almost the whole of this important period. This
fallacious idea is happily passing away, thanks,
partly to the maternity dresses which are now so
artistically designed and comfortably made. No
young woman in this condition need feel the
least bit conspicuous, and she should understand,
as should those about her, that now as never be-
fore she needs all of the happiness and inspira-
tion which comes through healthful social life.
Let her go with her husband to intimate social
gatherings and attend concerts and other forms
of recreation which will not make too great a
demand upon her physical powers or her sleeping
hours. When the time comes, however, as it will
ultimately, when her activities must be tempor-
arily restricted, let her accept these limitations

164

PREGNANCY

cheerfully, realizing that they are but a small
part of the price which it is only right should be
paid for the priceless treasure which is to come
into her life.

One very important question will come up for
husband and wife to consider at this time, and
that is as to whether or not the marriage relation
should be entered into during these nine months.
There have been men who have taken the posi-
tion that, since the woman need no longer fear
the "consequences," she should now give her-
self up unreservedly to the husband's demands.
This way of looking at the matter does not take
into account the welfare of the expectant mother,
or that of the child. These considerations, it
would seem to any right-thinking individual,
must be paramount. Furthermore the husband
is injured by these relations at this time. It is
a drain upon his nervous system for which there
is no compensation.

And when one thinks for a moment of the tre-
mendous drain that is being made upon the wife's
physical being at this time, it would seem that
a consideration of this fact would completely end
all thought of any further demand upon her. She
is engaged in the greatest, the most supreme
task allotted to the human race, and to that she
should be consecrated.

If we study the habits of the lower animals who
are monogamous, we will find there obedience to
a law which it would seem the human kind would
do well to follow also. Among these lower forms

165

of life, it is always the female who chooses the
time when she will allow this relationship to be
entered into. It is only when her system is most
fully adapted to the requirements of pregnancy
and when the conditions of Nature itself are fav-
orable, that she will permit the approach of the
male. Moreover, when she has become pregnant,
she will resist with tooth and nail all efforts at
approach, and her wishes in this particular are
respected by her male companions. Would it
not seem that the same prerogative should be
allowed to womankind, and that man's intelli-
gence would lead him to understand her need for
freedom from his approach at this time ?

There are physiological reasons why, for these
nine months, the pregnant woman should be thus
unmolested. In the first place, sexual indulgence
at this time has a direct weakening effect upon
the parts concerned, with a resultant irritation
and congestion which would be unfavorable to
natural and easy childbirth. This is a matter of
the utmost importance to the woman, and, it
would seem, to the husband as well. In the sec-
ond place, it is found that intimacies of this kind
at this time have a tendency to produce, or great-
ly to aggravate, the condition of nausea or
"morning sickness" which many pregnant
women experience. A third reason makes absti-
nence still more imperative. It has been found
that a large percentage of miscarriages are the
direct result of abuse of the sexual relation by
inconsiderate, exacting husbands. Surely a lov-

166

PREGNANCY

ing husband and prospective father would gladly
deny himself that which would seem to be abnor-
mal indulgence in view of the fact that it may
result in the loss of his unborn child. Loving
consideration of his wife at this time will do more
than anything else to endear him to her. She will
find in his restraint the truest indication that his
heart is filled with love for her, and that his per-
sonal wishes are subordinated to his love.

The husband has many opportunities during
this wonderful time, when his wife is carrying
his child within her body, to express his devotion
in ways that will be conducive to her welfare,
and therefore the welfare of their offspring. The
physical requirements of pregnancy call for
freedom from mental strain and exciting work.
All the vitality and reserve strength possible are
needed by the wife during this time. The hus-
band should watch over her in every way in his
power, keeping worry away from her, encourag-
ing her to be in the open air as much as possible,
seeing to it that she has plenty of sleep, and in all
ways contributing to her happiness.

It is possible that the wife will not be quite her-
self while carrying this extra load. She may be
cross, irritable, moody, depressed. In all these
matters the husband must have patience with her.
At the same time the wife should realize that it
is not necessary to give herself up to these feel-
ings. By effort of will, she can throw them off,
and every time she does so she is contributing to
the welfare of her child.

167

CHAPTER XXIX
Why Children Are Necessary to Happiness

HUMAN beings are seeking always for self-
expression. As children, they express
themselves in their play. When they reach ma-
turity they find self-expression in both play and
work; but in these ways alone they do not find
complete manifestation of the inner self. With-
out any doubt, this is one great reason for the
overwhelming desire of all normal human be-
ings to have children. These helpless little crea-
tures who come into our homes reproduce our
features, our traits, our qualities, and we have
the hope that they will more fully realize our
ambitions than we have been able to do. Just
when the burden of life is becoming heaviest,
and we have begun to lose the keen zest for
action which in earlier days made every effort
seem worth while, these fresh young lives spring
up around us. By their enthusiasm and their
overflowing spirits they thrill us anew with the
joy of living, and we look out upon life through
their eyes with renewed and increased powers of
enjoyment.

Those who have been deprived of the joy of
children withdraw more or less completely into
themselves, and look upon life as observers from
the outside. Those, however, to whom have been

168

CHILDREN ARE NECESSARY

granted the joys of parenthood are drawn into
the main currents of life by their ever-active off-
spring, and thus are practically compelled to keep
young. They find that their children's triumphs
bring them greater joy than did their own in
the years gone by, and they find a peculiar pleas-
ure in using for their children's welfare the wis-
dom which they have gained through life's hard
knocks. Everything now that they have endured
seems more worth while, because it has more com-
pletely equipped them for the successful direc-
tion and care of these young lives. No struggle
is too severe, no sacrifice too great, if it but con-
tribute to the happiness of these loved depen-
dents. The day's labor is sweeteend for them by
the thought of the happiness that is to come to
the children through their efforts. They work
not for the uninteresting reward of gain, or their
own livelihood, but with the inspiring purpose
of bringing to these keen young creatures as
much as possible of the pleasures and possibili-
ties of life.

In a home where there are no children the in-
terests are very circumscribed. There are only
two to contribute to the subjects of conversation,
or to the account of daily experiences. Where
children gather about the board, however, there
is no lack of subjects of discussion, of laughter,
and of that hopefulness which dispels all clouds
and prevents any settled gloom.

It is sometimes hard, when the children are
little, for the mother to be obliged to sacrifice

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

her days and nights to their physical care. The
father, it may be, gets a little stoop-shouldered
as he drudges day after day to earn their daily
bread. But as the years go by the rewards be-
come greater and greater. Often only in old age
do the parents really discover that the sacrifices
of those early years are now bringing their full
reward.

We cannot measure the development of char-
acter which comes through the care and train-
ing of children. In order to control them, we
must learn self-control. Ingenuity is developed,
undreamed-of capabilities unfolded, self-sacrifice
and devotion encouraged, through the care of the
children. In fact, if one were to go into a study
of the development of the human race it would
be discovered that it was by the pressing needs
of their little ones that primitive man and woman
were forced to take the first steps of that upward
path which leads to what we call civilization.
For themselves, man and woman might have
been content with things as they were; but the
discomforts suffered by their offspring drove
them to making unaccustomed efforts for their
relief. In that way, and in that way alone, did
the human race achieve its mastery of the ma-
terial universe, and, without doubt, it is through
the service of their young that the human race
will go on to the unf oldment of the highest spirit-
ual faculties which they possess.

170

CHAPTER XXX
The Question of Money

THE second big reef upon which the matri-
monial bark is in danger of being ship-
wrecked is the question of money. If all other
matters are satisfactorily adjusted, while this re-
mains a thorn in the flesh of one or the other
member of the partnership, there is bound to be
disagreement and unhappiness, with the ever-
present possibility of an ultimate breaking away
from a situation which has grown to be intoler-
able.

There was a time when man and wife were
looked upon as one, and that one was supposed
to be the husband. His will was supreme. He
owned the home, the furniture in it, the clothes
on his wife's back, and many times he thought he
owned her also, body and soul. The wife had no
money of her own ; she was not supposed to need
any. Even men of great wealth, with this atti-
tude of mind, would refuse to allow their wives
a penny for their own personal use. These un-
happy women could not have the pleasure of pay-
ing cash for anything, whether they were pur-
chasing household supplies or their own personal
equipment; all must be charged to the account
of the overlord. This gave him the privilege of
growling over the bills as they came in each
month and grumbling at the wife's extravagance.

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

She therefore lived in a constant attitude of fear.
She did not dare breathe without the permission
of her lord and master.

This relationship of master and slave is always
a degrading one, not only to the slave, whose
soul is subjected to continual indignities, but
equally so to the tyrant, whose harsher and more
cruel qualities are accentuated through the fre-
quent opportunities offered to him for their ex-
pression.

Fortunately for the human race, this idea is
gradually passing away. With the increased
economic independence of woman, her more gen-
eral participation in public activities; and the rec-
ognition of her rights as a citizen, has come an
appreciation of her value in the home which has
given her a position of ever-increasing impor-
tance and power. No self-respecting man today
wishes to tyrannize over his wife, even though he
may still have something of an idea of the super-
iority of the male sex and the desirability of his
keeping a firm hand on the helm.

A great many people of the present time have
found a solution for the financial problem which
works fairly well in a good many cases. This is
the allowance system, the husband giving the
wife a certain amount of money each month
which she may call her own, and may spend as
her fancy dictates. Sometimes this allowance is
intended to cover all the expenses of the home,
her personal expenses being included. Under
such conditions the wife is very apt to spend al-

172

THE QUESTION OF MONEY

most all of the money upon the household needs,
neglecting herself at times to an unwise degree.
In other cases an allowance, proportionately
much smaller, is made for her own personal ex-
penses, and in this case she probably feels a little
more freedom to gratify her own wishes.

For a certain type of woman this arrangement
works very satisfactorily. If the wife has never
been financially independent, receiving simply
an allowance from her father in her girlhood, she
finds it not at all humiliating to receive an allow-
ance from her husband. She is willing to let him
decide how much of his salary he thinks he can
afford to let her have, and asks for nothing better
than this feeling of freedom within limits.

There is another type of woman, however, and
one who is coming more and more into evidence.
She left her father's house to enter the business
world, and had been financially independent for
years, it may be, before she was persuaded to give
up her own professional or business career to
make a home for a husband and children. She
does not like the idea of an allowance, because
it carries with it the suggestion that she is no
longer financially independent. Apparently, the
man earns the money and she lives on his earn-
ings. Feeling that the money is his, he gener-
ously condescends to give her a certain sum each
month which she can call her own. The feeling
of dependence is very galling to her, and, al-
though she may hot give expression to it, it be-
comes an increasing source of irritation.

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

This situation is not based upon a foundation
of justice. Therefore, it cannot be permanently
satisfactory.

What is the real situation between these two
individuals ?

We have here, in the first place, two indepen-
dent persons, each of whom is perfectly compe-
tent to earn his or her own living. They have de-
cided, however, that their lives will be richer, ful-
ler, more complete, if they join together in es-
tablishing a home. In other words, they enter
upon a partnership. The highest efficiency calls
for a division of labor. To make a success of
their joint undertaking, under present conditions,
the energies of one, as a rule, must be devoted
almost exclusively to the business of making and
maintaining a home, and caring fcr the children
who form so vital a part of the great undertaking.
The other must concentrate upon the business of
earning the money needed for the maintenance of
the home. In the majority of cases, it is found
advisable for the woman to undertake the first of
these labors and for the man to undertake the
second.

The time may be coming, when this will not be
so. It is quite possible, for example, that, as a
result of the present war, there will be cases
in which the man, having been deprived of the
power of earning a satisfactory income, can, with
better success, devote himself to the home-mak-
ing, while the woman continues to develop her
capacity in the business world where she has se-

174

THE QUESTION OF MONEY

cured a footing while he was serving his country.

Whichever one is busy in maintaining the home
center, however, it should be understood by both
of them that that work is just as vital to the suc-
cess of the firm as the efforts of the one who goes
out into the arena of business.

It is difficult for the man, in the midst of his
varied activities, to realize how much of his suc-
cess he owes to the quiet persistency, the unfail-
ing confidence and faith, the ofttimes penetrat-
ing intuition, and the always helpful suggestions
of the little woman in the home. Deprive him
of her constant ministrations, and he will turn
out to be less than half of the man that he is
today.

All great men recognize this fact, and do not
hesitate to give full credit where credit is due.
"I owe my success to my wife," is heard re-
peatedly upon the lips of some of the greatest
men of our country, and we know that they are
speaking the truth. Smaller men are not so
ready to give open expression to their recognition
of this fact, for fear it may detract in some way
from their own reputation for business astute-
ness.

What, then, would seem to be a fair arrange-
ment of money matters between these co-equal
partners ?

In the first place, let it be understood that the
money which conies in is the joint product of
their personalities. The quiet work of the wife
in the Home is just as potent a force in the hus-

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

band's success as are his visible efforts. It should
be looked upon, therefore, as their income, not
simply as his salary or wages.

They have, then, a certain sum of money com-
ing to them each month. What will be the equit-
able division of this money ? It would seem to be
perfectly fair to set aside the sum absolutely es-
sential for the expenses of the home, and to di-
vide the remainder into two equal portions for
the personal expenditures of the pair. If the hus-
band has to meet some daily expenses, such as
carfare and lunches, the amount needed to meet
this drain upon his pocketbook should be taken
from the household expense money. There may
be other reasons for making the husband's
amount of spending money a little larger than
that of the wife, but this is a matter which will
be very easily adjusted, because, in the majority
of cases, the wife will be the first to recognize the
justice of such a procedure. The very fact that
her husband recognizes her as an equal partner
with himself will fill her with a desire to be
equally thoughtful and generous in her attitude
toward him.

In this connection, it may be well to consider a
little the question of money in relation to the
children, as they begin to develop into separate
individuals.

In many families the custom has prevailed of
giving the little ones pennies every once in a
while, with the injunction to run and buy a stick
of candy. This is deliberately training children

176

THE QUESTION OF MONEY

in the spendthrift habit. They get the idea that
money is always to be spent immediately upon its
receipt, and so they grow up without the faintest
idea of the importance or value of saving.

A much better plan is it to begin as soon as the
children are old enough to enter school, for in-
stance, by giving them a little weekly allowance.
If no more at the beginning than a penny a week,
let them know that they can count upon this with
assurance, and then occasionally suggest to them
little purchases which will require the saving of
several weeks' allowance. Let the amount be in-
creased as the children grow older, and occasion-
ally give them an opportunity to earn an addi-
tional sum by some special piece of work. Not
that all of their duties in the home should be per-
formed for money, because this deprives them of
the feeling that a certain responsibility rests upon
them in the home, as well as upon the parents.

At the present time there are so many splendid
inducements for children to save, such as the sav-
ings banks in the public schools, that parents may
well begin at once to place small sums of money
regularly in the hands of children, and then see
to it that they are properly conserved. In this
way the valuable habit of saving may early be
established.

177

CHAPTER XXXI
The Snare of the Boarding House

ONE of the temptations that assails young
people who are contemplating matri-
mony is to start their united life in a boarding
house. It seems to the young bride such an easy
way to solve the new problem that confronts her.
She knows her own inexperience, and it seems to
her it would be much easier and pleasanter to let
some one else cook the meals, do the marketing
and perform the many other tasks to which she
feels herself unequal. Then, too, as she may
sagely observe, you know just how much you're
going to spend each week when you are boarding,
whereas you are always in danger of running ex-
penses up a little higher when you're buying and
cooking for yourself. She may even persuade
herself that it would be better all around for her
to continue in business and so make it possible
for them to follow what seems to her to be an
ideal plan.

She may be right, in many respects, as to the
advantages of the plan ; but she probably has for-
gotten to consider the real price that one must
pay for all of these so-called comforts.

One does not realize, until one has tried the
experiment, how much the union of two lives
may depend upon the cheerful, intimate associa-

178

THE BOARDING HOUSE SNARE

tion which is possible at mealtime , In rush sea-
sons that is often about the only time when the
wife will see her husband ; and it is most import-
ant, therefore, that this intimate companionship
shall not be destroyed by the constant presence
of outsiders.

The atmosphere of a boarding house is most
destructive of all that goes to make for a happy
married life. There is the carping criticism of
each other which the guests are sure to indulge in,
the daily gossip which inevitably goes on where
a number of more or less idle individuals are
gathered together and which so easily deterior-
ates into slander. There are the idle hours, if the
wife is not in business, which leaves her open to
all sorts of dangerous temptations. Frequent at-
tendance at afternoon teas in public places where
dancing takes place, and where questionable
characters are often to be met, is one form of al-
lurement which the young wife who is wise will
want to avoid. Frequent bridge parties, where
the spirit of gambling prevails, have led many a
young wife to incur indebtedness which has re-
sulted in her husband's financial ruin, and, it may
be, her own moral downfall.

It may seem preposterous to the young bride to
suggest that her devotion can ever wander from
her husband. But in the hours of unoccupied lei-
sure which may be hers in the boarding house,
she may easily be caught in the net of some fas-
cinating man who has nothing else to do but to
make himself agreeable to the feminine folk, and

179

13

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

without any disloyal intentions, bring disaster
upon her own head.

Even if these more tragic occurances do not
come to her, there is inevitably a tendency to in-
creased selfishness through living this sort of a
vlife. There is so little that she can do for her
husband under these conditions that by and by
she forgets what her duty in this respect really is.
She gets to think only of his obligation to provide
her with all the money she thinks she needs, and
she is constantly stimulated by the extravagances
of those about her to exceed the conservative
limit of expenditure. In other words, she be-
comes a real parasite, living upon his earnings
and giving him practically nothing in return for
it all.

Moreover it is never possible, in even the best
of boarding houses, to get food which is as health-
ful, or as daintily prepared, as it may be in one's
own little home. Probably the reason why so
many Americans suffer from indigestion is be-
cause so many of them live in hotels and board-
ing houses. A wife should make it her business
to see that her husband's digestion is kept as
nearly unimpaired as possible, and she should not
endeavor to shirk this responsibility.

180

CHAPTER XXXII
The Question of Friends

IT is the natural impulse for two young people
who feel that in each other they have found
the whole universe, to be so satisfied with their
new relationship of marriage that they both quite
thoroughly neglect everybody else. Their rela-
tives, of course, will probably refuse to be neg-
lected. With the confidence which comes from
the familiar life ef the family, they will seek out
bride and groom upon occasion and drag them
forth to enjoy some of the family gatherings.
Their friends, however, not feeling the same as-
surance, will probably keep away until they re-
ceive an indication that their love and friendship
are still of value.

However happy the two may be in each other's
society, the time will come when they must face
the question as to what is to be their attitude
toward each other's friends. In fact, they must
even consider what is to be their own attitude in
the future toward their own friends.

For example, the young wife has had men
friends, as well as women friends. What, now, is
to be her attitude toward them in the light of her
new state. Is it necessary for her absolutely to
cut herself off from any further friendly associa-
tion with them, or is it possible for her to con-

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

tinue to look upon them as her friends without
putting them or herself in a dangerous and un-
desired situation?

The answer to that question will depend in
very large degree upon just what has been the re-
lationship existing between her and her men
friends. If their association has been on a more
or less sentimental or flirtatious basis, it could
not be considered wise for them to continue it in
any save the most formal manner. They will
meet socially, of course, and enjoy a few min-
utes' conversation together, or a dance upon oc-
casion; but it would be best for all concerned if
they no longer indulged in tete-a-tetes which
might lead to foolishness on their part, or mis-
understanding on the part of others.

If, however, their friendship has always been
on the basis of frank comradeship, there is in all
probability no reason why this might not be con-
tinued within limits. If the husband finds that
these comrades of his wife are congenial to him,
the question is practically solved. Admitted to
his friendship, they belong to the intimate circle
of the family life. If, however, any of them
should prove to be distasteful to the husband,
then, although their relationship to the wife may
be absolutely correct, it would be the part of wis-
dom for her to deny herself the pleasure of seeing
them upon occasions which might seem to her
husband to come with too great frequency. This
need not interfere with true friendliness, but
simply will be a means of avoiding unnecessary

182

THE QUESTION OF FRIENDS

friction with the one whose peace of mind means
most to her.

It would be well, also, for the wife to ask her-
self what is to be her relation to her girl friends.
This may seem to her at first a strange question,
but it is nevertheless a very practical one.

In the days of her care-free girlhood they were
all chums together, sharing each other's most in-
timate experiences in the heartfelt, outspoken
way of girlhood. Her impulse now is to continue
the old relationship, to impart to them — in strict-
est confidence, of course, — the intimate happen-
ings of her daily life, which is of such paramount
importance in her own eyes. Innocent as this
pleasure may be in the beginning, it is, neverthe-
less, a dangerous pastime. There will come a
time when little jarring notes will creep into the
domestic harmony. At first these impress her
as very ludicrous, and she tells them to her dear-
est friends as the latest joke. Little by little,
however, a rasping vibration may creep in. She
begins to find these little tests of her good humor
rather taxing, and, all unconsciously to herself,
she passes this impression on to her confidantes.
They, of course, are quick to note the change in
her feelings, and begin, tentatively, it may be, to
pity her just a little. She accepts their pity as a
soothing ointment upon her rasped nerves. By
and by she begins to think of herself as a martyr
upon the altar of wifely devotion and self-sacri-
fice. Before she knows it, she begins to recount
to her husband her deeds of devotion, stinging

183

him probably, into some unfeeling retort that
drives them still further apart. Thus, before she
is aware of it, the young wife finds herself in the
midst of a real domestic hurricane. In all proba-
bility, the greater part of this difficulty might
have been avoided if she had not been imparting
to her bosom friends the insignificant details of
her daily life. In the mere telling, they have
gained an importance that was not originally
theirs.

It is for this reason that brides will find it very
wise, while not changing at all the warmth of
their affection, to maintain a certain amount of
reserve in their association with even their most
intimate friends.

It hardly seems necessary to point out to any
young woman the extreme indiscretion of mak-
ing a confidant of one of the young men whom
she may have known more or less intimately be-
fore her marriage. That would, indeed, be the
height of disloyalty to her husband, and would
probably be so regarded by the young man him-
self.

Equally important is it for the young woman
to consider what is to be her attitude toward her
husband's friends.

In the first place, he doubtless has had many
friends among the girls. What is to be her atti-
tude toward his woman friends? Her first
impulse, doubtless, will be to feel just a little
jealous of them, not so much because she is
afraid that they may take his regard away from

184

THE QUESTION OF FRIENDS

her, but because they had a share in those early
years before she knew him very well. She is
even inclined to feel a little jealous of his mother,
because of her intimate association with him dur-
ing his infancy and childhood. She will smile at
herself for the absurdity of her feelings as re-
gards his mother, and she can well afford to do
the same as regards his friends. The fact that,
after knowing them, he chose her, proves her su-
premacy and should convince her that there is,
therefore, no real cause for this absurd sense of
injury. The probability is that she will bind him
much more closely to her by taking an attitude
of generosity toward his relation with other
women than she could possibly do by any attempt
to restrict his friendliness with them. His admi-
ration for her will increase if he sees she has im-
plicit confidence in him, and an unusual generos-
ity toward those of her own sex.

This is acting on the assumption, of course,
that his association with other women is purely
on the basis of comradeship, and absolutely free
from all sentimentality or leaning toward flirta-
tion. Should this not be the case, however, she
would then be justified in having a straightfor-
ward talk with him, pointing out how unfair it
is both to her and to the other woman to keep up
this sort of playing at love. She has a right to
ask him to put aside all such imitations of love
now that he has experienced the full intensity of
the real and lasting emotion. He owes it to his
wife to show the whole world that she reigns su-

185

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

preme in his heart, and never, by any least act or
word or look, to raise any doubt in her mind on
this point, or in the mind of anyone else.

Then there are his men friends to be consid-
ered, his pals of former days. She may even have
a little jealousy of his continued association with
these chums of his. She feels, it may be, that
every moment of his spare time belongs to her,
and so she thinks she has a real grievance if he
ventures to spend an occasional evening away
from home with the boys. If these evenings
come with too great frequency, and if they mean
the indulgence in intoxicating liquors, or ques-
tionable forms of amusement, she is justified in
her opposition to them on the basis of his own
welfare. If, however, they come only semi-oc-
casionally, and mean simply an evening of clean,
manly sport, she should not deny her husband
this opportunity to associate with those of his
own sex.

Men need the sort of stimulus that comes from
associating with other men. A loyal husband
will not like to admit it, but life becomes more or
less grey and monotonous if he never gets a
change to bask in the stimulating atmosphere of
masculine controversy. Men have a way of tell-
ing the brutal truth to each other which is most
beneficial to all concerned, and it may be the wife
will do well to let the husband get a little of his
desire for this kind of mental relaxation out of
his system in company with his fellows, who will
understand him, instead of forcing him to make

186

THE QUESTION OF FRIENDS

use of her in a way which may prove to be most
upsetting to her nerves. Here, again, generosity
on her part will bring its own reward, for an eve-
ning spent away from her side will doubtless
bring him back with open expressions of the
pleasure he finds in being able to spend most of
his evenings in her society.

This same principle will apply to the question
of vacations. The two who have started out in
life together are apt, in the first year or two, to
feel that it is impossible to live apart, even for
two weeks. Yet, even in this period, it might not
be amiss for them to endure a two weeks' separa-
tion, knowing that its only possible effect will be
to make them rejoice more intensely in coming
together again.

Many husbands and wives, take it for granted
that their vacations must be spent together and
maintain the practice throughout a lifetime. In
this I am inclined to believe they are making a
great mistake. One of the great dangers in mar-
ried life is that the two, who have been drawn
together by their unlikeness, shall in time be
driven apart because they have absorbed so much
of each other that they no longer seem mutually
attractive. This being the case, the vacation per-
iod offers an opportunity for a temporary sep-
aration which will renew the freshness of their
relation and contribute to its permanency.

Moreover, the thing which the husband most
enjoys may not be that which will give the wife
the most pleasure. He may prefer the joys of

187

mountain climbing, with the opportunity it af-
fords for hunting and fishing, while she longs for
the sea-shore, with the bathing and aquatic
sports. How foolish, therefore, for one or the
other to be compelled to sacrifice his or her own
natural inclinations for the fetish of spending
their vacation period together! Let each seek
out that which will give each the greatest amount
of pleasure, knowing that in this way only will
they derive the greatest amount of benefit from
this period of rebuilding.

Of course, it is not intended to suggest that the
wife should go away and leave her husband alone
for the three months of the summer, unless it is
an absolute necessity. If they live in a big city,
and little ones have come into their lives whose
welfare must be of paramount importance, this
may become a necessary course of action.
Little children need the outdoor life and activity,
the closeness to nature, which only the country
affords, and, for their lifelong benefit, it is most
desirable that the summer time, at least, be spent
by them in the country close to Mother Earth.
This may call for sacrifices on the part of father
and mother, but such sacrifices will bring a large
return. It may not, however, be necessary for
this sacrifice to be made, if the mother, during
the summer, will take the time, day after day, to
seek out those places where the children can play
in the open.

188

CHAPTER XXXIII
The In-Laws

ONE of the biggest problems that the two
young people have to meet may be de-
scribed in the words of the title of this chapter.
His family are her "in-laws," and her family are
his "in-laws," and it is quite a question whether
or not they are all going to be able to get along
harmoniously together.

It may help the wife a little in solving this prob-
lem if she will take a little time to consider just
what a mother probably feels when her son or
daughter has reached the age of marriage. Up to
this time the mother has, in all probability,
reigned supreme in the heart of her son or her
daughter. Not only has her will been law, but
her slightest suggestion has carried the greatest
possible amount of weight. Now she finds her
place pre-empted by another. As the bride her-
self discovers later on in life, one of the most
difficult things in the world to do is to retire
gracefully into the background after having for
many years occupied the place of supremacy.

Let her remember all this in considering the
actions of her mother-in-law. Let her remember,
also, that the time will come when she will be
filling that unenviable position herself, and so
let her consider carefully that priceless admoni-

189

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

tion, "Do unto others as you would be done by."
Sometimes, out of the goodness of her heart,
the young bride will offer to take her husband's
father or mother, or even both, into her home.
This is being generous to a fault. Beautiful as
the impulse may be, it will lead to a situation so
full of difficulties that the probability is that, in
the end, she will deeply regret her rash impulse.
If it is a possible thing, the parents of neither
one should attempt to live with the young couple.
The bride may think it would be most delightful
to have her own mother in the home, to carry
some of its responsibilities for her and to give
that sympathetic understanding which she has al-
ways received from that unfailing source of com-
fort. She must remember, however, that her
mother is her husband's mother-in-law, and it
will probably be just as difficult for him to adjust
himself to this new relationship as it is for her.
For both their sakes, therefore, they should start
their united life with no one else in the home.

If the constant and intimate association with
the in-laws in the home is avoided, there is a
greater likelihood that an harmonious relation-
ship may be gradually evolved. It may be nec-
essary for the bride to exercise a little tactful
reserve, in order to keep the mothers on either
side of the family from interfering, from the best
of motives, in the little details of every-day life.
It will not be easy to do this, but if the bride has
only love in her heart, if she resolutely refuses
to let any irritation creep in, she will be able to

190

THE IN-LAWS

explain very frankly, yet sweetly, to both moth-
ers, that she thinks it best for her and her hus-
band to manage their own lives in their own
way. They probably will make mistakes, but
they will learn through their mistakes. No one
really learns from the mistakes of others, and
that is the reason that it is not advisable for any
one to be too ready to follow the well-meaning
advice of other people.

Long years of observation have convinced me
that most of the friction in life comes from trying
to maintain too close a relationship between peo-
ple who were not meant to be thus associated
together. It is possible to treat the "in-laws"
with courtesy and kindness and love, and yet
make them realize that the life of the wedded
pair is something so intimate that they have no
right to intrude upon it. It is much better to
cause a little comment upon one's standoffish-
ness at first, and gradually grow into a cordial
relationship, than it is to try to enter at once into
the intimacy of a family life and find one's self
in the unpleasantness of a family quarrel.

The bride will need to exert herself, it may be,
to resist the temptation to confide too much in
her own mother. If things go wrong, she is
tempted to run home to mother and tell her all
about it. By so doing, however, she will lose
the opportunity of developing her individuality
and independence, and she will be in danger, as
was suggested in regard to her intimate friends,
of having mole-hills made into mountains,

191

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

through her own unconscious exaggeration in
talking to a sympathetic listener.

The two young people are starting out upon
a new life, a life together. And they should feel
that now, for them, the family unity is just they
two alone, to be increased later on by the wel-
come addition of children. Great as are the obli-
gations of parents to children, they must take
second place after the children have married.
Parents should realize this from the very begin-
ning, and train their offspring accordingly.
Parents and children now have the opportunity
of entering into a new relationship, the friend-
ship of equals.

192

CHAPTER XXXIV
Quarreling and Making Up

WHEN two young people, deeply in love
with each other, are planning for the
future, they picture it as one long honeymoon,
where nothing but love and harmony will ever
find expression. It would, indeed, be a happy
thing if nothing inharmonious ever came into
the home life.

But since it is not possible, nor even desirable,
for the world to be filled with people who are
always in a unanimous state of mind, it is neces-
sary for human beings to learn how to differ with-
out bringing inharmony into their relationship.

One might well study the art of differing. It
is not necessary that two people should be abso-
lutely of the same opinion in order to live to-
gether harmoniously. One need not be the walk-
ing echo of the other. In fact, such a condition
of affairs would, in reality, be most unsatisfac-
tory for anyone blessed with average intelligence.
A great deal of pleasure is to be derived from
discussing many things with those who view them
from an angle different from one's own. We
are enlightened by seeing through other's eyes;
we are broadened in our sympathies by learning
how others feel; our life is, therefore, enriched
through differences.

To derive benefit from such circumstances,
however, it is necessary for one to learn to con-

193

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

sider matters dispassionately, and with nothing
but the most harmonious feelings at heart. As
one spiritual teacher has aptly phrased it, "Agree
to differ, but never disagree." This means that
there will always be an atmosphere of agreement
and of harmony in every difference which may
come up.

One reason why it is so difficult for the newly
married to differ harmoniously is because their
feelings are so keenly involved, and they have
not as yet learned to consider instinctively, as it
were, the other's point of view. The bride will
find herself thinking, when some disputed house-
hold matter, it may be, comes up for discussion :
"Well, I don't care. I think he might consider
my wishes in this matter. If he loved me, he
would rather do what I want than anything else
in the world." Without doubt, her husband is
thinking approximately the same thing ; and in a
little while they are accusing each other of having
already begun to lose some of the deep devotion
which has drawn them together.

The difference in itself, in all probability, is
very insignificant, but the question of each oth-
er's love, which it has raised, is of serious import.
It is only where there is perfect confidence in each
other's unselfish devotion that there is found the
necessary tolerance for an harmonious, united
life. After years of marriage, that confidence
generally comes, so that the two can differ with
the utmost good humor and mutual understand-
ing.

194

QUARRELING AND MAKING UP

It is well for the young wife to make rather a
careful study of this subject of quarrels, because
in many cases she has it in her power to avoid a
great many of them. A man in the business world
learns to overlook a great many things. He is
obliged to, in order to hold his position. He gets
the sharp corners knocked off, and he learns to
mind his own business and pay very little atten-
tion to other people. Men talk to each other with
brutal frankness, as a rule, anyway, and here pos-
sibly will be found the beginning of trouble in
the home.

The husband, feeling that in his wife he has
found a good "pal,'* instinctively begins to talk
to her as he does to the other fellows. He tells
her that the way she has hung the parlor curtains
makes them look sloppy; that he does not like
all this fol-de-rol, referring to specimens of her
handiwork, it may be, which are meant to adorn
the home; and altogether shows a brutal disre-
gard for her feelings, which probably drives her
to her room in a spasm of tears. Of course, it
is all very unkind and unfeeling of him, and he
should know better. He should have learned the
little tactful ways which would enable him to
sugarcoat his criticism with such words of appre-
ciation as would enable her to take the dose with-
out a qualm. But he hasn't learned these, and
she should, therefore, be willing to overlook the
acts and words which are the outcome of his ig-
norance. That does not mean that she should
always put up with such boorishness, but only

195

14

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

that she should have enough self-control not to
let these little things upset her. If she retains
her equanimity, she may be able, later on, to
point out to him a better way.

We lose all our power when we let our feel-
ings drive us to tears. That is a waste of energy
which we can ill afford. The woman who has
the power to rise above all of these petty dis-
turbances will be the one who eventually will
dominate the home atmosphere and bring it into
that harmonious condition which both really de-
sire.

In the first place, she must have complete con-
fidence in her husband's love. No matter how
many times he walks roughshod over her tender
sensibilities, no matter how clumsy and blunder-
ing he may be in the expression of his desires and
wishes, she must hold fast to that fundamental
fact and never let it escape from her. When she
is fairly quivering from some bit of apparent
heartlessness, she must learn to say to herself,
"Well, poor fellow, he doesn't know any better.
I must try to teach him."

There is only one way in which she may teach
— and that is not by word of mouth. It is easy
to talk, but it is difficult to do. She must teach
the better way by showing it; and the first step
in that direction is for her to ask herself, when-
ever an inharmonious condition has arisen in the
family, "Where was I to blame in that? What
was my fault?"

In order to find the answer to these questions

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QUARRELING AND MAKING UP

it is not enough for her to dwell simply upon the
last five minutes of the quarrel, going over all of
the unkind things he said when his anger was
finally aroused, and justifying all of the equally
unkind things she said in that way. To find the
cause of the quarrel, she must go back to the
very beginning. What was it that caused the
first remark that eventually led to the unpleas-
antness? She may be able to put her finger on
some very inconsiderate remark of her hus-
band's ; but was she not too hasty in interpreting
it in the most unkind way? May it not have
been that he meant it very differently from the
way in which it sounded in her ears? Suppose,
instead of flaring up at his apparent unkindness,
she had had enough self-control to smile up into
his face and say, jocosely, "Well, now, just how
do you mean that?" If she had given the poor,
blundering, masculine creature a chance, he
might have been able to show her that, back of
it all, was a sincere desire for her happiness, or
for their mutual benefit; but, of course, when
she took it in the wrong way, he wasn't going
to back down from his original position. And
so they went on, making a bad matter worse,
until the final crash came.

Now, what are they going to do about it? She
has gone to her room, thrown herself upon her
bed, and given way to a flood of weeping. He
went around down stairs for a while, hoping
that she would reappear, and then slammed his
way out of the house and went back down to the

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

office, for he was too proud to go to the club and
let others see that married life was not all a bed
of roses, as he had pictured it.

Somebody has to take the first step toward a
reconciliation. Who should it be?

The most important thing about a quarrel is
the making-up afterwards. The sooner that can
be brought about, of course, the better.

Let not any two young people think, in the
stubbornness of their pride, that they can come
together at their next time of meeting and ignore
what has just taken place. They sometimes try
to meet on the basis of cold formality, and some
of them may succeed in putting it over, but it is
a most disastrous procedure. The quarrel, which,
if properly gone over together, might have drawn
them into closer harmony and a better under-
standing of each other, remains a sore spot in the
heart of each; the poisonous sting of the heart-
less words spoken in the heat of the controversy
continues to do its deadly work. They have laid
the first stone of a barrier which some day will
be found to separate them irrevocably.

It is always hard to take the first step toward a
reconciliation, but the two young people should
know that the one who is able to take the first
step has the advantage. It makes no difference
which one was the most to blame in the begin-
ning. Tacitly to admit your share of the blame
by saying, "Will you forgive me," is to call forth
an overflowing love which is the sweetest possible
recompense for the effort which may be involved.

198

Individual differences are of very little conse-
quence. The great eternal fact of a true and sin-
cere love can be made to drown them all.

The serious differences arise when one or the
other nurses a grievance for a long time without
giving expression to it. There is a feeling in the
atmosphere which indicates that things are not
as they should be, and yet nothing is apparent on
the surface. There seems to be a cloud hanging
over the home. An occasional grouchy remark
may be explained away on the basis of business
worries, whereas in reality it is the expression of
a hidden grievance. This is a serious condition
and especially trying for the one who has no
definite knowledge of it, and yet suffers from its
presence. This brooding over a fancied wrong
is the product of an unfortunate disposition
which lacks confidence in another's love and sin-
cerity, and it is this lack of faith which makes the
life of the two together so difficult. Many times
the innocent victim of this brooding disposition
is obliged to provoke a quarrel in order to find
out what the real trouble is. After the explana-
tion, the air is cleared for the time being, and
happiness reigns. But, in time, the poison again
shows itself.

The person who is afflicted with this sort of a
disposition should make every possible effort to
overcome it, and should enlist the heartfelt and
understanding co-operation of the other member
of the life partnership. Such an individual should
never allow the least little incident that causes

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

the slightest feeling of unhappiness to lodge in
the mind and remain there unexplained. Every
such little matter should be taken at once to the
wife or husband, as the case may be, with the
words, "I'm sure you don't mean anything, but
such and such a thing has hurt me. Won't you
explain just how you meant it?" The free and
frank discussion which will follow will serve to
bind the two into a close harmony of mutual con-
fidence and trust, and little by little the unfortu-
nate tendency may be overcome.

One way to avoid quarrels is for husband and
wife to learn when not to speak upon trouble-
some or trying matters. If the husband is going
through a business crisis, the wife who is wise
will put her personal preferences out of sight for
the time being, and bring to him as little of the
annoying details of daily life as possible. On
the other hand, husbands should also remember
that there are periods when the wife is not en-
tirely herself. There comes a period each month
when she is more or less under the weather and
inclined to feel a little cross and irritable, and
especially unduly sensitive. This is the time for
the husband to give full expression to his love
and appreciation, reserving all words of criti-
cism for a time when she is more strong in spirit
to receive them. Pregnancy is another period
during which the husband will need to exercise
unusual consideration. On the other hand, the
wife should not feel during pregnancy that she
has a right to give full and unrestrained expres-

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QUARRELING AND MAKING UP

sion to her disagreeable feelings. She must re-
member that the little new life needs a harmoni-
ous atmosphere in which to develop.

Above all, neither one should attempt to domi-
neer over the other. Each should look upon the
other as a human being who has human rights
to be observed and regarded. Neither one of the
two is expected, in this day and generation, ab-
solutely to give up his or her individuality on
entering into the married state. Life will be much
richer and more satisfactory with two distinct
individualities whch have learned to adapt them-
selves to each other, than where one has become
a washed-out replica of the dominant personality.

Quarreling is too serious a thing for young
people ever to indulge in it as a pastime* In the
first excess of devotion they are in danger of
thinking it sometimes amusing to pretend to be
hurt over some little occurrence. It is, in the first
place, merely pretense, but, before they know
it, simply assuming the air of an aggrieved indi-
vidual eventually brings the feeling itself into
existence. Or, it may be, the two start "knock-
ing each other," as the slang phrase goes, purely
in fun, and before they know it find themselves in
a truly acrimonious exchange of uncompliment-
ary phrases.

Love is too precious a thing ever to be treated
in any other way than the most reverential.
While humor is a great essential to success in life,
and especially in married life, it must be humor
of the right sort.

201

CHAPTER XXXV
Jealousy — the Green- Eyed Guardian of Honor

JEALOUSY is generally portrayed to us as a
terrible demon who takes possession of the
unfortunate individual, wrecking life and home
and happiness in a manner that might almost
be called insane. This is without doubt jeal-
ousy in the abnormal, but we must remember
that, like everything else, jealousy has its nor-
mal as well as its abnormal aspect.

We say, for example, that a man is jealous of
his reputation, meaning, that he holds it in such
regard that he will go to any extreme to protect
it from injury. We hear, also, of a mother who
is jealous for the good name of her daughter,
and in both instances we recognize the jealousy
as being normal and proper.

Turning to the dictionary we may find addi-
tional light upon the subject. Here we learn
that the word "jealousy" comes from exactly
the same root as zealous, which conveys the
idea of ardor, enthusiastic devotion, either to
a cause or to a person.

Jealousy, then, in its normal form, would
mean the state of being ardently and anxiously
suspicious, vigilant in guarding, watchful. Only
in the abnormal could jt be considered as being
distrustful as to the fidelity of wife, husband

202

JEALOUSY

or lover, or revengeful on account of fickle treat-
ment or slighted love.

It is right for.the husband to be jealous of the
good name of his wife, for the wife to be jealous
of the reputation of her husband. They are mu-
tual guardians of each other, and in that rela-
tionship can be of incalculable benefit to each
other. The wife, for example, may not realize
that her care-free, playful manner of meeting
her men friends may lead to censure on the part
of those who do not understand her. She has
been a good comrade to these masculine friends,
it may be for years before her marriage, and she
sees no harm in continuing the friendly relation.
Her husband may agree with her in principle,
but, being jealous for her good name, he realizes
that it is necessary to take into account to some
degree the possible misunderstandings of other
people. It is not because he lacks confidence
in her love for him that he speaks the wise word
of admonition to her, but simply in order that
she may not allow her good name to be evilly
spoken of by those who do not understand. Such
words of careful warning from a devoted hus-
band should be given careful attention by an
appreciative wife.

On the other hand, many men, with the best of
intentions, are more or less prone to allow them-
selves little liberties, now that they are safely
married, with some of the younger girls, it may
be. They have nothing but the kindest intentions
in their hearts, and they are not in the slightest

203

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

degree untrue to their wives. Yet, properly jeal-
ous of their reputations, their wives may be jus-
tified in calling to their attention the unwisdom
of such behavior.

There is another aspect of this matter, which
it is also well to take into consideration. The
young wife, for example, may perceive at once
the danger to young girls which come from allow-
ing these little liberties to any man. It is a let-
ting down of the barriers which form the young
girl's greatest safeguard. Not only so, but it may
result in arousing in her a feeling of admiration
for this older man which she may consider to be
love, and which may ultimately place them both
in a very dangerous position. At any rate, it is
not fair to her to have her feelings aroused by
one who cannot return them ; and so, for the sake
of the girl, the wife should make plain to her hus-
band the wrongness of his course.

The same is equally true of the wife. Her free
and easy ways may stir some young man's heart
and bring to him suffering which he does not de-
serve. As the guardian of her honor, her hus-
band has a right to exercise the prerogative of a
normal and unselfish jealousy and warn her of
the dangers which he sees about her.

Without any doubt, this feeling of jealousy has
been implanted in the human heart as an aid to
the maintenance of the integrity of the home.
The human race has learned that the greatest
good to the greatest number comes through the
monogamous marriage, and the instinct of jeal-

204

JEALOUSY

ousy has doubtless been implanted in the human
breast as an aid to the maintenance of that stand-
ard of life. It is the duty of each to see that no
one is allowed to enter the life of the other who
will draw him or her away from the pathway of
complete devotion to home and family.

This does not mean, however, that jealousy
should be allowed to assume undue proportions.
The husband whose suspicious nature is so highly
developed that he cannot see his wife speak cas-
ually with another man without beirig driven into
a rage is in an abnormal state which he should
overcome. His extreme proneness to distrust
her would cause a careful observer to be sus-
picious of him. It is the one who himself is un-
true who is always suspecting falsity in others.
If he is hiding some of his actions from her,
it is natural that he should suspect that she is
being equally deceitful with him. The wife who
is under the dominance of an abnormally jealous
man should be aware of this fact, because this
knowledge may prove to be her only weapon
of defense in his unjust attacks. Let her turn
upon him with the pertinent query, "What have
you done that you should be so suspicious of
me?"

Abnormal jealousy on the part of the wife
would probably be an indication of similar de-
ceitfulness on her part. Abnormal jealousy
makes life a hell upon earth for both husband and
wife, and as soon as it raises its head it should be

205

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

scotched at once. If allowed to develop, it will
eventually wreck the home.

There should be enough mutual confidence so
that both husband and wife may have pleasing
friendships among those of the opposite sex,
while at the same time the normal expression of
jealousy will serve to protect them from any
unwise intimacies.

It is true that, if men and women are asso-
ciated intimately together for a good deal of
time, there is a danger that the fundamental
attraction between the sexes may make itself
felt, and interfere more or less seriously with
their home relationships. For this reason, it is
well for each to listen with consideration to the
husband or wife who sees that such a serious
result is likely to develop. Even though the one
involved is not able to see at the time how dan-
gerous the situation really is, nevertheless true
love will lead to a generous sacrifice of the friend-
ship in order to save a loving heart the least bit
of uneasiness.

We must realize that the love of the sexes is a
very practical matter with a definite purpose,
namely, the perpetuation of the life of the race.
Marital unions must be made permanent for the
sake of the children, and jealousy is one of the
attributes of human nature which has this for its
end and aim. In its rightful place, therefore,
when properly controlled and directed, jealousy
may well be considered as the guardian of family
honor.

206

CHAPTER XXXVI
When "The Other Woman" Appears

IT sometimes becomes necessary for the wife
to consider the question of the "other
woman." Of course, it is quite possible for an
apprehensive woman to think she perceives a
rival upon the horizon when there is nothing
more there than the product of her own fancy.

It is most unfortunate for the wife to get into
the habit of nagging her husband about his
woman friends, continually suggesting to him
by her fears that she has no faith in his constancy,
or in her own powers to hold his love. We often
bring to us by our fears that which we dread.

Again, by endeavoring to hold her husband
too much under her control, the wife may drive
him to extremes simply through a desire to
achieve an approximation to personal freedom.
There may have been no intention of being un-
true to her, but simply the human being's nat-
ural desire for a normal amount of freedom.

The wife must not permit herself to get into
a frame of mind calculated to produce any of
these undesirable conditions. On the other hand,
it is not amiss for her to exercise a little wise
supervision over her husbands' friendships in or-
der that she may prevent his drifting into an
intimacy which may eventuate in a situation

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

difficult for all involved. Tactfully she may be
able to make her husband see the dangerous po-
sition in which he has placed himself, and so
avert what might prove to be a calamity for all
concerned.

Suppose, however, she has made all of these
efforts, and they have proven fruitless. She finds
her husband growing more and more enamoured
of another woman, and herself apparently help-
less to avert the threatened catastrophe. What
is she to do?

I heard of one woman in such a situation who,
with a courage born, it may be, of despair, did
a most unusual thing. She invited her ap-
parently successful, but unsuspicious, rival to
spend a week or two in her home. The other
woman came prepared to enjoy the attention
from the husband to which she had been accus-
tomed. The wife, with an unusual appreciation
of the nauseating effects of an overdose, pro-
ceeded to throw the two together so persistently
that the man was finally repelled by the cloying
sweetness of the woman, who had not learned
to make allowances for the personal idiosyncrasies
which crop out in daily life. Before the visit
was over he was appealing to his wife to free
him from the presence of this creature who, as
he had begun to feel, fairly fawned upon him.

In this instance, the wife was successful in
her strategy. Of course, such might not al-
ways be the case. At any rate, she stood a fair
chance of success, because she did not allow her-

208

"THE OTHER WOMAN"

self to lose her self-control and 'waste her energy
in tears and moans and despairing cries. The
woman who will keep her wits about her stands
a pretty fair chance of winning.

Frequently success is achieved through the
wife's coming to realize that she has really been
neglecting her husband through her desire to
do everything possible for the children. In other
words, she realizes that hers as been the great
mistake and she sets about retrieving it. In-
stead of appearing always in wrapper and curl
papers in the morning hours, she makes an effort
to come to the breakfast table looking trim and
neat, with an air of good-fellowship instead of
one of careworn anxiety. It is not easy, to be
sure, when one has been up with the babies dur-
ing the night, but it pays in the long run. She
may even learn the advisability of taking a nap
in the afternoon in order to appear bright and
entertaining at the evening meal. She can take
a rest during the day, as a rule, if she but makes
up her mind to do so, and the evening hours will
be much more enjoyable if one of the pair is not
overtired. The husband will feel rested at once
when he comes into his wife's presence, if her
nerves are calm and her words of greeting cheer-
ful.

Every domestic triangle cannot be dealt with
by attention to these little details, but in many
instances they have proven to be important aids
to success.

A wife must be very careful not to accuse

209

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

her husband of unfaithfulness on insufficient
grounds. For example, if he is a minister, a
doctor, a dentist, or a lawyer, she must make
allowances for the difficulties of his calling. In
each of these professions there are many oppor-
tunities for designing women to take advantage
of the man with whom they come in contact. That
there are designing women in the world we must
admit ; and, instead of turning her husband over
to them by her readiness to believe him guilty,
the wife must be ready to defend him from their
wiles by the use of her woman's wits.

Designing women, silly women, love-sick
women call men up on the phone repeatedly,
write them sentimental letters, waylay them in
their offices, on street corners and in the most
unheard-of places, in an effort to satisfy their
own vanity or love of romance, or for the pur-
pose of carrying out thoroughly wicked designs.
Under these circumstan^e^Tnierineed'the pro-
tection of their wives, and the wives should be
ready to give it.

There have been instances in which a man's
downfall has been plotted by his professional
rivals and an unscrupulous woman utilized to
further their ends. The wife who refuses to
listen to her husband under such circumstances
simply plays into the hands of his enemies, and it
may be, through the lack of that understanding
which accompanies true love, wrecks his life and
hers.

Sometimes he may even be guilty of tempor-

210

"THE OTHER WOMAN"

ary unfaithfulness, and while it may seem to her
that for the time being her faith in him is utterly
dead, if he is sincerely repentant and she feels
in her heart that she still loves him, she should
realize that forgiveness is divine, and that there
has often been built up upon what has appeared
to be the wreck of a marriage a truer, more inti-
mate and more lasting union than would ever
have been possible without that sad, yet binding,
experience. The suffering1 that comes to the
man through his humiliating discovery of his
own weakness, and the reverence that he feels
for his wife's generosity, will often bring to his
heart a truer comprehension of her real worth
than he ever had before, and she may find that
the thing that threatened to take her husband
from her has but served to make him more than
ever her lover.

But what if the new love that has come into his
life seems to be the real love ? What then? This
is indeed a sad situation for the wife, and one
to which each individual must find her own so-
lution. While she is going through the terrible
testing time that must accompany this discov-
ery, she can find no better solution than in John
Burroughs' poem entitled "Waiting." Let her
constantly remind herself in the words of the
poet, "Nor time, nor space, nor deep, nor height
can take my own away from me," realizing that,
if this man is her own, nothing can deprive her
of him. If he is not hers, she does not really,
in her heart of hearts, want him.

15 211

CHAPTER XXXVII
The Erring Husband

A STILL greater problem is presented to
the wife who discovers that her husband
has been unfaithful to her.

We are apt to feel that there can be no degrees
of comparison in unfaithfulness. One act of in-
fidelity seems as great an outrage as a long pe-
riod of unfaithfulness. In reality, there may be
a great difference. The man who is carried away
by the passion of a moment, but whose real, un-
derlying desire is to be true and faithful, is a
very different being from the one who permits
himself to remain in a state of infidelity. The
one act may be but the result of an overwhelming
impulse which sweeps the individual away from
his moorings for the time being. As soon as rea-
son regains her throne, however, he returns once
more to his allegiance. The other seems to lack
the very essentials of loyalty.

Of course, the wife whose husband has mo-
mentarily transgressed may say that he had no
right to allow himself to be placed in a position
where he could be so tempted, and to a certain
degree she is right. Yet women should take into
account the designing actions of other women,
the way in which they many times throw them-
selves into the path of some man who has at-
tracted them, and artfully draw him into a net

212

THE ERRING HUSBAND

before he has become aware of their real purpose.
For this he is more to be pitied than blamed, and
his wife should be the first one to realize his help-
lessness in the hands of a designing female.

It will be apparent from these remarks that
I do not feel it the wife's duty immediately to
repudiate her husband upon the discovery that
he has been unfaithful to her. Let her first learn
what the real state of his heart is. Suppose he
has become temporarily enamoured of another
woman, even to the point of unfaithfulness ; does
that mean that he has no love in his heart for
his wife ? Has he considered what it would mean
to him to be deprived of wife and home and
children, and is he ready to sacrifice it all for
what seems to him to be another's love? These
are questions to which she should know the an-
swer before she decides upon her course of ac-
tion.

A wife who feels herself outraged in her ten-
derest, holiest thoughts and emotions by such
an act on the part of her husband is tempted
to give way to violent denunciation. This can
have but one consequence, and that a complete
disruption of the home. In after years she may
look back upon that scene and wish that she had
met the great crisis of her life in a different frame
of mind. She may realize then that life still
holds much for two people who have been able
to pass through such a crisis successfully. She
may even be able to see that part of the blame
rested upon her own shoulders.

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

It is difficult indeed for the one who is wronged
to feel that she can, by any stretch of the imag-
ination, be made to share in the blame. She has
been faithful and true. She has worked from
morning till night with but one thought in her
mind — or so she thinks — and that the welfare
and happiness of husband and children. But a
little deeper analysis may show her that, in some
way, she failed to bring to her husband the com-
panionship, the complete understanding which
he longed for, and that this was the reason he
fell an easy victim to another woman's wiles.

It is true that a man will not turn to another
woman so long as he devotedly loves his wife.
It is only when a feeling of loneliness has begun
to come over him, when he feels a sense of empti-
ness in his life, that he allows himself to be first
amused, then attracted, and finally, it may be,
overcome by the fascinating and flattering ways
of some other woman.

It would be well, therefore, if the wronged
wife would hold her judgment in abeyance when
she first learns of the tragic situation in which
she has been placed. Let her ask herself why
she has failed to hold her husband's affection,
and honestly and searchingly scrutinize the past,
dealing with herself as unmercifully as she would
deal with another. How has it come about that
she has ceased to be attractive to him? Has her
thought been centered too much upon herself,
or her babies? Has she neglected her personal
appearance, or failed to take a genuine interest

214

THE ERRING HUSBAND

in the things that interested him? Allowed her-
self to become cross and peevish and irritable?
Refused to join him in the recreations which
he craved and needed, and so contributed to-
ward making life such a dull, drab affair that his
spirit revolted and turned to other sources of
pleasure?

It may be that the marriage relation between
them has been unsatisfactory. The wife has
found it impossible to respond to her husband's
ardent advances. She may have resigned her-
self in what she considered wifely submission;
but such a one-sided relationship is inevitably
unsatisfactory. She has offered but the husks,
and his soul has remained unsatisfied. Unless
some basis can be found for mutual satisfaction
in this relationship, the marriage is bound to be
more or less of a failure.

All this is not meant as an excuse for unfaith-
fulness in husbands. A man has no more right
to be untrue to the marriage vow than has his
wife. She has a right to resent his unfaithful-
ness, and even, if she so desires, to seek a com-
plete separation from him, because of his in-
fidelity. Sometimes this may be the only way
out of an impossible situation. There are other
times, however, when the wife will make a great
mistake if she seeks thus to redress her wrongs.
Where love is strong enough and big enough
truly to forgive, it is possible to build up a new
relationship and sometimes a completer under-

215

standing when such a situation has been bravely
faced and overcome.

Let the wife count the cost well, however, be-
fore she definitely decides to take the step to-
ward reconciliation. If she does not feel assured
that she can put all of these things behind her,
and never refer to them in any way which will
humiliate the husband, it would be better to
end the situation at once. Many times an at-
tempt is made at forgiveness without a true un-
derstanding of the depth of the magnanimity im-
plied by that word. The woman who in after
years reminds her husband that she has over-
looked his unfaithfulness in the past, does not
begin to understand its meaning. Furthermore,
if she is going to live in a continual state of ap-
prehension lest he prove unfaithful again, she
ought not to attempt the role of a forgiving
wife.

It has been said that to understand all is to
forgive all. The saying is equally true when
reversed. If she wants to forgive, the wife must
come to understand not only the possibility of a
temporary weakness, but the loyalty and strength
of the love for her which may nevertheless be the
underlying fact of her husband's life. In that
knowledge her faith may rest secure. This is
her golden opportunity to prove the intensity
and loyalty of her love for her husband, and,
by so doing, it may be, to make of him such a
man as he would never have been otherwise.

When the husband 'is guilty of repeated acts

216

THE ERRING HUSBAND

of infidelity the wife finds herself in a different
and a very difficult situation. Here is a man
who is apparently incapable of faithfulness. Is
it her place to forgive his repeated offences and
receive him always with open arms whenever
he feels impelled to return to her? Is she doing
him any real good by so doing? Are there chil-
dren in the home, and under what conditions are
they being brought up?

Many a wife, with the idea that it is her place
to forgive, receives her erring husband when he
returns, only to discover that her leniency has
proven to be an encouragement to him in wrong-
doing and has almost lost her the respect of her
children. For example, I know of one woman
who took this attitude toward her erring husband
until her sons had reached the age of under-
standing— about fifteen and seventeen years of
age — when they turned upon her one day and
informed her that if she allowed that drunken
reprobate, her husband, to continue to come into
her home they would go somewhere else. It
seemed a bitter thing for children to say, but it
brought her to a realization that, if she would
retain the respect of her children, she must cease
to allow herself to be used as a convenience by
one who was utterly unworthy of her and of
them.

Mothers must not forget that children are in-
fluenced by the moral atmosphere of those in the
home. A man who is living a life of unfaithful-
ness sends forth an atmosphere of deceitfulness

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

and sensuality which cannot but be most detri-
mental to the impressionable souls of little chil-
dren.

Not only may it be necessary for the wife to
separate herself from the erring husband for her
own sake and the sake of her children, but his
welfare also may demand it. It may be the only
thing which will cause him to pause and ponder
upon the path which he is pursuing. It may serve
to bring him to his senses, so that, whether their
lives are rejoined or not, he will master himself
to the degree of being faithful to someone, and
thus he will really be benefited by the separation.

The question as to what should be done when
unfaithfulness has been discovered, therefore, is
one which can be answered only by those who
are involved, and the right solution can be found
only by considering the welfare of all concerned.
This much may be said, however, for the guid-
ance of all under such unhappy circumstances,
that what is really best for one will be found
to be best for all concerned.

218

CHAPTER XXXVIII
When Love Seems Dead

THE wife who has determined to overlook
her husband's unfaithfulness has a greater
task to perform than she may at first realize.
Not only must she be willing to forgive and for-
get, but she must make the effort to revive a
love that apparently has died. It may only be
sleeping, but nevertheless it will take some effort
on her part to draw it forth into active expres-
sion,

Equally difficult is the task of her whose hus-
band, without having reached the point of actual
unfaithfulness, has nevertheless given unmistak-
able evidence of having, at least for the time be-
ing, lost the ardor of devotion which filled life
with happiness in the early days of marriage.
What can the wife do under these circumstances ?

When we learn that someone no longer loves
us, we are inclined to blame the other individual.
We wring our hands and moan, "He no longer
loves me," and a feeling of resentment rises up
in our hearts. We forget that love cannot be
forced. It is impossible to love another by an
effort of the will. A sense of duty never brought
love.

The more I study the matter, the more thor-
oughly convinced do I become that the one who
loves is, if we may so phrase it, the passive fac-

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

tor, being acted upon by the attributes and per-
sonality of the one who is loved. If the love fails,
it is because the recipient has in some way not
succeeded in persistently drawing it forth.

To the neglected ones this may seem a hard
statement, yet in reality it contains within it
the germ of a great hope. If the cause of the fail-
ing love lies within themselves, then in their
power rests the possibility of its revival.

The best way to discover how to arouse love
in another is to analyze one's own feelings, and
learn what it is that arouses the glow of love
within one's own heart. The spark is generally
kindled by admiration in some form or another.
It may be admiration for a face or a figure which
seems to express admirable attributes. It may
be for qualities of soul, such as generosity, kind-
ness, thoughtfulness and the like. We all re-
spond immediately to words of appreciation.
They bring a warm glow to our hearts and make
us feel that here is someone who really under-
stands us; we instinctively open our hearts to
such individuals.

Let no one think that a pretense to these quali-
ties can arouse love. Those who say flattering
things which they do not mean very soon be-
tray their own insincerity, and thereafter their
words have but little weight. A sincere interest
in another shows itself in many subtle ways that
cannot be imitated ; where these are lacking, the
imitation stands revealed.

In the case where the wife has to revive the

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WHEN LOVE SEEMS DEAD

dead love of an erring husband, her first step
in that direction will be a magnanimous forgiv-
ing and a complete forgetting of his past trans-
gressions. Then let her try to understand some-
thing of the soul anguish which he is in all prob-
ability enduring. There is no harder experience
for the human soul than passing through the
Valley of Humiliation, and there is no more
humiliating experience than the discovery of
one's own weakness. Having another learn of
one's wrong-doing is not so keen an anguish to
the sensitive soul as is the realization of one's
own unworthiness.

If the wife realizes all this, she will have some-
thing of an understanding of what may be pass-
ing through her husband's mind when he sits of
an evening gazing moodily into the open fire, or
watching her at her bit of sewing, and saying
never a word. She may be tempted to think that
he has, in familiar phraseology, "got a grouch;"
and, of course, if she approaches him on that
basis, she will but drive him farther from her.
If, however, she truly comprehends his suffering
and, it may be, puts down her work to steal be-
hind his chair, put her arms about his neck and
murmur softly in his ear, "Don't feel so badly
about it all, my darling; let's forget it and be
happy in each other's love," she will stir in his
heart a feeling of gratitude and a faith in her
comprehension of him which will go a long way
toward reviving love that he had thought was
dead.

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

Many will feel, of course, that he should be
thinking of her suffering, and she may be
tempted to let the same feeling take possession
of her. This is a time, however, when she cannot
afford to think of herself and what may be due
her. That can come later, when the dead love
has really been revived. Just now she has but
one important thing in hand, and that is to re-
awaken the feeling of devotion and ardent love.
She can do it, if she will but try, and she should
let nothing interfere. This is a time when she
can afford to neglect her children a little, in or-
der to devote herself more completely to her
great undertaking. When her husband finally
discovers that there is no trace of resentment in
her feeling toward him, no least fear of any fur-
ther transgression on his part, nothing but a
sincere and self-forgetful devotion to his happi-
ness, then at last he will begin to know what
real love is and in that knowledge his own love
will grow far beyond anything which he has
heretofore experienced.

It is not an easy task which the wife has before
her, but it is one worthy of her greatest effort.
Let her not hesitate to study unsparingly her
own mistakes of the past, knowing that thus
only will she find the real secret of success in the
present.

222

CHAPTER XXXIX
The Divorce Problem

BY many, divorce is considered an unmiti-
gated evil. The experience of the human
race, however, seems to prove that there may be
a right and a wrong use of it, as of everything
else.

One of the first and most essential steps to-
ward the solution of the divorce problem is a
better understanding of marriage, both as to its
physiological basis and its demand for mental
companionship and spiritual harmony.

If our children were taught from their earliest
years the sacred responsibilities that come with
marriage, there would not be so many hasty and
ill-considered unions which must inevitably, in so
many instances, result in ultimate separation.
When physical fitness is properly considered be-
fore marriage, the divorce courts will be relieved
of a certain proportion of their cases, and when
the principle of self-control in sex matters is in-
culcated in early childhood, there will be fewer
cases of marital infidelity. Thus, by putting the
proper safeguards around marriage, we can read-
ily see how the number of divorces may be ma-
terially reduced. On the other hand, until the
human race has attained to perfection there
seems little likelihood that we will reach the point
where divorce will not have to be considered.

We read in the Bible that "they twain shall

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

be one;" and we forget that this is a prophecy
and not a statement of achievement. As soon
as the marriage ceremony is performed we look
upon the contracting parties as already one. In
reality, they have simply begun to try to become
united in a common life. If they do eventually
merge their individualities into a common exist-
ence, they are truly married. If, however, as the
years go by, instead of growing together, they
grow farther and farther 'apart, their state can-
not truly be called that of marriage. Under
these circumstances, it would seem as though
divorce were but the outward expression of a
state which already existed in the inner reality.
These two are not one; they are two, separate
and distinct. If they find it impossible longer
to maintain a semblance of unity, their seeking
relief in the divorce courts should not be looked
upon as disgraceful.

This is not intended as an argument for fre-
quent divorce and promiscuity of relations. Di-
vorce must ever be a confession of failure, and
no one likes to proclaim himself to the world as
a failure in any line.

In some of our States the idea still prevails
that only for the one cause of unfaithfulness
should divorce be granted. We see the effect of
the law in the fact that when conditions have be-
come unbearable, one or the other of an unhappy
wedded pair will give cause for divorce, choosing
to bear the stigma of wrong-doing rather than
longer endure marital unhappiness. This puts

224

THE DIVORCE PROBLEM

an unnecessary burden of shame upon the chil-
dren, who must share, to a degree, in the disgrace
of the parents.

Another undesirable result of the law which
allows only unfaithfulness as a cause of divorce
is the publication in our daily papers of the un-
savory details of such cases, making young, de-
veloping minds more or less familiar with mat-
ters which should be kept from the public gaze.

There are those who would urge the unhappily
married to endure to the bitter end, and, in
many cases, it may be better for them so to do,
especially if there is no marked inharmony be-
tween them. Discontent with one's present part-
ner may be very largely a matter of mental atti-
tude which can be changed through a better un-
derstanding of life and a deeper insight into
character. Where two temperaments clash, how-
ever, in such a way that there is constant bick-
ering and quarreling, surely it were better for
all concerned that the two should be relieved of
a relationship which works such severe detri-
ment to all concerned. In such a case as this
the plea that the two shall remain together for
the sake of their children has little weight, for
it cannot be considered desirable for souls to
develop in such an acrimonious atmosphere.
Better that the children should be deprived for
a part of the time of the presence of one parent
or of the other, if thereby it may be made pos-
sible for them to grow up in an atmosphere of
harmony.

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

It is without doubt a great mistake, however,
for two young people to rush to the courts as
soon as they find themselves a little dissatisfied
with each other. Divorce should come only at
the end of a long effort to overcome the tragic
situation. If the two concerned could have a
series of frank talks together, they might come
to an understanding of each other's mental con-
dition, and so discover a way of composing their
difficulties. Thus many an action might be
avoided.

There is little doubt in my mind that one of
the most potent causes for unhappiness in mar-
riage lies in the idea of possession. In the early
days of courtship, it sounds beautiful to have
the beloved reiterate, "You are mine, you are
mine." In marriage, however, that sentiment
often takes a form which might well be expressed
in the words: "Now you are mine; I can do any-
thing I choose and you have to put up with it."

It has sometimes been suggested that if our
marriage laws were different, many a man would
be restrained from cruelty and neglect by the
knowledge that such actions might cause the
breaking-up of his home, and there seems to be
an element of truth in such a statement. We can
at any rate teach our young people that this
idea of the possession of another individual is
wrong. Lovers and married persons possess each
other only in the sense that they have the right
to serve each other in the most intimate ways.
So long as that idea of possession is held, there

226

THE DIVORCE PROBLEM

will be happiness in the marriage relation, anc}
divorces will be relegated to the outer limbo of
the unnecessary.

There is one important consideration which
may well be urged upon those who, having chil-
dren, yet feel that they can no longer remain
together. For the sake of the little ones they
should endeavor to take as generous an attitude
toward each other as possible. Nothing should
ever be said by the one which would in the least
degree change the attitude of the child toward
the other. In their management of the children's
lives, they should endeavor to be as harmonious
as possible. For nothing is more detrimental to
little, unfolding souls than accusations of wrong-
doing between their parents, and a continued un-
settling of their lives through the changing ex-
actions of father and mother.

Whatever their differences along other lines
may be, let the separated couple endeavor, as far
as possible, to be one in the guidance of the lives
of their offspring. There is no reason why per-
sons so placed should be deadly enemies, or even
unkind critics. Let them in their separation en-
deavor to be kind and just to each other, and so
prove that divorce has been used by them, not
as a means of retaliation, but rather as the only
remedy for a situation which was rendering
them unfit for their work in the world.

When we take into account the fact that the
intimate relationship of marriage is only justified
where a great love draws two individuals into

227

16

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

spiritual unity, we must also realize how wrong
it is to keep them chained together when a force
the very opposite of affection is driving their
spirits apart. What must be the inharmonious
condition of human beings who come into being
under such circumstances? They are called into
existence, not by the love of their parents for
each other, but by that base counterfeit of love
which we call lust. They must necessarily be
at odds with themselves. Their souls will feel
the discord in which they were born throughout
life, and they may be unable ever to adjust them-
selves to life in such a way as to find happiness.
Surely, for the sake of the children who may
come into the world, it were better for two such
people to separate and remain apart forever
more.

There are those who maintain that, while it
may be right to allow two individuals who are
no longer one in heart to separate, they should
not be permitted to remarry. This, again, seems
an unnecessary cruelty. Should we condemn
human beings to lifelong loneliness, because, it
may be through no fault of their own, they failed
in the first instance to find a satisfactory marital
companion? It is not good for man or woman
to live alone. Human beings need homes and
companionship. They can do better work in the
world under such conditions, and while society
may well frown upon those who divorce and re-
marry with reprehensible ease and frequency,
nevertheless it should not put the ban upon those

228

THE DIVORCE PROBLEM

who, with the purest motives in the world, find
themselves facing the problem of marriage after
divorce.

After all, marriage is a human-made contract.
It has developed as the result of many genera-
tions of experience on the part of the human
race. It is quite possible that it may be modi-
fied in the years that are to come, as humanity
comes into a better understanding of itself and
its need; of this much we may rest assured: —
where the divine power has drawn two souls to-
gether in a real soul-unity, they cannot be sep-
arated by any outward circumstances.

229

CHAPTER XL
The Unsatisfactory Husband

IT sometimes happens that a wife will discover
after marriage that she has a husband who is
physically unable to enter into the marriage rela-
tion. Probably the majority of women are not
aware that it is necessary for the sex organs of
a man to respond actively to a nerve stimulation,
in order that he may be able to perform his part
in the marriage relation. If for any reason this
stimulation fails to receive a proper response, so
that the external organs are properly energized,
the relationship becomes a physical impossibil-
ity.

This debilitated condition is what is meant by
loss of manhood, and it comes as the result of
excesses in one form or another. Every young
man should know that he has no right to marry
when he is in this weakened and abnormal phy-
sical condition. Unfortunatelv, however, men

•> "

are not taught this. In fact, too often their phy-
sicians will advise marriage as a last resort in
their effort to cure a condition of partial impo-
tence. This, of course, is absolutely unjust to
the woman whose welfare and happiness are not
at all considered by a physician who gives such
advice. So unfair is it, that it is recognized by
law as an unquestionable cause for divorce, or

230

UNSATISFACTORY HUSBANDS

rather for annulment of the marriage. For where
marriage cannot be consummated, it is not con-
sidered a marriage. The woman who has been
led into such .a union is looked upon as having
been deceived and defrauded, and has therefore a
right to seek redress in the courts.

It is necessary to make these statements for
the protection of unsuspecting women who, find-
ing themselves in this sad situation, may think
that they are bound for life. Not only that, but
they may be called upon by the unfortunate
creature whom they have married to permit un-
natural practices, which he may hope will result
in stimulating nerves that have refused to re-
spond to the normal stimulation. Wives have
sometimes submitted to this sort of thing be-
cause they thought it was their duty. They
should realize, however, in the first place, that
they are absolutely under no obligation whatso-
ever to permit these things; and, in the second
place, that all such unnatural practices are ren-
dering more serious the condition of the poor
creature who has recourse to them as a last re-
sort.

It must be understood that while this condition
may be the result of a permanent debilitated state
known as loss of manhood, it is not necessarily
so. It may be simply a temporary condition,
due, possibly, to the nervousness of the young
husband at his entrance upon a new experience.
It would not be well for the young wife to jump
to the conclusion that this condition on the part

231

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

of her husband is necessarily a chronic one.
Rather should she encourage both him and her-
self to believe that it is a temporary condition,
which a little patience and understanding on the
part of both of them will enable them to over-
come.

Sometimes this nervousness expresses itself
in a condition which is called prematurity. That
is to say, the orgasm which should be the cul-
mination of the marriage relation, and which re-
sults in the ejaculation of the semen, may come
at the very beginning, sometimes even before the
physical relationship has been completely estab-
lished. This state of affairs leaves the wife in an
unsatisfied condition, which may, in the long run,
prove very distressing to her physically.

Husbands do not always understand that the
woman's nature responds more or less slowly
to sex stimulation. Often the husband will re-
ceive physical satisfaction before the wife has
reached that point, and he will therefore culmin-
ate the relationship at a time when the wife is
still unsatisfied. This, of course, is unfortunate
for both concerned, but especially so for the wife.
She should not hesitate, therefore, to explain
this matter to her husband, in order that they
may endeavor to establish their relationship upon
a basis which shall be mutually satisfactory.

If this condition of prematurity continues, it
may be necessary for them to make a study of the
subject to see if they can learn how it may be
overcome. It may be necessary for the husband

232

UNSATISFACTORY HUSBANDS

to go through a period of strict adherence to the
laws of health as regards exercise, cold bathing,
and so forth, and especially to get a thorough
control over his imagination.

This condition is frequently the result of an
erotic imagination, so that every least suggestion
of anything connected with the sex life causes
undue activity of the reproductive system. Such
an individual must learn, first of all, to think of
sex as something dignified and worthy of his re-
spect and reverence, not as a source of his per-
sonal gratification. If he will read uplifting lit-
erature upon the subject of sex, so that he comes
to understand it as the great, life-giving force of
the universe, to which the human race owes its
greatest blessings, he may be able to purify his
mind from the abnormal thoughts that have
dwelt there, and eventually come into a normal
condition of manhood which will enable him to
give his wife the gratification which her sex na-
ture needs.

The wife who truly wishes to bring a com-
plete recovery to her husband must endeavor, by
every means in her power, to bring him to a
state of willingness to restore his own health
by natural methods. In a great many cases, the
condition is not so serious that it may be looked
upon as hopeless. While an immediate cure can-
not be expected for a condition which probably
has been years in developing, nevertheless it is
known that a conscientious attention to the laws
of health will bring about remarkable results in

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

a comparatively short space of time. Six months
of careful adherence to the rules of health will
often bring a marked improvement.

There are various ways in which this condition
of impotence may have been brought about.
Probably the most frequent is through the habit
known as masturbation, or self-abuse. Because
of the cloud of ignorance which has shrouded
the subject of sex for so many generations, the
majority of children are still growing up without
any authoritative knowledge upon this very im-
portant side of their own natures. Their parents
are afraid to talk with them upon this subject,
and leave them to pick up their information from
chance acquaintances, which too often means the
acquisition of many perverted ideas. The gen-
eral impression given them is that the sex powers
are intended as a source of gratification, and that
the knowing ones of the world use them for this
purpose. Very early in life, boys — and girls,
too — may be initiated into the sensations which
may be aroused by the undue handling of the sex
organs, and in time the desire for these sensa-
tions may become a dominating impulse and
eventually grow into an overpowering habit.
The victim of this habit is a most pitiable
creature, for even though he may come to know
how destructive is its effect upon his physical,
mental and moral being, he seems many times to
be almost powerless to overcome it. This is es-
pecially true where he has been allowed to re-

234

UNSATISFACTORY HUSBANDS

main in ignorance for years, until the habit has
become thoroughly established.

Much that has been written in the past upon
this habit was exaggerated. Some physicians at
the present time are endeavoring to offset that
exaggeration by going to the other extreme, and
maintaining that, because this temptation comes
to almost every child, it is practically a normal
experience. That, of course, is as false as the
exaggerations. It may be a natural temptation,
but the indulgence in this habit cannot rightfully
be called normal. It is an abnormal manifesta-
tion of an unduly aroused sex consciousness.

When a young man has been struggling for
months, it may be years, to overcome this habit,
frequently his physicians will advise him to
marry as his last hope, never stopping to con-
sider the injustice to the woman. Unfortunately,
if his habit has been maintained long enough,
he may find himself unable to enter into the mar-
riage relation. If his wife truly loves him, how-
ever, and wishes to prove what love and devotion
can do, she has now an opportunity to help him
fight one of the biggest battles of his life, with
the result that his manhood may eventually be
restored to him and the normal pleasures of fam-
ily life made possible.

First of all, however, he must make up his mind
to make no attempt whatsoever to enter the
marriage relation for at least six months. He
must put it completely out of his mind, so that
there will be no mental unrest for him to con-

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

tend with. He must also centre his thought and
determination upon his ultimate aim, vowing to
himself that he will not give up the battle until
he has won the victory. He has now the wonder-
ful advantage of a devoted ally who will aid him
in every way in her power, and her very presence
in his life will be of untold value in helping him
to gain a true attitude toward the subject of
sex. He realizes now that a normal sex life is
one of the greatest blessings in life, that it should
be looked upon with reverence, and that all pru-
rient and lascivious thought should be resolutely
put aside as unworthy of a self-respecting hu-
man being. He will discover that as he refuses
to let his mind dwell upon those aspects of sex
which in the past were to him a source of degrad-
ing pleasure, the impulse to wrong acts will pass
away from him. Purity is a matter of thought,
first of all. Let a man cleanse his mind and heart,
and he will then find it an easy matter to gain
the mastery over his body.

He must at the same time, live the most nor-
mal sort of life in every particular. Plenty of
outdoor air, both night and day, plenty of health-
ful exercise, simple food, simple pleasures, plenty
of sleep, cheerfulness and contentment in the
home, all of these things will serve to steady
his nerves and give him a normal outlook upon
life. Let him follow the regimen suggested in
detail in my book, "Manhood and Marriage,"
and he will be amazed to see how quickly results
will follow. Especially advisable is it for him

236

UNSATISFACTORY HUSBANDS

to avoid all stimulants, such as alcohol or to-
bacco, tea and coffee, and particularly those
drugs which have so deleterious an effect upon
the reproductive system.

In all of these efforts the wife can be of ines-
timable value. She it is who will revive his cour-
age when he feels as though the battle were lost,
and will inspire him to continue his struggles,
no matter how discouraging the prospect seems.
He must not expect to be able to overcome in a
few days or weeks that which has been years in
building, and she is the one who can give him
the necessary patience. If she never loses faith
in him, he eventually will come to have the re-
quisite faith in himself, and this period of
struggle can be made a means of drawing them
closer together. He will learn the priceless value
of a woman's faith and courage and persistency,
and she will rejoice in knowing how essential she
is to her husband's welfare. When at last the
victory is won, there will be a mutual rejoicing in
the prospect of lifelong happiness that opens out
before them.

There are other causes for impotence, however,
beside this abnormal habit. Alcohol has been
looked upon as a sexual stimulant, but in real-
ity it is most destructive of reproductive integ-
rity in the long run. Some constitutions can
stand a great deal more alcoholic stimulation
than others, but, although the evil effects may
not at first be so apparent, sooner or later their
harmfulness will be unmistakably shown. A

237

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

great many cases of permanent impotence may
be traced to a state of chronic alcoholism. Even
the lighter alcoholic beverages will be found ul-
timately to have a similar effect. These are con-
sidered comparatively harmless because of the
smaller proportion of alcohol contained in them,
but the truth is they are just as likely to do as
much harm as the heavier beverages because of
the greater quantity consumed. An added dis-
advantage in the use of beer and wine is the
tendency to drink them regularly. The moder-
ate indulgence in alcohol is the very worst form,
because it is so continuous. Where the system
is allowed to return to a normal condition after
an occasional bout of drunkenness less harm is
done ; but where the body is kept constantly un-
der the domination of this stimulant, the repro-
ductive system is not exempt from its deleterious
effect. By some authorities, beer is considered
the most injurious of all intoxicants, so far as
the sexual function is concerned.

The excessive use of tobacco has a most de-
pressing effect upon the creative powers, and is,
in some instances, the main cause of sexual weak-
ness. Tobacco is sometimes prescribed by phy-
sicians in attempting to combat a habit like mas-
turbation, because of its depressing effect upon
the nerves. Such depression, however, if long
continued, might result in a most disastrous con-
dition. No man who values his reproductive
vigor would wish to become the victim of to-
bacco, and certainly one who desires to overcome

238

UNSATISFACTORY HUSBANDS

any sexual weakness should absolutely abjure
the weed.

There are certain drugs which are supposed
to be sexually stimulating, but it must be remem-
bered that anything which overstimulates the
nerve centres also tends to ultimate depression.
For example, morphine and cocaine are supposed
to stimulate the sexual centers, and yet we find
that those who use these drugs habitually and
extensively are almost invariably impotent.
There are other drugs which are immediately de-
pressing in their effect upon the generative sys-
tem, prominent among them being the bromides.
These drugs also have been used in many cases
to check the tendency toward masturbation, and
to excessive night losses. They may actually pro-
duce results in such cases, but they do so by
paralyzing and destroying the sex function. In
other words, they may "cure" masturbation and
night losses, but it will be by producing impo-
tence and sexlessness. It will be well for the
wife to know that, when the depression of the
nerve centres is desirable, it can be secured by
means of a prolonged cold pack applied to the
spine.

It is necessary for married people to remember
that sex excesses, even within the marriage bond,
will have a deleterious effect upon both husband
and wife. These excesses tend to weaken and
destroy virility and bring about a correspond-
ingly weakened condition in the wife.

A temporary condition of sexual weakness

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

may be brought about through nerve strain, due
to a long continued state of worry or mental
overwork. When a man is going through a se-
vere business crisis, he may find it impossible for
him to enter into the marriage relation, and this
may throw him into a still greater panic through
the fear that he has lost his virile powers. Here
again the wife can be of a great assistance by
allaying this unnecessary fear. Let her be ab-
solutely assured, and then transfer this condition
of confidence to her husband, that the apparent
impotence is simply an indication of a depleted
nervous condition. As soon as the strain is re-
moved and the man is able to take a little needed
rest, he will find that, as physical recovery sets in,
his manly powers will be fully restored to him.
Of course this condition can be hastened in its
return through healthful living, and especially
through a refusal to worry over little things, or
even over the big ones. It is worry that kills
rather than work. The man who lives a healthful
life out of doors, taking daily periods of exer-
cise and securing plenty of sleep, will be able to
pass through any sort of crisis without such a
loss of power. But if a man allows his business
worries to remain with him night and day, losing
more and more sleep because of them, he need
not be surprised if he suffers a temporary col-
lapse of his sex powers.

It is interesting to note that lack of sufficient
work may also be productive of weakened sex
powers, the whole body suffering a deterioration

240

UNSATISFACTORY HUSBANDS

which affects all of the organs. In this condition,
also, the mind is apt to dwell too much upon
erotic fancies, which, overstimulating the nerves
of the sex centers, may result in a condition of
partial or complete impotence. Moreover, this
sort of a life is also conducive to the accumula-
tion of flesh. Obesity is seldom a favorable sex-
ual indication. The man who carries a moderate
amount of fat and is still full of energy, is, of
course, as virile as any one need desire. But the
man who has accumulated fat through lack of
sufficient exercise is generally in a more or less
debilitated condition, and that is not conducive
to the fullest sex powers.

In other words, the man who keeps strong,
active, hearty and vigorous, need have no fear
for the loss of his sex powers. It is the man who
is too indolent to exercise, who gives himself up
to detrimental bodily habits, who allows his mind
to wander in forbidden paths of thought, who
spends the hours when he should be asleep in so-
cial diversions, that need not be surprised if
eventually his virility leaves him. In all such
cases there is only one way of regaining his viril-
ity, and that is by climbing the rugged path of
self-denial. Such compensations will come to
him, however, as he makes the climb, that, having
once attained the heights of full manhood, he
will never desire to return to the lower planes
of self-indulgence.

241

CHAPTER XLI
The Frigid Wife

AS unfortunate as the impotent husband is
the wife who feels no response within her
own being to the relationship of marriage. She
then becomes a martyr to what she feels to be
her husband's demands, although what he asks
of her may not, from the normal standpoint, be
excessive. Nor is she the only one to be pitied.
The husband also is deprived of the magnetic
return which should come to him from his wife
when they enter into this relationship. Both,
therefore, are in a constantly unsatisfied condi-
tion, which will be very likely to lead to quarrels
and more or less permanent inharmony. It is
quite apropos, therefore, for us to ask the ques-
tion as to where the cause of this condition may
lie.

We may, in the first place, consider it in con-
nection with the previous chapter. If the hus-
band is troubled with prematurity, he may con-
clude the act without having aroused the pas-
sionate side of his wife's nature. She has sub-
mitted, but she has not responded, to his ap-
proach.

Without doubt, there are many cases of frigid-
ity in wives which could be overcome if the hus-
band knew a little more of the physical and men-

242

THE FRIGID WIFE

tal make-up of women. With many men the
marriage relationship is a purely physical thing.
They have learned to look to it for nothing
but physical satisfaction, and it has not entered
their thought that the case might be entirely dif-
ferent with their wives. To many women, how-
ever, the physical relationship of marriage has
no attraction save as the expression of an emo-
tional and spiritual condition. If the wife's emo-
tions are not aroused, so that she feels the inten-
sity of her love for her husband to such a degree
that she desires above all else to give herself to
him, their relationship becomes thoroughly dis-
tasteful to her. Not realizing this fact, however,
a husband often enters into the sex relationship
in too business-like a manner. He spends almost
no time in expressions of love embodied in the
more tender forms of endearment. His sex na-
ture is already aroused. He does not realize that
he needs to woo his wife into acquiescence with
his mood. Many times she herself does not know
what is the cause of her reluctance and her failure
to respond properly, and so they go on in a state
of mutual dissatisfaction. If she did know, it
might be very easy for her to make him under-
stand the delicate feelings of a woman's heart,
so that eventually he would be able to express
his love in such ways as to bring her to a full
reciprocation of the ardor of his feelings.

Sometimes the obstacle is in the wife's mind,
due to mistaken early teaching, which has given
her the feeling that this relationship is something

243

17

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

degrading, and, therefore, causes her to shrink
from it with all her finer sensibilities. If this is
the case, she needs to make a more thorough
study of the subject of sex until she comes into
a comprehension of the wonderful part it has
played in the development of the human race,
and so come out of her morbid state of mind
into one that is more natural.

By thus working together to their mutual ben-
efit, the frigidity of the wife may be overcome.

It may be discovered, also, that this condition
is the result of the use of tea and coffee, or other
nerve stimulants, or depressives. Too many
women allow themselves to seek refuge from
headaches in bromides and other depressing
drugs. All of these things will have a deleterious
effect upon the reproductive system, and may be
partly responsible for her unresponsive state.

Many women in the past seem to have prided
themselves upon their lack of all sexual desire.
This probably was a reflex from their abnormal
attitude toward sex as something unworthy of
the human race. It may also have been the re-
sult of the unnatural lives led by so many women
of a generation or two ago. The young women
of today, who frankly rejoice in their physical
powers and find their pleasure in many forms
of outdoor sports, will find themselves much
more normal in this respect also.

Where there is a persistent condition of frigid-
ity, it would be well for the wife to enter upon
a thorough course of training, knowing that this

244

THE FRIGID WIFE

will restore normality through every part of her
being. Plenty of outdoor exercise, loose clothing
which permits of bodily activity, simple food and
plenty of sleep, form the best regimen for her
to follow. Sun baths would be particularly
heathful for her, and also, possibly, cold sitz
baths.

In the majority of instances, however, the ob-
stacle will generally be found to be mental rather
than physical, and if the woman really desires
to overcome her condition, it will be necessary
only for her to bring about a more normal state
of mind in herself. She will find then that the
right condition of body will ultimately follow.

It will not be amiss for us here to call attention
to the fact that her unnatural state may be the
result of the same physical habit which causes
impotence in men. We do not like to think that
our young women may be in danger of forming
the habit of masturbation, yet the number of let-
ters which are received from young women ask-
ing for help in throwing off the bondage of this
habit convinces us that the danger is very real.

Where the habit of masturbation has held long-
continued sway over both mind and body, up
to the time of marriage, it is quite likely that the
condition called frigidity might result. There is
no reason, however, why the condition should
continue. As has been said, it is more the result
of a mental than a physical state, and, with per-
sistent efforts, can easily be overcome.

245

CHAPTER XLII
Masturbation

fT is difficult for the average individual to real-
ize that girls are at all in danger of acquiring
the secret vice known as self-abuse or masturba-
tion. We do so like to think of the feminine half
of creation as made of entirely different clay
from that used for their counterpart, that we
are prone to picture them as utterly free from
the temptations and dangers that assail the mas-
culine portion of mankind. There is a certain
foundation in fact for this feeling. We know
that every cell of the woman's body manifests
the characteristics of femininity, and in so far is
different from every cell of the man's body. Her
impulses and inclinations are different from his,
and it is equally true that temptations which
assail him with pecular force may not have so
great an effect upon her. Taking all of these
things into account, however, it is nevertheless
true that they are both human beings, with plws-
ical impulses and appetites which at least corre-
spond.

We have no opportunity for discovering how
strong the spontaneous impulse toward mastur-
bation would be in either sex, because we are
not able to bring up our children in entirely ideal
surroundings where there would be no outward

246

suggestion toward that form of sex gratification.
Therefore, we have no opportunity for compar-
ing the strength of this impulse in the two sexes.
We are obliged simply to accept conditions as
they are, and any one who has been made the
confidant of any large number of young women
is aware of the fact that many of them have
had to meet this temptation.

It would be well for us to consider the natural
ways in which this habit may be formed in early
childhood, in order that we may rid ourselves of
an unnecessary amount of condemnation for
those who have succumbed. The holy horror
which arises in the breasts of some individuals
at the mere suggestion that any one, particularly
a young woman, could become the victim of this
habit, adds greatly to the difficulty of handling
the situation. One of the greatest obstacles to
self-mastery in this particular is the depressing
effect of extreme condemnation, whether on the
part of the victim, or on the part of those about
her. These unfortunate creatures are apt to feel
that their wrong-doing has placed them beyond
the possibility of forgiveness, and that there is,
therefore, no use for them to try to change them-
selves. The first great essential, in enabling them
to secure self-mastery, is to rid them of their
terrible sense of shame.

Let us, therefore, turn our attention to the
ways in which this habit may be acquired in in-
fancy. As this statement would indicate, it does
not always come as the result of a definite sex

247

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

impulse. It may be started in perfectly innocent
ways.

For example, consider for a moment the efforts
of the little one in the first few months of exist-
ence to become acquainted with its own body.
The little fingers wander about from one part of
the body to another, exploring and discovering,
from the double sensations aroused, that first one
part of the body and then another belongs to
the individual. In this process, it would not be
at all strange if the little fingers should stray to
that part of the body which we call private, and
if the nerves of sensation are thereby aroused
into activity and the sensation proves to be more
or less pleasurable, it would not be strange if an
effort were made to repeat the experience. Thus,
quite innocently, the habit of self-abuse may be
formed.

Sometimes it is a little neglect on the part of
the mother, causing more or less discomfort in
these organs, which causes the little one to at-
tempt to relieve the unpleasant sensation by rub-
bing. It may be that worms which have made
their way from the anus into the adjoining parts
have set up an itching sensation. It may be that
this part of the body is too warmly clothed, caus-
ing congestion, or that the clothing is binding,
causing irritation. Sometimes — and mothers
would do well to take this into account that they
may exercise the more careful watchfulness —
an ignorant nurse girl will teach the habit to the

248

MASTURBATION

child, because she has discovered it to be a means
of stopping restlessness.

One other matter it is very important for the
mother to investigate. Sometimes the covering of
the little organ called the clitoris is adherent, and
sets up an irritation which calls for constant rub-
bing. This condition can easily be relieved by
a slight surgical operation, and the presence of
this habit should always call for a local examina-
tion by a physician, in order to discover whether
conditions are perfectly normal.

Sometimes a little girl of three or four acci-
dentally discovers that, by rubbing up against a
chair or other piece of furniture, she is able to
produce a sensation which is pleasurable. Some-
times an older child will induct her into wrong-
doing.

The mother must be aware of these possibil-
ities, and must be ever on the alert to avert them."
Watchfulness on her part, and careful teaching
of the little one to avoid all unnecessary handling
of this part of the body will, in all probability,
prevent the formation of this most undesirable
habit. It is possible to teach even the little one
of two or three years of age that these organs
are just as sensitive as is the eye, and that, as rub-
bing of the eye will produce sores and other dis-
astrous consequences, so will rubbing of this
part of the body.

When a little one is old enough to receive an
answer to her natural question as to her own
origin, then it becomes possible to make the child

249

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

understand the sacredness of these organs, in that
they enable us to become procreators with God
in calling into existence other human beings.
Because of the sacred character of these organs,
we exercise especial care over them, never allow-
ing ourselves or anyone else to touch them unnec-
essarily. With this teaching thus early imparted,
there is very little probability that either a boy
or girl will form the habit of masturbation.
Where this teaching is not given, however, chil-
dren naturally see no convincing reason why
this form of pleasure may not be indulged in.
They see no evidence of immediate harm them-
selves, and they have no way of knowing about
possible serious consequences in1 the future.

That it is natural for children to meet the
temptation to this habit, one could easily allow.
The only right and normal thing, however, is for
the child to master the temptation.

It will be advisable for us, however, to consider
the true seriousness of this physical habit. It has
been considered by some the greatest of all sex-
ual evils ; because, in the first place, of its preva-
lence ; in the second place, because it is of such a
nature that there is an unlimited opportunity for
excess; and last, but not least, because it is in-
dulged in during the vitally important period of
growth when its consequences will be most far-
reaching and serious. Its deleterious effects,
moreover, are not limited to the body alone. The
mind and soul are tainted and dwarfed through
its insidious influence.

250

MASTURBATION

While it is possible for the habit to be formed
innocently in infancy, in the great majority of
instances it comes as the result of wrong teach-
ing, and is, therefore, always surrounded by an
atmosphere of evil suggestion, which is most det-
rimental to the sex life. It lays the foundation,
in other words, for a lifelong unnatural attitude
toward sex. It causes one to feel that everything
connected with sex is impure and degrading, and
it so deadens the finer sensibilities in connection
with this subject that married life itself is often
rendered less radiant and inspiring because of
the poisonous miasms that arise from the mind
and the heart that have been polluted through
this degrading habit.

Its most direct effect in childhood is upon the
nerve centers. If the practice is frequently in-
dulged in, these become drained of their vital
nerve fluid, and the whole system suffers from
a greater or less condition of nervous exhaustion.
This, of course, has a dwarfing effect upon the
physical development, which, while it may not
be markedly evident, nevertheless exists. One
of the most undesirable effects of the habit, when
long continued, is an absolute lack of concentra-
tion. The victims give themselves up so repeat-
edly to their impulses that finally they lose the
power to control them, and so are at the mercy
of every least suggestion. This means, of course,
that their minds are constantly shifted from one
point to another without that control and direc-
tion which is the essence of concentration. This,

251

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

doubtless, is the reason why the victims of the
vice are such poor scholars and eventually may
suffer from a greater or less degree of loss of
memory.

One of the first effects of this habit upon the
character is the development of furtiveness.
There is an instinct within the human breast
which warns even the innocent victims of the
habit that it is wrong, and consequently, from
the very beginning, it is kept more or less hid-
den. In time, the one who indulges finds it diffi-
cult to look others directly in the face, because
there is always the consciousness of a hidden
sin. Frequently the furtive look is the first indi-
cation the watchful mother receives that the child
has acquired this habit. If she finds her little
one beginning to avoid her gaze, she would do
well to watch him or her carefully, and come at
frequent and unexpected periods into the room
where the child is playing. Without doubt, early
indulgence in the practice may result in prema-
ture development of the sex organs, although
they will naturally be lacking in the proper
amount of vigor.

Masturbation is most commonly practiced,
however, in adolescence, the period between
childhood and maturity. It is probably natural
that the inclination toward it should be felt more
at this time than at any other. This is, of course,
the very time during which its influence will be
most detrimental. It is both destructive to the

252

MASTURBATION

sexual function itself and debilitating to the con-
stitution.

We know today that the sex organs have a
great work to perform in making over the bodily
organism of the adolescent boy and girl. The very
first work of these organs is the secretion of a
fluid which is entirely retained within the body
for the purpose of making over every portion of
the physical being, and preparing it for the added
responsibilities of maturity. Through over-stim-
ulation of these organs the precious fluid, which
was intended to be entirely retained within the
body, may be drained away and lost, with very
detrimental effects to the physical growth. There
is no way of measuring the extent of this injury.
It should be enough, however, for us to know
that the injury exists.

The greatest temptation toward this practice
is likely to be experienced by those of a high-
strung, nervous temperament, to whom it will
also prove most disastrous. The boy or girl of
the phlegmatic temperament feels less inclina-
tion toward this form of indulgence, and is
usually protected by superior vitality from its
most disastrous results. The high-strung tem-
perament, however, with its delicately adjusted
and keenly sensitive nervous system, may be
thrown into a condition of almost complete
nervous exhaustion, because of the greater sus-
ceptibility to temptation, and the lessened power
of resistance to the drain of physical and nervous
energy.

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

The psychic effects of this unfortunate habit
are often of such character as to cause an aver-
sion to grow up in the heart of the girl toward
the opposite sex, which leads her to keep away
from social gatherings, and so may deprive her
of an opportunity for a woman's normal life as
a wife and mother. It may even lead into a con-
dition of sex perversion, which causes her to seek
gratification through undue intimacy with oth-
ers of her own sex. This is so unnatural a condi-
tion that one hesitates even to refer to it; yet it
is necessary to warn young girls against those of
their own sex, who, being themselves abnormal,
might wish to lead them, through their youth
and inexperience, into these unnatural practices.
Every girl should know that it is her duty to pro-
tect herself from undue intimacy with anyone,
man or woman, and it is hoped that this word
of warning will suffice to put them on their guard
and prevent them from being drawn into any
such undesirable associations.

There is much to be said in the way of encour-
agement to the young woman who has formed
this habit, but who possibly has not appreciated
its seriousness. Many a girl, upon learning the
debasing character of this secret habit, feels her-
self so degraded that she believes there is no
hope for her. In this she is utterly wrong. There
is all the hope in the world, if she will but make
up her mind to break it. It will not be an easy
conquest, but in the process she will build so
much of strong character that she need not in the

254

MASTURBATION

end regret the bitter experience through which
she has passed.

In the first place, she should not condemn her-
self too severely, looking upon herself as an utter
outcast from society. She is not alone in this
experience. The human race has always had to
fight, in some form or other, the battle of the
spirit over the flesh. Her struggle is but a part
of the struggle of the race. She is fighting for
the complete mastery of her soul over her body,
and she must always live in the consciousness
that she is a soul and that these inclinations are
not intrinsically hers. They are the lower im-
pulses of the body.

Whenever these impulses arise, she should say
to herself, "This does not belong to me"; and,
by thus denying it as a part of herself, she can
more easily free herself from its domination. A
little attention on her part will teach her to rec-
ognize the very first thoughts which might tend
to start the train of impulses leading up to this
form of self -gratification. When that time comes,
she will be able to divert her thoughts into other
channels at their very inception, thus suppress-
ing all possible wrong impulses in the body. It
will be of assistance to her if she will carry with
her some suggestions of the lines of thought in
which she is particularly interested, so that, at
the first indication of danger, she may, by activ-
ity of the will, direct her thought along one of
these other lines. It is much easier to control

255

oneself at the beginning of the impulse than
at the end.

Many times young women write to ask if, hav-
ing had the habit of masturbation at one time in
their lives, but having mastered it, they have a
right to marry, and whether it will be necessary
to confess their previous wrong-doing to their
husbands. There is nothing in this habit, unless
it is so long continued that its consequences be-
come permanent, to render the young woman
unfit for marriage. No young woman who has
average health need hesitate at all to accept an
offer of marriage, even though she may at one
time have been a victim of this habit. It does
not have a direct effect upon the creative organs,
as so many have seemed to fear, rendering them
incapable of performing their function. There is
no reason why she may not make a good wife
and mother, and, if she will use her own unfor-
tunate experience aright, she will make it a
means of enabling her to protect her children
from duplicating it. The effects of the practice,
whatever they may be, are not inheritable, so she
is relieved of that worry. Since she has con-
quered the habit, it does not seem necessary for
her to make a confession of it to her husband, any
more than she would the habit of thumb-sucking
in her infancy, or biting her nails in her early
childhood. Since it is quite likely he may have
had the same habit, and have overcome it, their
position is probably one of equality.

One important physical consideration in this

256

MASTURBATION

connection is that of genital cleanliness. Any
condition which tends to the irritation of these
parts will stimulate the brain cells and may thus
start undesirable impulses. It is very important,
therefore, to make frequent use of soap and
water to keep these parts thoroughly free from
all possible secretions, or foreign matter, which
may gather there. If there is an inflammation
which makes them sensitive to soap, a solution of
boric acid will be found a good cleansing antisep-
tic agent.

As I have said elsewhere, the general bodily
effects of masturbation, apart from the effect on
the generative system itself, are to be seen in a
lack of energy or general lassitude, a weakened
muscular system, an all-around lack of develop-
ment, sometimes a dragging gait, weakness of the
bladder, or urinary symptoms, a pale or sallow
complexion, often with dark rings around the
eyes, as well as pimples and blackheads, poor
memory, difficulty in study or mental concen-
tration, lack of self-confidence, a tendency to
avoid the society of others, especially that of the
opposite sex, and an inability to look other peo-
ple in the eye. Of course, these symptoms are
typical only of serious cases. When the habit
has not been carried very far, or has not been
productive of much harm, they will not be in evi-
dence. The mental or psychic symptoms are
especially important and may be observed in
varying degrees. A naturally strong-minded
character may overcome some of them, as, for

257

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

instance, the lack of confidence, by force of will ;
but in many cases these anti-social symptoms are
extremely marked. Weakened memory and poor
mental concentration are among the most per-
sistent and common of such symptoms.

So much has been said about pimples on the
face as being an indication of the presence of
this habit in the individual, that it may be well
for us to give a little attention to this subject.
Much injustice has doubtless been done through
the widespread notion that pimples were always
an indication of self-abuse. This, of course, is
far from being the fact. We would be much
nearer the truth if we made the statement that
pimples were always an indication of con-
stipation. They are, in general, an indication
that the skin is attempting to do the work
of elimination which the eliminatory organs are
failing to do. Of course, self-abjuse may, in some
instances, cause a breaking out upon the face,
but even so, this result is likely to have been
brought about by the fact that loss of nerve
power has made it impossible for the bowels
and kidneys to perform their work properly.

The very first thing to do, therefore, in a case
of acne, is to see to it that the system is thor-
oughly cleansed of all waste matter. The gen-
eral character of the skin has much to do with
acne, and persons with clear, smooth skins are
often great offenders in the matter under con-
sideration. Persons having naturally oily skins
are most likely to be afflected with pimples and

258

MASTURBATION

blackheads, which are commonly found on the
face and shoulders, these being the parts of the
body where the sebaceous glands are most plen-
tiful. The so-called "flesh- worm" of the black-
head is only an accumulation of the dried oily
secretion of a sebaceous gland resulting from
the clogging of the opening. The ordinary pim-
ple is caused by a mild infection which has trav-
eled down the duct of one of these glands, or
down the root of a hair. When these tiny glands
are especially active, such difficulties are more
likely to be met with. The sebaceous glands,
like all the other glands of the body, are most
active in youth, from the period of puberty until
maturity, and it is largely for this reason that
young people of this age are so frequently affected
with pimples. Masturbation is not necessarily
involved. Rigid cleanliness, by preventing the
clogging of the tiny ducts, and also by prevent-
ing infection, will do a great deal to prevent pim-
ples. Cold water and ice, too, are valuable, be-
cause they contract or close the pores. Warm
or hot water opens them and should generally
be avoided.

At the same time there is another factor to be
considered in acne, namely, the question of pure
blood and resistance to infection. In vigorous
health, the infection cannot gain a foothold. But
when the vitality is lowered, the circulation weak-
ened and the vital functions impaired, it is easy
to develop pimples. Now, masturbation, of
course, tends to derange the internal functions,

18 259

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

weakening digestion and otherwise impairing the
quality of the blood, and in that way may cause
pimples.

In other words, acne is often found upon the
face, shoulders, chest and back of masturbators
as a symptom of lowered vitality, but it is not
the positive indication that some have supposed.
In some cases the health is undermined only
slowly, during a period of years, and the appear-
ance for a long time may indicate nothing wrong.

So much has been said in the past about insan-
ity being caused by masturbation, that it would
be well for us to give a moment's consideration
to it at this time. Probably the prevalence of
this belief was due very largely to the books that
have been published by quack doctors who en-
deavor to scare their victims so as to be able to
secure their money. The truth of the matter is
that no scientific foundation has been discovered
for this belief. While it is known that those who
have lost their minds are often victims of this
habit, the habit is, in all probability, the result of
their mental condition, rather than the cause of
it. They lack reason and self-control. No per-
son suffering from this habit need live in fear of
going insane, as so many of them have done in
the past.

Since the condition is both physical and mental,
the remedial measures must partake of the same
two-fold character. It is impossible to say which
of these is the more important part of the treat-
ment; both are absolutely essential. Physical

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MASTURBATION

vigor, which is built up through proper exercise
and food, is essential to the strength of will
needed for the rigid restraint which it will be nec-
essary to exercise.

The first step is to build up bodily vigor, not
only for its own sake, as has been suggested, but
for the sake of the clearer brain and stronger will
so essential for victory. These qualties cannot
be developed in a body which lacks the proper
blood supply to the brain and is suffering from
depleted nerves. Everything possible should be
done to develop bodily strength and vigor.

The matter of diet is of the greatest impor-
tance. Meat and eggs being rich in protein
should not be used too freely, and if the assimila-
tion is especially poor it may be better to avoid
them entirely for a time. Red meats are espe-
cially stimulating and should, therefore, be used
sparingly. Fish and chicken are less pronounced
in their effect. Not only alcoholic drinks, but
even tea and coffee should be avoided. Pepper,
hot sauces and condiments of all kinds are espe-
cially objectionable. The things that you can
eat and enjoy raw, particularly fruits, green sal-
ads, nuts and so forth, should be used extensively
in the diet.

It is especially important to correct any ten-
dency toward constipation. This is, without
doubt, an important factor in many cases, the
accumulation of effete matter causing a more
or less congested condition which reacts unfav-
orably upon the brain cells, and may arouse

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

thoughts and impulses which should not be
called into activity. Through proper exercise,
the drinking of plenty of water, and the eating
of the right kind of food, the bowels may be kept
open and regular.

The first step in the mental treatment of mas-
turbation is an unfaltering determination to con-
quer the habit, no matter how long or difficult
the fight may be. This is a crisis in your life.
You are either going to remain a weakling for
the rest of your days, or you are going to rise
on the stepping stones of your dead self to a big-
ger, better, more successful life. You will not
conquer this habit in a day, or a week, or a month.
Make up your mind, however, to stick to it until
you have gained the mastery and kept your
promise to yourself. T'his is the building of char-
acter.

The next step is to stop worrying about it and
its possible consequences. The condition of
worry is very depressing and debilitating, and it
makes you fall an easier victim to all sorts of
wrong suggestions. Never mind what you have
done in the past; the important thing is what
you are doing today.

The third step is to fill your life with so many
forms of mental activity that the old habit will
not have any chance to assert itself. Your mind
must be so occupied with other matters that there
will be no opportunity for the introduction of
impure thoughts.

The fourth step is to avoid being too much by

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MASTURBATION

yourself, and to cultivate the society of refined
people just as much as you possibly can.

You must not be disappointed if you fail time
and again to master your wrong impulses at the
beginning of your struggle. Never let such a
failure put you permanently into a mood of de-
pression. Say to yourself each time, "Never
mind! I will conquer," and go at it again. Real-
ize that it is more than a physical habit which
you are endeavoring to overcome. It is a wrong
attitude of mind. Read the books which will help
you to have a greater respect for human beings,
for the processes of nature, for yourself as an in-
dividual. Read books on personality and power.
Learn to use the laws of mental suggestion, and
see in all of these but an opportunity for de-
veloping your own hidden and probably hitherto
neglected powers. Look forward to the day when
you can make your struggle a means of enabling
you to help others, and, for their sakes, pick
yourself up after each fall with renewed deter-
mination. Realize that every time you resist the
wrong impulse you are strengthening your pow-
ers of resistance, and constantly encourage your-
self to believe that you are gaining the mastery.

Cultivate pride and self-respect. Believe in
yourself and make others believe in you. What-
ever your work may be, determine to do it to the
very best of your ability, and thus you will gain
the respect of others as well as of yourself.

Anything that will tend to add to your sense
of pride will help you powerfully. You will find

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

personal cleanliness a great aid to this end. Cul-
tivate a fastidious attitude toward cleanliness of
person and apparel. The feeling of immaculate
cleanliness adds greatly to one's self-respect, and
the effect upon the whole moral nature is such
that one will less readily stoop to any depraved
action.

Above all, do not allow yourself to worry or
brood over your trouble. Let the "dead past
bury its dead." Live in the present. Look for-
ward hopefully to the future, and thank God
that you are at last alive in every particle of
your being.

Do not allow yourself to pass any time in
idleness. Inactivity will give your mind a chance
either to dwell upon erotic thoughts, or to worry
about your condition, and both of these should
be carefully avoided. Make it a habit to get out
of bed with a jump the instant you wake up.
Take a quick plunge, or a cold sponge, to finish the
waking-up process and enable you to start the
day with vim and vigor. Try to have enough
physical exercise so that, when bedtime comes,
you will drop to sleep as soon as your head
touches the pillow.

Cultivate all kinds of hobbies and different
sources of interest, especially those which will
lead you into physical activity. Do not spend
your leisure hours always in sedentary occupa-
tions, such as reading, writing, embroidering,
playing cards and so forth. Seek your friends
amongst those who are actively inclined. Seek

264

MASTURBATION

out a good gymnasium and learn to enjoy sports
of all kinds. In summer, devote yourself to out-
door sports.

It is especially important to keep the mind
away from all subjects which can arouse the sex
nature. It is possible to masturbate mentally,
dwelling upon erotic subjects until the sex nature
is so aroused that physical sensations may even
result. This is almost as bad as the physical prac-
tice, and is usually the first step in that direction.
Whenever you find your mind turning in this for-
bidden direction, get up and do something at
once in order to change your current of thought.
It does not matter what it is, but do it imme-
diately. Take a cold bath, shake the rugs, play
the piano, or do anything else that comes to your
mind. The more active and mentally stimulat-
ing it is, the better. Plan for some activity to-
ward which you can always turn when any un-
desirable thought of sex enters your mind.

Sometimes the very best way to meet this temp-
tation to wrong thinking is to put yourself at
once in the company of refined and agreeable
people. The very impulse of the victim of this
habit, to get off by herself or himself, would
seem to indicate that the best possible treatment
would be just the opposite of that impulse. As-
sociation with refined, high-minded persons of
the opposite sex, if always kept on a high plane,
without any of those personal intimacies which
young men and women sometimes indulge in,
should also prove beneficial.

265

CHAPTER XLIII
Sterility

TO be the mother of a child is the hope and
joy of every normal woman. To be de-
nied this privilege is one of the keenest disap-
pointments of her life, in many cases being the
cause of wrecked homes and continual unhappi-
ness.

Sterility is practically always due to some dis-
ease of the genital tract of either the husband
or wife. In this chapter we will not consider the
former although he is responsible in nearly half
of the cases. If no cause can be found in the
woman, it is possible that a close examination
of the husband will determine the reason for the
absence of children.

Sterility is the condition in which a woman is
incapable of reproduction. It is considered abso-
lute sterility when no conception is possible, and
relative sterility when conception occurs but the
foetus dies.

There are many conditions which are said to
be responsible for absence of the ability to bear
living children. The majority of all cases are
due to inflammatory disease of the uterus, tubes,
or ovaries, often the result of infection. The
inflammation causes a thickening of the walls of
the fallopian tubes, which, together with the pus

266

STERILITY

and catarrhal exudate, so occludes the lumen
that either the ovum cannot reach the uterus, or
the spermatozoon is prevented from fertilizing
it. Often, too, the ovum is prevented from leav-
ing the ovary because of thickening of the cover-
ing of the latter. The lining of the uterus may
also be so injured by the inflammatory process
that it is no longer a suitable field for the attach-
ment of the ovum, even after fertilization.

Lacerations and ulcerations of the cervix may
be responsible for the failure of fertilization,
these conditions preventing the entrance of the
spermatozoa into the uterus. Syphilis, tubercu-
losis, polypi and tumors may also be mentioned
as causes of this condition.

Congenital malformations are occasionally re-
sponsible, such as imperf orate hymen, absence of
ovaries, tubes, uterus, and even of the vagina.
Early marriages are more often childless than
later ones, the most fertile being those occurring
at from twenty to twenty-four years of age.

It is also certain that a lowered condition of
the health of the woman is likely to destroy the
childbearing function, although it sometimes
happens that the bearing of children acts as a
stimulus to the functions of the body and good
health follows.

The habitual use of alcohol is considered by
some to be detrimental to fecundity. Just how
this acts it is impossible to say beyond that it
lowers the nervous tone and general health of
the body. Overwork, worry, and emotional dis-

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRTAGE

turbances may at times so depress the nervous
and physical powers of the woman that healthy
ova are not secreted.

Venereal disease is too often the cause of ster-
ility. This may be gonorrhea in either the hus-
band or wife, causing destruction of testicles or
ovaries, or, as occasionally happens, a chronic
inflammatory condition of the spermatic ducts
of the man, or of the fallopian tubes of the
woman, producing occlusion which prevents the
passage of the male and female elements of con-
ception.

That syphilis is a potent cause of non-preg-
nancy is maintained by many urologists and
gynecologists. Whether it is truly syphilis, or
the treatment usually taken for this disease, has
never been determined. It is certain that the
mercury and arsenic used in the treatment of
syphilis, with the idea of killing the treponema
pallida in the blood, cannot fail to have a degen-
erative effect upon both the spermatozoa and
ova. There are many cases on record, however,
where healthy children have been born after
either one or both parents had been infected and
received treatment. Personal health is proba-
bly the deciding factor after all.

Sterility, of course, necessarily follows opera-
tions for the removal of the tubes and ovaries.
If one tube and part of an ovary are left, preg-
nancy is possible.

A woman thinking herself sterile should un-
dergo an examination to determine the presence

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STERILITY

or absence of inflammation, growths, or malfor-
mations. If there is inflammation of uterus, tubes
or ovaries, treatment for these conditions must
be instituted. If there is a displacement, it must
be corrected. In case of imperforate hymen, a
slight surgical operation is indicated. If there
are malformations, or one of the necessary gen-
erative organs is absent, there is, of course, no
remedy.

Very often there is such an excessive leucor-
rhea of an acid nature, that the spermatozoa are
either killed or prevented from reaching the
uterus or tube. In such cases a vaginal douche,
consisting of a teaspoonful of baking-soda and
a teaspoonful of common salt to a quart of
water, may remedy the condition. The normal
reaction of the vaginal secretions is acid, but in
case of ill-health they may become unduly so.

If none of the above conditions can be dem-
onstrated, a general health-building regime
should be taken up, along the lines laid down
in chapter twelve. In very many cases it will
be found that improved health will be followed
by conception.

Women should understand that not only may
a lack of vitality resulting from overwork, want
of food, or actual disease, be the cause of sterility,
but that there are also mental and emotional con-
ditions which may cause barrenness. Prolonged
or intense mental depression or excitement,
anxiety, fear, grief, suspicion, jealousy, anger,
revenge, are not only strikingly preventive of

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

conception but also of normal ovulation. Such
states, too, may render the male reproductive
germs incapable of impregnating as well as the
female germs incapable of receiving fertilization.
They may also prevent the normal development
of an embryo after fertilization has once been
effected.

It may be well for us to consider briefly some
of the local causes of sterility. For example, if
the hymen has never been perforated it would be
impossible for the male germs to enter the
uterus and, therefore, fertilization will be im-
possible. There may be some other malforma-
tion or defective development of some part of
the sexual system. If some part of the repro-
ductive canal — as, for example, the vagina or
the fallopian tubes — has grown together, thus
completely interfering with the proper passage
of the germ cell, conception cannot take place.
Displacements of the uterus and similar de-
rangements may have the same effect.

Sometimes the lining membrane of the uterus
may be so diseased as to prevent the necessary
attachments of the ovum to the uterine walls for
the purpose of development. Acid secretions,
resulting from leucorrhea and other complaints,
may kill the spermatazoa and thus prevent fer-
tilization.

Probably the most common of these local
causes of sterility are defects in the ovaries or
fallopian tubes. As has been mentioned else-
where, if the gonorrheal infection reaches the

270

STERILITY

fallopian tubes, it may cause a complete closing
of these passages, thus preventing the ovaries
from reaching the uterus. This alone causes
more than fifty per cent, of involuntary sterility.
In many of these cases, the actual condition can
be determined only by competent physicians,
and a goodly percentage of these abnormal con-
ditions, it is encouraging to know, can be re-
lieved by the proper treatment.

One other cause must also be considered. This
has been termed a lack of adaptation. The hus-
band and wife may be so fundamentally un-
adapted to a real union of life that their physical
union does not result in conception.

As we said before, the husband is too often
to blame, and if is needless to say that he should
investigate the matter and take as great care
of his health as the wife. Indeed if there is no
obvious cause in the wife, the condition of the
husband should be ascertained before the wife is
subjected to examination.

The time of the connection is often responsible
for the failure of pregnancy, although this is not
absolute, inasmuch as pregnancy is possible and
has occurred at any time. If intercourse takes
place within a week after menstruation, however,
pregnancy is more apt to follow.

Conception and childbearing are normal func-
tions of woman, and just as other bodily func-
tions are dependent upon good health, so the
occurrence and satisfactory termination of the
reproductive crisis is dependent upon this condi-
tion.

271

SPECIAL NOTE

Disorders and weaknesses of women are so
common that a certain amount of fundamen-
tal information along these lines should form
a part of the education of every woman. It is
the aim of the following chapters to supply in-
formation of this type. These chapters are in-
tended for educational purposes only. Where
suggestions on treatment are offered it is not in
any way intended that they should take the place
of a physician's advice. Such suggestions are
indeed presented chiefly for the benefit of physi-
cians, osteopaths and others who may not suffi-
ciently appreciate the value of physical culture
methods in supplying that strength of body and
that improvement in the circulation which have
so much to do with overcoming weaknesses and
disorders of women. Even though it is desirable
for women to be well informed on these matters,
self-treatment is not safe nor advisable. One
should not be slow in securing professional help
in case of any trouble, first, to find out the nature
of the trouble, and, secondly, to secure safe and
effective treatment.

272

CHAPTER XLIV
Menstrual Disorders

NORMAL menstruation in a healthy woman
should not occasion any symptoms of illness
whatever, except perhaps a slight malaise and a
sense of fullness in the pelvic region due to the
congestion. There should be no weakness or
physical disability. Any deviation from the nor-
mal, however slight, should be classed as a men-
strual disorder.

Although usually considered as functional dis-
orders, disturbances of menstruation are most
often based on some underlying constitutional
difficulty or organic condition, and local treat-
ment without considering the body as a whole is
not to be considered good treatment.

PREMATURE MENSTRUATION . — Menstruation
in some cases has occurred before puberty — in
fact, in infants. In the latter it usually lasts only
a few days and is of no consequence, except it be
profuse, when it may cause weakness. When it
occurs at a later age, but before the time expected
in that individual, it is usually due to precocious
development, or to the child's having had its at-
tention drawn to the sex functions by its nurse or
playmates — perhaps being taught the habit of
masturbation. In such cases the genitals develop
prematurely, the breasts enlarge, and other signs

273

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

of puberty appear. Unless proper care is taken
and the child restrained, the foundation for fu-
ture weakness and nervous disorders may be laid.

Treatment. — The child should be removed
from the influence of vicious companions. Rest
and sleep and proper feeding are needed to build
up the nervous system. Cleanliness, fresh air and
sunshine, and active outdoor exercise should be
encouraged. The mental development must not
be pushed at the expense of the physical.

LATE OR DELAYED MENSTRUATION. — A moth-
er is often worried because her daughter has
passed the age of puberty and the menses have
not as yet appeared. Or the girl herself, if she
has been informed upon the subject, will wonder
what is the matter, and worry because the ex-
pected event does not occur.

This may be an hereditary condition, and ordi-
narily need cause no alarm, as the flow will be
established in good time. In some cases it is
due to a sedentary life, with its lack of exercise
and fresh air. It may be due to poor food or
insufficient food. The delay often occurs in the
case of those girls who habitually overeat and
who grow excessively fat. If the menses are de-
layed very long after the normal time of puberty,
it should be considered as an amenorrhea, and
the treatment of the condition will be taken up
'under that head. In simple delayed menstrua-
tion, no treatment is necessary apart from gen-
eral health improvement.

VICARIOUS MENSTRUATION. — This is a rare

274

MENSTRUAL DISORDERS

condition and occurs when, in the absence of nor-
mal menstruation, there is a flow of blood from
some other organ at the time when menstruation
should take place. This may happen every
twenty-eight days for some months. Hemorr-
hages from the nose, stomach, lungs, nipples, ear,
gums, bladder, or even from an unhealed ulcer
or open sore, may occur. There may be bleeding
hemorrhoids. In some cases there is no blood,
but an excessive leucorrhea, a diarrhea, or an un-
usual flow of saliva. No treatment is needed be-
yond that for the re-establishment of the normal
menstruation.

AMENORRHEA. — This is a condition in which
there is an absence of menstruation for one or
more periods. Physiologically it occurs during
pregnancy and lactation. It may be due to the
absence of uterus or ovaries, either congenital or
through surgical removal. It may also be due to
undevelopment or malformation of uterus, ova-
ries, or vagina, or to an imperf orate hymen.

The ovary, besides its function of secreting the
ova, also has another function, that of secreting
a substance which is thrown into the lymphatic
stream, and is called an internal secretion. Other
glands in the body also have such a function, as
the thyroid, pituitary and adrenals. There seems
to be somewhat of an equilibrium between the
secretions of all of these glands, so that when the
function of one is disturbed that of one of the
others may be changed. Hence in disturbances
of the thyroid there may be an amenorrhea.

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

The most common causes of the condition,
however, are those due to a change in the health
and well-being of the woman. Amenorrhea in
itself very seldom produces ill-health, but vice
versa. Aiiemia, either primary, as chlorosis and
pernicious anemia, or secondary to a wasting dis-
ease, is a common cause. Tuberculosis and ma-
laria are very often to blame. It may be due to
organic disease of the heart, liver, kidney, or
spleen. Digestive disturbances, diabetes, and
nervous disorders conduce to the disorder. It
may follow an attack of an acute disease, as
pneumonia, diphtheria, typhoid, etc.

We have observed amenorrhea in several cases
in which the women were actively engaged in
athletic and gymnasium work. This is also a
case of conservation on the part of the body, all
available vitality apparently being expended in
the vigorous muscular effort.

Treatment. — We generally have to consider
whether the girl or woman ever has menstruated,
or whether the flow has been established at pub-
erty, but for some reason has missed one or more
periods at a subsequent time.

In the first case, puberty arrives with all its
signs except the menses; periodically the girl is
seen to be dull, to lose her appetite, to suffer with
malaise, and often headache. This lasts for a few
days and then she is all right. This may go on
for months before the general health shows signs
of failing.

276

MENSTRUAL DISORDERS

In the second class we must always rule out
pregnancy and lactation.

The treatment of both classes is practically the
same. In the first place, if the cause can be found,
it must be removed before anything else is done.
If there is a constitutional or acute disease, it
must be treated by appropriate measures.

If the patient is inclined to stay indoors, and
reads and studies incessantly, a complete change
should be made in the manner of living. She
must go outdoors every day, practice deep
breathing, get as much sunshine as possible, and
engage in outdoor games and other exercises.
Walking and hill climbing are extremely bene-
ficial. If active exercises are too severe and seem
to tire the patient, massage or mild calisthenics
may be substituted.

The exclusive milk diet should next be thought
of. This is the best means we have of quickly
building up the quality as well as the quantity of
blood.

A proper amount of rest and sleep must be
secured. If the patient is obliged to be confined
indoors during the day, outdoor sleeping, or a
well- ventilated room is obligatory. During cold
weather warm clothing must be worn.

A cool sponge bath may be taken daily, and a
hot tub bath twice a week. The hot sitz bath
is a most valuable measure in amenorrhea. To
get the best effects from the sitz bath, it should
be taken daily for several days just before the
expected menstrual period. If the menses ap-

277

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

pear, it must be discontinued. The bath should
last from five to fifteen minutes. Between the
menstrual periods the cold or cool sitz is of value,
but this must be stopped several days before the
time for the menses. It may be alternated with
the hot sitz. If the baths seem to weaken the pa-
tient, or take too much energy, they had better
be discontinued, or only the hot sitz used.

The bowels must be kept free and active by
proper diet, the enema being used in emergencies,
cathartics never.

Systematic abdominal massage and bending
exercises are of benefit.

MENORRHAGIA. — This is a condition character-
ized by an excessive flow of blood at the men-
strual periods, or a prolongation of the normal
menstrual period. It is sometimes called "flood-

ing."

It may be due to local or constitutional causes.
The most important local causes are: Infective
and simple inflammation of the uterus ; displace-
ments of the uterus; fibroid tumor and cancer;
polypi; disease of the ovaries. Any condition
producing a congestion of the pelvic viscera is a
cause, as uncompensated heart disease, tumors of
the abdomen, congestion of the liver, the wear-
ing of tight bands, or corsets. Straining because
of constipation, excessive work or exercise, heavy
lifting, running sewing machines, standing all
day at ironing, or clerking, are sometimes potent
causes. Constitutionally, the woman may be
anemic, or there may be a tendency to bleed.

278

MENSTRUAL DISORDERS

There may also be weakness following acute dis-
ease, or resulting from a constitutional disease.
The condition may be due to excessive use of
alcoholic liquors, overeating, or the use of stimu-
lating foods. If pregnancy is present or sus-
pected, it may indicate a threatened abortion.

Treatment. — The woman should rest, prefer-
ably in bed, during the time of the period. This
alone will sometimes shorten the time, or reduce
the quantity of the flow. Liquids should be re-
stricted. The diet should contain foods which
are known to be laxative.

A careful examination should be made to rule
out the presence of local disease. If present this
must be treated.

A regime should be adopted that will build up
the general health. The quality of the blood must
be improved, and for this purpose there is noth-
ing better than the milk diet. This should be
taken up to within a few days of the period, and
then discontinued while it lasts. In some cases a
fast during the first few days of the period is ad-
visable. This very often shortens the time. Be-
tween the periods, mild exercise, such as calis-
thenics, walking, bending, and floor exercises
should be taken. These will reduce the pelvic
congestion and tend to equalize the circulation.

Between periods the cold sitz bath is beneficial.
This should last for one minute, and is best taken
just before retiring. It may be taken every even-
ing, but must be discontinued upon the appear-
ance of the flow. The cold sitz is used sometimes

279

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

to check the flow, but it may prove to be a dan-
gerous procedure, and should not be used unless
the flow has continued for a normal length of
time and there seem to be no signs of cessation.
Instead of the sitz bath a cold compress over the
pelvic region may be used. Massage over this
region is often beneficial. The hot vaginal
douche may be tried.

METRORRHAGIA. — This is a condition in which
there is bleeding from the uterus between the nor-
mal menstrual periods. It must always be dis-
tinguished from menorrhagia because it usually
means that there is a serious local condition. It
may indicate an impending abortion, the pres-
ence of cancer or fibroid, or a severe inflamma-
tory condition of uterus or ovary. The treatment
is that of the underlying cause.

DYSMENORRHEA. — This is the most dreaded
menstrual disturbance, causing in some cases in-
tense suffering for a few days at every menstrual
period, and often leading to serious impairment
of health, because of the pain and mental and
physical depression.

The causes are many. One type is neuralgic in
character. It is probably due to congestion of
the pelvic viscera, and is often associated with
neuralgia in other parts of the body. The pain
is sharp, and seems to radiate from the region of
the ovaries, to the uterus and back, and down the
legs.

This type of menorrhea may be due partly, or
indeed sometimes even entirely, to the conditions

280

MENSTRUAL DISORDERS

known as neurasthenia and hysteria. There
may be digestive disturbances and anemia.

A second type is congestive or inflammatory
in character, and is due to inflammation of the
uterus, or of the tissues in the vicinity of the
ovaries and uterus. Or it may be due to displace-
ments, or pressure from tumors. The pain is not
present before the flow, but comes on a few hours
after it has been established and lasts during the
period. The pain is throbbing in character, and
radiates to and up the spine, down the thighs and
to the back.

A third class is due to obstruction in the lumen
of the uterus. It may result from imperfect de-
velopment, or an infantile uterus. There may be
a stricture of the cervical canal, due to the con-
traction of scar tissue, or swelling because of in-
flammation. There may be a flextion (doubling
over) of the uterus, tumor, polypus, or clots of
blood. The pains are paroxysmal and intense in
character and disappear as soon as the flow is
established.

A fourth type is the membraneous form, in
which the superficial layers of the uterine lining
are cast off.

Treatment. — When the patient is seized with
the pains she should go to bed immediately. The
bowels should be emptied by means of a hot
enema. This alone often relieves. A hot com-
press should be placed over the lower abdomen
and pelvic region, covered with a hot-water
bottle. Instead of these, bags filled with oats or

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

bran can be heated and applied. They may also
be placed under the buttocks. Hot drinks may
now be given. No food should be taken. The
patient must be kept warm, by placing hot- water
bottles to the feet and limbs, if necessary. If the
pain is severe and the above measures fail, the
patient should be put into a hot sitz bath, the
water being as hot as can be borne. She should
stay in this until the pain is relieved, or at least
for a half hour, returning immediately to bed.

It is between periods, however, that the real
cure must be made. Every measure that will tend
to build up the health must be taken. Fresh air,
outdoor exercise, games, walking, and hill-climb-
ing, etc., are all good. Sufficient sleep and rest
must be secured. The diet should be wholesome,
practically along the lines mentioned before. If
there is a local condition, such as displacement,
obstruction, or inflammation, it must be taken
care of by appropriate treatment. In most cases
the one remedy that has been most effective is a
fast of from seven to fourteen days followed by
the exclusive milk diet. If desired, a series of
fasts of three to five days may be taken, using the
milk diet between.

Between periods the cold sitz bath, or the alter-
nate hot and cold sitz bath, may be taken, with
the idea of toning up the uterus.

A woman is tempted to take drugs to ease her
pain, but this is not advisable, as the drug only
deadens sensation and in no way removes the
cause, or helps the condition.

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MENSTRUAL DISORDERS

For the most part, the entire problem of
womanly comfort in this connection is a matter of
living a natural life and building vigorous health.
Nature never intended that a woman should
suffer, and except in unusual conditions of
physical abnormality a woman will not suffer if
she has strength, good circulation, good blood,
and the proper bodily posture that will enable
her to keep every organ functioning freely and
normally. The lower animals have no trouble
along these lines, and every human being should
be a good animal. Women should strive to make
themselves ideal specimens of healthy animal life,
and if they will do this, in practically all cases
painful disorders of this kind or of any other
kind will be unknown.

283

CHAPTER XLV
SPECIAL DISEASES OF WOMEN.

LEASE note that we do not maintain that
* the suggestions found herein for the treat-
ment of disease will take the place of a compe-
tent doctor. They can be used when one is not
able to secure expert advice, or they can assist
one in selecting an intelligent physician who
thoroughly understands the principles of nat-
ural treatment. All injections, or other medical
remedial measures suggested, should be prepared
by medical or other qualified practitioner. It is
not safe to tamper with remedies of this sort
without detailed knowledge of their use.

In discussing the diseases peculiar to women
we do not do so with the idea that a competent
physician is not necessary for their diagnosis and
treatment, for in many cases only a careful exam-
ination will disclose the true nature of the trouble
and insure its recognition early enough to effect
a cure. We wish, however, to give a few ideas
which will help to a true understanding of the
conditions mentioned and assist in selecting the
right treatment. Most of the operations per-
formed on women are for pelvic disturbancs,
which have begun as simple inflammation and,
because of negligence or wrong treatment, have
gone on to organic disease. Indeed, many gyne-

284

SPECIAL DISEASES OF WOMEN

cologists admit that they have no specific cure for
local diseases of women and their usual practice
is to wait until the case gets well of itself, or goes
on until operation is indicated. Modern gyne-
cology has practically devolved into pelvic and
abdominal surgery. We know of many women
who have escaped operation and have become
well by following out constructive and conserva-
tive natural treatment.

LEUCORRHEA.

This troublesome complaint, commonly known
as "the whites," or flur albus, is not a specific
disease in itself, but is a symptom of inflamma-
tion. Since most women think of it as a special
disease, and as it is one of the first symptoms
that takes them to a physician, we will discuss it
from that viewpoint.

Leucorrhea is a catarrhal discharge from the
mucus membrane of the genital tract and may
be either acute or chronic, resulting either from
a simple or a specific inflammation.

Its presence indicates an inflammation of the
vulva, vagina, cervix, uterus, or tubes. It may,
however, be part of a general catarrhal condition
of the entire system in which case only constitu-
tional treatment is indicated.

Causes. — Exposure to cold and wet ; long-con-
tinued standing, or too much running of sewing
machines; displacements of the uterus; lacera-
tions and ulcerations of the cervix ; excessive sex-
ual intercourse; frequent or prolonged sexual

285

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

excitement ; wearing pessaries ; too frequent use
of vaginal douches ; worms from the rectum gain-
ing entrance to the vagina; acute infectious dis-
eases; street dust; irritation from acrid uterine
and vaginal discharges ; retention of decomposed
menstrual fluid; overeating and the use of alco-
hol, drugs, tea and coffee ; highly seasoned foods ;
the presence of polypi, tumors and cysts. In
many instances gonorrheal infection is the
cause.

Symptoms. — The whitish discharge is the prin-
cipal symptom, but in many cases, especially
when the uterus and tubes are involved, there is
more or less pain and sense of fullness in the pel-
vic region as well as backache and symptoms re-
ferable to the organs involved. The discharge
may be profuse, necessitating the constant w Bar-
ing of a napkin. It may be serous, or thick and
purulent in consistency. If due to infection there
will be fever. In most cases, however, the condi-
tion is chronic from the onset, and the discharge,
with a slight uncomfortable feeling, and itching
and burning of the external genitals, are the only
symptoms.

Treatment. — Most women resort to the vaginal
douche upon the first appearance of a leucorrhea.
This is often a mistake, as it perpetuates the
trouble. Indeed the present-day promiscuous use
of douches with strong antiseptics is a fruitful
cause of leucorrhea. The mucous membrane lin-
ing the genital tract is self-cleansing; the secre-
tions are normally acid and protect from infec-

286

SPECIAL DISEASES OF WOMEN

tion. The douches, especially if alkaline, or con-
taining chemical antiseptics, destroy this element
and the membrane loses its defense. Besides, the
normal current or flow is downward and out, and
the douche may carry infective material upward
to the uterus and tubes and even to the peritoneal
cavity. This is a very potent and constant cause
of female illness.

Locally the only treatment advisable is external
cleanliness by frequent use of soap and hot water
and the application of a bland lubricant or pow-
der to prevent itching and burning. In many
cases even these are not necessary. When a nap-
kin is worn it must be changed frequently. A hot
sitz bath should be taken at least twice daily if the
case is severe. This should last for ten to thirty
minutes. If this is inconvenient, the parts may be
bathed with hot water for ten minutes. In some
cases hot and cold sitz baths are more efficacious,
alternating three or four times, remaining in the
cold water one or two minutes and in the hot
water three or four minutes. Use great caution
however to avoid the ill effect that sometimes re-
sults from remaining in the cold sitz bath too
long. The hot foot bath also is beneficial. If the
irritative cause is discoverable, this of course
must be removed. A few days in bed will help
to lessen pelvic congestion, but is seldom neces-
sary. Fasting is one of the best means for re-
ducing inflammation in any part of the body and
restoring membranes to the normal condition.
A fast of from five to ten days will be of great

287

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

benefit. A series of short fasts can be taken if
a long fast is undesirable. These should be fol-
lowed by the exclusive milk diet, or a fruit or
vegetarian diet. The idea is to improve the qual-
ity of the blood, and then by exercise and baths
restore a normal circulation and thus reduce the
pelvic congestion. Abdominal massage and
bending exercises are of inestimable benefit.

Of course it is even more important to avoid
producing pelvic congestion than to reduce it,
and as a preventive policy it is, therefore, espe-
cially necessary to avoid sexual excitement. This
is unquestionably one of the most common
causes of leucorrhea, and all habits and condi-
tions conducive to such excitement should receive
attention. Particularly, a condition of unsatis-
fied passion should be avoided. The reader is
referred to the chapter on the "Dangers of Love
Making" for specific advice on this phase of the
subject.

GONORRHEA.

This ailment comes under the heading of ve-
nereal diseases. An extraordinary advance has
been made in its treatment recently by the medi-
cal profession. Seek the aid of a competent
physician as early as possible when you have any
reason to believe you have acquired the disease.
Do not assume the serious risk of hampering with
yourself in self -treatment. The following in-
formation is presented for the benefit of physi-
cians who are desirous of learning something of

288

SPECIAL DISEASES OF WOMEN

the drugless treatment and to assist those who are
unable to secure the advice of a competent phy-
sician.

Specific inflammation in the female is a serious
condition. Its effects are more far-reaching than
those of any other disease. Beginning as an in-
flammation of the vulva, vagina and urethra it
may extend through continuity of the membrane
to the cervix, uterus, tubes, ovaries, peritoneum,
bladder, ureters and kidneys, resulting in abscess,
sterility, nephritis, or even death.

Cause. — The gonococcus is the associated bac-
terium. The disease is usually acquired during
sexual relations, although it may be transmitted
by means of infected towels, clothing, toilet seats
and bath tubs. In all cases in which there is a
thick purulent discharge from the vagina, a mi-
croscopic examination should be made, not only
to diagnose the condition, but for the protection
of the patient and others.

Symptoms. — A few days after exposure to in-
fection the patient will notice an uncomfortable
feeling in the vagina and at the vulva — an irrita-
tion with heat, redness, swelling and perhaps
pain. The parts are at first dry, but gradually
there appears a slight watery discharge which
rapidly becomes thick, yellowish, or greenish.
The parts become more reddened and swollen and
painful to pressure. The urethra practically al-
ways becomes infected and burning urination
follows. The glands in the groin become swollen
and tender. The urethral and vaginal glands are

289

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

infected and may become greatly swollen, retain-
ing the infection for a long time after the acute
condition subsides. The vaginal walls become
roughened, especially if corrosive antiseptics are
used, thus allowing the infection to penetrate to
the deeper layers of the mucous membrane.
Should the inflammation extend to the uterus and
tubes there will be general pelvic pain and ele-
vation of temperature and pulse. The acute con-
dition subsides and is followed by a chronic leu-
corrhea which may be present for a long while,
but gradually subsides. The urine may be cloudy
and contain shreds for many months.

Treatment. — Many advanced medical men
recommend as an injection, or application to the
inflamed surface, of iodagol, chlorazene, sulphide
of zinc, or allied solutions, for the treatment of
this complaint in its first stages. Usually when
this treatment is applied to the inflamed surface
soon after its first appearance the symptoms dis-
appear and the disease does not have a chance to
develop. In the vagina the douche will have to be
used; in the urethra the injection will have to be
used. In many cases where treatment of this
.character is quickly applied every two or three
hours at the beginning of the first symptoms the
disease can be eliminated before it has had a
chance to secure a definite foothold.

The statement is made by many hygienic phy-
sicians that this method of treatment dri res the
disease back into the system. As this disease is
due entirely to local infection, many maintain

290

SPECIAL DISEASES OF WOMEN

that the quick removal of the first symptoms in-
dicates the elimination of the disease. This the-
ory cannot be substantiated and cannot be dis-
proven. The facts, however, must be recognized
that this is indeed a serious disease and that to
allow it to proceed on its ordinary course of de-
velopment means serious inflammation of the
membranous surface that leads into the womb,
the fallopian tubes, urethra, bladder, etc. There-
fore it is well if possible to avoid the risk of se-
rious infection of this sort, and if a proper anti-
septic can be used which immediately stops the
advancement of the disease, it is doubtless the
safest procedure in many cases, especially when
the full details of the natural treatment cannot
be immediately adopted, though we must admit,
that this suggestion does not harmonize with the
theories of natural treatment.

In following the principles of strictly natural
treatment no half-way measures are of value.
You must adhere strictly to the rules if results are
to be expected. The patient should, if possible,
go to bed and keep quiet. If this is not feasible,
at least as little exertion as is consistent with the
daily life should be allowed. She should keep off
her feet, and avoid the running of sewing ma-
chines, dancing and riding on street cars and
automobiles. A strict fast of from five to ten
days at this time will do more to reduce the in-
flammation than any other measure. Large
quantities of water should be drunk, at least four
quarts each day. If fasting is uncomfortable,

291

20

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

fruit juices may be taken. In case of urethral in-
fection the patient should make a practice of uri-
nating every hour.

The question of the douche again comes up.
Some of the best gynecologists are declaring
against it. The normal secretions of the vagina
will combat the disease and with the douche there
is always the danger of carrying infection to the
uterus and tubes. The vagina has great facility
for cleansing itself and throwing off secretions,
and the direction of the flow is downward. The
very strong astringent solutions commonly used
are responsible for the eroding of the outer lay-
ers of the mucous membrane, thus allowing the
infection to go deeper and producing a chronic
gonorrhea. We therefore advise against the too
frequent or indiscriminate use of douches, espe-
cially when strong chemical antiseptics are used.
There is no doubt that there are many instances
in which a douche is helpful for the sake of clean-
liness, but it should be understood clearly that
this is the purpose for which it is employed. A
boric acid solution is undoubtedly the ideal agent
for the purpose, although a weak saline solution
(a teaspoonful of salt in a quart of water) is also
very satisfactory. Where there is a very profuse
discharge there is no doubt that such a douche is
advisable. It should be said, however, that the
common fountain syringe douche is not usually
very satifactory, inasmuch as there are many
folds of the mucous membrane which are not
reached. The patient should follow closely the

292

instructions of her physician in the preparation
and use of douches. Self -prescribed treatment
is dangerous.

A pad or napkin must be worn for collecting
the discharge. This must be changed frequently,
the external genitals being washed with soap and
hot water at every changing. We might also
mention in this connection that the hands must
be thoroughly washed with strong soap and hot
water immediately after changing the pads. Care
must be observed that the infected fingers do not
touch the eyes, as a gonorrhea! ophthalmia is
quickly fatal to sight. The pads must be burned
after removal. The bath-tub and towels must be
disinfected after use. If there are children in the
house they must be protected from possible in-
fection.

During the most acute stage the hot sitz bath
should be taken several times daily, lasting from
fifteen to thirty minutes. The bowels must be
kept free, but the enema must under no circum-
stances be used for this purpose, as the danger of
rectal infection is great. Saline laxatives (a table-
spoonful of common table salt in a glass of water,
for instance), any of the laxative mineral waters
on the market, or regulation with foods, should
be relied on.

The fast should be followed by the milk diet,
using five or six quarts each day. A combination
milk and fruit diet may be used, with four meals
daily consisting of a pint or more of milk and
whatever fruit is desired at each meal. When

293

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

resuming the usual diet, care must be observed
not to overeat, to avoid highly seasoned foods,
alcoholic drinks, tea and coffee. Flesh foods are
better left alone.

Sexual intercourse must of course be forbidden
until repeated microscopical examinations show
the absence of the gonococus in the secretions
of the urethral and vaginal glands.

PELVIC INFLAMMATION. — These include: Sal-
pingitis, or inflammation of the fallopian tubes;
oophoritis, or inflammation of the ovaries; peri-
tonitis, or inflammation of the pelvic peritoneum ;
pelvic cellulitis, or inflammation of the tissues
surrounding the uterus and its appendages.
These are all dangerous conditions and are
usually due to gonorrheal infection, or infection
from the use of instruments, abortions, or child-
birth. Thev may also arise by extension of in-

tr w v

fection from the appendix and bladder.

The mildest stage of pelvic inflammation is a
slight inflammation of the tubes, and no damage
is done except a small amount of thickening of
the walls of the tubes, both ends of the parts
remaining open. In the second stage the tubes,
ovaries, uterus and intestines are bound together
by adhesions, but there is no retention of pus.
The third stage is the tubal abscess, known popu-
larly as a "pus tube", in which the pus is retained
within the distended tube. This is a dangerous
condition as the tube may rupture causing a
fatal peritonitis. In the fourth stage the pus has
escaped from the tube but is still walled in by the

294

SPECIAL DISEASES OFWOMEN

surrounding peritoneum, forming a large ab-
scess. The fifth stage is an acute general peri-
tonitis, the pus being diffused and not walled in.
The sixth stage is a cellulitis or inflammation of
the tissues surrounding the pelvic organs. All of
the pelvic organs are usually involved in the
above conditions.

Symptoms. — There is pain in the lower abdo-
men which becomes worse as the woman moves
about. In acute cases it is so severe that the bed
is sought. There is tenderness upon pressure in
one or both sides of the lower abdomen, or it may
be general over the whole area. There is usually
a rise of temperature and quickened pulse. The'
muscles of the abdominal region are tense. There
is usually a leucorrhea. Pain in the back is a
common symptom.

In many cases the woman will, with rest, quick-
ly recover from an attack, but the symptoms re-
turn at intervals, and as adhesions form there will
be more or less discomfort in the lower abdomen.
The general health also suffers to some extent.
If proper treatment is instituted early, the dis-
ease may be controlled and the necessity for oper-
ation obviated. This is one of the most common
causes of sterility.

Treatment. — If every woman could have the!
benefit of natural treatment when first attacked
with pelvic disease, there would be fewer pelvic
organs sacrificed upon the operating table.

Upon the first appearance of symptoms the pa-
tient should go to bed and, as in all other illness

295

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

with fever, a fast of a few days is indicated. The
bowels must be moved daily by means of a warm
enema. This will also have a good effect upon
the inflammation. The hot sitz is indicated unless
it is impossible for the patient to be out of bed,
in which case hot compresses may be applied
over the lower abdomen. The thermo-light is
also of value. A good plan is to apply the hot
compresses, or the light, for a half-hour and then
apply a cold pack to be left on until dry, when it
should be renewed. If there is much restlessness,
a warm bath, or a light massage, omitting the ab-
domenal and pelvic regions, will be found of
benefit.

If the condition does not quickly subside and
the temperature continues high, the possibility of
an abscess should be kept in mind. Repeated
fasts may be necessary, especially when the con-
dition has become chronic. In the early stages
while there is free drainage through the tubes, re-
covery should take place quickly. In many cases,
even when abscesses have formed, absorption has
occurred with full recovery. This is especially
true in those cases which have adhered to the fast,
or have taken a series of short fasts. After the
fast care in diet must be exercised ; in fact it will
be found most beneficial to adhere strictly to
the milk or buttermilk diet for a long while.

After getting up from bed the woman should
be careful not to overwork. She should go to bed
early, get up late and rest frequently during the
day. After all signs of inflammation have dis-

296

SPECIAL DISEASES OF WOMEN

appeared, mild exercise is allowable. If adhe-
sions have occurred, bending exercises and abdo-
minal massage will be found valuable for stretch-
ing or breaking them up. Operations for adhe-
sions are usually unnecessary unless there is in-
testinal obstruction. The adhesions will in most
cases stretch and cause no more trouble.

SYPHILIS

This ailment comes under the heading of ve-
nereal diseases. An extraordinary advance has
been made in its treatment recently by the medi-
cal profession. Seek the aid of a competent phy-
sician as early as possible when you have any rea-
son to believe you have acquired the disease. Do
not assume the serious risk of hampering with
yourself in self -treatment. The following infor-
mation is presented for the benefit of physicians
who are desirous of learning something of the
drugless treatment and to assist those who are
unable to secure the advice of a competent phy-
sician.

This terrible disease is perhaps next to tubercu-
losis the greatest scourge with which the human
race has to contend.

The infecting agent is called the Treponema
pallidum. It gains entrance through a minute
abrasion, or break, in the surface of mucous
membrane or skin. It is probably true that it
can not gain entrance through an unbroken sur-
face. As the organism is microscopic in size it

297

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

will be evident that the site of entrance may also
be microscopic, so that in the absence of visible
abrasions one may think there is immunity, when
such is not the case.

As to hereditary syphilis, recent studies and
investigations have disproved many former
ideas. That syphilis is transmitted to the off-
spring through hereditary characteristics resid-
ing in the germ-cells of the individual, is no lon-
ger believed, it being known that the child ac-
quires the disease by direct infection from the
uterus or placenta. The idea also has been dis-
carded that the apparently healthy mother is im-
mune to infection by her syphilitic child, begot-
ten of a syphilitic father. Also that a healthy
child is immune to infection from a syphilitic
mother.

The Wasserman test, while not absolutely ac-
curate in all cases, is the best means of diagnosis
we have, in the absence of clinical symptoms.

Symptoms. — The first sign of the disease ap-
pears about three weeks after exposure, as a
small red pimple which increases in size to that
of a ten- and often a five-cent piece. This ulcer-
ates in the center. A hardened area appears
around the ulcer; hence the name "hard
chancre." When located in the vagina the ulcer
may be very small and escape detection.

In about six weeks there may be moderate fever
with headache, pains in the limbs and digestive
disturbances. The throat becomes sore. The
glands in the neck and above the elbow swell and

298

SPECIAL DISEASES OFWOMEN

in some cases there may be enlargement of the
spleen. Eruptions appear on the skin. These
may be reddened areas, raised pimples or pus-
tules, or copper-colored spots. The so-called mu-
cous patches appear at the angles of the mouth,
on the tongue, pharynx, tonsils, vagina, anus,
and even between the toes and fingers. The hair,
eyebrows and eyelashes may fall out, and the
finger-nails become brittle or grow irregularly.
This stage of the disease lasts for two or three
months and is followed by apparently good
health. The second stage may be very mild and
often is absent.

The third stage appears months or years after-
ward. At this time the gumma or syphilitic tu-
mors appear. They may appear in any part of
the body but especially in the skin, bones and
nervous system. They may ulcerate, causing
great destruction. In some cases the small bones
of the face are entirely destroyed. Large ulcers
may appear in the skin. The gumma is tender
and painful to pressure. Fever in this stage is
common. If pregnant, the woman may abort.

What is sometimes called the fourth stage of
the disease appears as constitutional distur-
bances years afterward. The most common are
diseases of the nervous system, as locomotor
ataxia, paralysis and insanity.

Treatment. — The person who has contracted
syphilis must make up his or her mind that for
at least three to five years, life must be conducted
according to a very definite and strict plan, if

299

health is to be restored. All use of alcoholic
drinks, tobacco, tea, coffee, highly seasoned
foods, drugs and other poisonous substances
must cease.

When the primary sore is first discovered it
must not be cauterized, nor must any astringent
remedy be applied. This prevents proper drain-
age and seals up the organisms in the ulcer. The
best way is to apply something that will keep the
ulcer open and running. Never mind if it does
not heal quickly. The best local application is
the cold, wet pack. This is made by dipping a
piece of absorbent cotton in cold water, squeez-
ing it out slightly and binding it onto the sore.
These must be changed very frequently, and
burned after removal. Clay packs may also be
applied in the same manner. If the sore is in
such position that it is impossible to bind on the
packs, it may be irrigated at least every two
hours for ten minutes with cold water, using a
sterile enema point and douche can. The stream
must be directed onto the sore and allowed to
drain away freely. This is all the local treatment
necessary.

The patient should take a fast as soon as pos-
sible. This should last for from seven to four-
teen days, unless the individual is under weight,
when a series of two- or three-day fasts may be
taken instead. Follow with the milk or butter-
milk diet. Outside of milk no other kind of ani-
mal food should be used during the whole course
of treatment. If milk is not used exclusively, the

300

SPECIAL DISEASES OF WOMEN

diet should consist of fruit, nuts, cereals and
vegetables, both raw and cooked. The bowels
must be kept free by enemas or laxative foods.
Water should be taken freely. Skin action must
be promoted in every way. Three hot tub baths
per week and frequent cold sponges will help.
Fresh air, exercise and sunlight are of course im-
portant.

If there are secondary symptoms, the regime
must be even more rigid. All of the measures
mentioned above should be employed, and, in ad-
dition, the full cold-sheet pack should be used
every other day and in severe cases daily. The
patient should remain in the pack until free
sweating is induced. If the patient has taken
mercury the induction of sweating will be diffi-
cult, but the packs should be continued. If it is
summer, sun baths will be extremely beneficial.

In the third stage, or in cases where mercury
or salvarsan has been used, the disease must be
treated as a chronic one. Many of these cases
make very little improvement. They are really
cases of chronic mercurial or arsenical poisoning,
and the patient recovers to the extent that the
organs of the body are intact. Periodic fasts fol-
lowed by the milk diet must be taken over and
over again.

301

CHAPTER XL VI

Displacements and Their Correction

BECAUSE of the elasticity of the support-
ing structures, the female pelvic organs are
quite mobile, and therefore very subject to dis-
placement. This is true not only of the uterus,
but of the ovaries as well, and very often there
is an accompanying displacement of the abdo-
minal viscera also. A very large percentage of
the cases examined in gynecological clinics show
some degree of uterine malposition.

The uterus may be displaced forward or back-
ward, upward or downward, or to either side, but
only two of these are of any great consequence,
viz. backward displacement, or retroversion, and
downward displacement, or prolapsus. You
probably know of retroversion as "tipping of the
womb," and of prolapsus as "falling of the
womb."

The normal position of the uterus varies ac-
cording to the center of gravity of the body, and
the physiological state of the neighboring organs.
While lying on the back the tendency is for the
fundus or upper part of the uterus to fall back-
ward towards the sacrum; if you are lying face
downward, it tends to fall forwards ; if on either
side, towards the side upon which you are lying;
in the standing position it sinks slightly in the
pelvis. It also has an upward movement. The

302

DISPLACEMENTS

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303

WOMANHOOD AXD MARRIAGE

304

DISPLACEMENTS

305

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

full bladder raises the body of the uterus and
tends to throw it backward, while the alternate
filling and emptying of the rectum also produces
some change in position. It may be said, how-
ever, that the general position of the uterus is
with its fundus tipped forward and the cervix
directed backward, the cervical canal being at
right angles to the long axis of the vagina.

Although the uterus may be abnormally ante-
verted, this is of no very great importance unless
it is flexed, or bent on itself, at the same time,
thus causing menstrual disturbances. Lateral
displacements are of no consequence.

CAUSES OF UTERINE DISPLACEMENT. — Ac-
quired malpositions of the uterus of whatever
character are all practically due to the same
causes. Tell me that you have "falling* of the
womb" and I can describe your general condition
of health quite accurately, and also your habits
of living. You have been since girlhood disin-
clined to activity, and as a consequence your
muscles are weak and flabby, especially those of
your abdomen, which may be in a stretched and
sagging condition. You have also been a fairly
heavy eater and suffer from constipation. You
are either very lean, or inclined to. be very stout.
To keep your figure "trim" you wear corsets
which you put on while standing up, thus forcing
the abdominal contents downwards.

Among other causes are heavy lifting, active
exercise, such as jumping, dancing, and running
when in an untrained condition (these are bene-

306

DISPLACEMENTS

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ficial when the woman is in condition for such
exercise) ; relaxation of the pelvic floor following
lacerations in childbirth ; habitual constipation, or
constant distension of the bladder; the presence
of pelvic or abdominal tumors.

One potent cause is getting up too soon after
childbirth. At this time the uterus is heavy and
its supports stretched and relaxed, and if the
woman gets on her feet and does too much mov-
ing about before complete involution, or return
of the uterus to normal, has taken place, a retro-
displacement, or prolapsus, may subsequently oc-
cur. Although some consider it a sign of supe-
rior strength and vitality that savage women,
and certain women of the laboring class, go about
their work immediately after giving birth to a
child, in reality this must sometimes be consid-
ered their misfortune, as it is well known that
displacements of the uterus are very common
among these women, many of whom are chroni-
cally overworked and have a very poor posture
in any case.

Symptoms of Retroversion. — A certain de-
gree of displacement is possible without symp-
toms, but when there is a decided retroversion
the patient may suffer considerably.

You may have been feeling in the best of health,
but now you notice that you are not as vigorous
as formerly. You tire easily — in fact feel tired
all the time. Your sleep and rest do not refresh
you. There is a dragging feeling in the pelvic
region and at times an intense pain, or an ache, in

308

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

the sacral region. Your menses are unduly pro-
tracted and you have pain at this time. You are
constipated and have frequent urination. If
there is pregnancy, a miscarriage may follow.

Symptoms of Prolapsus. — Prolapse, or "fall-
ing of the womb," may be a slight or pronounced
descent into the vagina, or the entire uterus may
even appear outside of the vulva, carrying the
vaginal walls down with it. In other cases it is
simply an elongation of the cervix. Prolapsus is
practically a more advanced stage of retrover-
sion. The uterus sinks gradually into the vagina
until the cervix appears at the orifice. If the
tissues here are relaxed, the entire uterus is soon
outside the vagina. Up to this time you will suf-
fer greatly from the continual dragging sensa-
tion incident to the stretching of the ligaments.
This discomfort ceases when full descent has oc-
curred, and the only distress is the sense of a
foreign body between the thighs. The vaginal
wall covering the uterus gradually becomes dry
and hardened, resembling skin, or it may become
eroded and ulcerated.

Treatment of Uterine Displacements. — If
there are no symptoms and the condition is dis-
covered in examination, you should not worry
about it, as no treatment is necessary, unless you
are married and you think the displacement is
preventing you from becoming pregnant. If you
have decided symptoms, however, and the trou-
ble is undermining your health, it must be at-
tended to before a more advanced stage is
reached.

312

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In many cases the uterus must be put back
into position by manual means. This, however,
is not of much use unless it can be kept there.
For this purpose the vagina is sometimes packed
with gauze or pledgets of cotton, but these must
be removed in twenty-four hours and are there-,
fore not very effective. The pessary is often used
and this is more practical, and is useful tempor-
arily when the woman is obliged to be on her feet
continually, and some relief is necessary. The
pessary is often the cause of inflammation and
leucorrhea, and ulceration may occur from pres-
sure. Therefore it should not be worn contin-
ually, and other treatment should be undertaken
with the idea of discarding the pessary as soon
as possible. Frequent douches are necessary dur-
ing the time the pessary is used, and these, too,
are objectionable. The pessary, therefore, should
only be used when absolutely necessary

Before any permanent cure can be expected
the tone of the entire muscular system must be
improved. Some system of exercise which uses
every muscle should be adopted. The effect of
exercises is not alone on the voluntary muscles ;
the involuntary muscles and the ligaments also
are nourished and toned up by the increased cir-
culation. We know of various cases where noth-
ing of a local nature was done, and with general
exercise alone the condition was corrected. Of
course if the uterus is bound down by adhesions,
it can not be restored to position until these are
broken up or stretched by manual means.

314

DISPLACEMENTS

315

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

In some cases, and especially if there is com-
plete prolapse, the services of a physician are nec-
essary in replacing the uterus. However, there
are certain positions which may be assumed by
the patient herself that will cause the uterus to
return to its proper place. For instance the knee-
chest position may be taken. Kneel down on the
bed, or other comfortable soft surface. With
head forward and chin on chest bend far forward
until the chest and abdomen bear heavily on the
legs. It will readily be seen that in this posi-
tion the tendency is for the uterus to fall for-
ward to its normal position. You should take
this position several times daily for from five to
ten minutes at a time. While in this position
place the fingers of both hands on the "small of
the back," and then attempt to harden or flex
these muscles. You may secure a result not
unlike the sensation of "straining at stool,"
which will indicate that the exercise is taken cor-
rectly. Repeat until the muscles tire.

The knee-chest position is hard for some
women to assume and for such the slanting table
is useful. This is a table one end of which is at
least a foot lower than the other. A carpenter
will make it for you, or any one in the home
who is handy with tools can easily do it. Or
you can elevate one end of a couch for the pur-
pose. The ironing board, or any other board
two feet wide and five or six feet long, may be
used, by placing one end on a chair or the win-
dow sill. The patient lies on this, either on the

316

DISPLACEMENTS

317

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

Exercise 11. — Raising both legs from the board to a
vertical position is a more vigorous exercise than the preced-
ing one. If not strong, this exercise should not be attempted
at once, but a little later will give variety and greater effect-
iveness to exercises. Repeat five or ten times.

318

DISPLACEMENTS

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319

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

back, or face down, with the head at the lower
end. For retroversion face down. You may lie
quiet on this table for ten minutes to an hour at
a time, several times daily, or certain exercises
may also be taken on it. For instance the legs
may be raised alternately upward. The body
may be raised by straightening the arms, and
then lowered. The legs may be alternately
moved outward. After a time exercises may be
taken while lying on either side and also upon the
back, such as moving the legs to the side and up-
ward, alternately and together. All of these ex-
ercises will develop the muscles of the abdominal
and pelvic region, which is very important.

Another very valuable exercise is to contract
the muscles of the anus and the constrictor
muscles of the urinal canal — in plainer terms the
muscles that are used in urinating and in defecat-
ing. Make it a point to contract these muscles
a number of times while on the slanting table.
They can also be exercised advantageously while
lying in bed.

After taking the exercises it is well to lie quiet,
face downward, for a few minutes before getting
off the table. This is the most important part of
the whole treatment, and we know of many cases
which have been benefitted. Sleeping chest
downward is also of value.

The use of the cold sitz bath will tend to bring
the blood to the pelvic region and thus tone up
the muscles and ligaments. This should be taken
daily, for from one to four minutes, according to

320

DISPLACEMENTS

Exercise 13.— This is a variation of the preceding "scis-
sors" exercise, the action of the legs in this case being cross-
wise instead of in line with the body. With the legs held
perpendicularly, spread them apart one or two feet, or as far
as you can without strain, and then cross them as in the
illustration, alternating by crossing the left leg above and
below the right. Repeat ten or twenty times.

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

the temperature of the water, being discontinued
of course, during the menses. If there is inflam-
mation use the hot sitz.

In case of complete prolapse, or "falling," after
replacement of the uterus, the woman should go
to bed for several days, remaining most of the
time in the prone position. Large pledgets of
cotton attached to a string may be introduced
into the vagina to prevent the uterus from de-
scending again. These must be changed daily.
If the woman is not obliged to work, or be on
her feet for a considerable part of her time, we
would advise the avoidance of pessaries, or sup-
ports of any kind, the exercises mentioned being
relied upon for the relief of the trouble. If one
continues in bed for any length of time, it is espe-
cially important to take the reclining exercises
mentioned, including all possible leg movements
for strengthening the abdominal region.

322

CHAPTER XLVII

Tumors

MANY women, if asked to name the disease
they fear most, would at once mention
cancer, and, indeed, not only cancer, but all
forms of tumor are the dread of every woman.

Correctly speaking, any swelling is a tumor,
but pathologically considered, a tumor is a cir-
cumscribed new growth of tissue, or a neoplasm.
In other words a tumor is simply an overgrowth
of the tissue in which it originates, as it is com-
posed of the same kind of cells, this fact being
made the basis of a histological classification of
tumors, according to the four fundamental em-
bryological tissues, viz., nervous, muscular, epi-
thelial and connective.

For practical purposes, however, tumors are
classified according to their ultimate effect upon
the body, as benign, or those which do not of
themselves disturb the general health and well-
being of the individual, and malignant, or those
which do. Certain cysts and fibroid tumors are
usually classed as benign, and carcinoma and
sarcoma as malignant. The malignant tumors
are commonly called cancer. That this classifica-
tion is not a constant one is seen by the fact that
the most benign tumor may change into a malig-
nant one.

323

Many theories have been advanced as to the
cause of tumors, and especially of cancer, but
as yet medical science has no reliable information
to offer on the subject.

Some think the new growths are due to cells
which have been misplaced by Nature in the de-
velopment of the individual, and for some reason
have suddenly begun to multiply; others, that
bacteria and protozoa may be the cause; others
again that the mutual relationship between cells
or groups of cells is destroyed and the normal
restraint of growth removed, resulting in rapid
proliferation. Still others believe that irritation,
mechanical, chemical, or other, stimulates repro-
duction of cells.

It is certain that tumors are dependent upon
the blood and lymph for their nutrition, and this
being so it seems reasonable to suppose that
toxins might be carried to and retained in cells,
thus producing a continued irritation, which Na-
ture attempts to combat by producing new cells.
In other words the chief cause of tumors, includ-
ing cancer, is the retention of foreign substances
in the blood, and this again is due to faulty elim-
ination and the ingestion of toxic material, in
the shape of too much food, wrong food, drugs,
serums, and antitoxins. Cancer seems to be
more prevalent among meat-eating nations, but
as it is also found among vegetarians, we must
look for a deeper cause. It is probable that meat
simply introduces a certain amount of poison
into the system and thus is a potent factor in the

324

TUMORS

general toxicity of the body. Excesses in certain
foods, cooked foods, lack of organic salts, alco-
hol, and intestinal fermentation, have all been
mentioned as contributing agents. Beneath it all
is poison.

Tumors sometimes arise following a blow, as
in the case of cancer of the breast, and sarcoma
of bone. In such cases cells are injured, and the
surrounding tissues are irritated by the sub-
stances formed in the decomposed cells. We also
know that the constant irritation of a broken
tooth will induce cancer of the mouth or tongue,
as will the continual irritation of a pipe or cigar
on the lip. Fundamentally however, even in
these cases, there must be the condition of either
toxic blood, or poor circulation.

FIBROIDS. — These are the most common tu-
mors affecting women, and, although occurring
in various parts of the body, the most common
site is the uterus. They are more often present in
early and middle adult life, and have no connec-
tion with childbearing ; — in fact they are more
common in the unmarried and in married women
who have no children. Cancer is more common
in women who have had children.

The tumor may be very small and grow very
slowly, or remain small, in which case it presents
no symptoms and causes no trouble, and usually
needs no treatment. If not in the inner layers
of the uterine wall it is usually no bar to preg-
nancy and normal childbirth. In many cases,
however, it grows slowly and may become very

325

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

large, causing destruction of surrounding tissues
and pressure symptoms in other parts of the
body. It may also ulcerate and cause hemor-
rhage, and undergo malignant degeneration, so
you can readily see that the name benign tumor
does not mean much. About the first symptoms
of uterine fibroid are disturbances of menstrua-
tion, such as painful and profuse, or continued,
flow, and in some cases diminished flow. There
may be sterility and, if pregnancy does occur, oc-
casionally abortion. There may be a persistent
leucorrhea. As the tumor increases in size there
are symptoms referable to pressure, as pain, vari-
cose veins and edema of the lower extremities,
piles, constipation and urinary difficulty. Death
rarely results from the tumor itself, fatality being
due to complications and disturbance of func-
tions of other organs through pressure.

CANCER OF THE UTERUS. — The uterus and the
surrounding tissues are the most common seat of
cancer in the human body. It may be either car-
cinoma or sarcoma, and starting at any one point
will spread rapidly, destroying all tissues in the
locality. It may begin in the cervix, the body
of the uterus, the vagina, the tubes, or the rectum
and bladder.

The first local sign is usually a small abrasion
or ulcer which bleeds when touched. Gradually
there is a thickening and ulceration of the tissues,
which may become infected and suppurate. Sec-
ondary growths may appear elsewhere. The
woman first notices a continual leucorrhea with

326

TUMORS

an occasional tinge of blood. Cancer of the ute-
rus is more common in women past the child-
bearing period of life; therefore any show of
blood at this time is a cause of suspicion and
warrants a careful examination. Symptoms of
tumor in a woman past the change-of-life period
are more apt to indicate cancer than fibroid.

As the growth and destruction progresses there
will be occasional hemorrhages and a watery leu-
corrhea, brownish in color, and in carcinoma
possessing a characteristically foul odor. As the
disease progresses the general health suffers, the
patient gradually becoming emaciated, the skin
a yellowish-brown color, and the strength de-
pleted, all of these constituting the so-called can-
cer cachexia. The usual duration of the disease
is from one to three years, depending upon the
rate of growth. When the condition is localized
and there is no absorption of toxins into the gen-
eral system there may be no constitutional symp-
toms and the condition may not be discovered
until great destruction has taken place. The
worry incident to the condition often helps to
run down the health. When the body of the
uterus is first attacked pain is one of the earliest
symptoms. This may be of a burning charac-
ter, but at times is sharp and extends to the back
and down the thigh.

POLYPI. — These consist of small tumor-like
growths attached to the mucous membrane of
the uterus. They are soft in consistency and
bright-red in color. They are very vascular and

327

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

bleed easily. The symptoms are hemorrhage and
a continued leucorrhea, together with inflamma-
tion of the uterus, menstrual pain, abortion or
sterility.

CYSTS. — These are most often found in the
ovaries and tubes. Ninety-five per cent of the
tumors of the ovary are cystic. A cyst is a cir-
cumscribed area containing retained secretions
from a gland, or fluid from inflammation of sup-
puration. The most common cyst of the ovary
is called a proliferating cyst, from its habit of
forming multiple cysts within itself. This is the
one usually spoken of as ovarian tumor. When
small there are no symptoms, and they seldom
give rise to any serious trouble. They grow
slowly and may not be discovered until they
have attained a very large size. The first symp-
tom noticed is a sense of something heavy in the
lower abdomen and a feeling of pressure. A
little later a slight enlargement is noticed, which
may give rise to a belief that pregnancy has oc-
curred. There are menstrual disturbances, blad-
der irritability and constipation. The bowel
movements may be painful. The pressure of the
growing tumor may cause swelling of the lower
limbs and pain. Dyspepsia and other gastric
symptoms may be present, due to pressure on the
stomach and intestines. There may be progres-
sive weakness and emaciation. Rarely there may
be a local peritonitis, with fever and severe ab-
dominal and pelvic pain. Severe hemorrhage
from the uterus has occurred, and rupture of

328

TUMORS

the cyst from a fall or blow, followed by a fatal
peritonitis, is possible.

BREAST TUMORS. — The breast is really a very-
delicate organ, and especially subject to new
growths, particularly following injury, or gland-
ular disturbances. Fibroid tumors of the breast
are fairly common. These grow slowly, but may
become quite large and may finally ulcerate
through the skin and project from the breast in
fungoid-like masses, which may be mistaken for
cancer. This tumor destroys the glandular tis-
sue of the breast by pressure.

The most destructive tumor of the breast, how-
ever, is carcinoma, which occurs most commonly
in women between the ages of thirty-five and
fifty-five. It begins as a small hard lump which
gradually enlarges and spreads until the entire
breast and the adjacent tissues are involved. The
cancer may ulcerate through the skin or remain
deep-seated. In many cases the nipple is re-
tracted until entirely out of sight. Pain is a most
constant symptom, and signs of inflammation
may be present. The glands under the arm en-
large and may become tender.

All lumps in the breast are not cancer, but any
nodule should be carefully watched and if it en-
larges, cancer should be suspected. Retained se-
cretions in the glands or milk-ducts often pro-
duce hard lumps very similar to tumors.

Whenever the breast has been bruised in any
way it should be immediately treated by the ap-
plication of hot and cold packs to stimulate circu-

329

lation and promote absorption of the transfused
blood. Nodules or lumps should never be manip-
ulated or massaged unless their true nature is
known, as malignant growths increase more rap-
idly when thus stimulated.

Treatment of Tumors. — We might be criti-
cized for taking up the treatment of tumors un-
der a general heading, for many who have been
accustomed to think of cancer and tumor as sep-
arate entities, and due to different causes, will
imagine that a separate form of treatment is nec-
essary for each type of tumor. As we have
shown, all tumors are due to the same cause, and
only differ according to the tissue in which found,
and the intensity of the causative agent. Tumor,
including cancer, is not a local condition, but is
the local expression of a constitutional disease.

Early and complete removal by surgical opera-
tion is the classical treatment for all forms of
tumor. Where the growth is still localized this
may be efficient treatment, if accompanied by
constitutional treatment which is designed to
purify the blood and remove the cause, but with-
out the constitutional treatment, the tumor may
return and more rapid decline follow.

The use of caustics, X-Ray, Finsen lights, ra-
dium and other forms of treatment have all been
tried with great hopes that at last a cure had
been found, but all have been failures. Indeed
in many cases the means used for a cure have
hastened the growth of the tumor.

The best of the local applications, which is

330

TUMORS

still in its infancy, but which promises most as
far as local treatment is concerned, is the appli-
cation, by suitable apparatus, of intense heat,
which literally cooks and chars the tumor without
injuring the normal tissues.

But what is the real cure for tumors and can-
cer? If local treatments have failed, why not
try what constitutional methods will do, and get
at the seat of the trouble, by removing the cause.

First of all we should live in such a way that
tumors are impossible. All women should get
out of doors into the fresh air and sunlight more,
and take active exercise.

Next, the intestinal tract must be made as
clean as possible, preferably by a diet of un-
cooked food, or one in which fruits, green salads
and other raw foods predominate.

Hot applications may be used for the relief
of pain, and in cases of pelvic tumors with pain,
the hot sitz bath is effective.

Womanly Periodicity

IX order to take proper care of herself it is
necessary for every woman to have a more or
less complete understanding of the special func-
tions of her reproductive system. This is of es-
pecial importance for the young wife, and we
will, therefore, turn to a consideration of the
part played by the reproductive organs in the
life of the woman.

By many people, sex is looked upon very large-
ly as though it were not only centered in, but en-
tirely encompassed by, the creative organs. In
reality, sex permeates every atom of the body.
Every molecule of the woman's organism ex-
presses the characteristic of femininity which is,
in its essence, passive, negative, constructive.
The masculine' element, on the other hand, is
positive, active and destructive. This difference
between the two principles is manifest even in the
very lowest forms of life. A one-celled organism
which is feminine in its characteristics tends to
remain in one spot and to accumulate more cell
material than is needed for its immediate exist-
ence. As a consequence, this cell is sluggish in
its movement and increases in size. A corre-
sponding masculine cell is much smaller because,
by its ceaseless activity, it consumes the greater

332

part of the cell material which it is able to build
from its food supply.

The problem of life is living, and this problem
is the same for every organism, whether unicel-
lular, or multicellular. The continuance of life
means, not alone maintaining the life of the in-
dividual, but also continuing the life of the spe-
cies.

We see this problem in its simplest terms when
we consider the life of some protozoon, for ex-
ample. Here we find a one-celled creature which
has no organs set apart to perform different func-
tions, but simply exists by means of the absorp-
tion of food through the cell wall. Its life de-
pends upon the maintenance of a certain ratio
between the amount of surface as compared with
the bulk of the organism. When the bulk has
increased to such a degree that it can no longer
secure a sufficient amount of food through the
surface, the life of the individual is doomed un-
less some means can be fpund for increasing the
amount of surface. There is but one way for
this to take place, and this is by the division of
the single cell into two smaller ones. It is in this
way, therefore, that the stream of life is con-
tinued, and this is, fundamentally, the reason for
the process of reproduction.

In the higher forms of life, instead of one single
cell we find many cells grouped together to make
up the organism, and the work which is necessary
to sustain the life of this creature is divided up
between different groups of cells, which are called

333

WOMANHOOD AXD MARRIAGE

organs. Some of these organs are necessary for
carrying on the life of the individual and some
are essential only to the continuance of the life
of the species. In some of the earlier forms, all
of the necessary elements for the reproduction
of life are found within the one organism. In
later forms, however, two different organisms are
essential to the reproductive process; one pro-
ducing the feminine element, the other, the mas-
culine element. These two must unite in order
that a new life may come into existence.

This differentiation between two individuals
is an expression of the law of sex, and very evi-
dently has for its purpose the production of
greater possibilities of variation and ultimate im-
provement in the species.

It gives us a truer conception of the rightful
place of sex in life when we realize that the mani-
fold varieties of different species owe their origin
to this great principle of sex. For example,
there was in the first place but one kind of a rose,
the wild sweetbrier, and from this, we are told, by
the process of selection made possible through
the law of sex, have been developed the many
hundreds of varieties with which we are famil-
iar today. So we may enumerate the various
forms not only of plant life, but also of life in
the animal kingdom. We cannot begin to meas-
ure the blessings that have come to mankind
through this most essential and invaluable law
of sex.

It may be of value to us, in arriving at an un-

334

derstanding of the functions of woman's crea-
tive organs, to contemplate, for a few moments,
the process which takes place in the early devel-
opment of the embryonic life. As soon as the
sperm cell, or the masculine element, has united
with the egg cell, or the feminine element, there
begins in the resultant single-celled organism a
marvellous division and sub-division which, in a
remarkably short space of time, results in a form
which is composed of a great number of tiny
cells, held together in a spherical mass and having
the appearance of a mulberry.

If you were to be told that a human body was
to develop from this mass of cells, and were asked
to apportion the amount which you thought
would be needed, in the first place, for the crea-
tive organs alone, and, in the second place, for
the entire remaining portion of the body, you
would, without doubt, divide the cellular mass
into a larger and smaller portion to correspond
with the size of the body and the creative or-
gans. It may, therefore, be of interest to you
to know that, when this part of the developing
process is reached, one single cell is set aside
for the purpose of being developed into the whole
complicated organism of the body, which grows
about and surrounds the remaining mass, des-
tined to form the creative organs. It becomes
evident that the body, therefore, exists for the
purpose of protecting this living germ plasm,
which is thus preserved until the time has come
for it to take up its special work. This special

335

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

work, in reality, is but the resumption of the
process of division, or of budding, which re-
sulted after the initial union of the masculine
and feminine elements.

When the infant is born, this original germ
plasm, with its accompanying organs, is enclosed
within the body of the individual. The creative
portion of the organism, however, is, as it were,
asleep, and remains dormant for the first ten
years of the life of the individual. Then, at last,
it begins to show some activity.

The first work of the creative organs has to do
with the making over of the body of the individ-
ual to prepare it for its later share in the work
of reproducing the life of the race. This first
work consists of the secretion of a fluid, called
an internal secretion because it is entirely re-
tained within the organism. This marvellous
fluid is taken up by the blood and carried to every
portion of the body, which at once begins to
undergo changes.

This process is begun at the very center of the
being and does not, therefore, make itself evident
for several years. There comes a time, however,
when we see the body beginning to grow very
rapidly and the child becomes, as we say, all arms
and legs. In other words, the bony framework
has felt the effect of this wonderful fluid and has
begun to elongate itself. Sometimes the bones
grow more rapidly than do the muscles, result-
ing in a stretching of the latter that causes what
are known as growing pains. Every organ of the

336

WOMANLY PERIODICITY

body feels the revolutionary effect of this inter-
nal secretion, and more evidences of its work
become apparent. We find the little girl ad-
vancing into womanhood, taking on the curves
which are natural to the woman's figure, and all
of the other graces which belong to femininity.

In the meantime, the secretion has also been
busy building up the creative organs themselves,
until, when the little girl has reached twelve, or
thirteen, or fourteen years of age, these organs
themselves begin to function.

As has been said, the functioning of the cre-
ative organs is, in reality, but a continuance of
the dividing process which first took place in the
germ plasm; only now, instead of the cells re-
maining together, once every twenty-eight days
approximately, one little cell is budded off from
the germ plasm and starts on its own individual
journey through the bodily organs.

In the lowest cavity of the body, called the pel-
vic cavity, are suspended the creative organs,
these consist, in the first place, of a small, pear-
shaped organ about three inches long, two inches
wide, and flattened a little from front to back
so that it is only a little more than one inch
through at the thickest portion. This is the ute-
rus, or womb, to give it its English name. This
organ is suspended with the large end uppermost
and the small end entering the canal called the
vagina, which leads to the exterior of the body.
On either side of the uterus lie two small bodies
about the size and shape of an almond. These

337

WOMANHOOD AXD MARRIAGE

are the ovaries, and it may be of interest to know
that they contain approximately thirty-two thou-
sand ova, or egg cells.

The uterus is suspended by means of two broad
ligaments which are attached to its sides and
pass from it to be fastened to the inner sides
of the hip bones. The ovaries lie enclosed in a
fold of these broad ligaments. The uterus is
attached also by two round ligaments ; one com-
ing from the front of the Organ and being at-
tached to the pelvic bone, the other coming from
the back and being attached to the end of the
spinal column. Thus the uterus hangs suspended
by two broad bands and two cords. From the
upper and larger end of the organ extend on
either side, the Fallopian tubes, which end in
what are known as the fimbriated extremities, or,
in plain English, a fringe, which is like tiny fin-
gers.

As has been said, approximately every twenty-
eight days an ovum which has already risen to
the surface of the ovary, ripens, bursts open its
particular covering, and comes out into the pel-
vic cavity where it may be caught by the moving
fringe of the Fallopian tube and so be passed
into this passageway, through which it progresses
slowly toward the uterus. It continues its proc-
ess of development while advancing through the
tube and if, on its way, it encounters one of the
living sperm cells, which is the masculine con-
tribution to a new life, the two unite and fertili-
zation takes place. The impregnated ovum there-

338

WOMANLY PERIODICITY

upon finds for itself a resting place in the soft
folds of the lining membrane of the uterus, where
it begins at once the marvellous process of di-
vision and sub-division which has already been
briefly described. Nourishment is needed, how-
ever, for the continuance of this new life, and
that is furnished by the mother's body. An ex-
tra supply of her blood is at once sent to the
uterus and goes to the upbuilding of the new
organism.

If the ovum is not impregnated, however, it is
of no further use and passes on out of the body.
In order that no new life shall start, however,
without its needed nourishment, every time this
process of ovulation is gone through with, an
extra supply of blood is sent to the uterus and
then, as it is not needed, it also passes on out
of the body. This process is called menstrua-
tion.

It will be seen from this description that men-
struation is not an illness. It is a perfectly nat-
ural bodily process, and, without any doubt, was
not intended to be a source of suffering to
women, nor to interfere in any marked way with
their ordinary activities. That in many cases it
has become a cause of pain and a distinct handi-
cap to woman in her activities is due to the un-
natural conditions under which the human race
has lived ever since the begining of civilization.
Without any doubt, primitive woman did not
suffer so great a loss of blood each month as does
the woman of today and endured no pains there-

339

23

with, just as childbirth was, to her, a mere tran-
sient experience which caused her but little in-
convenience.

One of the most widespread misconceptions
of this function is that the blood that comes
away from the body at this time is, as it is com-
monly phrased, bad blood, and that the loss of it,
therefore, is of benefit to the body. This is a
mistaken notion. The blood which is sent to the
uterus at this time is of as pure a quality as any
in the body, and its excessive loss — beyond a
certain natural limit — must always be a detri-
ment to the organism.

It must be understood, in the first place, that
the uterus is lined with a membrane which cor-
responds to the lining membrane of the lips or
the eyelids. A moment's scrutiny will show that
this thin, transparent membrane is filled full of
a fine network of tiny arteries through which
the blood flows, giving to it a rich, red color. So
also is the lining membrane of the uterus filled
full of tiny arteries. At the menstrual period
these arteries are filled so full of fluid that their
walls are stretched thin, as is a piece of rubber
when stretched taut. Through these thin walls
the blood slowly exudes, gathering on the inner
surface of the uterus until it has gained enough
volume to move slowly on its way out of the
body. Now, it will readily be understood that
when the lining membrane is thus engorged with
blood, the organ is very much heavier than at
any other time during the month. At the same

340

WOMANLY PERIODICITY

time, the muscles are more or less relaxed in
tone, so that the whole group of pelvic organs
tends to sag downward. To relieve this sagging,
girls are taught to spend as much time as possible
in a reclining posture for the first day or two,
when the organ is most heavily weighted with
extra fluid. This care will often prevent a per-
manent sagging of the organs which might ul-
timately result in increasing the suffering at this
period.

It also becomes apparent why it is so necessary
to avoid getting the feet wet at this time, or run-
ning any risk of taking cold. Sitting upon the
damp ground, or upon a cold stone, is particularly
dangerous, because it may cause a checking of
the flow, resulting in a congestion which may be-
come more or less serious.

There have been cases in which young girls
have rendered themselves invalids for life be-
cause, through ignorance, they attempted by cold
bathing to stop what seemed to them a manifesta-
tion of some serious hemorrhage. Fortunately,
mothers of today are generally aware of the im-
portance of giving their daughters proper in-
struction before this function has begun, so that
such mistakes are much less frequent than they
may have been in years gone by.

Girls often resent the necessity for taking spe-
cial care of themselves at this time, and some-
times even seem to think it an indication of a
praiseworthy strength of mind and will to re-
fuse to exercise a little common-sense caution.

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WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

There are, of course, many young women, and
it may be that the number is increasing, who
do not find it necessary to pay any especial at-
tention to themselves at this time of the month.
They are able to go on about their ordinary oc-
cupations without suffering any pain, or any
other marked inconvenience. There are others,
however, who, if they persist in their customary
activities for the first day or two, either suffer
a great deal of pain, or else find themselves flow-
ing for an undue length of time. It is generally
considered that normally the flow should be
ended by about the fourth or fifth day. If the
period is extended over a week it should be
looked upon as abnormal and an effort made to
discover and remove the cause. It will be found,
in a good many of these cases that remain-
ing in bed for the first day or two will bring the
function to a close within the proper period of
time. The young woman who refuses, through a
false pride, or for any other reason, to exercise
this care over herself, and who finds herself as a
consequence flowing for two, or three, or even
four weeks at a time, should understand that she
is deliberately weakening her system. She can-
not afford to lose this amount of blood and will
eventually finds herself growing weaker, prone
to backaches and headaches and very readily fall-
ing a victim to various infections. Instead of
foolishly refusing to pay any attention to what
she considers to be a negligible weakness, she
should begin at once not only to keep herself

342

WOMANLY PERIODICITY

strictly in bed for the first two or three days of
the period, but also to put herself upon a severe
regime during the intervening time. She should
exercise regularly, have plenty of out-door air
and, possibly, a cold spray in the morning.

It is especially important that young girls
should exercise this special care over themselves
during the first year or two of menstruation.
When the function is once thoroughly estab-
lished, it may not be necessary to be so careful.

The question of bathing at the menstrual pe-
riod is one upon which a diversity of opinion
may be heard. Formerly it was the custom to
warn women against any bathing at this time.
More recently, however, physicians have begun
to agree that it may be possible for baths to be
taken at this time without any unfortunate re-
sults. The matter is one, probably, which will
have to be decided more or less in accordance
with the requirements of the individual. For ex-
ample, the young woman who is in the habit of
taking a cold plunge every day will, in all prob-
ability, be able, at this time, to take a cold spray
without feeling any deleterious effects. On the
other hand, a young woman of a less vigorous
vitality who, under ordinary circumstances, has
difficulty in reacting from a cold spray, could
not possibly continue during the menstrual
period.

Extremely hot baths also are not desirable, as
they induce a larger flow and are more or less
weakening. What is called a neutral bath, that

343

is, at about the temperature of the body, is the
kind best suited to the majority of women dur-
ing these periods and may, therefore, be recom-
mended.

The hot sitz bath is often found to relieve pain,
especially in cases of delayed and scanty men-
struation. In other cases of painful menstrua-
tion resulting from an undue congestion in the
parts involved, a hot foot bath, which restores
the general circulation of the blood, will be found
efficacious.

The most potent cause of painful menstruation
is the. misplacement of the uterus for one reason
or another. It may be tipped forward or back,
on one side or the other. When only tipped to
a slight degree it may cause but little discomfort,
but when sharply turned upon itself it may cause
great suffering. It is important, therefore, to
consider possible causes for the misplacement
of this organ.

In the first place it will readily be seen that
a wrong standing or sitting posture will be pro-
ductive of harmful results. The girl who con-
stantly sits upon her spine is tipping the uterus
backard into an unnatural position. The same
may be said of the one who stands incorrectly.

One other very common cause of displacement
of this organ is constipation. It must be remem-
bered that directly over the uterus is the alimen-
tary tract. There are approximately thirty feet
of small and large intestines which hang sus-
pended in the abdominal cavity. If tljese are al-

344

WOMANLY PERIODICITY

lowed to become packed full of effete matter,
they become very heavy and pull down upon
their supporting membranes until they may rest
upon the organs beneath in such a way as to push
them out of place. For this reason it is most
important for young women to learn how to
avoid getting the habit of constipation, for con-
stipation, it must be understood, is not an ill-
ness. It is simply an unfortunate habit.

While the statement is made that the process
of ovulation and menstruation takes place every
twenty-eight days, the period is not the same for
all individuals, although it should normally be
the same for each individual. For example, one
young woman, will menstruate every twenty-
eight days, another one every thirty days, and
another one every twenty-seven days. Whatever
the period, it should be regular with the individ-
ual. If the menstrual period recurs more fre-
quently than every three weeks it would seem to
be an indication of an abnormal condition which
should be overcome and probably can be mas-
tered by careful, healthful living.

Frequently the statement is made that be-
cause a young woman did not establish the func-
tion of menstruation she went into a decline; it
may be, had consumption and passed away in
her early youth. The truth of the matter is she
did not menstruate because she was already in a
decline, and did not possess the vitality required
for the establishment of this additional function.

It will be found also that a woman who allows

345

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

herself to become thoroughly run down may stop
menstruating and think that something serious
has happened to her. Restoration of her general
health will re-establish the monthly period.

Connecting the womb with the exterior of the
body is a muscular tube called the vagina. The
external opening of this tube may, in childhood,
be guarded by a thin fold or veil of mucous mem-
brane. This stretches across the opening of the
vagina like the head of a drum and is called the
hymen. It has been supposed by many to be a
complete veil across the entrance and its pres-
ence, therefore, to be an indication of virginity.
If a man marries with the old idea that the hymen
is always present in virgins he may do his wife
a great injustice by assuming that she has strayed
from the path of virtue because he fails to find
this physical sign present in her. It is, therefore,
rather important for young men as well as young
women to be made acquainted with the real facts
in the case.

It is true that sometimes the hymen completely
obstructs the vaginal opening. Occasionally,
however, the membrane is perforated in several
places. More frequently, there is one opening
with ragged edges. Normally, however, it is per-
forated at or near the middle by a round or oval
opening which may be easily enlarged by stretch-
ing. Sometimes the hymen is but little more
than a circular ridge or flange projecting toward
the centre of the vaginal tube, or it may be en-

346

WOMANLY PERIODICITY

tirely wanting along a part of the circumference.
Frequently, it is entirely absent.

It would seem that the customary care of the
body exercised by many women also tends to
either prevent the development of a distinct hy-
men or, what is more likely, to destroy it after
it has been imperfectly formed. Without doubt,
the local douches which are so frequently pre-
scribed and other forms of local treatment may
have the same effect.

These being the facts, it becomes evident that
the presence or absence of the hymen has prac-
tically nothing to do with the question of a young
woman's chastity. If this fact were thoroughly
understood, it doubtless might have the effect of
removing a good deal of the nervousness which
brides feel upon the advent of the wedding night.

There is also another reason for definite in-
struction upon this point. If the hymen is a com-
plete membrane and difficult to penetrate, the
husband may have to exercise great considera-
tion to avoid causing intense pain to his wife in
the first approaches toward the consummation of
marriage. Under such conditions the utmost
gentleness on the part of the husband is called
for, and in all probability, the wisest thing will be
to have the wife examined by a competent physi-
cian and the necessary measures taken for reliev-
ing the situation. A little local treatment, such
as stretching of the hymen, may be all that is
necessary. Upon occasion, a slight operation
may be needed.

347

CHAPTER XLIX

Determining Sex

A great deal of attention, both scientific and
other, has been given to the subject of the
pre-determination of sex. The majority of peo-
ple feel that they would like to have the power to
say to which sex their child should belong. In
the case of ruling families and those with great
wealth to dispose of, it has generally been consid-
ered desirable to have the first child a boy and,
if any one had been able to discover an absolutely
certain method for determining beforehand the
sex of the child that was to be born, that individ-
ual would probably have coined a fortune that
would be the envy of even a Rockefeller. A good
many persons have thought that they had a sure
way of fixing the sex of the child before it is born ;
but although these methods seem sometimes to
have produced the desired result further exper-
imentation has as a rule proved them to be unre-
liable.

The law of chance must be taken into account
whenever one attempts to prove the trustworth-
iness of any theory. It may be quite true that a
certain couple followed a prescribed regime for
producing a child of the male sex and the infant
born to them may have been a boy. Nevertheless,
this does not prove that the method pursued was
a cause of the result. The child might have been

348

DETERMINING SEX

a boy in any case. If the same method, used upon
another occasion or by other individuals, should
fail once to produce the desired result, the method
would thereby be proven to be not absolutely in-
fallible.

In the first place, it is interesting to consider
the relative number of the sexes, not only in the
early years of life but also in the later age periods.
The study made of this subject seems to assure
us that a few more males are born into the world
than females. The average in civilized countries
during a long series of years is about 105 boys to
100 girls. The fundamental difference between
the sexes is clearly shown even at this early pe-
riod of life in the relative vitality of the two sexes.
As the female is the constructive half, tending
always to remain more or less passive and, there-
fore, able to store up material for future use, so
we are not surprised- to learn that female infants
are more tenacious of life than are male children.
They more easily resist the diseases incident to
infancy and childhood, so that at the age of pu-
berty it is found that there are a few more girls
than boys. This difference increases until the
years of maturity, when we find that there are
about 105 adult females to about 100 adult
males.

This difference between the vital resistance of
the boys and girls in early childhood is known
practically to all who have the care of infants.
Every mother of a family realizes the greater
difficulty which she experiences in bringing her

349

boys to maturity than in rearing her girls. Of
course, it is easy to be seen that this added vital-
ity is needed by woman in order to enable her to
pass through the increased demand made upon
her system by the process of gestation and birth.
In spite of the dangers incident to maternity,
the number of women markedly increases in pro-
portion to the number of men throughout the
years of life, these dangers being offset among
the male population by the effects of war, lust,
narcotism, machinery, exposure to inclement
weather and similar exigencies. In an ideal state
of society the number of men and women would
be aproximately equal, thus insuring the possi-
bility of a mate for every human creature.

There have been many superstitious beliefs in
regard to sex determination. Some have thought
that the organs on one side of the body produced
female germs, the organs en the other side of
the body produced male germs. Some have
thought that it depended upon the comparative
vitality of the germ cells, those of more vitality
resulting in males and of less vitality in females.
This doctrine, however, is contrary to the proven
facts of sex differences. Some have thought it
depended upon whether the husband was older
than the wife, or whether one parent was more
vigorous then the other. Some have thought that
it depended upon the age of the mother.

One of the theories which has seemed to have
more possibility of truth in it than these super-
stitious beliefs has pointed to the differences of

3SO

DETERMINING SEX

sex as being determined by the abundance of
the food supply. For example, it is known that
more males in proportion to the number of fe-
males are born immediately following a war than
at other periods. Some have claimed that this
was because of the lessening of the food supply,
due to conditions resulting from the lessening
of the productivity of a nation as a result of the
great number of workers that have necessarily
been called into the war service. Those who
believe in this theory also point to the well-known
method by which bees develop workers (females)
by giving them a larger food supply than is given
to the drones (males) . The theory, however, has
never been satisfactorily proven.

A much more probable theory seems to be
that known as Thury's law, because it was first
announced by a veterinary surgeon of that name
at the Academy of Geneva. He studied the sub-
ject of sex determination while engaged in rais-
ing horses, cattle and other domestic animals.
His conclusion was that sex is determined prac-
tically at the time at which the ovum is impreg-
nated. He seemed to establish the fact that if
fertilization occurred early in the fertile period
the resultant offspring would be female. An-
other investigator put forth his theory as fol-
lows : "Sex depends upon the degree of ripeness
of the female ovum at the time of its fecundation.
If an ovum has reached the highest degree of
ripeness when impregnated, a male is sure to
result." It is apparent that this last conclusion

351

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

is based upon the belief that the male, both struc-
turally and functionally, is more perfect than
the female and must develop, therefore, from the
more mature and complete ovum. According to
this, if impregnation occurred immediately after
the close of a menstrual flow — when, as a rule,
the ovum is not fully matured — the result will be
a girl ; but if, through a high nutritive condition
of the mother, the ovum be fully ripe at the time
of fertilization, the result will be a boy.

It is particularly interesting, in view of the
above, to turn to a recent study conducted by
a German scientist which appeared in a medical
journal in September, 1916. This scientist has
been charting data obtained by comparing the
date of a soldier's brief furlough with the preg-
nancy of his wife. These charts demonstrate
that conception was most likely to occur when
the soldier reached home during the first, days
after cessation of the menses. The probability of
conception then grew progressively less until al-
most constant sterility was the rule for the
woman during the days preceding the next men-
struation. For the purpose of seeking to dis-
cover the laws predetermining the sex of a child,
he divided the inter-menstrual period into three
phases: one, from the first day of menstruation
to the ninth day ; two, from the tenth day to the
fourteenth day; and, three, from the fifteenth to
the twenty-second day. (The remaining six days
are not considered as the woman may be regarded
as sterile during this phase). He obtained data

352

DETERMINING SEX

along these lines in eighty cases ; the pregnancies
dating from the first period gave thirty-seven
boys and seven girls ; the second period, four boys
and eight girls ; and the third period, three boys
and twenty girls. This would tend to prove that
the male resulted from the unripe ovum which
would accord with our present understanding
of the law of sex itself.

My own opinion in reference thereto has been
guided to a certain extent by the laws of utility,
and in explaining this theory to audiences I have
had various men vouch for its accuracy as a re-
sult of their own experience.

According to this theory sex is determined to
a large extent by the force of attraction.

If the husband's affection for the wife is
stronger than the wife's for the husband, then
the child will be a girl. If conditions are re-
versed, the wife feeling the attraction most
strongly, the child will be a boy.

Under this theory you can, to a certain extent,
account for the large number of boy babies born
during or following war. The husband's attrac-
tion for the wife under such circumstances is
greatly enhanced, not only because of the heroic
character of his soldier life, but to a certain ex-
tent because "absence makes the heart grow
fonder."

353

CHAPTER L

THE MENOPAUSE, OR THE CHANGE
OF LIFE.

THE establishment of menstruation at the be-
ginning of the adolescent period is something
of a physical crisis for the young girl ; so, also, is
the cessation of this function for the adult
woman. The sex organs continue their activity
from about thirteen or fourteen years of age to
somewhere between forty-five and fifty years of
age. This is called the childbearing period, be-
cause it is during this time that the woman is
capable of fulfilling her function as a mother.
The exact time for the end of this period cannot
be definitely placed, because it varies with dif-
ferent individuals. The change of life, as it is
called, may come, in some instances, as early as
forty years of age; in others it may be delayed
until after fifty, but the average seems to be
somewhere between these two limits.

In all probability, just as the menstrual func-
tion itself was not intended to be a cause of phys-
ical weakness to woman, so was its cessation not
intended to be productive of physical ailments.
If women were able to live an absolutely normal,
healthy existence, it is most likely that they
would experience but little inconvenience in the
readjustment of the body which takes place at
this time.

354

THE CHANGE OF LIFE

There is great variation in the amount of in-
convenience suffered by different individuals.
The causes of these differences are not always
apparent. It would seem, however, that if the
physical condition has been kept at the highest
point, the transition should be made easily and
without any marked physical disturbance. There
are, however, physical and nervous adjustments
to be made which should be expected and prop-
erly provided for.

The process that now begins is the reverse of
that which took place at the beginning of the
adolescent period. As at that time, the ovaries
were quickened into activity, so now they begin
to lessen their functioning and slowly to atrophy.
As the production of ova gradually ceases, so
also does the functioning of menstruation cease.
Normally, the first indication of the approaching
change should, in all probability, be a gradual
lengthening of the time between menstrual
periods. This is not always the case, however.
Various forms of irregularity may make them-
selves manifest. For example, at one time the
flow may be very profuse; the next month, the
menstruation may be suppressed. The following
month it may be very scanty, and then, again,
very profuse. The periods may lose their regu-
larity, so that it becomes very difficult for the
individual to know when to provide against the
contingency. During the profuse period, it is
very important for the woman to remain in bed
in order that a serious flooding may not result.

24 355

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

Where this natural precaution is neglected, the
period of change may be unnecessarily pro-
longed, and its nervous symptoms may reappear
after the lapse of some years.

As the ovaries gradually atrophy, so also do the
uterus and the breasts, — all organs of the repro-
ductive system.

The process of change is, as a rule, a gradual
one, taking sometimes as much as three years
for its completion. As the vital powers are now
relieved of the extra burden of providing for this
reproduction process, there naturally comes
about, in many instances, a tendency for fat to be
distributed somewhat generally throughout the
body, except about the breasts which usually de-
crease somewhat in size and become flattened in
form. The fact that there is a real increase in
vitality at this time is shown by mortality tables,
which indicate that the death rate among women
between the ages of forty and fifty is lower than
at any other period after puberty. It is lower
than the death rate of men between those same
ages. This should go far to relieving women of
the serious apprehensions which many of them
are inclined to feel at this period. If they will
exercise an ordinary amount of common sense
in the care of themselves, there is nothing in this
experience which they seriously need to dread.

This does not mean that care is not needed to
enable them to pass successfully through this
necessary adjustment. There usually is a variety
of nervous symptoms which accompany this

356

THE CHANGE OF LIFE

change, such as headache, irritability, flushing of
face and body, capricious appetite and other dis-
turbances of the digestive apparatus. Conges-
tions and aberrations of the blood and nerves
cause the various disagreeable symptoms from
which women suffer at this time. Not only is
there a tendency to flooding, which itself is a
usual phenomenon of the circulatory system, but
there are apt to be hemorrhages from other parts.
Nosebleeding is a common form of hemorrhage,
and may be a welcome relief unless unduly se-
vere.

Another distressing irregularity which may
take place at this time is palpitation following
some exertion or emotion ; or, it may be, for no
apparent reason the heart begins to throb, caus-
ing the greatest discomfort. There is a rush of
blood to the head, which is hot, with severe head-
ache ; the cheeks burn ; there is a feeling of faint-
ness or a choking sensation, a buzzing sound in
the ears and a dancing blackness before the eyes.
Such an experience may leave a woman with the
dread that she is going to be visited by a stroke,
or she may think that she is about to become a
victim of heart disease. She should put aside all
such morbid fears, however, as the change of
life never causes heart disease, although it may
produce a sudden attack of palpitation which
only indicates a disturbance of the normal course
of her life.

When the adjustment of her system is finally
made, she will have no further trouble of this

357

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

kind. She should, however, give strict attention
to rules of simple, hygienic living and should
carefully avoid all stimulants.

The more serious abnormal conditions which
may develop are, in the first place, excessive hem-
orrhages. These should not be allowed to go on
under the fallacious notion that they are the
natural accompaniment of the menopause. If
they continue for an undue length of time, a
physician should be called in that they may be
carefully checked. There is the possibility of the
development of tumors. If special pain is felt,
or nodules appear in the breast, or if pains in
the pelvis endure or are persistent, it is wise to
consult a physician at once. The probability is
that the cause will not require much treatment,
but the possibility that it may be serious and
need attention makes it imperative to call for
expert assistance without delay. Should a malig-
nant growth be in the process of development its
early discovery will insure the adoption of treat-
ment for its removal before any serious conse-
quences can follow, whereas delay may be most
dangerous.

The nervous system at this time becomes as
unreliable as does the circulatory system.
Changes in the sensibility of the skin become fre-
quent. Tender spots appear and vanish. Back-
ache, neuralgia, pain over the heart and over the
stomach are apt to be present, and show the gen-
eral instability of the nerves. Irritability of
temper is unfortunately common. Women also

358

THE CHANGE OF LIFE

are apt to lose their power of judgment and their
power to think clearly; they become restless, hesi-
tating, indecisive, moody and depressed. They
sleep badly, are troubled with distressing dreams
and may evidence fear that they are going insane.

All of this calls for a sympathetic understand-
ing on the part of those around them, who should
help them to have patience with their own dis-
tressing symptoms and to await with confidence
the day when adjustment will have been com-
pleted and they will once more find themselves
competent to fill a useful place in life.

The use of hot water in various forms at this
time will be found most efficacious. Wherever
there may be pain in the back, the bowels, or else-
where, the heat will be beneficial. Hot applica-
tions throughout the entire length of the spine
will be helpful in quieting the nerves. The hot
vaginal douche will relieve tenderness and con-
gestions of uterus and ovaries and tend to con-
trol excessive flow, but it must be hot — 110 or
115 degrees Fahrenheit. Warm sitz baths will re-
lieve the head. For flushings, the affected parts
will be relieved by sponging with hot water.
For profuse sweating, sponging with hot salt
water will be found efficacious.

As a rule, the desire for sexual intercourse
gradually decreases and finally dies with the ces-
sation of ovulation and menstruation. It some-
times happens, at this time of life, that because
of local congestion and disturbed nerves exces-
sive sexual desire is felt. This is a morbid con-

359

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

dition which is generally increased by the effort
to gratify it. If it is so recognized by the indi-
vidual and the proper use made of hot vaginal
douches and careful exercising, the condition
may gradually be overcome.

With many women at this period, there is a
strong tendency to gloomy forebodings. Their
thoughts center about themselves and every pain
is aggravated by their apprehensive imaginings.
Thus they make their own lives a much greater
burden than is at all necessary. Often a com-
plete change of scene and occupation is the most
effective treatment. It is important to establish
an absorbing interest in something outside of
self, thereby preventing introspection.

There is no reason for women to dread this
time as so many of them do, nor to feel that it
is an indication of the end of their period of use-
fulness. While it is true that they can no longer
bring children into the world, that does not mean
that they cease to be mothers in the truest and
most comprehensive meaning of the word.
Motherhood is more than simply a physical func-
tion. In its essence it is purely spiritual. As
the physical mother nourishes and sustains the
body of her offspring, so does the spiritual mother
inspire and develop the highest and best in all
with whom she comes in contact.

Instead of looking upon the change of life as a
lessening of her usefulness rather should the
woman consider it an extension of her field of ac-
tivity.

360

CHAPTER LI

How to Build Vigorous Womanhood.

BEFORE the great world war took so many
of the male members of society away from
their various occupations to the struggle of the
battlefield, most people still had in their heads
the time-worn idea that woman is the weaker sex
and should not think of laying claim to the pos-
session of vigor or muscular strength. But now,
how this has all changed ! We find women doing
practically everything that man ever did, and
we hear nothing said about the work not being
as efficiently done as formerly, either. We have
women farmers, iron-workers, blacksmiths,
street-car conductors, chauffeurs and ammuni-
tion workers, and in the great conflict itself, we
have seen in the Russian "Battalion of Death,"
women soldiers as capable of holding their own
and as brave as man ever dared to be.

What does all this mean? Have we been wrong
all these ages about the weakness of women?
Are the supposedly fabulous tales of the strength
and vigor of ancient women, then, really true?
It seems so, and the facts indicate that modern
woman is awakening, and will soon be emanci-
pated from her thralldom of weakness and disa-
bility.

Among the lower animals, the female of the
species is practically never inferior to, and in

361

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

some cases excels, the male in strength. In the
human species, also, there are many women,
who, even in these civilized times, are much
stronger than many men, and more capable men-
tally as well as physically. It should be forgot-
ten, therefore, that women were ever considered
inferior.

It is, however, true that woman has a great
deal to overcome, and a great many old tradi-
tions and customs to discard, before she will be
ready collectively to take her place alongside
the male as a being of equal vigor. She has the
effects of generations of indoor living to over-
come. Her muscles are weak and flabby be-
cause of inactivity. It will take generations of
women and years upon years of proper living
and care of the body to bring forth a race of
women such as will satisfy the dreams of the
eugenist.

But suppose you are weak and perhaps ill — is
strength and health possible? Of course they
are, and we are going to tell you how to secure
them.

In the first place you may find it necessary
to change somewhat your ideas of living. You
must forget that you are a woman, for the time
being, and simply remember that you belong to
the human race and are subject to all of the laws
of Nature applying to humanity. Strength is
dependent upon good health, and you must first
secure that. All of your efforts must be in that
direction. If you have any habits which are

362

injuring you, give them up. Stop all drug-
taking and the use of tea, coffee, alcoholic drinks
and patent medicines. You must give yourself
every chance. Remember that everything en-
tering your system finally gets into the blood and
that the blood carries this, whether food or
poison, to the cells. If food, the cells are prop-
erly nourished and health results — if poison, *the
cells are poisoned and ill health is produced.

Would-be athletes and others desiring to be-
come strong often make the mistake of trying to
develop their voluntary muscles through exercise
alone, forgetting the other factors necessary for
health. Big muscles may be produced in this
way, but the vital organs are perhaps neglected
and are incapable of producing the blood neces-
sary for keeping up the nutrition of the new-
formed tissue, or removing waste substances.

Special attention should be given to elimina-
tion through all four of the great emunctories
of the body, viz., the lungs, kidneys, bowels and
skin. Without perfect elimination there can be
no health, and hence no physical vigor. Much
of the listlessness, tired feeling, and headache
experienced by women from no apparent cause
is due to faulty elimination.

THE LUNGS. — The more fresh air inhaled, the
more carbon-dioxide do the lungs delete from
the system. Therefore live out of doors as much
as possible. The next best thing is to work and
sleep where there is good ventilation. If you
are compelled to work all day in badly ventilated

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

rooms, make it a practice to sleep out of doors,
or with your head near the window. Modern
apartment houses often have sleeping porches,
but they are seldom used for the purpose for
which intended, being often occupied as dens or
smoking rooms. Walk to your work if you can.
Take an earlier start and walk the two or three
miles, if that be the distance. You will then not
only receive the benefit of the fresh air, but get
some of the best exercise possible. Breathe
deeply at all times. A good plan is to count the
number of steps taken during each inhalation
and exhalation. This will develop the habit of
deep breathing and after a while it will be done
unconsciously.

THE KIDNEYS. — To promote good kidney ac-
tion, pure water must be taken freely. Two or
three quarts of water per day is not too much.
An abundance of water never harms the kidneys.
It is not the fluid passing through the kidneys
which overworks and harms them, but the sub-
stances held in solution in the urine. Therefore
the more concentrated the urine the greater the
work and irritation of the kidney structure.
Those who eat meat, especially, should drink
large quantities of water. If quantities of milk,
or fruit juices, are taken, of course less water
is needed.

THE BOWELS. — Constipation is the bane of
most women's existence, and it is usually due
to the inactivity of their lives and lack of care
in eating. Another potent cause is the taking

364

VIGOROUS WOMANHOOD

of laxatives and cathartics. Some develop the
condition through neglect of regular habits.
Nothing should be used to regulate the bowels
except proper diet, sufficient water, and, in emer-
gencies, the enema. If one will take care to use
regularly such foods as whole-wheat bread,
prunes, stewed peaches, coarsely ground cereals
and salads composed of tomatoes, cabbage, cel-
ery, onions, lettuce, nuts, and berries there will
be little trouble. Active exercise will also assist
in overcoming the condition. The bowels should
move at least once each day, though twice daily
is better.

THE SKIN. — About two pints of perspiration
are excreted by the skin daily, holding in solution
urea, uric acid and other poisons. The constant
wearing of clothes deprives the skin of the ben-
efit of air and sunlight, so that it is usually so
anemic and relaxed that it is no longer a normal
organ of elimination, but simply a covering for
the body. The skin must not only be kept clean,
but it must be exercised. There are tiny muscles
controlling the sweat-glands which need exercise
the same as other muscles. By the constant wear-
ing of thick clothing these muscles are kept re-
laxed. The frequent exposure of the nude body
to air causes a contraction of the muscles of the
skin, which tones them up. You should take
frequent air and light baths no matter how cold
the air. Of course you will have to go slowly at
first and expose the body for but a few minutes.
The best time for this is just after getting up

365

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

in the morning, or before going to bed. During
the exposure to the air rub the body vigorously
with the bare hands, then dress quickly, or get
into bed. You may have some "goose-flesh" at
first and shiver somewhat, but gradually you
will find that the feeling of the cold air is pleas-
ant, that you no longer feel cold, and that
"colds" are a thing of the past.

Once each week take a full hot tub bath, re-
maining in the water for at least ten minutes,
then drying quickly and covering up well in bed.
If you do not go immediately to bed the hot
bath must be finished with a cold shower or
sponge. The after effects of a hot bath are in-
creased if the body is covered warmly, as elimi-
nation continues for some time. If soap is used
it should be very bland. There is good reason
to believe that the excessive use of soap is de-
structive to the eliminative action of the skin.

Each day, preferably after your exercise, take
a cool shower or a cool rub. This may be taken
very quickly and effectively by wetting a thick
Turkish towel in cold water and rubbing briskly
every part of the body, finishing by a thorough
rub with a dry towel. The cold sitz bath taken
for one or two minutes, either daily or twice a
week, is beneficial. During the menstrual periods
it may be discontinued. This is very important
in special conditions of congestion or inflamma-
ton, as specified in preceding chapters.

Although the corset has been condemned for
ages and its ill effects separately pointed out,

366

VIGOROUS WOMANHOOD

there are still women who are torturing and de-
forming their bodies and depleting their vitality
by this device. Before you can become strong
you must discard this article of apparel. Indeed,
you should study the question of clothing thor-
oughly, and however stylish you may desire your
clothes to be they must in no way interfere with
the free action of our limbs, or produce undue
pressure at any point.

DIET. — What is the best diet for building vig-
orous health? This will depend in many cases
upon the individual and the requirements of
her daily occupation, state of health, etc.

In general, it may be said that a diet consisting
of fruits, nuts, vegetables, cereals and milk is
the one best suited for maintaining health and
building strong tissues. Meat is not necessary
to health, but in many instances where it is im-
possible to secure a suitable diet, one is com-
pelled to use it. At such times plenty of green
vegetables should be consumed with it, and large
quantities of water taken between meals.

You must take care to eat only to satisfy the
needs of the body. Overeating is destructive to
digestion and health, and often defeats the pur-
poses of the whole regime. The best of diets,
no matter how hygienic and how carefully bal-
anced, will become as poison if too much is eaten.
Thorough mastication and insalivation of all
food is necessary for perfect digestion. This ap-
plies particularly to all starchy foods. The fewer
condiments used the better. In many instances,

367

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

proper combination of foods will obviate the ne-
cessity for using artificial flavors.

If one is thirsty at meals, water is permissible
and will aid digestion, but fluid must not be used
to "wash down" food improperly masticated.
Tea and coffee are stimulants and must not be
used habitually. The three best drinks are water,
milk and fruit juices. Buttermilk is also health-
ful and a really delicious beverage if used when
fresh.

The tendency in diet should be to use foods
in as near their natural state as is consistent with
palatability and digestibility. The comtinued use
of the ordinary cooked diet tends to produce an
acid condition, because of the lack of the natural
organic salts. If one eats cooked food, there
should also be taken a plentiful amount of fruits
and raw green vegetables.

EXERCISE. — In the next chapter will be found
a system of exercises which is especially suited
for building strength and improving the phys-
ical proportions. We might say at this point
that the more you get into the habit of playing
athletic games and indulging in walking, rowing,
canoeing, horseback riding, swimming and other
strenuous sports, the greater will be your endur-
ance and the purer your blood. Of course at
first you will need to be careful not to overdo,
and you should stop the exercise short of fatigue ;
but you will find your strength and endurance
gradually increasing and the general feeling of
well-being will encourage you to continue.

368

VIGOROUS WOMANHOOD

If you are one of those women who are con-
tinually looking for symptoms of ill health and
are much given to worry about your condition,
we would say that you must at once change your
attitude of mind. Remember you are as you are
because of wrong habits of living, and the only
way to remedy matters is to adopt normal hab-
its. Worry will not help you on your way to
health. You must get rid of the picture of dis-
ease which has become implanted in your mind
and replace it with an image of the woman you
would like to be. Visit the art museum and study
the statues and sculptured beauties there exhib-
ited, and make up your mind that you will be as
nearly like them as possible. Then study the
laws governing your own body and lay the foun-
dation of health, without which no beauty of
form, or of robust womanhood is possible.

369

Improving and Beautfying the Bust.

IF there is one feature in respect to which
nearly all women are most interested in im-
proving and beautifying themselves, it is in the
matter of bust development. And furthermore,
if there is any one particular in which the major-
ity of women need improvement more than an-
other, it is in this very respect.

The reason for this nearly universal desire for
a perfect bust is not based purely upon the de-
sire for beauty, although that is a very large
factor. It is also partly due to an instinctive rec-
ognition that a good bust is the indication of
superb womanhood. A normal bust develop-
ment is regarded as implying the possession of
all those qualities that make for true womanli-
ness, not merely in the physical sense, but in a
mental and spiritual way as well.

Femininity is not a purely physical quality, but
is both mental and physical in nature. It is man-
ifested through the brain and nervous make-up
as well as in such external characteristics as ab-
sence of beard, refinement of features, greater
delicacy of hands and feet and the character-
istic pelvic structure. Femininity consists not
only in the bodily conformation, but in the man-
ner of thinking and manner of feeling.

370

BEAUTIFYING THE BUST

All of these wo-
manly qualities are
suggested by a per-
fect and beautiful
bust development.
It conveys the im-
pression of fitness
for wifehood and
motherhood. One
does not look for
masculine qualities
in such a woman.
The elements of
womanliness are
found to be highly
developed. In other
words, the posses-
sor of a good bust is
found to be perfect-
ly sexed and in
every way suited
for the bearing of
healthy and vigor-
ous children.

Starting with this
fundamental c o n-
ception of the true
underlying meaning
of the bust, the
reader will at once
.understand the gen-
^eral conditions nec-

25

Exercise 1. — Raising elbows and
placing finger tips on shoulders,
circle the elbows at each side. Re-
peat ten times and then circle in re-
verse direction.
371

\VOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

Exercise 2. — Resisting with the
head, bring elbows first far forward
and downward, then as far upward
and backward as possible. Repeat
ten to twenty times.

372

essary to a good de-
velopment of this
part of the body. It
will be seen imme-
diately that the wo-
man who is lacking
in vitality, who is
poorly sexed, who
has few of the nat-
ural instincts of wo-
manhood and is
generally far from
fitted for maternity,
would perhaps not
be expected to show
an ideal develop-
ment of the bust.
You can, in fact,
take it for granted
that the expecta-
tions of deficiency
aroused i 11 such
cases will be realiz-
ed.

The first require-
ment for improving
the bust is to build
constitutional vigor
and those vital and
nervous forces
which are at the ba-
sis of a well-sexed

BEAUTIFYING THE BUST

condition. In other words, to build a superior
quality of what may be termed womanhood, it
is merely necessary to build vitality and con-
stitutional strength. And having developed
these qualities of all-around bodily and nerv-
ous vigor, you can depend upon an improve-
ment in the condition and appearance of the bust
corresponding to the altered state of health.

In another chapter may be found general in-
structions for accomplishing these results.
Plenty of sleep is perhaps the first requirement.
Women commonly need a little more sleep than
men. Often they secure less. The wife who
sits up nights mending stockings after her lord
and master has retired and found oblivion, and
who then gets up first in the morning in order
that his breakfast may be hot and ready when
he finally rolls out, is not likely to make herself
exceptionally attractive to him unless she finds
some plan for getting a little sleep in the after-
noon. In addition to this, a diet of live foods—
that is to say, a diet containing a considerable
quantity of uncooked food, thus giving the nec-
essary "vitamines," with plenty of outdoor life
and sunshine, and sufficient exercise to insure a
vigorous circulation and a good general bodily
development, will usually enable one to acquire
that state of vitality that is the basis of either
superb womanhood on the one hand, or virile
manhood, on the other.

There are two radically different types of re-
quirements for bust improvement among

373

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

women: On the one hand there is the need to
reduce the bust and on the other to develop or
build it up. In the first case the difficulty is
often largely a matter of obesity, and a general
fat-reducing program of food limitation and ex-
ercise will be necessary. In some instances the
fatty tissue seems to have a tendency to localize
itself in this region. In that case, special exercise
and the general methods which will be suggested
later will cover all requirements.

The more difficult case is that of the woman
just past the flush of youth who is lacking in
bust development, or who presents a too "flat-
chested" appearance. In such a case there is a
special need for the vitality-building program
just mentioned, together with more or less lo-
cally stimulating natural treatment. It should
be remembered that the breast is a glandular
structure, and when these glands are either un-
developed or atrophied, the breast will naturally
be undersized. Now, increased vitality and the
development of all womanly qualities will mean
a natural improvement in the quality and size
of these glands, thus giving the bust the fullness
it requires. Exercise alone will not build up
the bust, because the bust is not primarily a
muscular structure, but exercise is necessary to
give tone and firmness to this region and to give
the bust the capacity for supporting itself in the
normal position, without drooping.

It is not merely the size of the breast with
which women are concerned, but the question of

374

BEAUTIFYING THE BUST

Exercise 3. — First cross the arms as far as possible in

front of the body. Then raise the arms, still crossed, above

the head. Lower, and repeat ten or twenty times.

375

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376

BEAUTIFYING THE BUST

its firmness and shapeliness, or lack of the same.
The tendency to sag or droop is altogether too
common, even among many very young women.
It is only natural that this result should follow
when the bust is exceptionally large, inasmuch
as the larger the bust the greater its weight, but
this flabbiness is even experienced by many
women with small breasts. It is due entirely to
a condition of weakness and loss of muscular
tone.

In some cases the use of bust supporters and
the wearing of tight brassieres, or other artificial
means of confining the breasts, are very largely
responsible for the weakness and laxity of these
tissues. In other cases, the use of tight bindings
following childbirth may have served to destroy
permanently the shape of the breasts. If one
has suffered the results of such influences it will
be all the more difficult to restore a normal con-
tour. It may be even impossible. Exercise is
the one most effective method by which these
parts can be strengthened and improved in tone.
If only the breasts could be given appropriate
firmness, that would in many cases be sufficient
to beautify them. Exercise is the supreme means
to this end.

But exercise is also essential to improve and
round out the chest, which is equally important.
The chest serves as a foundation, so to speak,
for the breasts, and the improvement in the de-
velopment and contour of the chest as a whole
naturally gives the bust a better appearance.

377

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

Even the normal bust
on a flat-chested woman
would appear undevel-
oped and would tend to
droop, whereas with the
chest well filled out and
properly carried, the
same breasts would have
the appearance of beau-

ty.

Cold-water bathing is
another ideal means for
invigorating and giving
firmness to these tissues.
For reducing the bust,
cold water is especially
important. But for the
woman lacking in bust
development it can also
be highly recommended,
since it improves the cir-
culation in a marked de-
gree and thus stimulates
the activity and growth
of the glands. In this
case also, bathing of the
parts with hot water, or
the application of hot,

wet cloths for five min-

A £ n j T- • i Exercise 4. — Clasping the

Utes, followed by a quick hands, stretch arms high

Sponging1 with Cold wa- above head- ,For improving
• , °V . j . . the chest and carnage. Do

,er to Contract and inVlg- this many times daily.

378

BEAUTIFYING THE BUST

orate the tissues, should form a valuable part of
the treatment.

Where reduction of the bust is desired, mas-
sage is another helpful measure. It may require
a great deal of massage to bring about a small
reduction, but it is one of the helpful agencies.
In applying massage for this purpose, it is im-
portant to avoid any downward strokes, inas-
much as this would only accentuate the dragging
and drooping tendency, which is always marked
when the breasts are large.

For lack of bust development, any influence
which improves the local circulation would be
helpful in stimulating the glands. On this ac-
count, some form of vacuum or suction treat-
ment which does not unduly stretch the tissues
would be helpful. The old-fashioned suction
treatment applied by the placing of a hot bowl
over the parts involved can be suggested. As
the bowl cools, the air contracts, forming a par-
tial vacuum and thus drawing the blood to this
region. A simpler method is found in the use
of the ordinary breast pump, sold at drug stores
for the relief of nursing mothers, but which may
be used for this purpose if applied not only over
the nipple but successively over other parts of
the breast as well.

A great many women of normal development
think themselves lacking in this respect because
of a false impression as to what is the proper size
of the bust. The normal and healthy breast
should not be over-large. It is only during preg-

379

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

nancy and lactation that the breasts become very
prominent. Women with exceptionally large
breasts very often fail to nurse their children,
whereas the woman with a comparatively small,
firm breast more frequently rises to the occa-
sion. The ideal development is that popular-
ized in the masterpieces of sculpture. It is firm-
ness and shapeliness that is desired, more than
excessive size. And if the chest is properly built
up, such a bust gives one the contour and out-
lines of true womanly beauty.

380

CHAPTER LIII

Exercise for Womanly Strength.

THERE are few women who have not cov-
eted the beauty and development of form
presented in famous works of art, but very few
indeed who have really tried to make themselves
the bodily equal of the Venus of their admira-
tion. That beautiful bodies are the exception
rather than the rule is due simply to lack of in-
terest in, and neglect of, physical training. All
women can be well developed and strong.
Health, beauty and strength are synonymous
and can all be secured by diligent and continuous
efforts. Of course the younger one is, and the
earlier in life exercise is begun for the purpose
of body development, the greater will be the
results ; but in practically all cases improvement
is possible, usually a surprising improvement,
and the gain in health will more than pay for
the time and attention given to this interesting
and beneficial field of endeavor.

Girls should receive careful physical training
from childhood, together with scientific health
culture, if a race of strong women is to be ex-
pected. They should receive the same training
physically as boys, and engage in practically all
sports and exercises that are usually undertaken
by the so-called stronger sex.

381

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

Systematic exercise of the voluntary muscles
will stimulate the functions of every involuntary
organ in the body. This is because of the in-
creased circulation of blood and also because it
relieves any contraction of tissue which may be'
interfering with nerve impulses.

The use of the muscles causes them to grow
larger and also increases their firmness. We
often see women who appear strong and well-
developed, but a close examination shows that
their apparent development is chiefly fatty tis-
sue, their muscles making up but little of their
bulk. As these women get older some of this
fat is lost and their skin becomes wrinkled and
relaxed, giving them a prematurely aged ap-
pearance. Of course a thin layer of fat is nec-
essary to give the body a well-rounded appear-
ance and to serve as a protection to the under-
lying tissues, but the body bulk should consist
chiefly of well-developed muscles. Those women
who exercise regularly and systematically, and
thus maintain the tone and bulk of their muscu-
lar systems, often retain their beauty until very
late in life.

A woman's back and abdomen are usually her
weakest parts, and we cannot too strongly em-
phasize the importance of exercise for the devel-
opment of the muscles of these too often neg-
lected and abused parts of her anatomy. Relaxed
organs and disease of the digestive tract are
often entirely due to weak abdominal muscles.
There are several systems of therapeutics based

382

WOMANLY STRENGTH

entirely on the spine, and their principal method
of treatment is adjustment and correction of
defects and malpositions of the bones and liga-
ments of that region.

My experience has shown that exercise alone
will correct many of the lesions that usually
take one to a medical practitioner; and, in fact,
if the spinal muscles are kept in condition, lesions
are impossible, or if they do occur will quickly
return to normal.

The use of the corset is nearly always respon-
sible for weak abdominal and spinal muscles,
and before any improvement is possible this
must be discarded.

Exercise simply means the use of your mus-
cles, and there is no particular "system" that is
any better than any other. Having decided that
you are going to exercise for body development
and strength let nothing deter you from your
purpose. It is best to select some time of day
for your exercise that is most convenient and
use that time every day. Some prefer to exer-
cise just after getting out of bed in the morning
and some just before going to bed, but it makes
little difference, provided you exercise regularly.
It is well to omit systematized exercises on one
day of the week and reserve that day for walk-
ing or outdoor games. This will prevent your
tiring and becoming "stale."

In addition to your regular exercise you should
walk several miles daily, and when occasion of-

383

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

fers, run for short distances. This will help to
develop endurance and lung capacity.

If you are one that tires easily of exercise and
find that you cannot maintain your interest, try
to get some member of the family, or a friend, to
exercise with you. This will develop a sort of
rivalry which will help in keeping both of you
at it. Another way to keep up interest is to
change your form of exercise every week,
or every month. Almost every issue of
PHYSICAL CULTURE contains an article on exer-
cises which may be followed until the next ap-
pears, and one can easily invent forms of exer-
cise that will vary the regime enough to prevent
its becoming tiresome. Music is a great stimulus
to exercise, even if it only takes the form of a
phonograph reproduction. Try it.

We have selected a few exercises which will
be found effective in developing strength and
promoting health, and which will form a basis
of the health-building regime. Each movement
should be taken a sufficient number of times to
produce a slight tired feeling, but they should
not be carried to the point of fatigue. The gain
from exercise depends upon the amount of blood
which is pumped into the muscle, and when a
muscle is used so long that it cannot further
respond to the nerve impulse because of fatigue,
it means that it is poisoned by the retained waste
substances produced by its use, and rest is neces-
sary to restore it to normal.

384

EXERCISES FOR THE SPINE.

Stand erect on the toes; stretch the arms up
over the head, putting as much tension in the
spinal muscles as possible. Try to stretch as
far upward as possible, stretching and relaxing
alternately for a number of times. From the
position mentioned, bend forward and touch
your toes, returning to erect position. Repeat
a number of times. Stand with legs apart—
bend downward and forward and try to touch
the ground behind the heels. Repeat until tired.
Stand with feet apart — clasp hands behind head
and bend body from side to side as far as pos-
sible. Standing in same position, rotate the body
to the left and to the right, as far as you can.
Stand erect, depress your chin and move your
head backward as far as you can, putting ten-
sion in the muscles of the back of your neck,
and the small of the back. Lying on the stom-
ach, raise the arms and legs as high as possible.
This is a hard exercise at first, but should be
persisted in, as it is valuable. Lying in the same
position, make swimming movements until
tired.

EXERCISES FOR THE ABDOMEN
Lying on the back, raise first one leg and then
the other. Raise both legs together. Lying in
same position, raise up and touch the toes, re-
peating until tired. Rajse both legs to the verti-
cal, separate legs as far as possible, bring to-
gether, and return to position. Lying on the

385

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

side, raise the leg as far as possible. Repeat on
the other side. Lying on the back try to bring
the toes above or back of the head and touch
the floor. Many of these exercises are of ben-
efit in strengthening not only the abdominal
muscles, but at the same time the pelvic region
and the organs of sex.

There is another form of exercise for strength-
ening the abdominal region that is particularly
important in this connection. This is what I
might term internal contraction exercise, and
consists in the contraction of the internal mus-
cular structures from the diaphragm down.

As you know, the interior of the body is to a
considerable extent muscular, as, for instance,
the heart. The alimentary canal is very largely
muscular in make up. The diaphragm likewise
is one of the most important muscular struc-
tures of the body, and may be made very pow-
erful. Female weaknesses we have seen to be
largely the result of laxity of muscles, ligaments
and other internal parts. Weakness of the back,
the entire pelvic region and the external abdomi-
nal walls, combine to produce faulty posture,
and in many cases a prolapsed condition of all
the organs of the lower part of the trunk. This
laxity and weakness can be corrected, not only
by external exercises which give one better car-
riage and strengthen the abdominal walls, and
indirectly affect the internal structures, but
especially by internal contraction exercises

386

WOMANLY STRENGTH

which directly involve the parts concerned.

Everyone knows the action of the diaphragm
in breathing. If your waist is unrestricted by
clothing, and there is complete freedom for ex-
pansion of the body, you know that by inhaling
the breath deeply, through the downward con-
traction of the diaphragm, the body expands at
the waist-line and in the abdominal region. As
you exhale, the abdomen is drawn in or re-
tracted, and the girth of the waist diminished.
A little practice in diaphragmatic breathing will
enable you to get good control of the diaphragm.

Now, if in connection with this breathing you
will, when inhaling, increase the downward con-
traction of the diaphragm and expand the ab-
dominal region very forcibly, and then when
exhaling force the breath out more vigorously,
drawing in the abdomen as far as you can, you
will find that you have a first-class muscular
exercise for these internal parts. It will pay you
to give a great deal of attention to this type of
exercise.

For one exercise you can merely expand and
contract the waist-line as energetically as pos-
sible, drawing the abdomen inward and press-
ing outward as much as you can. For another
exercise you can give special attention to a
merely downward pressure in the entire region,
alternating with a lifting-up impulse in which
you make the endeavor to draw the stomach and
other organs up into the chest cavity, or as
nearly so as possible. Repeat each of these a

387

26

WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE

number of times and practice them at different
intervals during the day.

EXERCISES FOR GENERAL BODY-BUILDING.

These consist of movements of all of the limbs
and all of the joints in every possible direction.
You should start with the fingers and flex and
extend, rotate and bend each joint in turn a cer-
tain number of times, until you have gone over
the whole body. In this way you will have exer-
cised all of the larger groups of muscles. These
may be followed by stretching exercises, in
which you try to extend each limb as far as you
possibly can. We would advise that you take
the spinal and abdominal exercises on one day
and the general exercises on the next and so on
alternately.

Following your exercise a dry* rub with a
rough towel, or a cold wet sponge bath, should
be taken, or, if facilities are at hand, a warm and
cool spray may be taken.

An occasional day of resting should be ob-
served on which you take no form of voluntary
exercise at all. This will save nervous energy
and you will return to your exercise with re-
newed interest.

One should not make a task of exercise. It
should always be enjoyed. If such is not the
case a period of rest is advisable, after which
the exercise may be gradually resumed.

[THE END]

388

C3

HOSE who find this book of value will doubt-
HUfl less desire more knowledge of the wonders of
body building. Within the pages of the "Mac-
.fadden Encyclopedia of Physical Culture" will
be found literally a world of practical informa-
tion. These books can truly be termed a library
of reference on Vitality Building in health or
disease. Five large volumes are included in this
great work, each about 500 pages in size. Nearly
fifteen hundred illustrations appear in the five
volumes. Literature giving detailed informa-
tion on these valuable books sent on request to
the Physical Culture Corporation, 119 West 40th
Street, New York City, New York.

IMacfadden'e encyclopedia
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ffi

ACFADDEN'S ENCYCLO-
PEDIA OF PHYSICAL CUL-
TURE is an absolute necessity
for the earnest student of Physical
Culture methods. It is used as the
standard text book in advanced insti-
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ness of the information contained.

Anyone can benefit by the study of
these books. They are exhaustively
illustrated, have many color charts,
and also a manikin which opens out

Continued on next page.

JMacf adden'e encyclopedia
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showing all of the muscles and organs
of the body.

This is the most complete treatise
that has been prepared for popular
use on Physical Culture for the de-
velopment of health and the cure of
disease by rational methods. At the
same time, it is written in an intensely
fascinating style so that one learns
without any sense of effort.

It is hard to think of any subject
which is so near to the heart as the
wonders of our own bodies. Of course,
you understand that the blood circu-
lates through the body, being pumped
by the heart now here, now there, from
finger tips to the end of the feet. But
only three hundred years ago this
very simple fact was not at all under-
stood. It was supposed that the por-
tion of blood that is in the hand today
had always been there, and that it
would remain in that very same loca-
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Sounds foolish to us — now. But,
doubtless, there are hundreds of things
that are firmly believed about the
body in our own time that are just as
far from the truth. Some of these are
already known to science, but are not,

Continued on next page.

JVIacf adden's Encyclopedia
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as yet, general knowledge. Certainly,
there are several points on which you
yourself would like further enlighten-
ment. If so, you will much enjoy the
ENCYCLOPEDIA OF PHYSICAL
CULTURE.-

Many people like to have a ' ' Doctor
Book" in the house for ready refer-
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ity has always been available as long
as the family can remember. Now that
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Macfadden's ENCYCLOPEDIA filfc
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Volume III explains fully the nat-
ural methods for curing disease. It
covers the subjects of Fasting, Hydro-
therapy, Mechanical Curative Meas-
ures, First Aid in Emergencies and
Accidents; the home treatment for
Chronic and Acute Diseases; and
Fasting and Dietetic Regimens.

Volume IV lists every disease of
the body — 600 or more — giving symp-
toms, causes, treatments, etc. This
subject is entered into in ample detail.
A special Diagnosis Chart makes it

Continued on next page.

]Macfadden'e encyclopedia
of physical Culture

possible to recognize disease in its ear-
lier stages when it is easier to handle,
and before it has collected its full toll
of suffering.

Many a man and woman would like
to know all about the popular athletic
sports. The ENCYCLOPEDIA ex-
plains these in a way that makes Vol-
ume II worth the price of the set to
such people. Every form of exercise
and sport is explained. Courses are
outlined for home or gymnasium, with
apparatus or without. It tells how to
build your own apparatus if you en-
joy this kind of exercise. In this vol-
ume are complete manuals on Wres-
tling and Boxing. There is also a
specialized course for women. All of
the books are fully illustrated.

Then there is the volume on The
Human Machine and How to Run It.
It is a complete Physiology and
Anatomy written so the average per-
son can enjoy it and get the truth out
of it. The importance of air in our
lives is explained. The science of
Diet is also fully given. This vol-
ume has very aptly been called the
BOOK OF HEALTH.

But even this is not all. There is a

Continued on next page.

JVIacf adden'e encyclopedia
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complete beauty course given within
the covers of this work. And what
is of greatest importance to many
readers is the Book of Sex which out-
lines the principles of Eugenics in a
way that is at once interesting and of
practical use. Reproduction, He-
redity, Physiological- Laws of Sex and
Marriage are fully explained.

The generative systems are de-
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tions given for maintaining them in
perfect health.

All told, these five volumes run to
more than 3,000 pages with over 1,300
illustrations. A new edition has just
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and brought up to date.

If you want to make the most of
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happy home, and healthy, robust
youngsters, you certainly need the
ENCYCLOPEDIA OF PHYSICAL
CULTURE. It is a safe and ample
guide to all these things.

And the price is easily within the
reach of all.

All of this valuable information
which cost thousands of dollars and

Continued on next page.

]Macf adden'e encyclopedia
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